We get acquainted with a highly thrilling small dark room. Eri the Hutt didn't believe in spending money on prison cells when she could be spending it on hideous furniture, cheap plonk, chocolates and issues of 'Pretty Miss' magazine. The most high tech thing there is the door which opens with a clanking of gears in order for the Groupie guards to shove Katsumi in. Of course he falls over. It's only to be expected considering less than ten minutes ago he was stuck in a block of carbon. The door slams shut.
He sits up and brushes some dirt off one arm, blinking a couple of times, then puts one hand to his throat.
Several small sounds can be heard from the other side of the room, including a low growl. Katsumi stands up, looking slightly tense, before laughing quietly.
There is a brief pause before Katsumi gets pretty effectively rugby-tackled by Jesus, and ends up on the floor again after giving a small scream. Jesus may be over six feet tall, but he's still a dog and tends to be a bit… enthusiastic when greeting people.
Jesus barks several times in reply, clearly in a state of euphoria. Katsumi disentangles himself from Jesus and sits up again, brushing dog hairs off his shirt and attempting to tidy his hair with his fingers. Same old Katsumi – still utterly obsessed with his appearance.
Jesus barks a bit more, gesticulating a bit (all this is, of course, lost on Katsumi).
Jesus pauses then glomps Katsumi madly, woofing again. The boy struggles a bit and pushes at him.
***
It is still dark outside Eri the Hutt's hideous pile as the virulent pink door is winched up by a couple of alien jobsworths. Taka was quite right; the cursing had been because the door had broken again. The poor things strain hard at the ropes which hold the door in position, allowing light to stream into the desert outside. Silhouetted atmospherically in the door is the crazed wannabe Jedi Koji Nanjo, his hair blowing dramatically, dressed like Kai Wan Kurosaki (robes and leather, oh yeah!). The crazy fool appears to be unarmed! Doesn't he realise Eri the Hutt's in there? The door slips down by a few inches before Koji finally decides he's done enough posing and walks purposefully through. A huge thump is heard as the relieved aliens let go of the ropes holding the door in place, and collapse exhaustedly back to the floor.
Two guards walk up to Koji, brandishing huge laser guns (most of Eri's guards suffer badly from Weapons Overkill. Little guns are just as deadly, but NO. Massive things it has to be). Koji says something to them. They look strangely at him. He speaks again, then raises one hand and reaches inside his tunic, producing two huge bags of money, which he passes to the guards. The guards lower their guns and gesture him into the palace, then nod and run to the door, which is winched up by the perspiring aliens, and run off into the desert and FREEDOM!
Aya walks up to him, her make-up freshly applied. She looks hideous. To his credit Koji does not wince but carries on walking, so the Groupie is forced to turn and follow him. A couple of other guards walk along behind them, mesmerised by Koji's sheer gorgeousness.
Koji glares at the woman, going slightly cross-eyed, and raises his hand in a significant way.
Underhand, but it works (along with the Jedi mind manipulation, but Koji isn't very good at that as yet so he's relying on bribery and sneakiness… well, he IS a Nanjo!). Poor man… does he realise what he's just said? Even Koji's giant libido will wilt in the face of Eri the Hutt's hideousness!
***
In Eri's throne room. The giant blob is back on her chaise longue, sleeping. Drool runs down her chin. Put it this way: Eri's pretty solid when she's awake, but asleep she looks like she should have planets orbiting her. Izumi is now chained to the chaise longue in the place of the dear departed Yuugo (yeah, the thing that ate him WILL make an appearance): he wears a glamorised version of his football kit – who else thought those shorts couldn't possibly get any weenier? Think again! Taka stands behind them – he cringes visibly at the sight of Koji.
Koji looks around for Eri, his eyes resting on the repulsively obese figure in front of him. He does a double-take and looks slightly nauseous, his expression of distaste only intensifying when the repulsive creature stirs in its nest of chocolate papers and looks crossly at Aya. Katsumi worked for this thing? Was he mad or desperate or both? Then he sees Izumi and nearly passes out.
