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March 8-13, 01.
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Doug walked down the sidewalk of Chicago. He had recently gotten a job there, as a pediatrician in the ER at Cook County General. He hadn't been in Chicago for long and he was acquainting himself to the city.
He buried his hands deep into his pockets to avoid the nip of cold in his fingertips. Doug looked up, watching the buildings as he walked by, checking things out, noting the location of the grocery store and a small diner where he might stop by for some meals. When he looked up from the sidewalk he saw a sign that read 'Abortion and Prenatal Care Clinic'. He wondered why in the world the two of those would be combined to form one clinic. He shrugged and turned his head down the alley where the door to the clinic was supposed to be.
He saw a woman, one hand on the door, and the other hand over her mouth, shaking slightly. His eyebrows knitted together as he looked down at her. He began walking towards her, hearing the soft sobs slipping from beneath her hands. As he got closer he was nearly blown over by her beautifully exotic looks.
"Ma'am?" He asks. She looks up, startled, taking a step back.
"Oh.." She says and reaches up, wiping her face frantically.
"Are you okay?" He asks. She shakes her head slightly before nodding.
"I'm fine." She manages to get out, her voice husky from crying. He smiled warmly.
"Are you sure you're okay? You don't look okay." He says. She shakes her head, trying to smile, but not succeeding.
"No..I'm okay, really." She says just as the door of the clinic opens and a young woman walks out, her stomach expanding slightly with pregnancy. She smiled politely at the two of them before heading back down the alley, towards the way Doug had come. The woman beside Doug immediately burst into a fresh fit of tears. He turned back towards her.
"Hey, don't cry." He says and walks towards her. She is extremely surprised when she feels his arms go around her and he pulls her towards him. She doesn't even know this man, but the gentle way of him has her crying in his shoulder, without a second thought. "Shhh..shh...it's okay." He says. She pulls away finally, realizing this man is a stranger.
"I'm sorry." She smiles before letting out a weak giggle. "Really..I.." She shakes her head, wiping her tears away. He grins.
"Come on, why don't we go to the diner that I just passed and you can tell me what's wrong." He says. She shrugs.
"I uh..no..I really should, uh..get going." She says. He reaches out, touching her shoulder.
"I won't bite, I promise. You can just tell me about your troubles, I'll offer some friendly advice, and then you can leave without ever talking to me again." He says, nearly dumbstruck by her beauty. She looks into his eyes, and her heart picks up speed, making her unable to argue with him.
"Okay." She says softly, smiling a little. He grins.
"There you go." He says. She grins and they begin walking out of the alley. "So, what's your name?" Doug asks.
"Carol." She replies. He grins.
"Carol, I'm Doug." He says. She smiles shyly.
"Hi Doug." She says. He grins and pushes open the door of the diner. They take a seat in a booth, across from one another.
"Do you want to order anything?" He asks. She shrugs.
"Maybe just a glass of lemonade." She says. He nods and signals the waitress. She walks over.
"I just need two lemonades." Doug says. She nods.
"Anything else?" She asks. Doug looks at Carol who shakes her head.
"Nope. I think that'll be all." Doug says to the waitress. She nods with a slight smile and walks off to get their drinks. Carol giggles slightly.
"Wow, this is strange." She says. He raises his eyebrows slightly, a smile at the corners of his mouth. "I don't normally just go get a glass of lemonade with a stranger like this." She says. He chuckles.
"Me neither." He says. She shrugs and looks around the diner.
"You know, I've lived here in Chicago my whole life and I've never been here." She says. He nods.
"So, you're a native are you?" He asks. She nods.
"Yeah. Born and raised." She says. He nods.
"I've lived in Kentucky most of my life but then I moved out here. My Mom moved out here a few years ago and the hospital where I work got closed in Kentucky, so I decided to head out here to look for a job, considering my mother is my only family." He says. She nods.
"You work at a hospital?" She asks. He nods.
"Emergency care pediatrician." He says.
"Really? I'm the head nurse in an ER." She says.
"Wow, that's pretty strange." He says. She nods.
"Have you found work here yet?" She asks. He nods.
"Yeah, Cook County General." He says. She shakes her head.
"No way...that's where I work." She says.
"Really? Wow..that is strange." He says, they laugh slightly. The waitress comes back with their lemonade and they each sip it a little. She sighs.
