A Mainframe Christmas
A Mainframe Christmas
By: Aeris
Picture it: Mainframe,
Christmastime. All the binomes' houses had many decorations,
and Dot's diner was no different. Except for the many weird
sprites inside. Here it is, word for word, what happened.
(Little Enzo, Little AndrAIa,
and Little Mouse [don't ask] are sitting at a booth,
obviously bored. Each one is eyeing a present.)
Little Enzo: Is it time to open
the presents yet Dot???
Dot: Not yet, not for another
microsecond.
Bob: Just be patient.
Little AndrAIa and Little Mouse
(at Little Enzo, in unison) told ya, bits-for-brains!
Little Enzo: I AM NOT A
BITS-FOR-BRAINS! (points to Matrix) HE IS!
Matrix: (eye forms a (V) ) what did you say?
Little Enzo: (eyeing
Matrix's gun) n n nothing!
Little AndrAIa: (makes a face @
Matrix) nana nana nanner!
Little Mouse: (giggles)
AndrAIa: (putting hand on
Matrix's shoulder) they're just kids Sparky, set a good
example.
Matrix: (sigh) fine.
Hex: (walking in) hello
everyone! I brought biscuits!
Bob: (gulp) um thanks
Hex maybe after dinner, ok?
Hex: (looks to the little
sprites) oh how cute! Where'd the mini-Mouse come from?
Mouse: Matrix, AndrAIa, and I
left our icons in game sprite mode, sugah. Resulted in the little
darlins
Hex: (looking to the presents)
ooh goody when can we open them?
Dot: after dinner.
Little Enzo: (pouting) I wanna
open a present!
Little Mouse: (rolls eyes)
crybaby.
Little AndrAIa: let's go
play something.
Bob: why don't you go
pester Cecil?
Cecil: (overhears and hovers
over) pester whom sir? (angry tone)
Dot: nothing Cecil.
Cecil: (sigh) vatever miz
Matrix.
(the little sprites whisper to
each other for a nano, then run downstairs giggling)
Dot: hmm wonder what
they're up to
Mouse: its prolly nuthin sugah,
I wouldn't worry.
Matrix: they'd better not
make a mess cause Dot always makes me clean them up
Bob: heh at least I never do.
Dot: you say that now Bob, but
just see who's up after mid-cycle cleaning up.
Bob: DO'H!
(meanwhile, the little sprites
are each sitting on their own box, playing truth-or-dare)
Little Mouse: ok, Enzo, truth
or dare?
Enzo: uhh truth!
Mouse: heh ok, do you love
AndrAIa?
Enzo: DARE!
Mouse: hehehe even better! I
dare you to kiss AndrAIa!
Enzo and AndrAIa: EEW!
Mouse: hehe, and ya can't
back down either!
Enzo: DO'H!
AndrAIa: Mouse
you're gonna be sooooo sorry when it's your turn!
Enzo: guess who's asking
who what?
Mouse: just kiss already!
(Enzo and AndrAIa reluctantly
peck each other on the lips, then back off, wiping their faces
off with their sleeves)
Mouse: teehee
(meanwhile, upstairs)
Dot: I WILL NOT!
Mouse: aw common sugah
Matrix: is big sis backing
down?
Dot: NO I AM NOT BACKING DOWN!
Bob: maybe we should just do
it.
Dot: ugh, fine
(Dot and Bob kiss under the
mistletoe)
Mouse: that wassant so bad now
was it?
(Dot and Bob blush)
Bob: well, um yeah it
actually good
Dot: yeah, I guess it did
Hex: (from the diner kitchen)
dinner's done!
Bob: she made dinner?
Dot: yeah I guess so, I wonder
what happened to the chefs
Hex: and I made biscuits too!
Mouse: I think that answers
your question, sugah
Dot: (sigh) hey at least I
don't have to pay them
Bob: I'll go get the
little ones
(so Bob goes to get the little
sprites, while the others set the tables)
(Bob walks downstairs, to see
Mouse with an (V) written on her face in pink marker,
Enzo with purple lipstick on, and AndrAIa standing on a box
singing "Firewall.")
