Title: MEMENTOS I: Perceptions & Doubts
(Rated PG/Sheridan/Luis - Post Ep Angst - 6/06/01)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Could an eternity of love be thrown away in a minute?
Photographs didn't lie, neither did the past, so why did
Sheridan doubt Luis as he stood before her, swearing that he
was still true? His eyes shone with a strange truth, against
all odds and Sheridan remembered the moment when he slid the
engagement ring on her finger, a moment so perfect, it was
held in her heart as if carved there, forever.
//Remember what you saw.//
Yes, that. The sight of Luis making love to another woman on
the night of their engagement party. Yes, that horrible,
miserable, soul-shattering sight.
But the eyes can deceive, Sheridan thought frantically.
Can't they?
But then again, so can the memory. Memories of Luis loving
her, fighting for her, watching her through eyes that held
nothing but the light of true love within their depths.
Deceptions all ... or were they? Her own ears heard the
phone call, her eyes saw the betrayal, so what was holding
her back? Why did she pause in calling security?
Lies were lies were lies. Just because Luis denied, did that
make the impossible true?
Sheridan pushed past Luis and grabbed the wine bottle she'd
brought out from the kitchen. It uncorked with a
disconcerting ease and she resisted the urge to simply put it
to her lips and drain it down in one huge, sloppy gulp. What
a blackout that would have been -- but forgetting, how sweet
that would be.
//Remember what you saw.//
This night, no, the past year would have never happened and
she'd finally be free, free of the sights, the sounds and the
lies, the damnable, horrible lies.
Forever.
But a lifetime of etiquette took over and Sheridan poured out
a slim glass, not bothering to offer Luis any. To hell with
him, she thought viciously, this one is mine. The alcohol
burned her throat on the way down and settled in her stomach
with a comforting warmth, the pain inching back, just the
slightest bit.
Now I see how people can get addicted to the stuff, Sheridan
thought with a morbid chuckle. Another glass, another long
swallow and she turned to Luis. "So it all comes down to the
past, doesn't it?"
He stood there stoically and nodded. "It comes down to
trust."
"How can I trust you?" Another deep gulp of wine. "You know
what you're asking me? To trust your word over my own eyes.
That's a hell of a lot to ask."
"I asked you to be my love, the other half of my soul.
Forever. Eternally, and you said yes. How is this any more
to ask?" Dark, unblinking eyes and the glass trembled in
Sheridan's hand.
She shook her head. "You're asking me to deny enough evidence
to convict any criminal that you ever arrested. You're asking
me to believe my family hates me enough to destroy me in such
an awful manner." She paused, hoping suddenly the wine would
last the night entire. "You're asking me to deny everything
I've ever believed in."
"I'm asking you to give me a chance. To take my record into
account so to speak." Impulsively, and Luis' hands raked
through his hair. "I love you, Sheridan. I've always loved
you and I hope to God I've proved it, more than once. Why,
even a judge ..."
Sheridan whirled around, eyes blazing. "This isn't a trial.
If it were, you'd be heading to your cell long ago."
Luis stared at her, sad eyes searching hers. "If this were a
trial," he said quietly. "I know you'd be fairer to me than
anyone else. Because I believe in your love, in your
intelligence and your fairness."
Pleading then, and she could barely stand the sound. "Think,
Sheridan ... think about what you thought you saw and how you
can reconcile that to our past. Then, think about Julian and
your father ... who would have more of a right to claim your
trust, me or them?" His voice turned desperate. "Even in
the face of the unimaginable."
Hands shaking, she filled her glass again. "It is
unimaginable, isn't it?" Another wincing sip of wine, sour
against her tongue. "If anyone had forced me to make the
choice between you and my family, there would have been no
contest. You versus Julian and my father, what a joke that
would have been. How happy I'd be to leave everything
behind, pretending my family had died or disappeared in some
tragic incident or another." Sheridan's head began to swim
comfortably in a sea of drunkenness. "But now," she laughed
blackly. "I think I like Julian better than I like you. And,
God help me, I trust him more."
She banged the glass against the table and Luis jumped at the
sharp sound. "If that doesn't shame you ... " she growled
blurrily, weaving on her feet. "Nothing will."
Luis swallowed hard. "I'm not ashamed, because I'm an
innocent man." His voice softened. "And you're innocent too.
They're in on this, Sheridan, I swear -- Julian, Rebecca and
your father. Think ... even if you think the worst of me,
what would have I to gain from risking our engagement in such
a stupid manner?"
"My money," she snarled, reaching for straws.
Alas, was there enough money in the world for such cruelty?
He sighed heavily. "If your money meant that much, why would
I risk it for a one-night stand?" Policeman's posture, and
Sheridan's shoulders stiffened. "And if you want to be
crude, let's be crude then. I could be with you, have sex
with you, anytime I wanted to. If I was so cold-hearted and
mercenary, what difference would it have made to me what
woman I was with?"
Her lip trembled and the comforting fog of wine lifted.
"You're a bastard, you know that? A real bastard."
His mouth set in a hard line. "I love you. And if I have to
talk this way to make you see the truth ...."
"I *saw* the truth!" she cried, tottering toward him, tiny
hand clenched in a fist. "I saw you and her and ... and ..."
"And what?" Luis asked, grabbing Sheridan's arms and
steadying her. "And what, darling? And none of it made
sense to you? I'm not surprised, because it doesn't make
sense to me and I'm supposedly the one who was there and
doing this horrible thing you claimed." His voice turned
relentlessly kind. "Sweetheart, search your heart. You fell
in love with me for reasons, try to think, think back to what
those reasons were."
The photograph stared back at Sheridan, and the memories hit
her like a reeling flood, sweet, warm water over a soul that
knew its share of bruises. Could she put such a deception
past her family, liars and thieves they were? Could she
assign such a betrayal to Luis? How could any man lie so
well, but be caught the last, possible minute?
//Remember what you saw.//
Thoughts of Lear then, of his self-inflicted blindness, and
she sadly understood. The eyes can deceive, trust them not,
and how sweet it would be to fall back into Luis' arms, this
one terrible evening forgotten.
How sweet ... and how damned stupid.
"No," she said with finality. "I know what I saw. There's
no denying it."
Was it the wine that made her so stubborn, or was it an
instinct for survival, one borne of living in the vipers'
nest, one borne of living through being buried alive?
What did it matter anyway, she thought miserably? What's
done is done and after that, only ashes remain.
But Luis didn't seem as convinced. "Fine," he said,
frowning. "I'll just have to prove it to you, prove my
innocence." His voice lowered. "And when I do ..."
"Yes?" she asked, her chin tilted high and proud. She *was*
a Crane after all, wasn't she? "What are you going to do
then?"
"I'm going to love you twice as much as I do today, no, even
more than that." Tearfully, and Sheridan's knees went weak
at the sound of his words. "Because every day I love you
more, no matter if we're together or apart."
He reached out and took her hand, and there was no pulling
away, not even if she wanted to. "I love you, Sheridan.
Yesterday, today, and forever. Whether you agree to it or
not, I'm going to love you. Nothing can stop that, not even
you, angel."
Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. Oh, what an actor
he was, what a liar and ...
But he was gone then, the door swinging open in his wake and
she was left bereft, as if abandoned shoeless in the snow.
//Remember what you saw.//
Sheridan picked up the photograph, remembering and the rest
of the wine disappeared without hesitation. What I've seen,
what I've seen ... and suddenly, there were no easy answers.
Even for eyes that thought they knew it all.
*~*~*~*~**~*~*
end
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