Context: After sending Nicole to Canada but before Rublev was shot, so the trial is still going on.

When Olivia closed the door behind Lucy, she almost fell to the ground, curled up in a little ball and slept right there. She was beyond exhausted after all of the emotions of the day.

The only things that kept her moving now was the fact that Nicole was now safe in Canada, Amanda was out of surgery and conscious and the fact that she still had the option of curling up next to Noah in his bed. To get there though, she'd need to take a shower, brush her teeth, and put her pyjamas on. Those tasks seemed too much right now though. She crashed on her sofa, resting her head on the armrest, her legs taking space on the couch and closing her eyes for a minute.

She was almost asleep when her phone buzzed. Pulling it from the pocket of her pant she squinted at the screen.

Hey, just checking in with my friend Olivia.

It was late. She knew Elliot was waiting for her call but frankly she didn't think he would still be awake at this time of night. His text sent a warm feeling to her chest though. Tears were brought to her eyes as she clinged to the device in desperate need of her partner.

Too tired to restrain herself, she called him.

"Hey." He answered from his car, which made her frown.

"Hey. Where are you?"

"Just got out of the office." His voice told her there was more to the story but she didn't have the energy to question it.

"Oh. I just got home."

"How are you holding up?" he asked genuinely.

Olivia sighed.

"I'm not sure…" she answered truthfully. "Today was…a lot." She settled for.

"Yeah." He acknowledged. "I talked to Fin earlier this evening. He said Amanda is out of surgery and that it went well?"

"Yeah…recovery will be a few months for sure, but it looks like she'll be okay."

"Good."

The conversation came to a halt. Olivia didn't know what to say or what he wanted to talk about. It was a bit awkward, but she was too tired to make small talk.

"Hum…do you need anything?" Elliot filled the silence.

He didn't want to push her, didn't want to impose, but they both knew that if this was 15 years ago, he would just show up at her apartment, get her to eat something and tuck her in under a blanket on her couch. But this was now, and their communication was difficult to say the least.

"I'm okay…" she settled for, shutting the door to him once again.

She felt bad about it because Elliot was making such an effort lately to be there for her. She knew she was the one putting on the breaks each time.

"I can make a detour and come to you…"

"It's late Elliot, you should go home." She cut him, thinking about how it would be a long drive for him to come to her in the middle of the night.

"I don't mind, if you need-"

"I don't need you Elliot." She said with more force than intended. They both knew it was a lie, but they both know why she said it too.

Olivia regretted her reply instantly. She didn't want to push him away, but lately that's always what she ended up doing, despite herself. She sighed, her body digging deeper into the couch.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean that…I'm just all over the place right now…"

Elliot felt that but understood why. He desperately wanted to be there for her, and she wanted him at her side, but neither of them could come to terms to say it out loud or make a move.

Elliot sighed loudly and Olivia just knew he was rubbing his hand over his face in pure exasperation. Which stirred up her own annoyance in return, how dare he be the one who's angry?

"Look, I know this is frustrating to you, but-"

"No." he cut her. "I mean, yes it is, but I'm frustrated about myself, not you."

"Oh." She calmed down a little.

"I know I screwed this up between us, that this is on me…I'm just frustrated because…because I don't know how to act with you anymore…I never used to need to think about it twice before, I just knew what to do, what to say…now it's…" he tried to explain.

Olivia took a breath.

"It's complicated, I know. I feel the same…" she admitted.

They let a moment of silence pass, each gathering their thoughts, before Elliot talked again.

"Do you think we think too much?"

They both started laughing at that.

"Did the pun in that sentence even was intentional?" she asked, still laughing.

"No." he laughed harder.

The atmosphere lightened a bit. Olivia shook her head gently, cursing the fact that they probably were just overthinking everything. She heard Elliot take a deep breath.

"Hey my friend Olivia," he said once their laugher had subsided a little. She hummed, her heart fluttering at the tone of his voice when he called her that. "How are you feeling right now?"

Olivia took a moment to appreciate the turn of the conversation. Instead of them thinking, he wanted them to talk about their feelings? That wasn't much better, Olivia thought to herself. She humored him, still.

"I'm tired." She admitted.

She heard Elliot shift.

"If this is a way of ending this conversation so you can go to sleep, it's effective." He teased, a note of disappointment in his voice.

"I didn't say I was sleepy. I said I was tired." She corrected, gently. "Exhausted." She finished exhaling.

It's Elliot's turn to hum in response, not knowing what to say to that. 25 years at SVU ought to do that to a person, but he wasn't going to bring it up. SVU was Olivia's life, always had been and always will be. He knew that. He would never question that. And that's why when she spoke again, the tone of her voice stirred concern in him.

"El…" she sounded hesitant. "What did it feel like?"

"What?" he asked softly, bracing himself for her question.

"Leaving your badge and your gun behind?"

And that's when Elliot knew she was further gone that he ever imagined.