Eri sits up, angry, and Taka instantly cringes, thinking he's about to get clobbered again, and both he and Izumi watch in mild disbelief as Eri knocks Aya flying. Koji doesn't notice; he's too busy posing.
Koji stares at Eri as if she has a Magic Eye on her forehead (Remember? I Wonder what happened to them… probably went the same way as space hoppers and hula hoops), then massages his temples.
Koji attempts Jedi mind powers – a gun flies out of a guard's holster (Takafumi, stood near the guard in question, ducks in order to avoid getting clobbered by the thing) and falls neatly into Koji's hand. Koji grins. Eri growls, drooling, and reaches out to the big red Ominous Button near her chaise longue. Taka attempts more desperate sign language but it is painfully obvious that he's getting nowhere.
Takafumi, who has seen it coming, jumps back a few feet, colliding with the scantily-clad Izumi just before the floor falls away and both Koji and the other guard plummet downwards, Koji reflexively firing the gun as he goes, blasting a hole out of the ceiling from which plaster, in time-honoured tradition, falls down in a humorous cascade. Eri laughs, Aya, Hisaya Fett, Big Bird and the others dutifully join in. Taka takes his nerve pills out of his pocket and swallows one. Izumi tries to get to his feet but is held back by the rather shaken Takafumi, who is still effectively sat in his lap, staring wide-eyed at the gaping hole in the floor and well aware that he nearly ended up on the lunch menu of whatever lurks down there, his helmet half coming off. Izumi pushes it back into place for him.
***
Koji and the rather stupid guard (you would have thought he'd have known about the boobytraps by now, really…) have landed unceremoniously in the pit that the hapless Yuugo plummeted into earlier. The edge of the pit is rimmed with spectators. Hisaya Fett is giggling unbecomingly, Aya smiles nastily. Taka frets, as ever. The guard screams and attempts to climb the walls whilst Koji gives the assembled crowd his most manic grin and looks round the pit for an escape route… but if there was, do you think there'd be bones on the floor? C'mon Koji you're meant to be smart!
The wall opposite Koji opens with a rumble and a huge Malis, a creature fifty percent velociraptor fifty percent yeti and a hundred percent mean-spirited, comes lumbering out. The guard continues to try to climb the walls.
Koji takes five to give Taka a dirty look. Taka could learn a lot about dirty looks from Koji. The Malis lumbers blindly past Koji and over to the caterwauling guard, which it proceeds to eat very thoroughly. The crowd and Eri cheer, failing to realise that being eaten by the Malis is not in the guard's job description as an occupational hazard – his family will be looking at a substantial settlement from HuttCon in a few months' time. Still hungry, the Malis turns to Koji, who tries to stare it down, then, realising that isn't going to work (largely because it hasn't worked on anyone yet and it's hardly likely to work on a Malis), beats an undignified retreat, tripping over a bone which he holds like a baseball bat. The Malis stoops to try and eat Koji; Koji wallops it on the head with the bone and then runs away again – effective in its own little way. The crowd laugh. That didn't work so he decides to try and get cunning as the enraged Malis blunders after him at its top speed, which is not very fast. But hey, we've got all day or as long as it takes for him to get eaten.
Koji, spotting a little door, hammers frantically and not entirely coolly at the 'open' button, then legs it off down the short tunnel, hoping it will be too big for the Malis to get down. Not so. The Malis might be a huge lumbering thing, but so's Eri the Hutt and all tunnels are made to accommodate her, so a mere Malis shouldn't be a problem. The Malis bears down on him whilst Koji realises there is no exit this way, just a small room where two guards were playing snap, separated from the corridor by a high-tech metal grille. One of the guards, seeing the Malis bearing down upon them, despite the barred gate, runs out of the room in blind mindless panic. The second one pokes Koji in the backside through the bars.
