A heavy book landed on the bed in front of her, and Willow's head shot up in alarm. She and Tara were watching Dawn while Spike patrolled, but since they had some things to do at home they were watching her at their apartment.

"Dawn!" Willow said with concern.

"Make her out of me," the teen demanded, pointing to the book. It was a book of high level spells.

"W-what?"

"Those monks, they made me out of Buffy. My blood and hers is the same, that's how come she could close the portal instead of me. So if they made me out of Buffy, you can make Buffy out of me."

"Dawn, even if we knew what type of spell the monks used, we wouldn't have any hope of repeating it," Tara tried to explain. "What they did it's never been done before and we have no idea how they did it. If we were to even attempt it, there's no telling what could go wrong."

"Right, and and we might be able to make her body but there'd be no guarantee that it would have a a soul," Willow added. "We could end up with a dead body, or a zombie or or worse."

"But I want Buffy back! I need her! Spike needs her!" Dawn insisted, starting to cry.

"Oh honey, we all miss her," Willow soothed, moving to hug the crying teen. "But sometimes people die and we miss them"

"But but"

"Shhh, baby. It's okay. Just cry. We're here," Willow murmured, rocking Dawn.

"I'll call Spike," Tara whispered in her lover's ear. Since Buffy's death and the subsequent custody battles over Dawn, Spike carried a cell phone with him at all times.

Willow gave a nod and hugged Dawn closer while Tara made the call. Spike arrived ten minutes later. The look on his face said all that needed to be said as he took in the scene of his charge weeping in Willow's arms.

"Oh, Nibblet" he breathed as he went to her.

She released Willow and threw herself into the vampire's embrace. At Spike's askance glance, Willow explained.

"She wanted us to use her blood to bring Buffy back."

The vampire's eyes clouded and he pushed Dawn far enough away to look in her eyes.

"Is that true?"

Dawn nodded. "The monks made me out of Buffy. Why can't they make Buffy out of me?"

"It doesn't work that way, Nibblet and you know it. Now I'll have no more talk of this to Willow or anyone else for that matter. Big Sis is gone and as much as it's left a gaping wound in my heart and soul, and in everybody else who loved her, no amount of wishing or mojo is going to bring her back. Not in any form you'd want or recognize at the very least," Spike scolded sternly, giving Dawn a little shake.

Dawn slapped Spike's hands away angrily. "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my father."

"I'm the closest thing you've got to one and I'll be whatever I need to be in order to protect you. Including disciplinarian," he warned, hurt and angered at her accusing tone.

"Are you threatening me?" she demanded insolently.

"I'm making you a promise. You do anything that puts you in danger or conjure up a brainless revenant that looks like your sister, I will personally paddle your bare bum in front of an audience," Spike seethed.

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would. I'd do it in a heartbeat," he snapped, then softened a bit. "Do you have any idea what it would do to me if you were to mojo Buffy back from the dead and it went wrong? What it would do to the rest of us? We'd have to kill her. We'd have to kill the thing that looked like her. It'd destroy us all over again. It'd destroy me," he tried to explain.

"I don't care! You don't have feelings! You're a soulless, evil demon who never loved her!" Dawn screamed.

"Dawn, no" Willow said, seeing the devastated look pass over Spike's face.

"No! Don't touch me! I hate you! I hate all of you!"

With that she ran out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her. Willow grabbed for her coat.

"I'll go after her."

"No," Spike managed, his shoulders slumped, his head hung. "Let her go. She needs to run this off and cry it out. I'll give her a few then follow. She'll probably run home after a bit anyway, once she calms down."

"Or to the graveyard," Tara offered.

"She'd be safe there. None of my kind would dare to touch her. They know I'd kill anyone who hurt her or sullied Buffy's grave."

Willow put a hand on Spike's shoulder. "You know she didn't mean it. What she said."

The vampire looked at her, his eyes red-rimmed and heartbroken. "I know. But that doesn't make it any easier."

"I'll call Giles and Xander; let them know what's going on in case she runs to either of them."

Spike gave a ragged nod then wiped his face. "Right then. She's got a bit of head start, but I'll catch up."

"She wants you to chase her?" Willow asked.

"Course she does. Wants me to go running after her all pissed off and Big Bad, threatenin' her with bodily harm. Then she can have a knock down, drag out, screaming fight with me that'll end with her crying herself silly and me on the couch with a bleedin' migraine," Spike spat bitterly. "Teenagers. Bloody hormone bombs." He sighed and straightened his shoulders. "Right then. Once more unto the brink."

He gave them each a nod then walked out, bent on finding Dawn.