"Ahh, that's pretty good. I don't think I've had lemonade in long time." She says. He nods, tapping his fingers along the side of his glass.
"So...why were you crying?" He asks. She looks back to him, surprised at the turn in conversation. She gives him a wary look, still not sure if she should tell him. He grins.
"If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but I promise not to tell anyone, if you want me to keep it to myself." He says. She sighs and looks down into her glass.
"Well..to put it frankly, I'm pregnant." She says. He looks up at her and nods slightly. "Don't tell anyone that." She says. He grins.
"I promise." He says. She smiles.
"Thanks....I uh..Well..as you might have guessed, I was going to get an abortion..." She trails off, looking at him, not sure how he will react, seeing as he is a pediatrician. He just nods.
"I figured as much, since you were crying and not going in." He says. She nods and sighs.
"I couldn't go in..I just....Since I'm a nurse, I've seen that sort of stuff all the time, y'know? And..I was worried that, well, if I do abort this baby, will I ever get pregnant again? I want to be a mother..but..this wasn't how it should be..I.." She stops and looks up at him. He smiles reassuringly and reaches out, touching her hand. She smiles weakly.
"Go on." He whispers.
"It was a one night stand...I had a bad day at work and so I went to a bar after work and got drunk. I never do that! I never have before but it was just a particularly bad day. To make a long story short, I slept with someone I don't know...all I know is his name was Jack. I got pregnant and...I mean, how can I go to work and explain this to all my friends? My mother, oh God. Both my sisters are married with children, my mom would about kill me if I got pregnant and wasn't married..or at least dating and in love with that man and planning to marry him eventually." She says. He raises his eyebrows slightly. "I didn't know what to do, so I panicked. But I thought, well, the longer I hold out...the harder it would be, y'know? And then I just couldn't go in. I couldn't get myself to open up the door, walk in and let them take my baby so I just broke down and couldn't stop." She says. He nods.
"Do you want my friendly advice?" He asks. She shrugs.
"Sure." She says.
"I'm against abortion, mostly because I feel it's somewhat like murder..but I also believe women should have the choice and that I shouldn't have too much of a say in it, considering I am a man and will never be put in that situation. But what I think you need to think about is if you want to get rid of this baby or not. Even if you don't know the man you shouldn't think of it that way, you should think of it as your child..no matter who the father is. You should consider if you will be able to properly care for this child. Which, considering you are a nurse, I wouldn't doubt that you would. But do you want this child, is the main question. And of course, you need to think about your future. Your future children...husband...even boyfriends. It's entirely up to you." He says. She nods.
"That's what I'm afraid of." She says. "I'm a nurse and I know how to take care of a child, but the question is, can I? Will I be able to do it alone?" She asks. He shrugs.
"Will you?" He asks.
"I don't know." She whispers, turning away from him. He smiles softly.
"I hope you make the choice that is right for you." He says and signals the waitress and she heads towards him.
"How much is that going to be?" He asks.
"Do you want the bill, sir?" She asks. He shakes his head.
"It won't be necessary." He says. She nods.
"Well, it'll be about a dollar ten." She says. He nods and gets into his pocket and grabs out three dollars.
"Here ya go, keep the change." He says with a warm smile. She nods and turns, heading away. Doug turns back to Carol.
"I'm going to go now and I want you to make your decision, whether it be now...or sometime soon. But if you choose to get the abortion and you choose that now, then I'll leave you alone to do it." He stands. "I'll see you at work Carol. Oh, and your secret's safe with me." He says. She grins.
"Thank you, Doug." She says. He grins.
"Bye for now, Carol." He says and exits the diner. She smiles after him and stares over at his cup before she stands. She smiles at the waitress and nods her head before she leaves. She walks to the sign that Doug had read just minutes earlier. She smiled and shook her head before taking off down the sidewalk towards home.
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"I'd like to introduce you to everybody....that is here at the present moment." Mark Greene said, taking Doug out to the administration desk.
"Alright, this is Kerry Weaver the other attending." Mark said, pointing to a women with reddish hair and a cane. Doug's mind wandered, but thought it would be best to not ask her about it. He nodded with a smile. She nodded. "Uh..there's John Carter, everyone calls him Carter. Peter Benton, a surgeon who you will be seeing quite a lot of." Peter acknowledged him, but didn't greet him. "Then we have Carol Hathaway, our head nurse." Mark says.
"Yeah, Carol and I have met." Doug says, sending Carol a friendly smile. She grins back.