He notices, just above his head, a door control panel and throws the bone at it. He misses. Cursing, he retrieves the bone and tries again. He misses again. The Malis is nearly upon him when he finally hits the panel. The door starts to inch down agonisingly slowly, then, this being an Eri the Hutt door, a snapping sound is heard and the door thunders down onto the charging Malis, neatly bisecting it. Koji blinks a couple of times – he hadn't intended to kill the thing, he'd just wanted the door there whilst he tried to think of what to do next – but when he turns to the surprised guard there is a smug smile on his face as if that is what he'd intended on doing all along.
The court is stunned. Izumi grins happily and maliciously – he fits in very well at the court of Eri the Hutt. Shame he isn't smiling at the right moments yet. Takafumi, for form's sake, pretends horror before a wine glass bounces off his helmet and into the Malis pit – Eri the Hutt has started drooling and ranting again. Any minute now back issues of 'Pretty Miss' will be flung through the air… but she checks herself.
***
The throne room again. Koji is dragged up a set of stairs that probably weren't there five minutes ago (Aya gives him a very hungry look) whilst Eri the Hutt's Muppet Show parts in order to allow the Groupie guards to bring Katsumi and Carpet Jesus into the room. Katsumi is still fretting over his clothing – he now thinks his jacket's torn – and Jesus needs grooming.
Koji looks at Izumi for a LOT longer than is strictly necessary. Those shorts! Damn, his blood's boiling again! He touches his nose… no, not yet, good, maybe he'll be able to restrain himself this time… all the same, Koji fishes a packet of tissues from his robes and holds one over his nose.
Eri the Hutt has one immense hand, heavily laden with rings, bracelets and other XXL jewellery resting on his head, which just HAS to hurt. He growls slightly. Her other hand is once again forcing chocolates, some still in their wrappers, down her gaping mouth. Behind her, Taka stands, wringing his hands and wishing he could take another nerve pill. Koji is escorted across the room by the guards, including Takafumi – this looks a bit strange given that Takafumi is at least a foot shorter than Koji – to stand in front of Eri. Eri gives Takasaka a shove, and he takes a few reluctant paces forward.
Eri the Hutt laughs like a loon at this and the aliens start partying again – there's nothing like the promise of violent death to really make a party go with a bang. Izumi looks angrily at Eri (nothing new there, then), then anxiously at Jesus. Takafumi bites one of his nails, but Koji, as he is escorted out of the room, grins like the Cheshire Cat.
***
The Dune Sea is so called because the sand dunes there are slightly higher than the sand dunes everywhere else and if you fall in them you sink. Yer average imaginative Tatooine landscape, then. There's no water there, unsurprisingly. The only water on Tatooine is probably imported. How anyone lives here is a mystery, how Koji's dead aunt and uncle managed to FARM there is totally unknown. But what little beauty there is in the landscape is once again totally killed by Eri the Hutt's colossal bad-taste sail barge, a gigantic bad-taste eyesore in her normal bordello decor. Koji and the others (except for Izumi in his abbreviated football kit and of course Taka the translator) are not in the barge, however, they're in a smaller flying boat thing. Koji, Katsumi and Jesus have their wrists tied. Takafumi is still in his guard disguise – no one's rumbled him yet, isn't it amazing?
***
On Eri's opulent barge floating a few feet away. Eri is sat on a practically identical chaise longue (the main difference is there aren't quite as many chocolate papers, wine bottles and magazines strewn round it and there are fewer stains on the material). She's eating a pizza and getting most of it down her. Izumi watches her, his nose wrinkled in distaste. Who knows what depravities this huge blob will try and force on him once Koji and the others have been fed to AppleMac? Curiously he looks at Koji, who leers at him. He blushes, then makes a choking noise as Eri the Hutt yanks on the chain round his neck, pulling him backward.
A few feet away, Takasaka (on his lunch hour, presumably) wanders around bumping into things like some kind of push 'n' go child's toy. Turning quickly to avoid the Groupies Yuri and Marie, he bumps into a cute little robot balancing a drinks tray on her head, knocking all the drinks to the floor. She whistles reproachfully.
