AN. I think we're moving out of the canon episode now, but I wanted to explore this...


"El…" she sounded hesitant. "What did it feel like?"

"What?" he asked softly, bracing himself for her question.

"Leaving your badge and your gun behind?"

Elliot sat up straighter. Olivia never spoke like that. He would never imagine her thinking about leaving her job. Was it the first time she thought about it over the years? Was she thinking about leaving now? Was she thinking of leaving like he did, without a word?

Stabler tried to focus on her instead of letting his fears run free in his mind.

"Liv, I think you've had a hard day…"

"If this is your way of avoiding the question, it won't work, Detective."

He took a moment before speaking again.

"Don't you think this is a conversation worth having face to face..?"

"I'm too tired to have it face to face…"

"Liv…"

"Tell me." She insisted, curling up in a ball on her sofa, as a way to brace herself for his response. Her eyes were closing more and more.

"Can I come to you? You're scaring me…"

Olivia had noted a while ago that he had pulled over and parked, but that he had continued the conversation in the car nonetheless. She put two and two together.

"You're already downstairs, aren't you?"

His silence said plenty.

"I wasn't sure what you'd need tonight…"

And so he had been prepared for any scenario. Olivia chose to feel grateful for his attention.

"Yeah…" she agreed in defeat.

Elliot didn't need more to disconnect the Bluetooth and get out of his car. He kept the call on his cell until he was outside her door, fearing she might change her mind during his elevator ride.

They both hung up when she opened her door. She looked as exhausted as she sounded, not that Elliot would tell her that. She was still in work clothes, her hair pulled in a lazy ponytail. His first instinct was to pull her to him, but refrained from it.

He closed the door behind him and stepped closer to her. Olivia hadn't moved, either from exhaustion or lack of energy to put distance between them like she normally did. When she looked up at him, Elliot saw how lost she was in all of her emotions. She was still trying to look strong in front of him and when he saw that she hadn't removed her badge from her hips yet, he stepped even closer. Smiling at her frowning face, he reached for her belt. Olivia's breath hitched as she waited for his next move. They were so close now, she could feel his warmth radiating on her skin. Elliot slowly unclipped her badge and spoke softly as not to scare her.

"You don't have to be Captain Benson with me."

And then pulled her in his arms in an overwhelming hug. Liv resisted for a moment, but when Elliot mumbled "Don't think" in her hair, she caved into the embrace, molding her body to his. They stayed like this for a long time, just breathing together. That was exactly what Olivia needed tonight, even though she would never have asked for it. Elliot just knew. And acted. It was a nice change for them, to act and not think.

When he felt her getting sleepy, Elliot pulled his partner from his torso enough to look at her face.

"Come on."

She made a disapproving sound but was too tired to fight him when he directed her first toward the living room and then to the corridor of her bedroom.

There was something intimate and yet non-sexual to the way he tucked her in. She let him take charge, and he respected her boundaries while he attended to her care. When Liv's cheek touched her pillow, she called for him.

"El?"

He crouched beside the bed to be at her level.

"Yeah?"

"You never answered my question…" her eyes were half closed but she still was as stubborn as ever.

Elliot sighed lightly. He really didn't want to talk about his leaving the NYPD, and certainly not hers.

"I think we should talk about this another day, Liv."

"Don't think." She repeated his directive from the hallway.

He smiled at her attempt.

"One of us has to, tonight it's me. You rest your head for a while." He felt brave enough to stroke her hair at that, which made her close her eyes once more.

"Would you do it again, giving the circumstances?" She wouldn't let it go.

Her eyes opened again and Elliot saw that she needed an answer. A truthful answer.

"No." he whispered, seriously. Her eyes watered a little. "It was the biggest mistake of my life."

Olivia stared at him a moment before nodding slightly. She looked so vulnerable right now, Elliot felt closer to her than he ever did.

"Come on, go to sleep. Tomorrow will be another day and Captain Benson can go back to helping victims then." He said sweetly, putting her badge on her nightstand.

Her eyes followed his movements and stared at her badge with an odd expression.

"Liv?" he pulled her attention back to him. "Can I…can I stay a while? On the couch? I promise I'll be gone when Noah wakes up, I just…" he hesitated. "I just wanna make sure you're okay?"

This felt familiar. Him staying on her couch, protecting her. That was exactly what they would have done, 15 years ago. It felt comforting. Olivia nodded.

"Please." She added, affirming that she wanted him to stay as well.

Elliot smiled in relief. He got up, made sure she was fully covered by the sheets and squeezed her upper arm through them in reassurance. He walked to exit the room and turned one last time towards his partner before closing the door. Her eyes were still fixed on the badge on her nightstand, she looked pensive. Elliot went back to the living room, hoping the night of sleep would chase the retirement thoughts out of her mind.