"You have?" Mark asks.
"We have." Doug says, not offering any explanation. Mark shrugs.
"Then we have our other nurses, Haleh, Chuny, Malik, and Lydia." Mark says. They all grin at him.
"Hello." He says. A chorus of replies erupt from the small group of nurses. Doug chuckles lightly.
"Well...since you already know Carol, how about she gives you the grand tour. Carol?" Mark says, looking at Carol.
"Sure." Carol replies. "Doug?" She asks. He nods.
"Alright, Nurse Hathaway." He says. She grins and they turn and walk off down the hallway, everyone returning to work behind them, wondering when and where they met before.
"I was wondering when you started." She says. He grins.
"Were you? I was wondering if you would be here today." He says. She smiles.
"I'm here all the time, it seems like." She says. He chuckles.
"Yeah, it can feel that way sometimes." He says. She nods and walks slowly beside him, not really giving him a tour, just walking. He grins softly at her, realizing she's off in another world, not even thinking about telling him where they are. He doesn't speak though, he's content to just watch her out of the corner of his eye as she thinks.
"I didn't do it." She says, looking at him. He nods.
"I didn't think you would." He says. She nods.
"I couldn't...it was just..I..I don't know. I didn't have the heart to kill my child." She says softly, praying no one hears them talking. He nods.
"Have you told anyone else?" He asks. She looks at him.
"No..I..I don't know how to tell everyone, y'know? It would be completely unexpected..I haven't dated anyone in awhile..They all know I don't drink or go to bars on a normal basis. And they most likely wouldn't assume I would be the one to have a one night stand. I don't know how the hell to tell them something like this. Let alone my mother." She says. He grins slightly and reaches out, touching her arm.
"You'll figure something out." He says. She smiles up at him and her heart flutters at his handsome face and his hand on her arm. She nods. "So..are you going to show me around?" He asks. She grins and stands up straighter.
"Alrighty, here goes." She says and begins to lead him around.
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"Everyone, I have an announcement to make." Carol says, coming up to the admit desk. Doug looks at her and catches her eye. He smiles reassuringly and she nods to acknowledge him, swallowing. The rest of the crowd looks at her.
"Could we go into the lounge, please?" She asks. They all raise their eyebrows and give her a concerned look but they walk into the lounge behind her. She takes a deep breath and Doug moves closer to her for support.
"What's up?" Mark asks. Carol blows out a breath.
"Guys..I'm pregnant." She says before she can stop herself. Everyone stops and stares at her, shocked. She smiles and looks at the floor.
"I uh..it was an accident. Um.." She stops, fighting tears, and not letting anyone see her face. "I met some guy at a bar. I had a bad day and I just wanted to get something to drink and I didn't want to go home to an empty house. Well, unfortunately he came home with me instead." She winces slightly at her own words as everyone looks at her in surprise, never thinking Carol would do something like that. "You know how when Doug came two weeks ago? Well, the reason I already knew him was because he saw me standing outside of an abortion clinic, fighting with myself, trying to decide whether to go in or not." Everyone in the room softens at her words. "We found out that we both worked at County..And Doug got me to change my mind." Carol says, looking at Doug in thanks. He grins softly at her. She looks up at the rest of her friends. "I didn't know how to tell you all...I know this wasn't expected. It wasn't for me either. But, I uh, I can't do that to my child, so uh...."
"Congratulations Carol." Lydia says and she moves over to hug Carol. Carol smiles slightly, tears coming to her eyes as the rest of the staff, except Doug, hug and congratulate her. She thanks them all before they leave the lounge, leaving her and Doug alone. He grins.
"That was very brave of you." He says. She nods and goes to her locker, taking out her coat, but not putting it on.
"I just wish I had someone to go home to, y'know?" Carol asks. He grins.
"I understand." He replies, understanding her loneliness perfectly. "I'm off soon...so you wanna do something? Grab a bite to eat or something?" He asks. She grins.
"You can come over, I can make you some coffee and I can smell it." She says. He chuckles.
"Missing your coffee huh?" He asks. She nods, smiling widely.
"Yes. Oh God, it's exhausting to be pregnant and then not be able to have your caffeine." She says. He chuckles.
"Well, I'll come over, but I don't get off for another hour. Want me to just head on over there after I get off?" He asks. She nods.
"Sure." She says.