Dawn didn't run home. Instead she ran to the Magic Shop, knowing it would be empty. Since the night she and Spike had broken into the store, she had learned where Giles kept his spare key and she was able to enter without having to pick the lock. She wasn't really sure what she was looking for but she figured she'd know when she found it. Lighting only two candles so as not to attract attention, she poured over the spell books. She knew she wasn't looking for a resurrection spell, but she had an idea of the kind of spell she wanted. She just hoped she would find it quickly.

"If only I could remember what the monks did before they made me human. I'm sure I was there, just not conscious"

An idea formed in her head and she grabbed for a spellbook she had already discarded, looking for a memory spell that she had seen in passing. When she found it, she quickly looked up the ingredients and gathered them, shoving everything into her book bag. She'd have to wait until she knew she was alone before casting it, which probably meant skipping school. It'd be tricky, but she could do it, and no one would be the wiser as long as she was there when Giles came to pick her up.

Leaving the Magic Shop, she locked it up tight and put the key back in its hiding place. Hopefully no one would even notice that anyone had been there. Then she ran until she got to one of the streets that led home and walked slowly along it. She knew Spike would be out looking for her and she wanted to be where he could find her. She needed to make up with him and smooth the waters. If she was going to pull this off, she would need his benign cooperation and she wouldn't get that from him if they were fighting. The key to the success of her mission was to placate him enough so that he did not suspect what she was doing. He'd be galled to know she'd learned that particular tactic from him, but it would suit her purpose.

Sure enough, she'd been walking barely five minutes when the DeSoto pulled up alongside her and stopped. She raised her eyes to meet his, flinching inwardly at his cold gaze. She'd hurt him; she knew it, with her hateful words. He hadn't deserved them. She knew he'd loved her sister. It hadn't been right to attack him the way that she did; she'd just been so angry

He didn't say a word, but his look spoke volumes. Spike could convey a whole host of messages without uttering a single syllable, and she heard him loud and clear. Lowering her gaze, she walked around the front of the car and got in the passenger side. He waited until she was buckled in before putting the car into gear and driving them home.

The trip was completed in silence, and in silence they entered the house. She went upstairs to drop her book bag in her bedroom, then returned to the lower level where she found Spike boiling water in the kitchen with Annie under the table looking hopeful. Two mugs sat on the counter along with the cocoa mix, and she had to suppress a smile. Spike always drank cocoa when he was upset and needed comforting. He had a particular weakness for the Marshmallow Lovers brand; that and whipped cream. They'd gone through cases of the stuff during the first month after Buffy's death. She sat down at the table and waited, and he kept his back to her until the kettle boiled. Then he brought it around to the counter and filled the two mugs, giving each a quick stir with a spoon. Coming to sit beside her, he placed one mug in front of her and wrapped his hands around the other, staring down at the little white sugar puffs floating on the surface.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice sounding too loud in the uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah," he answered.

"I just really miss her, y'know?"

"I know."

"I know you loved her. I didn't mean what I said."

"You're not the first person to think that," Spike admitted with a shrug.

"But I know it's not true."

There was a moment of silence as they drank their hot chocolate, then Spike spoke softly.

"Do ya think I wouldn't give anything ta have her back?" he asked. "I loved her. One more woman in the list of those I've loved who couldn't or wouldn't love me back. I'm a glutton for punishment, always reaching for the unattainable goal. But I wouldn't care if she never loved me. Any relationship we could have had would have been disastrous. I mean, think of it. A vampire and a Slayer?"

"She and Angel did it," Dawn pointed out.

"Angel's different. Angel's got a soul."

"You've got a Chip."

He laughed bitterly. "As Buffy would say that just makes me a serial killer just waiting to get out of prison."

"Angel without a soul did horrible things. Even without a soul, you've never done the stuff that he did."

"Oh I've done some pretty terrible things in my time, pet."

"Like torturing your victims with railroad spikes?"

He gave her a sheepish smile. "I did that once. I was newly Turned and I had some scores to settle."

"So you did it for revenge."

Spike nodded. "Yeah. After that, I was never much for mind games. I'm a straightforward kinda guy. If I'm gonna kill you, I kill you. I don't play with you or send you soddin' presents. I get it over with right quick. I may be brutal. I might like violence. But I've no stomach for torture. It's a bloody waste of time if you ask me."

Dawn took a sip of her cocoa.

"I remember when you came to help Buffy defeat Angel and she invited you in. You sat in the living room with Mom and I, and you were a perfect gentleman. And afterwards, when you could have come in at any time and killed us all in our beds, you never did," she said thoughtfully.

"Had no quarrel with you or your mum. Sides, I liked the both of you. You had stones. First time we ever met, your mum whacked me over the head with an axe."

