Sex and the Garden
(Aurthors note*I think it is time for Selphie to come out of her shell* And this may be a little long, I'm just focusing on this parody for this chapter.)
**Selphie sits at her laptop typing her diary column and her voice is heard reading it alod as she types**
Selphie-This week had been a very, rather exiting one for me and the girls I just came back from lunch and heard a whole synopsis of what had happend. Sex is all over the garden, even though it states in Sec.456 base number rule 4.34567 that relations between garden students and faculty are severly permitted. But it doesn't include anything about SeeDs so I have decided that this rule does not apply to me. Or any other of my fellow SeeDs. How do I know where the rule is you may ask. Let's just say I have had a very private meeting with one of the leaders of Balamb disciplinary comitee. I was a very,very naughty girl.
**Selphie flashbacks to her lunch in the cafeteria earlier that day, she sits with Rinoa, Quistis and Xu at a lunch table talking.**
Rinoa- I don't know about you guys but I'm ready to settle down.Squall acts like he just wants to screw me forever.
Quistis- That can be a good thing Rinoa.
Rinoa- You guys don't understand, what if he were to go on a mission right now and get killed? That means I would be old an old and saggy single woman.
Quistis- Yeah, you're right you should get married so if Squall dies...hopefully he'll die. You can be an old and Saggy widow.
Selphie- That is so cold hearted Quistis.
Quistis- It's my nature, deal with it.
Xu- I have a problem....
Rinoa- It can't be more serious than mine.
Xu- I don't know.....It's about Zell....
Quistis- Oh Zell will get over it .Xu.
Xu- You didn't even hear the problem yet. Zell won't go to first or second, or third base with me. It's like he just stays at the home plate dusting his kleats or something.
Selphie- are we talking about baseball or sex?
Quistis- I don't know Zell hasn't tried either one of them.
Xu- Please you guys, everytime I try to kiss him he dodges me. And when I try to ask him why he is so scared of me he just changes the subject to something like hot dogs.
Rinoa- Squall was like that.....
Quistis- Why do you always have to compare every event to Squall?
Rinoa- Because I'm in love with him and that's what people in love do, they compare every event or thing to the person they love.
Quistis- That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
Xu- Anyways, what should I do to make him want me?
Selphie- Dress up in nothing but hot dogs and let him roam like a hungry puppy.
Quistis- Oh my god, Why did you have to say that, now I have a mental picture of that in my head.
Rinoa- Come to think of it, Zell never really was interested in girls, I mean the way Irvine or Squall or even Seifer is.
Selphie- How can you say that? For one Squall never really was interested in girls until you came around Rinoa, and I think he still isn't interested in girls maybe you just need to back off him and give him his space. And Irvine is just a walking prick, if it moves and has breasts then he'll probablly want to screw it. And on Seifer's case....we'll I can't fathom why he is the way he is but you probablly can Quistis because you have screwed him more times than I have. So what Zell is sorta slow when it comes to getting intimate with a girl maybe it's for a damn good reason he's probablly scared of you Xu because you are so busy roaming around the garden devirginizing boys.
**All the girls looked to Selphie quite shocked**
Selphie- What? Somebody had to say something.
Rinoa- If you are implying that my Squall is gay then think again, just because I told you guys that he likes it when we do it...the other way and he told me that he liked flat-chested girls that does not mean that he is gay.
**Rinoa stands up and runs out of the cafeteria in tears**
Xu- Look what you did...And I don't devirginze boys, ity's just that the last eight guys I have slept with have been virgins! I have to go meet Zell.
**Xu got up picking up her tray and walked away from the table, leaving Quistis and Selphie**
Quistis- You know, Rinoa would have stood her ground if she thought that Squall really wasn't gay. I knew he was gay from the moment he denied my love for him back in the training center. How could anyone deny me? I'm Quistis Trepe. I have about one hundred kids worshipping the ground that I walk on. Seifer was right, Squall is gay, I'm getting all upset even thinking about it. Maybe Rinoa was like his last resort, ya know? Like how some people get into relationships to see if they are really gay? Anyways, how is Irvine?
Selphie- Irvine is Irvine....chasing girls....using lame ass pickup lines but he is a good person to have as a friend more than as a boyfriend.
Quistis- No Selphie......how is Irvine?
Selphie-**She leans in towards Quistis and lowers her voice**...He overrates himself. Our first time it took him about 3 minutes to get off........
Quistis- OH MY GOD! How sad.....I'm so sorry Selphie, you deserve better......Anyways I have to meet Seifer in the training Center so I'm leaving.
Selphie- Don't be it's not like I'm not going...other places to get what I need.
Quistis- So I did teach you something.
Selphie- Yeah, more than you actually know.
**They both get up from the table and leave**
Selphie-So what Rinoa and Nida have some built up anger, they will get over it. As for me I have to get ready to go meet with a certain person to clear up my disciplinary status.
