Ten o'clock came and went and still Dawn did not wake. Willow and Tara checked her carefully and determined that there was no need to panic just yet, and that Dawn would probably wake up in the morning. After it was fairly obvious that Dawn wasn't going to be getting up anytime soon, people began taking their leave.

Anya and Xander were the first to go, followed by Willow and Tara. Giles offered to stay the night again, but Buffy assured him that she and Spike would be fine. She was anxious to be alone with him, in fact, but she didn't tell Giles that. She as fairly certain the Watcher knew, however, because he gave her a concerned/fatherly look before going out the door.

"Are you certain you know what you're doing?" he had asked quietly.

"No, but it's okay, Giles. Whatever happens, we'll work it out."

He had leaned close. "We should tell Angel"

She had put up a hand to stop him. "Not yet. Let me get things settled here first. I can't face Angel until I get myself sorted out."

Giles had nodded in understanding, then smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "I know I should be terribly angry with Dawn for what she did, but I"

"But you look at me and you just can't be."

"Exactly."

"Spike said the same thing to me. I think I understand."

"Yes, well. I'll be going. Call me if you need anything."

"I will."

She had watched him as he walked to his car and waited until he had driven away before closing the door. Then she took a deep breath, steeled her resolve and went in search of Spike. He was in the kitchen, washing dishes. The scene was about as surreal as watching him cook breakfast earlier that day, but she stopped to watch him while she got her head in order.

She'd always thought him handsome, in a dangerous, bad-boy kind of way. He was so comfortable with himself and his body, yet he possessed an almost child-like insecurity that he tried to hide behind the Big Bad attitude. She'd seen it though, when he'd let her in, when he'd dropped the mask of indifference and confrontation long enough to show her his feelings. Usually she had taken those rare and tender moments, and stomped all over him. She felt bad about it now. No matter what happened between them, and she had a pretty good idea as to what was going to happen- at least physically- she knew it would be all right. Spike had depths she hadn't even begun to explore, uncharted canyons that lay deep beneath the surface waiting for her to discover them. Part of her was shocked at her desire to discover them, at the almost magnetic attraction that she had been feeling towards him since she had awakened to see him guarding Dawn. The memory was fresh and vivid in her mind, and defined the essence of her change of heart towards him.

He had placed her sister behind him, her prone body almost completely obscured by his crouching form. He'd been like a jungle cat protecting its cub, all strength and sinewy grace, ready to attack at any moment, ready to do whatever needed to be done, ready to protect Dawn with his life. His eyes had been intense, burning, yet full of such desperate heartbreak. It had touched the deepest part of her soul and settled there like a seed waiting to bloom. Then she realized that the seed had been planted long ago, when he had come to them for help and in turn had started helping them. When he had taken Dawn under his wing and guarded her family. When he had given her everything he had and taken the worst beating of his unlife at Glory's hands. When he had stood beside her and fought against gods and demons and himself, and never faltered. When he had kept his promise to her even after her death.

Spike had proved himself time and time again. Yes, they fought. Yes, there was tension and anger and even hatred between them, but the truth was, when the chips were down and all the cards were on the table, there was no doubt as to whose side he was on. Now it was time to acknowledge the gifts he had given and the sacrifices he had made. In the light of all he had done, the small sacrifice of her pride seemed a small and paltry thing.

She approached him quietly, coming to stand directly beside him at the sink. She saw the jolt go through his body as he suppressed the impulse to move away, but did not acknowledge it. Instead she picked up a dishtowel and began drying the washed dishes. They worked in silence until the last fork was dried and put away. Then she draped the damp towel over the dish rack and placed her hand on his forearm. He shuddered at her touch and she felt a pang go through her.

"Spike."

She saw him swallow, saw him close his eyes as his hands curled into fists. He was trembling ever so slightly, and she could feel the tiny quivers of his muscles as he struggled for control.

Very deliberately, she ran her hand up his arm to his shoulder, rubbing along the top and the back of his neck, tsking at the tension she felt there.

"You're all tense."

"Buffy, I"

"Shhhhh," she soothed and coaxed him away from the sink. "Let's go sit down."

Leading him to the living room, she watched him from the corner of her eye. He was wooden, following obediently as if he had no will of his own. In that moment, she knew what she was going to do. She would give herself to him, let him take whatever he needed from her and her body. She had hoped to lead up to it, to make it a slow seduction, but he was too far gone for that. From his earlier statements, she had deduced that he had been completely without for at least three months, and probably longer than that since she hadn't seen any evidence of Harmony since the night Drucilla had returned. The lack of release compiled with her sudden return from the dead had to be driving him insane. She knew what it felt like to be so close to someone she loved and yet not be able to touch him. The fact that Spike hadn't jumped all over her after Giles had left was a testament to his control and willpower. She hoped he would let her reward him for his efforts.