Serika bleeps a few times and blinks, looking quite adorably cute.
Serika rotates her head and bleeps again.
They watch as the smaller flying boat thing the others are stuck on moves toward some kind of big pit: presumably this is the pit of Carpool, the godforsaken spot the Almighty AppleMac has chosen to call home. A bit stupid really, as it has to rely on people coming along and shoving other people into it in order to get a meal. One presumes with Eri the Hutt around it's been fed quite a lot in recent months, though. And it's about to get Koji. His wrists are untied and a couple of guards shove him toward a sort of black plank thing. Eri the Hutt read Peter Pan too many times, one feels. He looks down… and there AppleMac is. It's some kind of giant mouth with teeth arrangement at the bottom of a sandy hole. What a stupid life form. How the hell does it reproduce? How does it get food when it's not shoved in? How did such a dumb organism evolve? Maybe it takes a thousand years to digest its food because it has to rely on supervillans setting up hideouts nearby and coming and dropping victims in. Or kids like Koji throwing pebbles at it.
Anyway, back on the deck of the barge, Eri the Hutt has hefted her giant bulk off the chaise and now stands next to the observation rail, chocolate papers raining off her. Izumi stands as far away from her as is humanly possible. Eri yanks Izumi closer to her and wallops Takasaka again then shoves him toward a microphone (here come his fifteen minutes!) where he stands and fumbles with a few bits of paper he has some kind of prepared speech on.
On the smaller boat thingy a few feet away, Katsumi feels he has something to contribute. Doesn't he always?
Koji glares at Takafumi.
He starts walking along the edge of the flying boat thing, trying to look innocent, whilst on the barge Eri and her cohorts are once again in gales of unbecoming laughter. Geez. If she thinks this is funny then a good Eddie Izzard routine would probably kill her… if she didn't have him fed to AppleMac first considering her idea of physical comedy is probably someone getting shot. Serika meanwhile, is zipping round like a mayfly trying to get to the upper deck of the barge.
Eri grins. Izumi looks as if he's about to be violently sick – Eri just TOUCHED him! Serika surfaces on the top deck and looks down at Koji, rotating her head a bit. Koji is being poked along the plank, looking aggrieved. Do these guards have NO sense of style? If he's going to die, he's going to be cool. Katsumi can scream if he wants. He sees Serika and… adjusts his hair. A small flap opens in the top of Serika's head (in summer Serika also doubles as a handy drinks cooler).
Koji, with an unbelievably pissed expression on his face, jumps off the plank in total show-off style. Cheers from Eri's crowd of malignant little trolls, but being Koji and a show-off he was, of course, just picking the most dramatic moment to fight back and he grabs the end of the plank on his way back down, gets flung back up into the air, does a somersault, a half-twist and several other forms of midair acrobatics, lands on his feet on the end of the plank and catches his lightsabre which Serika just flung at him from the hole in the top of her head, igniting it. He poses for a bit as if expecting to be awarded a 10 by an Olympic judge (he is Koji, remember?). Katsumi looks not a bit surprised at Koji's giant ego reasserting itself. A few of Eri's crowd applaud and instantly wish they hadn't.
Koji lays into the hapless guard who tried to force him off the plank and he goes tumbling into the Almighty AppleMac who seems quite pleasantly surprised, extends a tentacle and drags him into it's gaping tooth-rimmed chops (same laws as applied to the Malis apply to AppleMac – it wasn't in his job description, so…). AppleMac's still a stupid life form, though. Takafumi somehow ends up getting into a totally pointless scuffle with another guard after Takafumi accidentally bumps into the thing, losing his helmet in the process and becoming Obviously Takafumi Yoshiya, A Rebel, which makes him a viable target too.
Back on the barge, Eri goes into another total rage attack and Takasaka runs for cover as she flings a wine bottle in his general direction, followed by a bowl of popcorn. He takes shelter under a table. She starts growling and drooling commands to her flustered Muppets.