Dawn giggled. "I remember. That was at Parent-Teacher night."

Spike knocked back the last of his cocoa and swallowed. "My first failed attempt to kill the Slayer." His voice grew wistful and his eyes looked far away. "I remember the first time ever saw Buffy. She was dancing at the Bronze. Cor, she was beautiful. Most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. And I wanted her."

"You wanted to kill her."

"Yeah. Wanted to fight her, feel her struggling beneath me. Taste her blood" He stopped himself because he was getting worked up. He always got worked up whenever he remembered their Dance. The memory of her was fresh, vivid; the scent of her, the feel of her blows, the sound of her ragged breathing

"But even when you had the chance to kill her, you didn't."

"More like couldn't. Dru knew. She knew before I did that I'd fallen for the Slayer. She tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. At the same time, I couldn't stay away, kept comin' back here to SunnyHell. Bloody moth to a flame," he answered, playing with the empty mug.

"And then you got Chipped and started helping her."

Spike nodded. "Didn't plan it that way."

"I know. When did you know? That you loved her, I mean."

"I'd started to suspect even before Soldier Boy left. Back then I thought I was just obsessed. Then Captain Cardboard just up and left her, after cheating on her with some two-bit vampire whores. I mean, how could he leave her like that? He had her, y'know? He had everything I could never have and he soddin' up and left! What a stupid git!"

Dawn laughed. "I never liked him much either."

He gave her a sly smile. "Yeah, well, I always hated him. Woulda made him into dinner if I hadn't had this bleedin' Chip in my head. Coulda done it too. In that warehouse with the vampire trollops. They woulda thought he'd gotten killed by one of em and no one woulda been the wiser. God I wanted to snap his neck. Especially after he left and I saw how much it hurt her. I really wanted to kill him then. If I'da had any good contacts in Belize, I woulda arranged for him to have a little accident' if you know what I mean."

He paused to let her react to that, and she nodded.

"So, here I was, a vampire with the hots for the Slayer. When did I know it was something more than obsession, sexual attraction, a bloody Death Wish? When her pain started becoming my pain. When I wanted to be the one to comfort her and make her happy again. When her safety began to outrank my own. When a simple gesture of approval from her made my soulless heart take flight. When my dreams of her turned to tenderness. When I started caring what she thought of me. Then I knew, and by then I was too late to stop it. I'd already fallen and fallen hard. All that was left was to pick up the pieces." He gave her a broken look, his eyes brimmed with tears. "I just didn't know how many pieces there'd be."

He dropped his eyes and sighed. Dawn reached over and took his hand, squeezing.

"Now I'm all in pieces, so many I dunno if I'll ever find them all, and I know there's always gonna be this big, gaping hole inside of me where she used to be, and that'll never be filled."

Two tears snaked their way out from behind his closed eyes and rolled down his cheeks.

"I haven't seen you cry since the funeral," she whispered.

Spike sniffed and wiped his eyes roughly. "Yeah, well, I don't like ya to see me crying."

"Why?"

"Coz it makes me look like a weak nancy boy, all weepy like the Poof."

"Tears mean you're strong enough to show your feelings," Dawn corrected. "Seeing you cry makes me feel better, because I still cry sometimes and knowing you still cry makes me feel less alone."

"You still cry, pet?"

She nodded. "Sometimes. When you're out on patrol or downstairs and I'm in my room alone. Sometimes I cry."

"I go to her grave to cry. Just sit out there under that tree and bawl like a baby. Praying to whatever god will listen just to make this pain go away." He stopped, his breath catching on a sob. "God I miss her so much."

Dawn wrapped her arms around him as he lowered his head to the table, his shoulders trembling. "I miss her too."

"I loved her so much. I need her so much. I'd give anything to have her back again."

"Me too."

Spike lifted up and faced her, his hand stroking her hair. "But we can't coz there's no safe way. We just gotta be strong and live without her and take care of each other."

Dawn took his hand and pressed her cheek into his palm. "You and me against the world."

Spike laughed through his tears. "I love you, Lil' Bit. And I'm gonna take care of you until the end of the world."

She smiled. "I love you too, Spike."

"Right then. Finish your cocoa, then upstairs with you. It's past your bedtime."

She did as he asked and drained her mug, then she stood, wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.

I'll bring her back for us, Spike. I promise,' she thought to herself.

"Goodnight, Spike."

He gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight, luv."

"Annie," she called as she walked out of the kitchen, and the little dog scurried out after her.

Spike stayed sitting at the table for a few moments longer before gathering up the two dirty mugs and washing them in the sink.