"What's your address?" He asks. She grins and moves over to the counter, digging through the drawers for paper and a pencil. She writes her address and gives him directions orally. "Alrighty, I'll be there when I get off." He says. She nods.
"Okay. See ya then." She says, throwing her coat on. He grins and nods as she walks out. He chuckles to himself.
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He had no idea what he was going to do. He was falling for this woman...but she was pregnant. He had no idea how he felt about becoming an instant father. He sighed. Technically he was already a father, but he didn't know his son. Doug smiled to himself and shook his head. What was he even thinking? About becoming an instant father to Carol's baby? What would she say if she knew he was thinking those thoughts? He nearly laughed at himself as he rang the doorbell of her house and heard her shuffling around inside. She opened it up and grinned at him.
"Hey Doug." She says.
"Hello." He says. She moves aside to let him into her house.
"Hey, this is a nice place." He says.
"It needs a lot of work." She says, scrunching up her face. "I probably won't have a lot of time to fix it up with the baby coming and everything." She says. He chuckles.
"Well, if you ever want help, I'm available." He says. She grins.
"Thanks Doug. So..I made you some coffee." She says. He chuckles.
"You didn't have to do that." He said, slipping off his jacket. She took it and threw it over the back of a chair and made her way to the kitchen. He slipped off his shoes after checking to see she didn't have hers on. He then followed her to the kitchen. She noticed his socked feet.
"You didn't have to take your shoes off." She says, laughing. He chuckles.
"Well..I figured it would be more polite." He says. She giggles and rolls her eyes.
"You could've just asked." He says.
"I could have." He says and chuckles as she hands him a cup of coffee.
"You probably shouldn't even smell it. It might get too tempting." Doug says. She shrugs.
"I guess I'll have to fight the urge." She says and turns and walks to the living room. He chuckles and follows her down onto the couch, sipping his coffee.
"So, how was your last hour of work?" She asks.
"Slow." He replies. She grins and sinks into the couch. He nods. "There's something I want to tell you." He says. She turns to him, smiling slightly.
"Okay." She says.
"About 11 years ago, I uh...I was in a not-so-serious relationship. I was in medical school at the time and to make a long story short, I got the girl pregnant." He says. Her eyes widen. "Her parents didn't think very highly of me, so they took her away...when she was pregnant. I ran, basically." He sighs and rubs his hand across his eyes. "My son is 11 years old..I've never met him and I don't even know his name." He reaches into his wallet and pulls out a picture of an infant baby. "I don't know what he looks like, other then from this picture." Doug says, handing the picture to her. He watches her, as she looks at the little boy in the worn picture. She looks up at him.
"I don't know what to say." She says.
"I wouldn't expect you to." He says. "I was extremely irresponsible back then." He studies the picture wistfully. "Her parents wouldn't let me see her, so I didn't fight it and I left the school and transferred to another one. Ever since the day I left, I've regretted it. As I get older I regret it more every day. If I wanted to, I could probably meet him, but..he's 11 years old and..if I walked back into his life now, what would he think or do? What about his mother? Wouldn't he resent me? Hate me? I don't know and I don't want to turn his life upside down that way. I love him enough to not want to turn his life all around. But..like you wondered, I wonder if I will ever have any other children and I wish I could have been there for him." He tucks the picture back into his wallet and looks at her. "I just wanted you to know that for some reason. I wanted to be honest and..share it with you." He says. She smiles slightly.
"Thank you for telling me. I..I'm glad you did. Even if I don't really know how to respond to it..it helps. To hear I'm not really alone." She says. He grins and reaches out, squeezing her hand.
"You're not. If you ever need a babysitter, call me up." He says. She grins.
"I will, Doug." She says. He smiles at her and nods.
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Carol sighed and sat on her couch in the lounge at work.
"I just don't know how to tell her." She said to Doug, who was sitting beside her.
"Carol..there's no easy way to tell your mother you are pregnant and single. There's no easy way to do it and I wish I could tell you there was...but I can't. I don't know how to help you here....the best thing to do would be to tell her soon though, before you start to show very much, because she'll know before you even tell her. That's not the way to go about it." Doug says. She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair.
"I know." She says. He grins and reaches over, tugging on one of her curls.
"You'll find a way. You always do." He says. She grins and smiles thankfully at him.
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"You're beginning to show." Doug says, leaning his hip against the counter in Carol's kitchen. She sighs and looks down at her tummy, a slight smile upon her face.
