Every scar has a story. They represent past times; they're lasting memories of something that happened or the way things used to be. Memories of good times and of bad. But scars aren't always visible. Because they aren't always physical, marking not our bodies, but our minds. But some scars can do both, etched into our skin and burned into our mind.
Part 1It was a beautiful spring day. The sun shone brightly, warming both the air and the clear water of the lake. Fiona sat on the blanket they'd laid out, looking out at the other 4 teenagers playing around and tossing each other in the lake. She smiled at how happy they all were now, including herself. A lot had happened since she'd come back on tour 1 1/2 year ago, after spending only 6 months away. So much had changed in all of them, but their friendship had remained the same, maybe even become stronger than it used to be.
She smiled once again as Carey tackled Clu, pushing him down into the cold water. The two brothers seemed happy in each other's company, and Fi was relieved that they were acting like their normal selves again. She had been afraid that she had come between them in so many ways. She'd thought that Clu would never forgive Carey for what had happened, but thankfully he'd been able to after a while.
Fi lay down on the blanket, pulling her portable CD out of her bag. She stretched her legs carefully, groaning a little from the discomfort she still felt in her knee. A year of rehab had helped her regain movement in her legs, but the slight discomfort remained as a lasting reminder of the accident. She closed her eyes and became completely immersed in the music pouring out of the CD player, losing touch with all of her surroundings.
Cold drops of water falling on her stomach brought her back to the real world. She squealed and sat up as a pair of strong but cold and wet pair of arms wrapped around her waist. She shivered at his touch, squirming to get the cold away.
"Carey! That's really cold you big goof!" she scolded him playfully. She turned in his arms and found him smirking.
"Yeah, I know, but it was fun. You seemed too dry anyway," he explained, trying not to laugh.
"You know I hate cold water!"
"That's why I did it," Carey answered, his grin getting wider.
"You're a lost cause" Fi sighed. He just cracked up, pulling her closer to him. She leaned back, laying her head on his chest. Yeah, he was still cold and wet, but it was refreshing. She stretched her legs out again, groaning a little bit, hoping he wouldn't hear. She hated reminding him of the accident, knowing he still felt guilty about what happened. Unfortunately, Carey did hear her groan.
"Your knee hurts again?" he asked, sounding really concerned.
"Just a little. Nothing to worry about" she reassured him with a warm smile. He didn't believe her, but knew it was hopeless to continue the argument. Instead, he reached out his hand, setting it on her knee. He gently ran his fingers over the scars on her knee and lower leg. Those little ridges symbolized so much. Those ridges had changed all their lives forever. He felt tears well up in his eyes.
"Carey…" she trailed off, turning her head to face him. A tear rolled down his cheek and she reached up to brush it away. "Don't do this to yourself. It already happened a long time ago, stop bringing the memories back." But she knew he couldn't. He kept caressing the scars on her leg with one hand, as his other hand moved to the scars on her abdomen. The memories came back, as vividly as if it had just happened.
~~~ [Flashback begins] ~~~
"Come on guys hurry up! We're gonna be late!" Fi cried, almost jumping up and down with excitement and impatience.
"Chill Fi. We're not late yet" Clu said as he and Jack walked out of their room.
"Yeah, we've still got time" Annie chimed in as she walked out of the room she shared with Fi, still brushing her long blonde hair.
"Not much time" Fi was getting annoyed. "Where's Carey?"
"Still in our room." Clu said, somewhat bitter at the mention of his brother.
Fi stomped off in the direction of the boys' room. She knocked on the door before walking in. She found Carey lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.*At least he's dressed*. "Carey…" she started softly, "Come on, let's go. We're late."
"I don't think I should go" he said, acknowledging her presence.
"Carey, we agreed to go to this party. We haven't gone out in a long time. You've hardly left the bus in days. It'll be a nice change. Please come. For me?" she said, adding a pout for emphasis. She took hold of his arm, pulling him up. He agreed with a sigh, putting an arm around her shoulder as she led him out of the room. *It can't be that bad. Might actually be fun* he thought.
"Can we go now?" Fi said as she walked through the common room and out the door. The others just nodded and followed her to the car (A/N: yeah, they have a car there).