Back on the floating boat again, Koji performs several totally useless but stylish Kendo moves as he drives another hapless guard into AppleMac's pit, before walking coolly over to Jesus and starting to untie him. Katsumi looks askance at him.
What Koji forgot was that Eri's sailbarge has a cannon. The little flying boat thing rocks violently as shots pound into the sides and practically everyone falls over (Koji landing in a compromising position on top of a peeved Jesus; Katsumi starts laughing hysterically). Or in Takafumi's case, off. That's why you shouldn't get in fights on the edges of flying boats. Given that he has better reflexes than the dogmeat guards he grabs at a convenient rope, which probably wasn't there five minutes ago either but he's one of the heroes and as such is allowed to try and save his life in a way that Imperial cannon fodder and Eri's other guards (think the ones who aren't Takafumi Yoshiya) aren't, and clings onto it.
A few feet away, on the barge, Hisaya Fett decides to do something conclusive, pulls down his bucket so his pretty face (ha ha) won't get damaged and ignites the rocket pack everyone had completely forgotten he had, jumping off the barge and landing on the flying boat, doing a Koji and posing shamelessly for a second, then aims his gun – a small one which looks like a grey version of the flashing space guns little boys buy from toyshops – at Koji (ooh, that scum, REAL gentlemen like Darth Akihito and Kai Wan Kurosaki fight with lightsabres). Koji turns on him, grins like a loon, and chops his gun in half. Hisaya Fett looks down in angry frustration at his ruined gun, then glares at Koji, tears in his eyes. He's a sore loser. The flying boat takes another blast from the barge's cannon, a gaping hole appears in the side, and Katsumi falls over again, despite now having his hands free which should help him balance. Technically. Be fair, he's still confused. Takasaka probably knows more about what's going on than Katsumi does.
Jesus whimpers – he's a dog and, after all, he's hurt.
Koji is distracted momentarily and sneaky Hisaya Fett attempts to out-cool him by trying to tie him up with a wire cable hidden up one sleeve of his fashionable, armour-plated jacket, tying Koji's upper arms to his sides. That fool. He should know you CAN'T out-cool Koji and that those who try invariably end up dead… without even breaking sweat, Koji moves his lightsabre-holding wrist and cuts the cords, shrugging them off, then pushes his hair out of his face in a practiced gesture. Whilst Hisaya Fett is still seething with indignation because he really can't hack it right now, another Deus Ex Machina cannon blast hits the ship and conveniently knocks him out. He lands near Takafumi, who is still clinging to the end of his Convenient Rope.
The sheer intellect of the boy. Koji, meanwhile, is standing with his hair waving dramatically in the manner of all pretty-boy action heroes everywhere, as cannon shots land all around him. It's a pretty lame cannon really, that flying boat should have been out of the air long ago. Koji, posed moodily as he is, notices another boat fill of guards for him to stomp flying towards him. He jumps off the edge of the boat, loving the way his hair and cape billow as he flies through the air… unable to resist it, he does another somersault solely for effect before landing on his feet and laying into the guards. Takasaka would no doubt have something to say on the subject of such odds, but Koji starts laying waste to the cannon fodder before him. They are, after all, only here for him to kill. This is meant to be family entertainment – so how come Koji's laying into these guards like the Terminator? The body count's pretty high and the Evil Nanjo Corporation Empire's barely even shown yet!
Jesus is still flat out on the deck, barking directions to Katsumi who stands in the middle of the deck looking pretty and panicked – not to mention totally defenceless (What was that poem parodied by Spike Milligan? It ran something like 'The boy stood on the burning deck whence all but he had fled… twit' – wonder why it seems relevant?). If Katsumi knew his right from left when he wasn't wearing a wristwatch it would help, but as it is… he practically trips over the spear Jesus had been trying to get him to pick up. Still, it works.