"I know, don't I look like an elephant?" She asks. He shakes his head.
"Nope, you shine." He says, grinning. She smiles at him, pleased.
"You're a liar." She says. He chuckles, shaking his head.
"I don't lie. So...you haven't told Helen yet, have you?" He asks, already knowing the answer. She looks down and shakes her head.
"No." She says. He shakes his head in disagreement.
"Carol, you should be doing that soon. You're beginning to show." He says. She nods.
"I will..I was planning on going tomorrow since I have the day off." She says. He nods.
"Good." He says, moving closer to her. She smiles at him.
"I don't know how it will go. I wouldn't be surprised if she disowns me, but...I've got to tell her." She says, nodding. He smiles down at her, just inches away from her. He reaches up, trailing his thumb under her eye. Her smile fades as she notices the serious look on his face..in his eyes.
"Doug..." She whispers, her voice trailing off. He runs his finger down, over her jaw.
"I don't know what I'm doing." He says, staring into her green eyes as her breath hitches slightly in her chest. He cups her face in his right hand, feeling the pulse in her neck pound against his thumb. "If you slap me, I deserve it..But I have to know." He says and leans forward, pressing his lips to hers in a soft, breathless kiss. She stands rock solid, unsure of herself and what he was doing. Why he was doing it. But, oh, God, she wanted it. She inched closer to him, closing her eyes and pressing her lips to his harder, in a kiss so mind boggling she couldn't think. All she could do was feel..his lips..his body against hers. She barely registered that he had one finger resting lightly on her stomach.
"Doug.." She says, pulling her lips away from his, but resting her forehead against his.
"Shh.." He says, trailing a finger over her swollen lips. She opens her eyes, looking into his chocolate ones, her body still pressed against his comfortably. A smile slowly spreads across his mouth and she begins to giggle.
"Doug..I.." She says in between laughter. He chuckles and wraps his arms around her waist gently, picking her up and swinging her around, making sure to be careful against her stomach and not hit her against anything. She laughs freely as he sets her down on the ground and nuzzles against her cheek.
"Carol?" He asks. She looks at him, her eyes dancing.
"Yeah?" She asks.
"Can I talk to the baby?" He asks. Her eyes widen in surprise and then settle into pleasure.
"Okay...I suppose." She says, grinning. He chuckles and pushes her back gently, pressing her against the counter. Then he kisses her gently before dropping to his knees. He places his hands on either side of her slightly swollen abdomen. She giggles slightly, leaning one arm against the counter and using her other to guide her fingers through his hair.
"Hey there, baby." Doug says then presses his ear against her belly as if he will get a response. Carol laughs heartily.
"Did you get an answer?" She asks. He looks up at her.
"Shhh!" He exclaims, grinning wickedly before placing his ear back to her stomach. He nods and grins up at her. "Okay, I'll tell her." He says and grins before standing. She giggles.
"Tell me what?" She asks. He chuckles.
"He or she said that they wanted me to tell you 'Hi Mommy, I love you'." He says. She laughs and reaches up, ruffling his hair.
"You're hilarious, Doug." She says.
"Oh yeah?" He asks, raising his eyebrows and pressing his lips to hers quickly. She giggles.
"Yeah." She nods and laughs some more, pressing her nose against his. He chuckles.
"Do you want a boy or a girl?" He asks. She shrugs.
"It doesn't matter..I guess I want a girl maybe a little more though..Only because if I have a boy, there is more of a chance it will look like him and ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted my oldest child to be a girl." She says. He grins and takes her hand, leading her towards the living room.
"How many kids do you want?" He asks, pulling her down onto the couch with him. He wraps his arms around her stomach and rests his chin on her shoulder.
"Three." She says. "I don't know why..I just want a daughter..then a son..then another baby that would be a surprise. I don't care if it was a boy or girl. I just want to have at least one of each because I want to know what it would be like to raise both, y'know?" She asks. He nods.
"Yeah." He says softly. She turns her head and pats his cheek gently. He grins sadly and she can tell he is thinking of his son. "Why did you kiss me, Doug?" She asks, trying to distract him of those thoughts. He looks at her in surprise.
"Because I've wanted to since I saw you that very first second in the alley." He says. She raises her eyebrows in surprise and delight.
"You have?" She asks. He chuckles and nods.
