Just some more disclaimers/notes: The first (non-Rent) song is "It's My Life," by Bon Jovi, and the second one is, "This Side of Me," by Savage Garden. I'm not even sure if "This Side of Me" is a slow song, in fact, it's probably not, but for my fic's sake, pretend it is. And all the names, Maureen, Roger, Mimi, Mark, all taken from Rent. None of it's mine. NONE OF IT!!! Well, except the actual story, of course.

"Can I help you?" While her look was whorish, to say the least, her voice was an appealing combination of innocence and sex. Underneath all that makeup, she looked about sixteen. She didn't have a barcode, but that didn't mean anything.

"Are you Kismet?"

"Depends," she said, her tone teasing to guard the fact that she was being defensive. "Who wants to know?"

"I'm Donald Lydecker." He actually held his hand out for her to shake, sitting on the stool next to her.

"Well, Donald Lydecker, what can I…do for you?" she inquired suggestively. The thought of being charming and/or provocative to the man who had tortured her as child made the bile rise in the back of her throat. Or at least it would have if she hadn't been in heat. Now it just struck her as totally and utterly bizarre.

"I'm looking for someone." She smirked like she had heard this one before. "A girl, about nineteen, blonde, medium height, slim build. Have you seen anyone who fits this description?"

She opened her hands wide as if to say, 'You're lookin' at her.'

"She has a barcode on the back of her neck."

"…I'm sorry?"

"A tattoo. A barcode, on the back of her neck," he repeated slowly.

She thought hard, or pretended to, her brow furrowed. At last, she shook her head. "I don't know anyone with a tattoo like that. Most people go for hearts and stuff, the usual. What kind of person would get a barcode tattooed on their neck anyway?"

"A very special girl."

You're not kidding.

"Well, what's her name? Maybe someone else knows her."

"She goes by Jondy now, I believe."

She "thought" once more and shook her head again. "Don't know anyone by that name. But if I run into her, I'll be sure to tell her you stopped by."

"Thank you." He stood up and started to walk away.

Struck by inspiration, she called his name. He turned around. "If you need anything else," she stressed 'anything', "I'll be here."

He smiled in that quirky way of his and nodded before walking out.

She highly doubted that he would believe anyone who would flirt with him and tell him to come back in the same breath could be one of his kids. At least, she hoped so. Her life was depending on it.

She didn't believe for a second that Lydecker bought her act, and even if he did, she still had to be careful. He probably already had her apartment bugged by now, not to mention any number of places in the bar. From now on, everything had to be censored. What she did, what she said, who she talked to. She could only be thankful that she had had her barcode removed a few days ago.

She realized Lou had said something. "What?"

"I said, do ya know that guy?"

"No, but I don't need a dead sheep to prove that I've just met a wolf."

Lydecker's visit had spurred memories she wanted forget. Children marching down corridors … long sleepless nights … Max. The only one who understood, who could understand, complete and total insomnia. Confidants and best friends, they were only apart when something, or someone, forced them to split up.

Jondy had felt nothing but guilt since the escape. She had left Max, beneath the ice, to fend for herself, while she had worried only about her own survival. She didn't even know if Max was still alive, let alone where she was. If Zack knew, he didn't tell her. One more thing to hassle him about when she saw him again.

But on to more important matters. How did Lydecker find her? Did he know who she was? Would she go back to her apartment, only to find herself surrounded by tac teams? Well, that may have been stretching it a little, but she had been raised to believe that you could never be too careful, that there was no such thing as luck or coincidence, and that hope was for suckers. It was hard to forget childhood lessons that had been drilled incessantly into her brain.

She didn't try to forget. She wanted to forget, but she didn't waste time trying. Suppressed memories only come back all the more stronger when they do surface. Just accept them, take them for what they're worth, and move on.

Right.

~

The heart may freeze or it can burn

The pain will ease if I can learn

There is no future

There is no past

I live this moment as my last

There's only us

There's only this

Forget regret

Or life is yours to miss

No other road

No other way

No day but today

~

~*~

Jondy stopped at a payphone, leaving her motorcycle standing. Surveying the area, she dialed the contact number.

As soon as she heard the beep, she spoke, her voice deceptively rueful and harmless. "Oh, I'm sorry, I have the wrong number." She hung up.

Saying she had the wrong number was their code for saying she was in trouble. After she hung up, she dialed a random number, waited a few seconds as if she were actually waiting for someone to pick up the phone, then hung up again. If anyone was following her, she didn't want them to hit redial and have a chance at a hat trick. She got back on her bike and zoomed towards her apartment, leaving a path of burning asphalt in her wake.