Hisaya Fett who's lost his bucket and now looks five hundred times more scary for it pulls himself off the deck a few feet away and looms up menacingly in the smoke and aims his gun at Koji, who is still busy working off his excess tension by walloping guards on the other flying boat. He aims his 'lethal appendage' (a Lucasism… doesn't it sound horribly like Nancy?). Jesus starts yelping frantically at Katsumi again, who still looks totally out of his depth in spite of the spear…
He turns around, still not used to the idea that his eyesight's wonky, and wallops Hisaya Fett in the Rocket Pack with the spear he's holding. Sure, he'd probably have preferred a more poetic justice like beating Hisaya Fett to death with a lump of coal or even carbon freezing him and shooting him off into space for the next fifty million years, but… once again, it works. Hisaya Fett's rocket pack ignites, sending him shooting up into the air and hitting Eri's sail barge with a noise that is midway between a splat and a thunk. He falls back to the floor, rocket pack all dead now, and – what a surprise – into the pit of Carpool, home of the Almighty AppleMac. AppleMac, who really can't be a fussy eater, swallows the ex bucket-head and burps. Jesus growls happily at Katsumi.
***
Back on the barge again. Izumi looks on in mild amazement at the carnage being staged. Eri is back on her chaise and everyone but manufacturers of cheap plonk and chocolates will be relieved to hear that she has only a few minutes left to live. Izumi looks in disgust at Eri again and decides to take decisive action. Running up to her throne, he – with some difficulty – wraps the chain around her throat, after conducting a brief feasibility study on where her throat actually is, then runs away again and yanks hard on the chain. Fortunately Eri is so solid there is no risk of him pulling her off the chaise. Her eyes pop open and her tongue sticks out, lolling grotesquely, she starts to make a hideous choking sound (but Takasaka, from under his table, still tries to translate it – it doesn't sound that different from her speaking voice) and thrashes around, knocking things to the floor. Eventually she slams back heavily on her chaise longue, stone dead. Izumi breathes a sigh of relief and starts trying to free himself.
***
Koji is still kicking several guards into kingdom come or AppleMac, whichever's closer, whilst AppleMac itself is busily munching on Hisaya Fett, bucket and all. Katsumi, by a process of trial and error, is attempting to lower the spear down to Takafumi who must be getting serious cramps hanging onto that rope (but it's preferable to being eaten alive for the rest of your natural and, indeed, Hisaya Fett).
Finally, the relentless gun barrage actually has an effect! But at exactly the WRONG time. The entire boat thing tips onto one side and something has to give. Sadly for Takafumi it's his handy rope… this just HAS to be the Gods of Shibuya getting some payback; he ends up clinging to the edge of the pit of Carpool, horribly close to AppleMac's mouth. Katsumi hasn't exactly got it easy either, the only thing that stopped him from ending up joining Hisaya Fett inside the Almighty AppleMac was catching one foot on the edge of a railing which just has to hurt. Jesus clings to the deck frantically as the gunners start to get motivated again.
Jesus glomps onto one of Katsumi's ankles, which is better than nothing really. And also just has to hurt.
Koji finally stops kicking major ass (he's not been taking this seriously!), poses moodily again, his cape flies up and hits him in the face – the wind's finally blowing in the wring direction for the Rebellion's greatest poseur. Angrily, he shoves it away, then finally gets a good look at Katsumi and Takafumi either being totally idiotic or trying to stay alive depending on your point of view, and getting shot at for their pains. Koji, still being brave and showing off something terrible, jumps off the flying boat and lands Spiderman-Style on the edge of Eri's barge, climbing slowly up the side. Next to him, a window breaks as a reveller flies through it backwards (that'll teach HIM to diss the Groupie dress sense). Koji climbs through it, cursing as he severely rips his robes.
Takafumi has just about managed to stop himself from ending up on AppleMac's dessert menu by staying very still, Only trouble is, he's on sand. If he moves, he starts sliding. Katsumi tries the spear again – he's still thinking pretty logically and lucidly for someone who's upside-down.