"I'd never seen anyone as beautiful as you." He says. She blushes deeply. "I doubt I ever will see anyone more beautiful then you." He whispers. She laughs shyly.
"You're a really good liar." She says. He chuckles.
"Maybe it's because I'm not lying." He says, kissing her cheek slightly. She nestles back against him.
"Well..maybe you aren't..but if you are, you're good at it." She says. He chuckles.
"Trust me..I'm not lying in this case." He whispers into her ear before nipping her earlobe gently. She gasps and pulls her head away from him slightly. He chuckles softly as she leans back towards him. She smiles slightly, but he can see that she is troubled.
"Doug...What does all this mean to you? I mean..I..I'm pregnant, Doug. With someone else's baby...Someone that I don't even know..What..Why, Doug?" She asks, confused to why he would want to get involved with her.
"I've asked myself that question millions of times, Carol. I don't know why, really, but I want to be with you..baby included. I care about you and therefore, I care about the child you are carrying." He says. She sighs.
"I can never decide if I made the right choice in keeping the baby. I mean..sometimes I am so happy that I did because I love it already. But..then other times, like now, it feels like a restriction." She says. He shakes his head.
"Why?" He asks.
"I dunno. I just feel like I shouldn't burden you with a baby." She says. He shakes his head.
"I'm not important in this decision, Carol. Don't bring me into this like that. It's entirely your decision and I want to get involved with you because of you...the whole packaged deal." Doug says. Carol sighs happily and turns around in his lap. She brings her lips to his again in a warm, slow kiss. He sighs softly and she reaches up, cupping his face.
"Doug?" She murmurs.
"Hmm?" He murmurs back, brushing her lips with his.
"I...I want to make love with you." She says, shyly..hesitantly. He brings his hands up to her face and pulls away slightly.
"Carol..." He says. She looks back at him, already seeing his answer in his eyes. She nods.
"Okay...I understand..I mean..I know." She says and pulls away from him. But he pulls her back to him.
"No, Carol. Look at me." He says. She looks up at him.
"As much as I want to, I don't think now is the right time. The fact that you are pregnant does not bother me, okay?" He asks, looking into her eyes which are beginning to water with tears. She nods. "Good, because that's not the reason. I'm just not sure if you are really ready..or..if I'm even ready for that next step." He smiles and kisses her gently. "We will..in time." He says. She smiles and leans her forehead against his, closing her eyes.
"I know." She whispers. He smiles and kisses her gently, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.
"Good." He says, smiling back at her.
+++++
"What've we got?" Mark asks into the MICU.
"30 year old female, MVA. She's only half conscious..she must've hit her head on the steering wheel...and it looks like she's pregnant..maybe 2-3 months. She's not speaking but she won't take her hand off her stomach. She had her seatbelt on and she bruised her abdomen....She's bleeding vaginally. It doesn't look good for the baby." The paramedic says. Mark curses under his breath.
"What's your ETA?" Mark asks.
"2 minutes." The man replies.
"Alright, we'll be ready." Mark says and hangs up, preparing the emergency room for the trauma. Mark, Carter, Haleh, and Lydia head out into the ambulance bay to wheel the woman in. Within moments the rig pulls into the ambulance bay and the paramedics open the door. When they wheel the woman out all of their hearts drop. It's Carol.
"Oh God...Carol..can you hear me?" Mark asks as he begins to work on her.
"Mark?" She asks. "What's happening?" She asks. Haleh squeezes her hand and Carol's gaze move towards her sluggishly. She smiles. "Haleh." She says. Haleh bends over her and smiles.
"Hey Carol..." She says, not knowing what else to say, and not wanting to make Carol panic. Carol looks around at her surroundings.
"What? The hospital." Carol begins to panic as she realizes she is lying on a gurney and being wheeled into a trauma room. "Mark, what is going on?" Carol asks.
"You were in an accident, Carol." Mark says. Carol's eyes widen in fear as she looks down at her stomach.
"The..." She stops and closes her eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. "Save my baby." Carol whispers. Her eyes fly open. "Doug..is Doug here?" She asks. Mark meets Lydia's gaze across the gurney. He nods.
"Yes. Do you want us to get him?" Mark asks. She nods.
"Please." She whispers and closes her eyes, listening to Mark shout out orders as tears slip out of her eyes effortlessly. Within seconds she hears the doors bust open and she opens her eyes, looking straight up into Doug's face.