The ride to the party was uneventful. The party itself was fun, but a little out of control. The music was loud and there were kids everywhere. They got into the mood quickly and did the whole socializing thing. Jack spent most of his time with a girl he met there, Corynn. They really seemed to hit it off. What the gang didn't realize was that most of the drinks were spiked, (though it was hard to tell) so they drank more than they should have.
By the end of the night Jack was kinda drunk and barely awake. Annie and Clu had their arms around each other and were both basically sleepwalking. Carey and Fi were the only ones who could still keep their eyes open. Carey had had one drink; Fi hadn't had any at all, but couldn't drive anyway because still didn't have her driver's license (or permit or whatever). (A/N: I know it's illegal for then to be drinking, even though where I come from Carey and Clu are of legal age (18)… but remember, they can't tell that the drinks are spiked until after they start feeling drunk) That left Carey as the designated driver. *There was definitely something in that Coke. But I'm fine. Not drunk at all, right?* They all walked out to the car and got on. Jack instantly fell asleep leaning against the door, while Clu and Annie fell asleep leaning against each other. Fi slipped into the passenger seat as Carey got into the driver's side. He bent forward over the wheel, holding his head in his hands, as he suddenly felt dizzy.
"Carey… are you ok?" Fi asked, concerned for her boyfriend.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all," He answered and straightened up.
"You sure? You look… hot," she said, still worried. He had been coughing and sneezing lately… maybe he had a cold.
"Thanks" he said teasingly, a smirk crossing his face.
"That's not what I meant. I meant you look like you have a fever, like you might be coming down with something." She answered returning the smile.
"Maybe, but I'm fine now." Carey responded, a little annoyed that she was so worried about nothing. He turned on the car and they started heading home.
Fi still looked uncertain, but decided to keep her mouth shut. He looked sort of exasperated, and bringing it up again would only make things worse. He'd been acting strange for a while, since a couple of weeks after they started going out.
Suddenly, Carey felt dizzy again and started coughing. He hoped Fi didn't notice, he was getting tired of her fussing over him all the time. Unfortunately for him, she did notice. "Carey are you sure you're ok?" she asked once more.
"I'm fine," he said in between coughs, "Stop worrying… Please"
"You're not fine and you know it." She leaned over and out her hand on his forehead. "Carey you're got a fever!"
"I'll be fine once we get home" he said a little angrily. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was because he was getting sick, but Fi's attitude was seriously annoying him.
"Carey… come on. What's wrong? You haven't been yourself for weeks."
"Nothing's wrong." Carey said. "Can you just be quiet for a while?"
"No, I can't. I'm worried about you. You've always been able to tell me your problems"
"Fine, you wanna know? Things have just been stressful ever since we started going out. It hasn't been the easiest few weeks. My brother won't speak to me, there are problems with the band, everybody expects too much from me now, and I'm completely exhausted most of the time. And to top it all off, you've been acting… well, obsessive. You worry too much Fi. And that's seriously annoying."
"Oh so this is my fault?"
"In part, yes" Carey answered, already angry.
"Oh so you're saying that if we weren't together you wouldn't be stressed out and you wouldn't have gotten sick?" Fi said. *I can't believe he's acting like this!*
"That's not what I…." Carey started before Fi cut him off.
"Shut up! If I'm stressing you out, maybe we shouldn't be going out."
"That's not what I meant!" he was really irritated with Fi now. He braked a little too suddenly at an intersection, probably triggered by the alcohol. Fi kept reaming him out, taking advantage of the fact that they weren't moving.
"It sure sounds like you meant that!" Fi said, almost screaming. Somehow the others in the back hadn't been woken up by all the noise. "I'm outta here!"
"You're not going anywhere! I'll get you home, and then you can be away from me all you want" he pulled at her arm as she went to open the door. She climbed out of the car, standing against the door. Neither of them noticed a car swerving wildly in their direction, heading straight for the passenger's side. By the time Carey tried to react, it was too late. He was too sluggish to respond quickly. The car hit Fi head on, with a force that drove their car off the road and onto the sidewalk. Fi screamed in pain as she felt the impact.