Takafumi screams – one of AppleMac's tentacles has grabbed him round the ankle and is engaged in an unorthodox tug-of-war with Katsumi and Jesus. Takafumi is, naturally, not all that thrilled. Nor is Katsumi, who gestures at Jesus. No mean feat when you're upside-down, clinging one-handed to a spear which is supporting the weight of a grown man (even if the man in question is Takafumi and there ain't that much of him) and blinded. Not bad for a traditional uke (as opposed to Izumi who's a more untraditional uke), is it?
Katsumi has the decency to blush before adjusting his aim. Fortunately he's always been pretty good with guns… but that doesn't stop Takafumi from closing his eyes and ducking down as far as he can before Katsumi fires the gun – and he actually hits the tentacle, which lets go of Takafumi's leg. Good job too. Takafumi was beginning to get uncomfortable flashbacks to some of the hentai his best friend had…
***
On the deck, things are about to get downright nasty for Jesus and the other two being as the men at the gun, trigger-happy meatheads that they are, have them in their sights, only to be distracted by more Deus Ex Machina action, this time in the shape of Koji, who's still not had enough of posing moodily with the lightsabre for all that his cape's ripped from climbing through the window, he's bruised, pretty tired, his hair's rapidly getting tangled by all the dramatic breezes that have been blowing through it, his nail varnish is chipped and all his lipstick's come off. The two guards stare at him for a beat before going for their pistols. Sadly the teeny pause was enough for Koji to turn both of them into shish kebab with Flashy Kendo. Spotting two more guards running at him, he smiles; his fun clearly isn't over yet!
***
Back inside the barge, Izumi is still chained to the huge fat mountain that is the dead Eri the Hutt. He's clearly rather ticked off with the chains which he is trying to pull apart with his bare hands.
Eri always stank, but the smell's intensifying; it's making Izumi feel decidedly lightheaded when Serika the cyborg version of the Swiss Army Knife zips up to him and lifts one hand, a small cutting device coming out of one finger with which she cuts the chain in half.
Serika wisely ignores him and zips toward an emergency exit (with green neon sign above it), closely followed by Izumi. Takasaka, still under his table, has met a small, red, birdlike creature and is in difficulties – the thing pecks at one of his eyes despite his attempts to bat it off, and breaks one of the lenses in his glasses.
Serika is about to intervene but before she can, he pulls the red bird creature off him and throws it out of the window – and probably past a confused Takafumi and into AppleMac – then scrambles out from under the table and the three of them run off to the emergency exit.
***
Back on deck Koji fights yet another battle against huge odds… yawn, yawn. He should let someone else have a go. He may be a Jedi but this is blatant favouritism, can't Takafumi get a decent fight (no, he's hanging from a spear over the pit of Carpool)? Or Katsumi? (nope likewise – he's also in a rather awkward position. Literally). Koji's starting to look slightly less than collected when Izumi appears, though… and after he does the wannabe Jedi has difficulty keeping his mind on the battle and looks much less than collected! He looks over the deck, taking the opportunity afforded to gawk at Izumi who really isn't wearing very much. Izumi goes red.
Izumi scrambles up onto the cannon and Koji the hentai gawks at his legs, belatedly remembering about the guard. There's only one left, but he shoots Koji in the hand (the fake one) anyway. Koji yells – he believes in yelling when he's hurt – then hacks the man, who was only doing his job after all, to bits. He checks his hand. His nail varnish is ruined, but the hand is still operational.
A few feet away, Serika stands by the rail of the ship and looks reproachfully at Takasaka who doesn't seem to want to play.
He takes a few paces back as Serika blunders forward with a reproachful bleep and topples over the edge, then runs over to Koji, who is also running to Izumi. Taka tags along when Koji makes it to the gun and grabs another convenient rope, then tries to put his arm round Izumi.