"Dammit." He whispers and takes her hand into his. "It's gonna be okay, Carol." He says.
"Save the baby, Doug." Carol says, whimpers flying out along with her words.
"We're trying, Carol." Doug whispers. He kisses her forehead gently and looks up at the grim look in Mark's eyes. Mark looks down at Carol and then slowly moves his gaze to Haleh, then Lydia, then Carter, then back to Doug. Doug sees the grief-stricken look in Mark's eyes and notices the rest of their faces. His heart breaks. He hangs his head, closing his eyes. Carol looks at him and horror flutters across her face.
"No." She says softly. Doug looks at her. She shakes her head. "No..it's a mistake." Her voice rises to hysteria. Doug closes his eyes to the pain. "Doug, no. It's not true." She presses her hand to her stomach as the whole room is silent. She begins to sob, hollow racking sounds escaping her mouth. He takes a deep breath before reaching down and gathering her into his arms as best he can.
At first she tries to fight him off, but he just holds her, letting her pound against his chest, letting her get the rage out through him. He knows he will probably have bruises, although he barely feels the physical pain. Finally she just gives in and buries her face into him as she sobs into his neck. The others have already left the room, giving the two of them some privacy. She looks up at him, tears leaking down over her cheeks.
"Why, Doug, why?" Carol asks. He shakes his head.
"Shhh..C'mere.." He says, his hand pressing her head back into his shoulder. She stays quiet, not crying anymore, for the emotional pain is too immense to even cry. Doug just rocks her in his arms, not sure what else to do for her now.
+++++
Doug walked into the house behind Carol. It was her first day home from the hospital. Doug was worried about her because ever since that crying spout right after she had found out about the miscarriage, she hadn't shown any trace of anymore tears. She was acting as normal as she had when she hadn't been pregnant, before he even met her. At least that's what Mark had said when they discussed her earlier that day.
"Here, you go have a seat in the living room and I'll fix us some coffee." Doug says. She grins at him.
"That sounds good. Coffee." She says. He chuckles lightly. "But, I'm going with you into the kitchen. I'm tired of sitting still." She says. He smiles at her and nods before they head into the kitchen. He starts the coffee as she gets mugs out of the cupboard. She moves towards the sink, looking out the window for a rather long time. He studies her back, watching her intently. She smiles and turns to look at him.
"Spring is coming, I'd say." She says. He nods at her.
"Yeah, it's warming up. We haven't had snow for awhile." He says. She nods.
"Thank God. I love the beginning of spring." She says. He chuckles and looks at the coffee maker. It's finished so he fills up the mugs and hands on to her. She takes a sip and sighs, closing her eyes.
"Mmm.." She says, her whole body feeling that first jolt of caffeine, gratefully. He chuckles at her face. She smiles at him before making her way into the living room. He follows her before she stops abruptly, almost spilling her coffee as she stares down at the table in front of the couch. He moves up beside her, looking at her.
"Carol?" He asks but her eyes stay fixed on the table. He follows her gaze and his heart starts to pump as he sees what she is looking at. He places his coffee on the stand next to the couch and easily takes her mug from her hands and places it next to his. He moves to the coffee table and picks up the magazine lying there, opened up to pictures of baby rooms. He closes the magazine and moves it out of her sight. "C'mere." He says, moving towards her with his arms opened. She steps easily into his embrace and begins to cry softly.
"Before I left for my mom's, I was looking to get ideas for the baby's room." She says and lets out a sob. Her hand moves up to cover her mouth and she tries to hold it in. He pulls her hand away.
"Just let it go, baby, let it go." He says. She looks up at him, her vision blurred.
"Doug...It's gone..I'll never get to see it grow up. I'll never get to know it." She sobs. "I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl." She says. He pulls her close, rubbing her back and her hair, trying desperately to take her pain away.
"Shhh..One day, Carol, you'll have your three babies to take care of and you'll be happy. You'll never forget this baby....and the pain will never completely go away, but it will fade and you'll be able to be happy again. But for now, just let it all out." He says. She sobs, her body heaving with the deep racking. He kisses the side of her head as he rocks her in his arms.
+++++
Carol walked into work for the first time since her accident. She smiled at Randi, who was flipping through a fashion magazine.
"Carol, hey girl! How are you?" Randi asks. Carol grins.
"Glad to be back." She says. Randi nods, snapping her gum.