"FI!!!!" Carey shouted, before the world suddenly reeled and went dark…
[Hospital, a few of hours later]
Molly, Ned, Irene, Clu, Jack, and Annie were all sitting around the hospital Waiting Room, their faces painted in worry, their eyes shining with fear.
"How's Fi doing?" Carey asked his parents once again as he walked back into the room. He sat down and buried his face in his hands. *God this is all my fault*.
"Still no word," Ned's voice sounded tired.
*Why Fi?* Carey thought. *The rest of us are fine, yet she's in critical condition. It's all my fault.* He looked around at the others as he sat alone on a couch. They were all sitting in pairs, worrying together. Molly was crying in Jack's arms, as tears streaked his face too. Ned and Irene had each other, while Clu and Annie were also sobbing in each other's arms. And Carey, he was alone. The person who would have been sitting with him was the one in critical condition. The one that might not live through this. The other kids were hurt too, but none as badly as Fi. Jack, Annie, and Clu only had a few cuts and bruises; Carey had a sprained wrist, a couple of cracked ribs, and a concussion. But Fi was currently in the operating room, and they had heard nothing yet. *If she dies… I'll never forgive myself*
"Are you the family of Fiona Phillips?" A doctor asked as he walked up to then.
"Yes, I'm her mother. How is she?" Molly asked, frantic yet somewhat relieved.
"Well, she's out of the operating room. She had a few broken ribs and one punctured her lung, but we fixed it already so it's no longer a problem. She also has a somewhat severe concussion. However, her legs received most of the impact, especially her knees. We did all we could to patch things up but depending on how she heals, she might or might not regain her ability to walk. She has also slipped into a coma."
The doctor's words made Molly gasp. "Can we see her?"
"Yes. She's in ICU" The doctor added and walked away.
"Oh my God" Molly gasped as she collapsed back onto the seat for a moment. Carey just looked horrified at what the doctor had said. *I can't believe it. I caused this… I can't take this anymore.* He thought as he followed the others to Fi's room in ICU.
[Bus, early the next morning]
Carey lay on the couch in the common room, headphones covering his ears. It had been a few hours since they'd come back from the hospital, from seeing Fi. He felt even worse than before. Seeing her lying there, hooked up to all those machines had almost killed him. Her small frame looked so out of place on that hospital bed, and he could hardly bear to see her like that. He hadn't been allowed to see he for long, none of them had. They'd gone back to the bus silently, the silence hiding the despair in all their minds.
Everybody else had managed to fall asleep, or at least get as close to sleep as possible. Carey couldn't. He kept thinking of Fi, unable to concentrate on anything else. So instead he turned to music, the only thing that gave him solace. Since he couldn't play his guitar, he'd settled for his CD player. He turned it on and found one of Fi's CDs in it. After listening for a little while, he heard the song. It emulated his feelings perfectly, it said what he himself couldn't express. So he zoned out and just listened, thankful for the brief escape from the world.
Hey
If we can't find a way out of these problems
Then maybe we don't need this
Standing face to face
Enemies at war we build defenses
And secret hiding places
I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man
Hey
More than angry words I hate this silence
It's getting so loud
Well I want to scream
But bitterness has silenced these emotions
It's getting hard to breathe
So tell me isn't happiness
Worth more than a gold diamond ring?
I'm willing to do anything
To calm the storm in my heart
I've never been the praying kind
But lately I've been down upon my knees
Not looking for a miracle
Just a reason to believe
I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man
Do you remember not long ago?
When we used to live for the nighttime
Cherish each moment
Now we don't live we exist
We just run through our lives
So alone
That's why you've got to hold me
Hey
If we can't find a way out of these problems
Then maybe we don't need this
Standing face to face
Enemies at war we build defenses
And secret hiding places
I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man
~~~[End of Flashback]~~~
Tears were welling up in Carey's eyes as the memory faded away. Fi turned slightly and brushed them away. "Carey, don't think about it anymore. I'm ok. Everything worked out" Fi said softly. Carey only nodded, still not able to discard the guilt, not even after all the time that had passed. He ran his hand over the scars again. It was true Fi was fine now, almost the same as she had been before. But the accident had changed their lives. The tour had been postponed while Fi went through months of rehab to get the movement back in her legs. And she had achieved it. But still, things had changed.