When she got to her apartment building, she dismounted, leaving her precious bike covered by verdant (and completely fake) foliage. She crept into the surrounding shadows, evaluating the area and possible defense facilities simultaneously. As she admired the black, obviously military, SUVs in the parking lot, someone covered her mouth and pulled her further into the dark. The feel of a male body against hers was almost too much. 'Soldier, pull yourself together!' she commanded herself.

As soon as Zack let go, she turned around and kissed him hard, then crouched in the shadows next to him. He looked surprised, all right, but she was too frustrated to enjoy it. "Shit." Then, on second thought, she asked, "How did you get here so fast?"

"I was in the area," he answered without looking at her.

'In the area my ass,' she thought to herself. 'He was waiting for me.'

"There's about twenty troops inside, in or around your apartment."

"About?" she asked, raising her eyebrows slightly. Zack getting an approximate number was like eating cereal for breakfast.

"Some might have come in from the back. I can't be in two places at once."

She made a face at his reproachful tone. "Could've fooled me."

"Should we take them on or do you just want to leave?"

She looked at him with alarm, her face seriously concerned. "Zack, you just asked me for my opinion. My advice. Are you feeling okay?"

He shook his head. "I'm serious, Jondy."

"As am I."

"Is there anything in your apartment that could give you away?"

"A big sign that says, 'Manticore Sucks!', but that's about it." She held her hands up in a sign of surrender as Zack turned his infamous frosty glare on her.

She thought for a moment. "A bottle of tryptophan," she said finally. "But I keep with other vitamins so there won't be any suspicion. Other than that, just clothes and food. Which I can always get more of. Speaking of which, if I'm really desperate, I can just go back to the bar and get the clothes I left there. I was totally working the black leather and lace thing."

Zack groaned. "Jondy…"

"Zack." She stood up and dusted herself off. "Okay, okay, I'm leaving." She sneaked a glance around the corner and was just about to leave when Zack pulled her to him and kissed her, holding her tight. When he finally let her go, she smiled up at him impishly. "Mm. I should get into trouble more often."

"Don't even think about it."

She just smiled at him and pulled her blue-tinted goggles back over her eyes. "Catch ya later."

She crept back to her motorcycle and turned the ignition on quietly. She wheeled the bike onto the sidewalk before jumping on and roaring off into the night. A few moments later, she heard a second motorcycle pulling up beside her. She turned to flash a grin at Zack before putting on some speed. It was only a matter of time before they were seriously burning some rubber. Jondy let out a whoop as the numbers on the speedometer rose up, up, up. Riding her baby was almost as good as sex.

A few seconds later, though, she signaled for Zack to pull over. "What is it?" he asked, nearly panting with exertion and exhilaration. They both loved it, the way their pulses quickened and their heartbeats accelerated with the speed. And she wasn't sure that Zack could say the same, but she loved the way the wind whipped her hair around her face, making her feel free and wild at the same time. It was a great stimulator as well as relaxant.

"There's a sector checkpoint up ahead," she explained, nodding up the road. "Do you want to be a good little soldier or blast through?"

"Blast through," they said together. Simultaneously, they stepped on the accelerator and raced towards the checkpoint.

It wasn't until they were a good five miles away that Jondy dared to ease up on the pedal. Eventually, they sped past a battered sign that read "Welcome to Sausalito." Further up the road, Jondy noticed a run-down motel. She looked at Zack for affirmation, who nodded. As they got off their bikes, she said, "Let me do the talking, okay?"

He looked at her. "Why?"

"No offense, but whenever you open your mouth, you have the tendency to piss people off."

He opened his mouth to object, then closed it.

Jondy grinned. "I knew you'd see things my way."

As they walked in, she slipped an arm around his waist. He glanced at her, but she wasn't looking at him. She approached the desk, a ready smile on her face.

"Hi. We were wondering if you had any rooms available, preferably one where we won't be…" She glanced sidelong at Zack. "…disturbed." She smirked meaningfully.

The receptionist, a woman not yet out of her prime, winked at her knowingly. "Of course."

She scanned the logbook. "Room 246 is available."

"How many beds?" Jondy inquired.

"One twin."

"Oh, that'll be just fine," Jondy assured her. For effect, she pinched Zack's butt. She nearly laughed out loud at the expression on his face when she did that. He must have jumped a mile. It was priceless.

After Jondy had illegibly scrawled out the paperwork and gotten the key, they took the elevator to their room. "How did you do that?" Zack wanted to know. "No questions, no nothing."

