Miyuki's Zetsuai Page Zetsuai 1989/Bronze
Strange Days-Interlude, part 4
By Miyuki-Chan

Standard disclaimers apply.

Takasaka concentrated on staring out of the window, although it was pretty difficult to do so what with Katsumi pulling on his tie like some kind of demented kitten. He'd spent a lot of the evening in a state of utter embarrassment and had felt so nervous he'd forgotten why he'd agreed to come.

He'd liked Katsumi for a long time. He was one of the few people who appeared to have time for him-practically no-one else ever seemed to listen. He knew Koji didn't listen to him-Katsumi had more success than he did at getting Koji to see things from his point of view, but even that wasn't much. Koji didn't treat Katsumi very well and took him far too much for granted… so did most people. According to most of Koji's entourage, Katsumi was just there. He had no real job title, he didn't appear to do much except hang around and get underfoot… Katsumi probably was not nearly as cheerful as he liked to make out. Everyone has their own way of hiding…

He remembered that awkward morning a few weeks ago… how Katsumi had spent the whole morning deliberately avoiding him, looking as depressed and hung over as Koji did after arguing with Izumi and spending a night on the tiles. It had been, as he'd guessed, all to do with the fact that the boy had not been joking when he'd told him he loved him. A misunderstanding, but a painful one. For his part, he'd wanted to believe it had been said in earnest, but hadn't dared to hope, and wished he had reacted differently. Katsumi had tried to laugh it off but it had been painfully obvious that he'd been hurt, which was probably why he'd left early and spent the evening getting drunk. He'd felt too embarrassed to try to explain, in case he'd totally misjudged the situation…

Just when he'd worked out it wasn't simply a matter of being Katsumi's friend he hadn't known, but he'd been so afraid of making a mess or, worse, of Katsumi giving him a funny look and asking him if he felt alright (Katsumi was, after all, supposedly seeing Miyako) that he hadn't said anything.

"Are you alright, Taka-chan?"

Looking down at Katsumi, he noticed that he was gazing up at him with a vaguely perturbed expression on his face. His hair was a tangled blonde mess, there was a new bruise on one of his cheeks and he looked beautiful.
"What's that look for?" Katsumi asked.
"What look?" he replied.
Katsumi searched for a description and finally said a little lamely "Well, it was kinda… intense. It's probably the angle, but… you look really…well. You know. Peculiar. What were you thinking of?"
"Oh. Nothing, really." He looked away.
"Is something wrong?" Takasaka looked back. Katsumi was definitely concerned now. "Is it something I've done? Do you want to go home?"
"No, I was just thinking of last week."
Katsumi gave him a funny look. "You're meant to be here to relax." He pulled on his tie again. "So relax. Stop thinking of work!" he chided good-naturedley. "Now, do you want to go out for a meal or not?"

***

They ate out. It was a good meal, if not an earth-shatteringly great one, accompanied by typically awkward first-date conversation. It had suddenly dawned on Katsumi after a short while that he really knew very little about Takasaka, and about halfway through the conversation Takasaka realised the same thing-despite his open nature Katsumi could be horribly enigmatic. For instance, he seldom if ever talked of himself. He'd known a bit about Katsumi's background, for example-like the fact that he had a little sister, Madoka, once. Dead now-but he hadn't known just how badly it had upset him at the time, and still did. He'd asked Katsumi a few questions about her, which he had answered, but had then gone quiet and looked down, miles away. Takasaka wished he'd never mentioned family and in an attempt to get Katsumi to snap out of it, reached across the table and placed one of his hands on top of one of Katsumi's. Shock tactics, he thought, and tried not to giggle because grown men didn't.

"Why didn't you tell someone?" he asked.
"I've got no-one to tell. Koji knows, Izumi didn't give a damn when I mentioned it, and I don't have any other friends… except for you, of course, and I didn't want to lay all that on you." He looked at Takasaka and smiled, then changed the subject. He didn't like to talk of Madoka, it always upset him.

***

Than night, Katsumi considered where he'd got. The date had been nice, even if they hadn't got much further-he'd felt awkward trying to push it when everything had gone so well (if you excluded the Miyako bit of course). He didn't want to ruin everything by rushing it. He thought he was getting a bit better at kissing, though-it helped to have practice, he thought, then blushed even though he was alone and had only thought it.

God, he'd enjoyed himself, though. For the first time in God knows when he hadn't felt bored, or horribly alone in the world, although this now made his isolation seem all the more pronounced and left him feeling incredibly empty.

