When there were no more tears to cry and his leg hurt so badly he could barely stand, Spike pried himself from his Grandsire's grip and slumped back into the chair. Angel walked over to the bed and looked down at the sleeping girl, his hands on the rail.
"At least she's resting," Angel noted.
"I think they gave her a sedative."
Angel nodded. "How badly was she hurt?"
"Not too bad. Couple of shallow slashes on her belly. They sewed her right up. She'll prolly go home tomorrow."
"That's good."
"I'm goin' with her. Gonna live there from now on. Already moved my stuff into the basement. Thought it'd be better"
Angel gave a grunt of agreement and turned to face his Grandchilde. "Do you need anything from me?"
Spike raised blue eyes to his Grandsire, his face open and honest. "Yeah. I need to you ta work your magic. Make me goin' home with her all legal-like."
"You want guardianship?"
Spike nodded. "Somethin' like that. I'll share it with the Watcher or her bloody wanker of a father, but I want a say, all dotted and signed. Staff here already thinks I'm her brother from a previous marriage. You make it look good so no one thinks twice. You got connections I don't."
Angel pursed his lips. "I'll do my best."
"Good. Thanks."
Angel bowed his head and looked down. "I'll stay through the until after the"
He stopped. He couldn't bring himself to say it. Spike understood nonetheless.
"Yeah. Thanks. Lil' Bit'll be happy to know that. She always liked you."
Angel chuckled. "No, she always treated me like an alien. It was you she liked. She couldn't stop talking about you after you came back. When you wanted Willow to do that love spell so you could get Dru back. Wanted to know all about you. Thought you were so cool"
He didn't finish, suddenly realizing that the memory he had wasn't real at all, but a construction of images conjured up by the monks who had created Dawn. None of it had really happened, and yet he could remember it so clearly.
"Mojo stuff's always wacky, Angel. You should know that. After Darla was mojoed back from the dead, you'da thought you'd be used to it by now," Spike said, as always using his uncanny and unique talent of knowing exactly what was going on inside someone's head. In the beginning Angel had thought his Grandchilde was psychic or at least a mind reader, but years of knowing the other vampire had taught him that Spike was just incredibly perceptive and insightful.
He took a deep breath. "Yeah." Then he voiced the unspeakable. "Too bad there's no foolproof spell to bring Buffy back."
"Foolproof being the operative word there, mate. You know those spells are bad news. Lil' Bit tried it when her mum died. Thank God she had the brains enough to stop it. If I'd known she actually go through with it, I never would've helped her as much as I did. Got to beat up a Ghora demon though" Spike answered.
"I know. I know there's no spell to bring Buffy back"
"But that doesn't mean you don't wish there was. Join the club."
Angel nodded. "I meant what I said. I'm proud of you. You've changed a great deal since we last met."
"Yeah, well, gettin' wired for sound had a lot ta do with that."
"Maybe. But you were always different from the rest of us. Sometimes I wondered if you'd kept your soul after you Turned. You had such capacity to feel, to love. You always did. For a while I thought you had Turned wrong, but in time I came to understand that you simply were that way, that much of William had survived inside of you."
Spike growled. "William was a bloody nancyboy pillock."
"William was a gentleman; a man of honor. A man who would keep his promise to a lady at all costs."
Spike snorted but said nothing as Angel continued. "William lives in you, Spike. He's made you what you are. And if that chip in your head has allowed him the opportunity to show himself more often, then I'm grateful."
"Grateful? Oh please! Now I know you've completely lost it. The only thing this bloody chip has brought me is misery. I wish they'd've just killed me and gotten it over with. As it is I'm dying a slow and painful death. Can't kill. Can't be what I am. Hunted by humans and demons alike, hated. Stuck drinking bagged blood and relying on charity" Spike complained.
"Able to be there when she needed you. Able to help her when she needed help. Able to fight by her side and protect her sister. Able to earn her forgiveness and love," Angel corrected.
"She never loved me!"
"That's not what Willow told me. I think, in the end, she was starting to see you as something other than her hated enemy. And you. I think you've always loved her, even before you were chipped. You had many opportunities to kill Buffy, but you never took them. I'd wondered then, but now it's very clear to me. You never lost your ability to love. For a long time I thought it was your greatest weakness, but inside I envied you. You still knew what it felt like"
"Stop!" Spike shouted a little too loudly, then drew a deep, shaky breath. "Look. I can't I can't do this right now. I can't get into this with you. I'm hurting, and grieving, and at my wits end. It's all I can do to keep myself together and do what needs done. I gotta look after Dawn. I gotta see her through this. Everything else takes a backseat to that. You just do what I need you to do for me, and we'll come back to this subject when I'm not a pathetic wreck. Okay?"
Hearing everything his Grandchilde was saying, spoken and unspoken, Angel backed down. "Okay."
He pushed himself away from the rail of Dawn's hospital bed and moved to put a hand on Spike's shoulder. The younger vampire looked up at him, the open and honest look back on his youthful face. The look touched the tenderness in him. On some level, it always had.
"You should get some more rest. Your leg's not healed yet, I can tell. Rest and blood will help. Do you?" He touched his sleeve, rolling the cuff up a bit.
Spike blinked a couple of times before shaking his head.
"Are you sure?" Angel pressed. "It would help"
"I'm sure. Not here. But maybe later. When Lil' Bit and I are back home. Maybe then."
Angel rolled his sleeve back down. "Okay. I I'm gonna go now. I haven't been down"
Spike nodded, the grief hitting him hard in the gut as he thought of Buffy's body down in the morgue. "Yeah. Thanks for coming."
Angel moved to leave. "If you need me"
"I know where to find you. Yeah, right. Thanks."
With a final nod and pat, Angel bowed his head and walked out of the hospital room. After he was gone, Spike moved closer to Dawn's bed, reaching for her hand and holding it, resting his forehead against the side of the mattress. He let himself cry for just a little while before pulling himself back together. Tonight was for grieving but tomorrow was just the beginning of all that was to come. Tomorrow he would have to be strong. Tomorrow he would have to live and take care of Dawn.