(the sprites see Bob, and each
has a surprised look on their face. AndrAIa drops the screwdriver
she was using as a microphone)
Bob: uhh.
dinnertime
Enzo, Mouse, and AndrAIa:
whew
(the group heads upstairs)
(the sprites all sit at the
bar)
Dot: lets say grace.
(they all bow their heads, the
three younger sprites making faces at each other)
Dot: User bless us, and for our
newly restored system, and may the future be—
(Dot is abruptly cut off when
she and Matrix are hit in the head by an energy shake)
Dot and Matrix: what the?
(look to the three sprites)
(Matrix's eyes narrow, and
he waves his hand by his gun [to scare them])
Little Sprites: (each point at
one another) [he/she]did it!
Dot: (sigh) where was I?
Oh yeah, and may the future be filled with prosperity.
Everyone: AMEN
Hex: who wants a biscuit?
Enzo: I wanna open a present!
AndrAIa and Mouse: compile up
and stop whining!
Older AndrAIa: hehe Matrix,
just think, you were once exactly like him (tauntingly)
Matrix: unfortunately.
Enzo: am I gonna compile up
just like him?
Dot: hopefully not.
Matrix: gee thanks a whole lot
sis nice way to treat family this time of the hour.
Dot: sorry. You do have a short
temper though
Bob: there's your New
Hour's Resolution!
(the little sprites take some
food and sit in a booth, and soon are having a food fight)
(meanwhile the older sprites
are somehow on the subject of the Y2K bug)
Matrix: so lemme get this
straight- at 1200h on 12/31/99, every system will crash and it
will be the end of the Net as we know it?
Dot: pretty stupid, huh?
(little sprites walk up to Dot)
(in unison) can we open some
presents now??? Please???
Dot: (sigh) I guess so. Wipe
the energy shake off your face first.
(not acknowledging the last
part of Dot's answer, the sprites run over to the Christmas
tree, each taking a present.)
Enzo: (ripping his present
open) WOW! ALPHANUMERIC!
Mouse: what is it?
AndrAIa: yeah, what?
Enzo: Ihave no clue.
Dot: you don't know?
Enzo: nope.
Dot: (looks closer) neither do
I, Bob?
Bob: (looks) wow I haven't
seen one of these in a while!
Dot: what is it?
Bob: an MP3 file. It's a
song pretty much.
Enzo: cool! What'd u get
AndrAIa?
AndrAIa: (opening hers) I got a
(struggling to pronounce it) HTML file.
Bob: do you know what that is?
AndrAIa: no.
Bob: it's a downloaded web
page. This one happens to be a ReadMe page.
AndrAIa: pixelacious!
Mouse: (opens her present) I
got an AVI file! Cool! It's a clip from James Sprite's
movie!
Enzo: lucky!
Dot: ok you go downstairs and
play
(the sprites run downstairs)
Bob: ok um, ill give you your
present now Dot
(Bob hands her an envelope)
(She opens it and a hologram of
Mike the TV pops up)
Mike: this thought is brought
to you by Holomark! When you care to send the very best. Forget
about the rest! Holomark!
(a hologram of Bob in a Santa
suit pops up)
"Dot, I just wanted to let
you know that when I came back from the web, seeing you there
leading the other Mainframers made it seem all worthwhile. Our
first kiss was pure happiness compressed into a few nanoseconds,
and I just wanted to say "Merry Christmas and a Happy New
Hour."
Dot: oh Bob how sweet!
Bob: (blush)
(everyone else claps)
(downstairs)
Enzo: c'mon Mouse, you
can't back down!
Mouse: I WILL NOT!
AndrAIa: you scared?
Mouse: NO!
Enzo: (snickering) suuuure
Mouse: (sighing) fine, I have a
crush on Surfr.
AndrAIa: ha! Wait until big
Mouse hears this!
Mouse: (shows fangs) tell
who???
AndrAIa: (gulp)
heh nevermind
Mouse: much better.
