I remember being distant through out that day. I had known my fate for days, but for some reason, it didn't really kick in until that day. There was still one straw I could pull to see if I was right, and if it was wrong, then so was I. If it was right, there was nothing else I could try. So, at the end of the day when all the nurses went home, I stayed behind. Making sure the hospital doors were locked and no one was there with me, I went to the office and pulled out a calendar. I dreadfully counted the weeks from *that* day to the day I was on, and after taking a sigh of nothing, I carefully placed the calendar back in it's position, as if I had never touched it. Taking one more sigh and turning out the lights, I walked out of the office, and then out of the hospital.
I was staring at my feet while I was walking. I realized that I could probably run into something, but I just didn't care. My mind was racing. Everything that consumed my head was about Danny. What would Danny think? How would Danny react? Would he still love me? Then I saw a pair of shoes standing infront of me, so I raised my head. I gasped and literally almost fell. At that moment, everything that I had been thinking left, and my mind and heart were filled with all kinds of emotions I thought I had forgotten. I had forgotten them, but they all came flooding back. "I told you I'd come back." Was all Rafe said. I was starting to cry. My God, how I'd missed him. I didn't realize how much I had until then, when he was standing right infront of me. "Here, sit down." He took my hand and led me to a nearby bench. He simply rubbed my face and said nothing, and my tears were falling like waterfalls. "I wished for this everyday." He nodded. "I know, I know. Me too." "How did you--?" He kind of laughed. "I was picked up by a French fishing boat, so I was stuck in France and I couldn't get word out, but I'll tell you all about it later," I moved closer to him. "God, you're so beautiful. I love you so much." He started kissing me lightly, and I kissed him back for a minute. But then I couldn't do it. I felt so awful. I cried even more and pulled away from him. He smiled gently at me. "It's ok, I'm back now," I shook my head. "I'm back." "Rafe, you died," He just looked at me; his face emotionless. "So did I." "No, no. See, it's ok. I'm back now. I'm back, and we're together," That hit the spot. I closed my eyes and looked down; quietly sobbing. "I mean, we are together. Aren't we?" I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I don't know where I am." He couldn't really find anything to say. I could tell by the look on his face. "Rafe!" I looked up, and I just couldn't take it anymore. The 2 men I loved. Both of them. What was going to happen? Would I have to choose between them? I couldn't do that. By the look on mine and Danny's faces, Rafe instantly knew what was going on. He stood up, as dignantly as he could, but I could tell he was as fragile as a little child right then. Danny started to approach him, and he lifted his hand in protest. "Stay away." "Rafe," Rafe didn't turn around to answer him. He only walked away and kept walking, not looking back once. Maybe if I had done that in the first place, this never would have happened. I wouldn't be in this mess. Danny sighed and looked down. I couldn't even cry anymore. "Let me walk you home, then I'll find him." I nodded slowly and stood up. "Ok." He walked beside me the entire, but he didn't say anything. I didn't say anything either. What was happening to me? The one minute I thought that maybe I'd be ok, that maybe I could go on with my life. When I finally start to have fun again; when I finally start to love again. He shows up. Rafe comes back. Where the hell did all of this fit in? My mind was so clouded. My heart was clouded, too. I had my feelings for Danny, and now my feelings for Rafe. We reached my house, finally. "Evelyn?" I turned around. "Yes?" "I love you. You know that right?" I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I nodded. He smiled weakly. "I'll find him and talk to him. Don't worry. It's all going to be ok." I couldn't smile. I believed him, but how long would it take? I couldn't wait that long. I offered a small wave and walked inside. Betty was sitting on her bed. "Hey, Ev! I got these--" She noticed my face, and then she noticed me fall to the floor, gasping for my breath as the sobs consumed me. She ran over to me. "What is wrong, honey?" I managed to answer her. "Rafe...he..he's alive." She narrowed her eyes. "What?" "He's back. He found me, Betty." She looked confused. "Ev, that's great. Why are you--" I didn't mean to, but I lashed out at her. "He saw Danny, too, damn it!" Her eyes widened, and for her 17 years, she gave me the best amount of comfort I could deal with for the moment. She hugged me.
After my episode in the bedroom, I felt drained. I walked out to the back porch, sitting down on the swinger chair. I had no plans to sleep. If I could sleep like this, well. That'd be a miracle. I instantly began thinking about the situation, and what I could do. It would come to that. I would have to choose. Sighing, I thought about Danny. He was smart, funny, and I had so much fun with him. Rafe? He was smart in everything besides letters and directions, funny, and I had so much fun with him. UGH! Damn! That's the exact same thing I said about Danny! Ok, maybe this would be harder. There were no differences. Who did I love more? Well, that was simple. It's Rafe. But I loved Danny more than I thought I did, so I almost loved him as much as I love Rafe, but not quite. Ok, I'll stay with Rafe. I implanted this into my head, so that I couldn't change my mind. It would be hard for me to leave Danny. I did love him. But, Rafe was the first one, and I loved him more. He only deserved it. But, then I remembered. It wasn't just me in this anymore. There was someone else. I had to think about them, too. And for that, I had to think about Danny. Ok, there you have it. I had no choice. I had to stay with Danny. Now, it would be hard for me to leave Rafe, but it would have to be done. With my unsettled mind made up, I fell asleep; against my will.