"Oh, you know." With exaggerated nonchalance, Jondy brushed her fingernails on her jacket and blew on them. "It's a girl thing."

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out. They walked down the hall in companionable silence, each thinking their own thoughts, before Jondy stopped before a door. "This one." She inserted the key and turned it, having to push against the door with her shoulder before it opened.

She surveyed the room with disappointment. For the money she wasn't going to pay, it was pretty shoddy. One bed, as promised, a chair, and a table that had a Bible on it. There were two doors along the wall, one Jondy assumed was the bathroom while the other must have been a closet or something.

She turned to Zack as he stood besides her, scrutinizing the room as well. With shock, she realized how exhausted he looked. Stubble grazed his face, making him look dirty and unkempt. As if on cue, he rubbed his eyes tiredly. Guess that top-secret CO stuff was really wearing him out. Had it been anyone else, she would have asked if he wanted to talk about it. But it wasn't anyone else, it was Zack, and he wasn't going to tell her anything.

Jondy glanced out the window. The sun had worked its way past the horizon line and was now beginning to ascend into the sky. Knowing that, unlike her, Zack needed sleep, she suggested, "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll get some food and stuff. Is there anything you need while I'm out?"

"A razor, if you can manage it."

She smiled. "I think I can handle that." She hesitated, then kissed him on the cheek.

Before Zack could say anything, she was gone.

~*~

"Honey, I'm home!" Jondy called out in a stage-whisper as she opened the door and tiptoed in, her feet silent on the wooden floor. A smile touched her lips as she walked across the room, setting the bags on the table. She looked around for Zack; the bed, though obviously slept in, was empty, and the bathroom door was shut.

"Zack, you in there?" she called.

No answer.

"Zack!"

She walked over and rapped on the door impatiently. Still no answer.

She tried the doorknob. Locked. "Zack, I'm coming in," she informed him before kicking the door open.

Zack was huddled in the corner, the color drained from his face, shaking violently. Jondy took one look at him and walked back out. A few seconds later, she returned, carrying a bottle of tryptophan. Taking the cap off, she kneeled next to him and held the bottle to his lips. As his shivers started to subside, she put a comforting arm around his shoulders. She didn't say anything; she knew how much it embarrassed him to have others see him like this.

Finally, once the seizure was over, he spoke. "I'm okay."

"You sure?"

He nodded, not meeting her eyes.

'Male pride always gets in the way of good communication,' Jondy thought ruefully. She got up and Zack followed suit. She turned to go.

"Jondy?"

She turned to face him.

"Thanks."

She smiled and gave him a hug, which he returned. She was really starting to work her make-love-not-war influence on him.

"Now," she said, "how about some breakfast?"

As they sat companionably at the table, scarfing Chinese food like it was their last meal, Zack asked, "Do you always eat this for breakfast?"

"No," she replied, looking at him. "Sometimes I eat Thai."

She met his look straight-faced. There was a pause of about five seconds before they started laughing.

If only it hadn't been true.

"Why do you ask?" she inquired once they went back to devouring the chow mein. "Worried about my calorie intake?"

He looked at her, a smile tugging at the edge of his lips. "Something like that."

"Well, I could get McDonald's instead if that would make you feel better," she offered. He smiled at her before going back to making serious eye contact with his food.

He has a nice smile, she realized.

"You should smile more, Zack."

He stopped, the fork halfway to his mouth.

"I think you take life too seriously. You should get out more. How about we go clubbin' tonight?" she suggested, her eyes sparkling.

Her mouth was moving faster than her head. Again.

"It's too dangerous!" Apparently his was, too.

"What, you think Lydecker's going to be looking for us at clubs? Wow, Zack, you do need to get out more," she teased.

He turned red and looked down.

"Zack, you're looking at your chow mein more than me. I'm starting to get jealous."

He looked at her. "What do you want, Jondy?"

"I want you to go out with me. Hit the clubs. This whole 'staying at home alone' thing really isn't healthy," she added, touching his arm.

"You're serious."

"Extremely."

"I… Jondy… I…"

She waited patiently.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

He didn't answer.

"That's what I thought. Tonight, eight o'clock." She glanced down at herself. She was wearing her black leather jacket, a grey muscle tank that showed her bellybutton, and black pants. "Damn, I really should have gotten my stuff from the bar. These are not good clubbing clothes. Oh well."

Zack gave her a look before going back to his chow mein.

~
What's the time?