Izumi grudgingly lets Koji put his arm round his waist. The whole thing would be very romantic if it wasn't for Taka who, having refused to jump, can see no other way off the ship, and has managed to get over his anxieties about touching people to cling onto Koji with his eyes shut. Koji gives him a dirty look, then kicks at the gun and swings away from the deck, Tarzan-style. Izumi hits him for his wandering hands whilst Taka whimpers in fear.
***
Koji and Izumi land on the flying boat thing, which is the only craft that's still even partly intact, Taka climbing off Koji when they land and looking round himself anxiously before taking off his glasses to check them for damage. Jesus helps Takafumi back onto the craft whilst Katsumi pulls his shirt back down, adjusts his remaining necklace and tidies his hair again. Takafumi, back on fairly solid ground again, rubs one shoulder with his other hand and winces.
Katsumi (looking round and blinking): Is Taka-chan here?
The sail barge starts to explode dramatically as Koji (well, he had to show off again with the wind in his hair and robes, didn't he?) pilots the flying boat thing away from it, picking up Serika on a handy electromagnet as he goes. The huge monstrosity burns rapidly. The best thing about it is that the end of the barge means the end of one of the greatest moving edifices to bad taste the galaxy has ever seen, as well as the idiotic 'princess of crime' Eri the Hutt along with all the debts Katsumi has incurred for the last few years. The thing falls out of the sky, landing with a colossal wumph of sand, and continues to burn merrily away as the ill-matched group that is the hardcore rebellion speeds away from it.
***
This is a sandstorm. You can tell because: 1. There's a lot of sand. 2. There's a lot of wind. 3. It's bloody noisy. Lovely Tatooine weather. I'm sure rain would have been preferable, at least when it rains you only get wet. But in a sandstorm you get sand everywhere, like after a day at the beach only half as fun. In the middle of this rather appalling weather (ahem), the hardcore members of the rebellion are trying to walk. Are they all mad? (yes. Next question?).
Serika goes first, being a totally insane little robot. Katsumi, who isn't quite sure if his eyes are getting any better or not, follows her, helped (not a lot) by Takafumi. Takasaka follows a few paces behind. Koji attempts to put his arm round the still horribly scantily clad Izumi who can't be enjoying this at all, to protect him from the storm. Izumi wallops him on the head and stalks off, Koji trailing after him. Jesus tags along last. A few feet away the shape of the parked Pneumonium Penguin can be seen, as well as Koji's X-Wing spaceship.
The group take shelter from the sand and weather next to the Pneumonium Penguin whilst Taka fumbles for the entry switch, finally locating it and watching in mild relief as the ramp comes down. Katsumi turns to Koji.
Koji turns, only to get massively glomped by the overenthusiastic Jesus. Katsumi laughs. Koji pushes away from Jesus and turns to Izumi, who smiles at him, but that's about it. Koji looks at him as if waiting for something.
He walks past Katsumi and Takafumi and into the Pneumonium Penguin. The others exchange glances, Takafumi shrugs – he doesn't get Izumi at all.
He walks off to his spaceship with Serika in tow, Taka waves her bye-bye before walking into the Penguin with the others – they end up standing in the entrance hall. Takafumi tries to shake sand out of his hair whilst Katsumi brushes it off his clothing. Izumi watches from a few feet away, uke vanity confuses him.
He turns as if to leave, then changes his mind and walks over to Takasaka who is examining his broken glasses and looks intently at him before he glomps the startled man. Takafumi laughs.
***
The blackness of space again. Koji flies his X-Wing (with Serika sticking out of the top) one way, whilst the Pneumonium Penguin sets off in another. God knows who's flying the thing, Katsumi's probably getting changed or taking a shower. Izumi's definitely getting changed. At the controls of his little spaceship, Koji speaks to the others over his radio.
The radio goes dead. Koji sighs, thinking of Izumi in the costume Eri gave him. Koji's beginning to suspect that he'll never see so much of Izumi's legs ever again. Izumi doesn't seem to want to end up with anyone and Katsumi's… well, Katsumi's Katsumi and for all that he's cute, he's just not a sexual creature. He is interrupted by Serika bleeping.