"That's good." Randi says. All of a sudden Lydia, Haleh, and Chuny all appear out from the hall and spot Carol.
"Carol!" They all say at the same time, moving to embrace her. She laughs happily, glad her friends are there. She smiles and they all exchange greetings. When Carol finally breaks away from them, she spots Doug coming down the hall. She smiles secretly at him before Kerry Weaver pops up in her face.
"Hey Carol." Kerry says. Carol smiles.
"Oh, hey Kerry." Carol says.
"Welcome back." Kerry says. Carol grins.
"Thanks." She says, turning and picking up a chair, anxious to get ready for work.
"Carol..if you feel the need to take rests anytime, you go ahead. And maybe you should take it easy these first few days." Kerry suggest, genuinely concerned. Carol grins.
"Kerry, really, I'd rather go back into it full steam. I appreciate your offer though." Carol says. Kerry nods.
"Okay. But if you feel the need to take a break or something, feel free." She says. Carol smiles.
"Thanks." Carol says. Kerry nods and heads off down the hall. Carol turns around and comes face to face with Doug. He grins at her. She smiles back at him.
"Hey Doug." She says. He grins.
"People already messing with you?" He asks. Her smile widens.
"Yeah. Of course the girls were all over me, then Kerry offered to take it easy, but I told her I would rather dive right back in." She says. He nods.
"Yeah. Well..take breaks if you need them." He warns playfully. She grins.
"Yes Mother!" She exclaims. He chuckles.
"Shouldn't that be Father?" He asks. She shrugs.
"Yeah, I suppose so, you just sounded like my mom then..I don't remember my Dad so well." She says. He nods and reaches up, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.
"If you need to rest though, seriously, take a break. Everyone will understand." He says. She smiles softly.
"I'm glad you're so worried about me, but Doug, I'm going to be fine." She says. He nods.
"I know you will." He says. She grins and holds up a chart.
"Well, I'm going to go to my first patient." She says. He grins at her as she walks away.
"Good luck!" He teases, grinning. She rolls her eyes and walks off with a smile.
+++++
Doug unlocked the door of Carol's house. She had asked him to come over that night and had given him a spare key so he could let himself in. The house was dark except a single light on in the kitchen, over the sink.
"Carol?" He called out.
"Back here." She replied. He made his way back towards the bedroom and saw her sitting on the window seat in her room.
"Hey." He said softly. She smiled at him and turned back to look out the window.
"Hi." She replied.
"Carol?" He asks. She looks at him briefly.
"Hmm?" She asks him in return.
"Are you okay?" He asks. She nods.
"Yeah..I just can't stop thinking. I would be 3 months pregnant today." She says. He sighs softly and makes his way towards her. He places his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently.
"How can I help you?" He asks, not sure what to do. She looks up at him and smiles.
"Just be here." She says. He smiles softly and nods.
"I can do that." He says. He reaches underneath her and picks her up. She looks at him, her eyes puzzled. He smiles and sits down on the big window seat before placing her in his lap to look out at the clear night together. She turns to him, her eyes swimming with tears before they fall silently. He kisses one away gently, before she leans back, leaning her forehead against his chin, silent tears running down her face for the baby that wasn't.
+++++
Carol had fallen asleep in Doug's arms on the window seat. He had sat and held her for about an hour, before deciding to put her into bed. He stood up, carrying her to the bed and laid her on the side opposite hers. He pulled the covers down on her side of the bed before looking back at her. Luckily for him, she had already put her pajamas on before he had arrived, so he wouldn't have to wake her. He stood, watching her for a few minutes before reaching down and scooping her easily into his arms once again. She stirred, resting her cheek against his chest. He walked around the bed and laid her on her side, pulling the covers up over her. She opened her eyes sleepily, looking up at him.
"Doug?"
"Hmm..?" He asks, smiling softly at her, brushing a piece of hair from her face.
"Will you stay?" She asks.
"Do you want me to?" He asks. She nods.
"Please." She mumbles. He nods.
"Okay." He whispers and walks around to the other side of the bed. He unbuttons his jeans and leaves them on the floor beside the bed before pulling the covers back and sliding in, in his boxers and t-shirt. Carol immediately moves into his embrace, laying her head on his chest and bringing one hand up to curl beside her face on his chest. He wrapped his arms around gently, holding her against him as she quickly drifted off to sleep. He closed his eyes and immediately followed her into a restless sleep.
+++++