Well it's gotta be close to midnight

My body's talking to me

It says 'Time for danger'

It says 'I wanna commit a crime

Wanna be the cause of a fight

Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt

With a stranger'

I've had a knack from way back

At breaking the rules once I learn the games

Get up - life's too quick

I know someplace sick

Where this chick'll dance in the flames

We don't need any money

I always get in for free

You can get in, too

If you get in with me

Let's go out tonight

I have to go out tonight

You wanna play?

Let's run away

We won't be back before it's Christmas Day

Take me out tonight (meow)

~

~*~

"Remind me why I'm doing this again," Zack muttered as they walked in.

"Because you're a good person and I love you," she joked lightly. He looked at her as she checked out the scene. She could feel his eyes on her, but she kept her eyes focused on some indeterminable subject in the distance. Dammit. Her heat had been lying dormant, but now it was back in full swing. Jondy hated when it tricked her into thinking she was home free.

"Hey, babe, wanna dance?" a guy asked.

She looked at him, then glanced at Zack. It took all her effort to say: "No, thanks."

The guy looked at Zack, too. "Don't let this prick keep you from having a…good time." He made an obscene gesture, which apparently Zack took offensively because he started to move forward in a very threatening way. Or maybe it was being called a prick. Jondy didn't know, but she wasn't really sure it mattered.

Jondy stopped him. "Maybe some other time."

"How about now?" The guy grabbed her arm. Instinctively, she flipped him over her shoulder. He lay on the floor, groaning.

"Like I said, maybe some other time."

She walked past him without a second glance, Zack close behind. She took a seat in a dark, secluded booth. Old habits die hard. Zack slid in across from her. Shame she had to put the moves on that guy, she was thinking, he was kinda cute. She realized Zack said something.

"Hm?"

"I said, does that happen a lot?"

She shrugged. "Enough."

They sat like that for a few minutes, just taking it all in. Just then, a peroxide-blonde girl, who obviously hadn't finished dressing before she came, walked up to the booth. "Hey, wanna dance?" (It was a pretty common pick-up line, in case you couldn't tell.)

It was with some shock that Zack registered that she was talking to him. He looked at Jondy for help, but she just grinned.

The girl followed his gaze. "Oh, I'm sorry!" she apologized to Jondy. "I didn't see you there."

"No, it's okay," Jondy assured her, trying not to laugh. "I don't mind. Really. Go ahead, have a good time. Mind if I just talk to him for a sec?"

"Not at all." The girl obviously thought Jondy was going to give him a 'don't get too friendly' lecture. How wrong she was.

"Okay, listen," she began once the girl had walked away, "people are going to flirt with you. It's just a fact of life. We won't even mention the fact that you're genetically engineered to be cute. So I want you to go out there and at least pretend to have a good time." As he stood up – Jondy was sure he was mentally thanking her for the little pep talk – she added, "Work on your social skills while you're at it; they could use a little brushing up. And for goodness' sake, smile. You don't have to look perpetually sullen all the time."

Jondy watched him walk away, a devious smirk on her face. He had the cutest walk. Anyone who watched him walk (and she hoped she was the only one) would definitely not guess that he had near-perfect balance. He also had this adorable way of tilting not just his head, but his whole body, to the side while he was talking, as if he was taller than everyone else so he had to bend down to be on eye level with them. Coupled with that whole tough he-man thing…

"Excuse me."

Jondy looked at the speaker. Tall, dark, and handsome. Meow.

"Would you like to dance?"

Ooh, a come-on that didn't involve the word "wanna." She was intrigued.

"Sure."

She followed him out onto the dance floor. As they danced, she listened to the song. It was one of those old rock songs from about twenty years ago.

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

No silent prayer for the faith-departed

I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice

When I shout it out loud

The guy was a good dancer, whoever he was. She couldn't even begin to count the number of times guys had stepped on her feet.

"By the way," he said as he spun her around, "I'm Roger."

"I'm…Mimi," she replied. She had to admit, she was quite impressed. First, he used a (relatively) original pick-up line, now he was telling her his name. What next? Phone numbers, maybe? Hell, the way Jondy was feeling, she'd be happy to skip right to the bedroom scene.

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

~*~

Roger had been watching her ever since she had walked in. But seeing her flip a guy over her shoulder, not to mention that bad-ass guy she was with, was more than little intimidating. But just look at her. She was beautiful. Natural, too. Most women Roger knew looked like shit without makeup on. Actually, most of them looked like shit with makeup on.

He was surprised when she accepted his offer to dance. He had been a little apprehensive that she was going to break a vital body part. But she just looked at him with her beautiful blue grey eyes and said, "Sure." At that moment, he felt as though that may have been the most singularly fantastic word in the English dictionary. And now they were dancing.

