They unwound themselves from each other and stared at one another before rising to their feet. "Zack…" Max said softly.
"We'll stay here for the night," he replied with a wince as he limped over to a tree to lean on. "Lydecker's not going to come lookin' for us now. As far as he's concerned, we're dead-"
"And you're not exactly walking anywhere, either," Max added.
Zack smiled weakly, not liking to admit that he was weak. "Yeah, that's a problem too."
He settled down on the ground, his face twisting as the pain shot through his body with the tightening of his muscles. With his good hand, he wiped at his lip, which pulled away the scar tissue, and the lip started to bleed again. Zack cursed and dabbed at it with the corner of his shirt.
Max, still dressed in her Manticore uniform, turned to look at him upon hearing the curse. "You okay?" she asked.
"I'll be fine." He looked up at her, not liking to be so far below her. It bothered him that he had to literally look up to her, but he tried to push that fact out of his mind. Max wasn't worried about ridiculous things like height and dominance order. She wasn't like that.
Zack patted the grassy ground beside him, a silent request for Max to sit by him. She smiled and settled down beside him, not in as much pain as he.
There was enough space between them to keep comfortable distance; yet, they were close enough to show that they weren't strangers either. Overhead, the shadow of the moon could barely be seen as the sky began to darken. The golden ball of the sun was sinking below the bristly treetops. All around the birds' song was dying down, giving way to the nighttime insects. The air was cool and caused tiny goosebumps to break out across the skin of Max's flesh that was covered in only a thin fabric.
"So, you came back to save them," Max said. It wasn't question, just a simple statement.
"I had to. I couldn't leave them here knowing that I could help. And I…" he began, then stopped.
"You what?" Max asked.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter."
"Uh-huh," she replied doubtfully and let the subject drop. They sat in silence before Zack spoke again.
"Look, Max, it's not about you. I didn't leave because of you."
"You just said that you left for them anyhow. What are you talking about now?"
"I know this is going to sound incredibly…ridiculous, but I was scared."
"Scared?" Max echoed. "What could you possibly be scared of?"
Zack ran his good hand through his hair, streaked with black soot and smoke. "You got to promise not to laugh," he told her.
"Promise."
"Like I said, this is going to sound incredibly tacky, like something the soap-opera guys use, but I was scared of what I was feeling. What had happened."
"What?" she asked, not following what he was getting at.
"At your apartment, I have never been that happy before. Never been so free. And then we…uh…well, y'know," he stammered, seemingly embarrassed. "I've never felt that way before and I couldn't bring myself to face that feeling. Cowardly, I know, but…" he laughed. "I can face men who are out to kill me, blazing fires, and lots of other bullshit, but I can't even handle my own emotions."
"Oh."
"I don't want to hurt you, that's all there it to it. You have no idea how awful I felt when I finally realized that you had come back to Manticore, whatever your reason."
"It was the others, of course," she said softly. "And you."
Zack raised a crisped eyebrow. "Me?"
"Yes. Everybody told me that you were like this evil puppet of Lydecker's, and you'd kill me if you got the chance, but I didn't listen. I couldn't listen to them. That feeling you felt back at the apartment, I felt it too. I mean, I stood there and Tinga and Jondi and Zane, just all of them, they were telling me not to go, not to go to my death, 'cause they were certain you'd kill me."
"Sorry."
"Well, you didn't. But I went after you nonetheless. Stupid? Perhaps. But that's not the point. I went after you because I felt that feeling too."
"And does 'this feeling' have a name?" he asked.
"What do you want to call it?"
"I think we both know very well what to call it." They turned to look at each other and without speaking a single word or even moving, they told each other. Told each other why they had done the ridiculous things they had done-risked their very lives.
Zack spoke. "Shall we call it-"
"Just plain stupidity?" Max asked with a sly grin. "Or, because we both know damn well what the heck it is, leave it nameless?"
He shrugged. "Doesn't matter if it has a name or not. Names shouldn't be used to label feelings that strong."
"I agree," Max said and rested her head on his shoulder. He smiled and wrapped a warm arm about her chilled body. It was time to rest, for tomorrow was another day.