She guided him to the couch and they sat down. He placed himself away from her, his hands pressed between his knees, and she had to smile. His attempts to remain chaste were so endearing, and so unnecessary, but they served to make her decision easier. Seeing him there, his head bowed, his hands clasped nervously between his knees, touched all the tender places in her heart, and she reached out to place her hand on his leg.

"Spike."

He looked at her, his eyes wide and wary, with no small amount of fear in them, and his trembling became more pronounced. She saw him lick his lips.

"Buffy"

She picked up one of his hands and brought it to her face, cupping her cheek into his palm.

"You have my permission to touch me," she encouraged.

The trembling graduated to shivering and she saw his nostrils flare.

"We should probably talk," he tried, and she was impressed by how steady his voice was.

"We should," she agreed. "But I don't want to talk right now, Spike." She took his hand and placed it, palm down, firmly on her breast. "I want to dance."

His eyes cracked and she felt his control snap like a tightly coiled spring, and then he was on her, his lips and hands everywhere at once, his body crushing her to the cushions of the couch as he growled and whimpered.

The first time was quick, but she had expected that. He was too needy and desperate for anything else. Still, even in his frenzy, he didn't hurt her, and even managed to please her. It helped that she was almost as desperate for him as he was for her, and their joining was the fulfillment of an aching need to reconnect. What she hadn't expected were the tears that streamed down his face as he rode her, making her wonder if she was causing him more pain than pleasure, or the harsh, wracking sobs that came afterwards when he clutched her to his chest and wept.

The second time was much, much better. He carried her upstairs and laid her on her bed. Loving her slowly, he mapped her body with his hands and mouth, proving to her that he was the most skilled and considerate lover that she had ever had. He made her body sing with pleasure, and took her to new heights of ecstasy that made her burn for him as she had burned for no other. He quenched her need, giving her everything he had to offer, and pleasuring her completely before taking his own.

Afterwards, sated and blissfully worn out, they cuddled under the blankets, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, his nose in her hair while his whole body vibrated with the purr vampires made when they were content.

"I love you, Buffy," he whispered, licking her ear. "I love you so much."

She shifted and felt him stiffen, as if he was preparing for a blow, and the purr stopped.

"Spike, I"

His fingers covered her lips. "Shhhh, pet. I know."

She took his hand and removed it from her mouth, looking up at him.

"No. Let me finish," she insisted.

Even in the darkness she could see the oh please don't kick me' expression on his face, and it made her smile tenderly at him. She stroked his cheek reassuringly.

"I don't know if I can love you, Spike. At least not the way you love me. Every time I've tried, it's ended badly. But you know that. This this sex thing, this lust thing, it's easy for me. It's the love thing that's hard. But I'm willing to give it another try with you. I can't make any promises that it'll be the way you want it to be, but I can promise to make an effort."

She paused as she felt him relax, settling back down and nuzzling her hair. She made a mental note that scent seemed to be a big trigger with him.

"I'll take whatever you can give me, luv," he sighed.

"You shouldn't have to settle. You deserve someone who can give you all of herself as much as you give all of yourself."

"You already give me everything I need, luv," he assured as the purr started up again.

"What? A good beating and a shag?" she countered, unable to keep all of her irritation out of her voice, but he seemed to know that her ire wasn't really directed at him.

"All that and more, baby," he replied, lifting up to look at her, a cocky smile on his lips. "We're a good match, you and me. Got enough stones for each other, not afraid to piss each other off. I'm strong enough to take all of you even on your worst days, and with no pesky curse loomin' over my head. I got enough darkness inside of me to feed your Bad Boy craving, and enough light to make you not want to kill me."

"I wouldn't say that," she teased.

He chuckled and kissed her, then his face grew serious. "You don't have to hide with me, or lie about your secret life.' We're equals and I know all about you, even the dark parts, so you won't have to hold back when we fight or when we shag. I know your strengths and your weaknesses, and how to use both to their best benefit." His voice grew deep and husky. "And I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. More than Cecily, more than Dru. I adore you. I worship you. You're my sun in the morning and my moon at night. You're my beginning and my ending. You're my everything. You're my whole bloody universe."

"Oh Spike" she breathed as tears welled in her eyes.

"And I can wait until your heart's healed enough to open again. Until you know in your soul that I love you and I will never leave you, that you can trust me with anything and everything until the end of the world. In the meantime, I can love you enough for both of us."

"Spike"

Her answer was cut off as he kissed her and covered her with his body. And soon words were unnecessary and moot as he proved to her that third times really were charms.