A/N PLEASE don't get offended by this – I have nothing against fat people – I agree
with my friend Laura who says it's more fun to eat chocolate than to be skinny. I am
NOT making fun of fat people. But I think we all agree that Dudley doesn't deserve
compassion, right? So here it is, this is Dudley making a stand about his slim
physique, Britney style. In other words, it's a songfic to Britney Spear's Stronger. K?
(*frowns at herself* Who in their right minds would give him a microphone? Now we
can hear him better! That was a stupid thing to do, Helmione….)


Fatter

By Helmione Nightingranger

*Dudley enters a black stage wearing leather (A/N ick ick ick) and carrying a chair.
He puts the chair down and begins to sing*

Hush
Just stop.
There's nothing you can do
Or say
Baby

I've eaten had enough
I've finally made it
I'm too big to weigh
Baby

*tries to stand on the chair to reach a sandwich which has just appeared in mid-air The
chair slips away*
You might have thought that I wouldn't make it,
On my own
But now I'm fatter
Than yesterday
Terminal obesity's just a heartbeat away
My skinniness ain't killing me no more… (A/N No, but the heart problems might
be…)

I am fatter
Than anyone ever thought that I could be
Baby
I used to eat
White meat
Didn't know how to cheat
With more fat

*tries to stand on chair again. It slips away again*
You might think that I can't stand up
On my own
But who cares?
Coz now I'm fatter,
Than yesterday
Terminal obesity's just a heartbeat away
My skinniness ain't killing me no more…

I am fatter

C'mon now,
Oh yeah
Feed myself
On my own
I don't need nobody, more food on my own
Here I go,
On my own now
I don't need diet, not so just be quiet,
Here I go
Here I go
Alright

Here I go


Fatter than yesterday
Terminal obesity's just a heartbeat away
My skinniness ain't killing me no more
I am fatter
Than yesterday
Now it's chocolate cake all the way
My dieting ain't killing me no more…

Now I eat more
Than yesterday
Now it's all the toppings and a mars bar a day
My dieting ain't killing me no more…

I am fatter.

*jumps up and grabs the sandwich, then sits down heavily on the chair, which tries to
slip away, but instead the seat snaps in half under his weight. He shrugs and munches
his sandwich contentedly*


A/N I've made myself hungry now…..
Please don't flame. I have nothing against fat people. Only Dudley.

Disclaimer: Dudley is JKRs, Stronger is Queen Britney the 1st's.