(Aurthors note*I think it is time for Selphie to come out of her shell* And this may be a little long, I'm just focusing on this parody for this chapter.)
**Selphie sits at her laptop typing her diary column and her voice is heard reading it alod as she types**
Selphie-This week had been a very, rather exiting one for me and the girls I just came back from lunch and heard a whole synopsis of what had happend. Sex is all over the garden, even though it states in Sec.456 base number rule 4.34567 that relations between garden students and faculty are severly permitted. But it doesn't include anything about SeeDs so I have decided that this rule does not apply to me. Or any other of my fellow SeeDs. How do I know where the rule is you may ask. Let's just say I have had a very private meeting with one of the leaders of Balamb disciplinary comitee. I was a very,very naughty girl.
**Selphie flashbacks to her lunch in the cafeteria earlier that day, she sits with Rinoa, Quistis and Xu at a lunch table talking.**
Rinoa- I don't know about you guys but I'm ready to settle down.Squall acts like he just wants to screw me forever.
Quistis- That can be a good thing Rinoa.
Rinoa- You guys don't understand, what if he were to go on a mission right now and get killed? That means I would be old an old and saggy single woman.
Quistis- Yeah, you're right you should get married so if Squall dies...hopefully he'll die. You can be an old and Saggy widow.
Selphie- That is so cold hearted Quistis.
Quistis- It's my nature, deal with it.
Xu- I have a problem....
Rinoa- It can't be more serious than mine.
Xu- I don't know.....It's about Zell....
Quistis- Oh Zell will get over it .Xu.
Xu- You didn't even hear the problem yet. Zell won't go to first or second, or third base with me. It's like he just stays at the home plate dusting his kleats or something.
Selphie- are we talking about baseball or sex?
Quistis- I don't know Zell hasn't tried either one of them.
Xu- Please you guys, everytime I try to kiss him he dodges me. And when I try to ask him why he is so scared of me he just changes the subject to something like hot dogs.
Rinoa- Squall was like that.....
Quistis- Why do you always have to compare every event to Squall?
Rinoa- Because I'm in love with him and that's what people in love do, they compare every event or thing to the person they love.
Quistis- That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
Xu- Anyways, what should I do to make him want me?
Selphie- Dress up in nothing but hot dogs and let him roam like a hungry puppy.
Quistis- Oh my god, Why did you have to say that, now I have a mental picture of that in my head.
Rinoa- Come to think of it, Zell never really was interested in girls, I mean the way Irvine or Squall or even Seifer is.
Selphie- How can you say that? For one Squall never really was interested in girls until you came around Rinoa, and I think he still isn't interested in girls maybe you just need to back off him and give him his space. And Irvine is just a walking prick, if it moves and has breasts then he'll probablly want to screw it. And on Seifer's case....we'll I can't fathom why he is the way he is but you probablly can Quistis because you have screwed him more times than I have. So what Zell is sorta slow when it comes to getting intimate with a girl maybe it's for a damn good reason he's probablly scared of you Xu because you are so busy roaming around the garden devirginizing boys.
**All the girls looked to Selphie quite shocked**
Selphie- What? Somebody had to say something.
Rinoa- If you are implying that my Squall is gay then think again, just because I told you guys that he likes it when we do it...the other way and he told me that he liked flat-chested girls that does not mean that he is gay.
**Rinoa stands up and runs out of the cafeteria in tears**
Xu- Look what you did...And I don't devirginze boys, ity's just that the last eight guys I have slept with have been virgins! I have to go meet Zell.
**Xu got up picking up her tray and walked away from the table, leaving Quistis and Selphie**
Quistis- You know, Rinoa would have stood her ground if she thought that Squall really wasn't gay. I knew he was gay from the moment he denied my love for him back in the training center. How could anyone deny me? I'm Quistis Trepe. I have about one hundred kids worshipping the ground that I walk on. Seifer was right, Squall is gay, I'm getting all upset even thinking about it. Maybe Rinoa was like his last resort, ya know? Like how some people get into relationships to see if they are really gay? Anyways, how is Irvine?
Selphie- Irvine is Irvine....chasing girls....using lame ass pickup lines but he is a good person to have as a friend more than as a boyfriend.
Quistis- No Selphie......how is Irvine?
Selphie-**She leans in towards Quistis and lowers her voice**...He overrates himself. Our first time it took him about 3 minutes to get off........
Quistis- OH MY GOD! How sad.....I'm so sorry Selphie, you deserve better......Anyways I have to meet Seifer in the training Center so I'm leaving.
Selphie- Don't be it's not like I'm not going...other places to get what I need.
Quistis- So I did teach you something.
Selphie- Yeah, more than you actually know.
**They both get up from the table and leave**
Selphie-So what Rinoa and Nida have some built up anger, they will get over it. As for me I have to get ready to go meet with a certain person to clear up my disciplinary status.