(upstairs. Bob for some reason
is dancing on the bar table, playing a guitar)
Dot: (trying to raise her voice
over the guitar) Bob! You've had too much ROM! Get down!
Bob: (also trying to raise his
voice) But I'm playing for the pink nulls!
Mouse: Get down sugah!
(Matrix pulls Bob off the
counter)
Bob: but I wanna pet the
Nullzilla!
Dot: (slaps Bob) snap out of
it!
Bob: (stares blankly, then
falls over)
(after a long, confused
silence)
Mouse: yuh always did pack
quite the wallop, sugah
(downstairs)
AndrAIa: ok I get to ask it
now! Oh great deleted ones from beyond the recycle bin, um, will
I end up lost in the games like big AndrAIa?
(The sprites are playing a
Ouijia board. The hand-piece floats to Yes.')
AndrAIa's face: O.o
AndrAIa: umm. uh.
YOU MOVED IT!
Enzo: did not!
Mouse: ah swear, we didn't
move it sugah!
Enzo: my turn. Will I be lost
in the games too?
Ouijia board-thingy: (floats to
Yes.')
Enzo: DO'H!
Mouse: will I?
(Ouijia board-thingy floats to
Yes.')
Mouse: AHHHHH!
Enzo, AndrAIa, and Mouse in
unison: WE'RE GONNA END UP LIKE MATRIX!!! AHHHH!!!
(Upstairs)
Matrix: I think I heard
something
AndrAIa: what Sparky?
Matrix: (hand on gun) it came
from downstairs
Dot: oh my user, the kids!
(The group runs downstairs,
except for an intoxicated and Dot-slapped Bob.)
Matrix: (gun aimed, and eye
glowing red) WHO'S DOWN HERE!?!??!
(Little sprites fall off their
boxes, accidentally falling into a large box of Hex masks)
Enzo: (angry Hex mask on) WHATS
WITH YOU, GUN BOY?
Matrix: (aims at Enzo)
Dot: ENZO!
(the two look to her) yes?
Dot: see Matrix, it was Enzo.
AndrAIa and Mouse are over there, now put the gun away.
(They take the masks off)
Hexadecimal: oh, I always
wondered where I had put those!
Big AndrAIa: hehe, that was
funny.
Matrix: what was that noise?!
(Little sprites exchange
glances) we were playing
Matrix: PLAYING WHAT!?!?
Little sprites: with a Ouijia
board
Dot: and?
Little sprites: we all asked if
we would get trapped in the games
Matrix: and then?
Little sprites: it said yes,
and we all screamed
Matrix: those aren't real,
I asked if I was going to never see Bob again, and that was
proven false.
Enzo: ohh
AndrAIa: we see
(the adults head back upstairs,
to see Bob with a Metallica shirt over his head)
Bob: I AM CORNHOLIO!!!!!
Dot: he's been in the
Beavis&Butthead game too many times. Bad time to get drunk.
Bob: WAHHHCHACHACHAWHOOOOOO!!
(Bob walks over to a poster of Megabyte with his arms up over his
head)
Bob: ARE YOU THREATENING
ME? I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!
Bob: (shakes head)
Bob: what in the
?
Dot: he's back to normal.
Bob: ohhh my head
Mouse: it's called a
hangover sugah.
Dot: lay down in one of the
booths.
Bob: (does what Dot says)
(downstairs)
(Enzo has fallen asleep)
(Mouse and AndrAIa are
whispering to each other)
Mouse: hey AndrAIa, are yuh
thinkin' what ahm thinkin'?
AndrAIa: hehe, I've got
the shaving cream
Mouse: I've got the Hex
mask
AndrAIa: ok, you put the mask
on, I'll put the shaving cream on.
(AndrAIa puts shaving cream on
Enzo's hands, then tickles his nose)
Enzo: (splats himself in the
face with the shaving cream) AHH!
(Mouse looks face to face with
Enzo, with the mask on)
Enzo: AHH!
(the girls giggle)
FOOLED YA!