After taking a bath and getting changed into his horribly functional nightwear (he hadn't had any need for anything else for a long time), he went and lay alone in the darkness. The silence was stifling, the air far too hot, even though he had the windows open already (August really stank sometimes). He was, for some reason, hugging one of his pillows tightly to himself-it helped to have something to hold onto sometimes, although he wished he had slightly more than a pillow. He idly wondered what Koji was doing now then forced himself not to think of it. Poor Izumi. Instead he wondered where he could go from here-how fast could he move things on? Did he want to? He was an eighteen-year-old male virgin, if he kept this up much longer he'd probably win some kind of award… What next? He said it aloud, then sighed.

He wished he hadn't talked of Madoka. He suddenly felt terrible-he hadn't felt this bad for months. Admit it, Katsumi, you've got a serious problem. It wasn't natural to still fell so upset, so guilty, so long after someone had died. Look at Izumi. Outwardly, he and Izumi couldn't have been much more different, but weren't they both stuck with memories they didn't want? Holding the pillow tightly to himself he stifled a sob.

And to think everyone had been surprised how quickly he'd got over her dying…

Katsumi cried himself to sleep.

***

"What Next" was that Katsumi caught flu.

Four days after the evening he'd spent out, Katsumi woke up in the middle of the night with a mild headache, needing to blow his nose, so he went to the bathroom and got some tissue, then some water from the kitchen. Then he'd gone back to bed. He wondered if perhaps he was running a temperature then forgot all about it and fell asleep again.

Waking up again slightly earlier than normal, he lay in bed for a while then attempted to get up and wished he hadn't. He felt dizzy and nauseous, and was almost definitely feverish. Siting back down on the edge of the bed, he felt aggrieved and uneasy, and still slightly dizzy so he lay down again on top of the sheets with a sigh. How the hell did a guy manage to get flu in late August?

There were a number of things he could do now: he could act like Izumi and refuse to admit that he was sick until he collapsed and needed hospitalisation-this did not seem a terribly attractive proposition somehow, partly because he didn't have Izumi's determination to stay upright or any real need to. It wasn't as if he was the only one who could do his job, Taka-chan could do it just as well. He could go to work and then go home sick-again not a good idea feeling the way he was feeling. He could call in and tell them he was sick then go back to bed, which seemed like the best idea. Besides, he was owed a few days off.

After calling, Katsumi fell asleep again (this time on a chair, he'd taken the blankets off the bed, he needed to be nearer the phone-although who he expected to call was a mystery) and woke up a few hours later, looking an utter mess and feeling oddly childish. He hadn't slept late for ages, not even on days off because he normally spent them chasing after Koji. He hadn't been sick in ages either.

He wondered what the statistical likelihood of Koji having another falling out with Izumi whilst he was sick was-probably quite high. Well, he could bloody sort it out himself if he did, it's not my problem. Koji often told him that his private life was no-one's business but his own. Funny how quick he changed his tune when he needed a hand.

He was practically asleep again when the phone rang. He picked it up with a curse, said "Hello?" then coughed.

"Katsumi, are you alright?" Takasaka-he should have expected that. Not that he minded-he was actually kind of flattered, especially considering they were still well in office hours and that guy was normally hard to separate from his work. No wonder he was always stressed. "I've got flu, Taka-chan." He replied.
"In August?" Surprised.
"I know, I know. Just don't ask, okay?" Katsumi sighed.
"How do you feel?"
"I think I'm dying." He regretted the melodrama immediately. "I mean, if you ignore the fact I've got flu I feel okay. Ish."
"Sorry, stupid question I suppose."
Katsumi smiled "Very stupid question. Of course I don't feel okay, if I did I wouldn't be at home feeling sorry for myself would I? Hey, what's wrong with you, anyway? Making personal phone calls whilst at work? That's not like you." Katsumi could tell he'd embarrassed the man by putting him on the spot like that but it had been hard to resist.
"I… wanted to check you were alright. You don't sound that ill…"
Katsumi considered this for a moment. "I'm incredibly bored, actually, I've got a headache, can't stand up without feeling like I'm going to faint and there's nothing on the television at this time of day…" he broke off to cough again.
Takasaka privately suspected this was not exactly true but he ignored it, Katsumi was clearly aiming for company-either that or sympathy. "Do you want company, then?" he hazarded, feeling more and more awkward and desperately hoping that he would not be overheard.
"If you don't mind running the risk of getting flu, then of course."
"I've got to go. I'll see you in a few hours, then." Takasaka put the phone down in a hurry-he'd just seen Koji and didn't want to have to answer awkward questions about who he'd been calling.

Katsumi dropped the phone to the floor then fell asleep again.

Onto part 5

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