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Before they knew it, the song ended and they were left frozen where they were standing. His arm was around her waist, Mimi's beautiful, soft, kissable lips precious inches away from his. Her eyes, now blue-green, were open wide, a questioning look in them. He leaned towards her… Suddenly, she pulled away from him and turned around.

~*~

She was having a perfectly good time, more than a perfectly good time, when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around. What now?

It was Zack. The bubbly (fake) blonde was tagging along, too. Two's company, three's a crowd, but four is just too damn much.

"Hey."

"Yeah." He better have a damn good reason for doing this.

"Hi!" the blonde chipped in.

"Um, yeah, hi."

"Oh, this is Maureen. Maureen, this is…"

"Mimi."

"Hi!"

"We've been there." More than Maureen's cheerfulness, she was looking at Jondy in a way that was a little too…friendly.

She is kinda cute – Ugh, what am I doing?! Damn heat. Like getting turned on every time I see a guy with a pulse isn't bad enough, I have to get turned on every time a girl looks at me the wrong way. Or the right way, I should say – Stop it!

It wasn't that she had anything against lesbians; she just wasn't one.

"This is Roger. Roger, this is…"

"Mark."

Will Zack ever choose an alias with more than one syllable? Nah.

"Do you want to dance?"

She looked at him, tilting her head to the side, asking silently, 'Is Maureen really that bad?'

'Worse.'

"Sure," she said out loud. She turned to Roger. "Sorry, but I'm kinda obligated to dance with him since I dragged him here."

"It's all right. I'll see you later?" He made it a question.

"Yeah," she replied with a smile.

Zack practically hauled her to the other side of the floor. Whether it was to get away from Maureen or to get her away from Roger, she wasn't sure. As they got there, the catchy tune that was playing ended and a slow song began.

"Oh God," they both thought.

I want to move in time with you
I want to breathe in rhyme with you
I want to feel the deepest kiss
And I want to know you feel like this

Finally, Jondy looked up at him. "So, are we dancing or not? I mean, if you don't want to, I'm sure I could find someone else…"

Zack put his arms around her waist, careful not to violate any "don't go there" rules Jondy might have had. Which she didn't. She adjusted his hands, then smiled at him. "There, that's better." She took a step closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

For this one time, one time
Let my body do what it feels
For just this one time, one time
Let this fantasy become real
Because I am not afraid to let you see this side of me

I want to feel your hand in mine
And I want to feel that rush in my spine
I want to wear the scent of you
And do all the things you want me to

Jondy laid her head on his shoulder, relaxing as the music swept over her. But relaxing meant letting her guard down. And letting her guard down meant letting her heat take over. Not a good idea, but it was too late. She moved closer to Zack, pressing her body against his. She felt, rather than saw, him turn his head towards her. "Jondy?"

"Mimi," she corrected softly, running her hands down his back. Being in heat made her senses all disoriented. Things came to her as sights and sounds and colors, not as a complete idea. A sharp intake of breath. Zack. She nuzzled his neck, loving the smell of him. Now another scent was added to his usual leather and spice. She didn't know what it was, but it was really turning her on.

Oh, God. What was she doing?

~*~

I feel the danger, the separation
I want to take your invitation
This separation it's all around
I need this side of me

Dancing was not a lesson they had had back at Manticore. Jondy sighed and shifted in his arms. But instead of pulling back like he had expected, she moved closer to him until their bodies were melded together. Her closeness was making any attempt to think logically completely futile. Not that he really wanted to.

I want to move in time with you
I want to breathe in rhyme with you
I want to stitch my clothes in sin
And in the dark
I want to find that door and go within

He could smell her shampoo from here. Peppermint, and something floral. Or maybe it was perfume. Whatever it was, it smelled good… What hell was he doing? Just because pheromones were making him act stupid, that was no reason for him to get carried away like this. None of it was real, and all it was good for was getting you killed.

She rubbed her nose against his neck, sending a tingly feeling straight to his – He pulled away from her and walked away without saying a word.

~*~

He left her alone on the floor. Amidst all the people, all the happy couples, she had never felt so isolated. But before she had any chance to wonder about his strange behavior, someone touched her shoulder. She spun around, all defenses going up.

It was Roger. When she saw him, her hands lowered and a slow, almost feral smile spread across her face. Here she was, a damsel in distress just begging to get laid, and her white knight appears. How…convenient.

She moved closer to him, wondering if he was up to the challenge, and idly entwined her fingers with his. If he was saying something, she wasn't listening. Instead, her lips next to his ear, she asked her own question: "Your place or mine?"