When did I fell for the girl that is totally wrong for me? Oh yeah, the moment I walked into class late. There she was, a pen in her hand, scribbling away furiously. She looked up, I remember. The clearest, the brightest blue eyes I ever seen in my life. Not even an object on earth can compare that colour of her eyes. No paint can come close. I've got to get her out of my head. The meaningless dates don't help me get her out of my mind. Just more. The more I date other girls, the more I wish I had Rory. Ironic, eh? The girl I want most, the one I dream of isn't for me, doesn't want me. I feel so different. The feeling for her I have is unknown. It scares me, but I don't want to run away...actually, I want to be closer to the truth. What is that feeling? The money in the world won't help me figure out that feeling of unknown.
Girls look at me, want me, but the one I want, Rory Gilmore doesn't want me, because she has a boyfriend, Dean. What is different about Rory that catches my eye? I don't know! I'm frustrated as hell. I know she's different and unique. She doesn't know she's beautiful, smart, just plain AMAZING! She doesn't notice the stares she gets from other guys because her eyes is on Dean. Few months ago, so long ago I remember the dance. She and Dean were dancing on the floor. She didn't notice I was staring at her. She didn't notice anything. She just noticed DEAN. Her first boyfriend--her first everything.
Do you know, I would give up everything to be her everything? Her first kiss, her first boyfriend. Mostly, her first to give me her trust, her love, her everything. The other relationship, I gave no thought of the future, or the meaning. I didn't care if I didn't have her trust or her love. But now I do. I know it isn't lust when I think of Rory like other girls. Lust is what everything was with others. Yes, I do want her, in every sense. More than I wanted others. But it's more than sex, make outs, status. Its about her. I want to hug her, hold her, I want to look down when I hold Rory, and see the sparkle of life and love directed to me. Other girls have given me the eye-- the look of content, the sparkle in their eye because I decided I wanted to be with them. But I don't CARE!!!! I want Rory Gilmore. What do I have to do to get her notice me?!
Could I just want her just because she's the first girl not to want me? No. It's different, because I learned who she is this year. I want to be there for every moment of her life. The goods and the bad. I want to be the shoulder she cries on. Although she rarely cries. I want her to want me. To want me, because I light up her world. Since when have I become a poet? The day she entered my life.
The first kiss we shared. I felt like the inexperience little boy. I felt like I was kissing a girl for the first time. Guess what? I think I was. The first kiss that actually meant something more than just pleasure. I relive that moment. My life is quite sad now, eh? Dreaming of a girl who kissed me, when in reality I kissed more people than she. She only kissed Dean before, I'm sure of it. The tremble in her lower lip when it touched mine....But I think, when we kissed, she was the expert. Others, minus Paris, think I have no heart, just the average player. But I'm scared at this moment, because I realized I do have normal feelings, what worries me, is that my heart feels fragile, like glass.