I was staring at my feet while I was walking. I realized that I could probably run into something, but I just didn't care. My mind was racing. Everything that consumed my head was about Danny. What would Danny think? How would Danny react? Would he still love me? Then I saw a pair of shoes standing infront of me, so I raised my head. I gasped and literally almost fell. At that moment, everything that I had been thinking left, and my mind and heart were filled with all kinds of emotions I thought I had forgotten. I had forgotten them, but they all came flooding back. "I told you I'd come back." Was all Rafe said. I was starting to cry. My God, how I'd missed him. I didn't realize how much I had until then, when he was standing right infront of me. "Here, sit down." He took my hand and led me to a nearby bench. He simply rubbed my face and said nothing, and my tears were falling like waterfalls. "I wished for this everyday." He nodded. "I know, I know. Me too." "How did you--?" He kind of laughed. "I was picked up by a French fishing boat, so I was stuck in France and I couldn't get word out, but I'll tell you all about it later," I moved closer to him. "God, you're so beautiful. I love you so much." He started kissing me lightly, and I kissed him back for a minute. But then I couldn't do it. I felt so awful. I cried even more and pulled away from him. He smiled gently at me. "It's ok, I'm back now," I shook my head. "I'm back." "Rafe, you died," He just looked at me; his face emotionless. "So did I." "No, no. See, it's ok. I'm back now. I'm back, and we're together," That hit the spot. I closed my eyes and looked down; quietly sobbing. "I mean, we are together. Aren't we?" I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I don't know where I am." He couldn't really find anything to say. I could tell by the look on his face. "Rafe!" I looked up, and I just couldn't take it anymore. The 2 men I loved. Both of them. What was going to happen? Would I have to choose between them? I couldn't do that. By the look on mine and Danny's faces, Rafe instantly knew what was going on. He stood up, as dignantly as he could, but I could tell he was as fragile as a little child right then. Danny started to approach him, and he lifted his hand in protest. "Stay away." "Rafe," Rafe didn't turn around to answer him. He only walked away and kept walking, not looking back once. Maybe if I had done that in the first place, this never would have happened. I wouldn't be in this mess. Danny sighed and looked down. I couldn't even cry anymore. "Let me walk you home, then I'll find him." I nodded slowly and stood up. "Ok." He walked beside me the entire, but he didn't say anything. I didn't say anything either. What was happening to me? The one minute I thought that maybe I'd be ok, that maybe I could go on with my life. When I finally start to have fun again; when I finally start to love again. He shows up. Rafe comes back. Where the hell did all of this fit in? My mind was so clouded. My heart was clouded, too. I had my feelings for Danny, and now my feelings for Rafe. We reached my house, finally. "Evelyn?" I turned around. "Yes?" "I love you. You know that right?" I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I nodded. He smiled weakly. "I'll find him and talk to him. Don't worry. It's all going to be ok." I couldn't smile. I believed him, but how long would it take? I couldn't wait that long. I offered a small wave and walked inside. Betty was sitting on her bed. "Hey, Ev! I got these--" She noticed my face, and then she noticed me fall to the floor, gasping for my breath as the sobs consumed me. She ran over to me. "What is wrong, honey?" I managed to answer her. "Rafe...he..he's alive." She narrowed her eyes. "What?" "He's back. He found me, Betty." She looked confused. "Ev, that's great. Why are you--" I didn't mean to, but I lashed out at her. "He saw Danny, too, damn it!" Her eyes widened, and for her 17 years, she gave me the best amount of comfort I could deal with for the moment. She hugged me.
After my episode in the bedroom, I felt drained. I walked out to the back porch, sitting down on the swinger chair. I had no plans to sleep. If I could sleep like this, well. That'd be a miracle. I instantly began thinking about the situation, and what I could do. It would come to that. I would have to choose. Sighing, I thought about Danny. He was smart, funny, and I had so much fun with him. Rafe? He was smart in everything besides letters and directions, funny, and I had so much fun with him. UGH! Damn! That's the exact same thing I said about Danny! Ok, maybe this would be harder. There were no differences. Who did I love more? Well, that was simple. It's Rafe. But I loved Danny more than I thought I did, so I almost loved him as much as I love Rafe, but not quite. Ok, I'll stay with Rafe. I implanted this into my head, so that I couldn't change my mind. It would be hard for me to leave Danny. I did love him. But, Rafe was the first one, and I loved him more. He only deserved it. But, then I remembered. It wasn't just me in this anymore. There was someone else. I had to think about them, too. And for that, I had to think about Danny. Ok, there you have it. I had no choice. I had to stay with Danny. Now, it would be hard for me to leave Rafe, but it would have to be done. With my unsettled mind made up, I fell asleep; against my will.
