RANMA'S TRIP TO MAINFRAME
RANMA'S TRIP TO MAINFRAME Written by Elektra Chapter Eight
Graveheart looked up from the ship's controls, "Hey, Jade.. did you hear that??"

Jade looked at him, "hear what?" she asked.

Graveheart furrowed his brow, "I just thought I heard a scream or somethin..."

Jade shrugged, "It's probably just Zera and Pyrus playing a game. Don't worry about it,"

"Yes, Graveheart..." King Cryos said. "I'm sure your friend is correct. Now please.. this ship will not fly itself you know."

Graveheart shrugged, "If you say so.. I just thought.. well.. that scream didn't sound like Pyrus," he dropped the subject, and turned back to the controls.

***

"Ranma, you idiot!! Will you stop screaming!!" Akane shouted.

Ranma did as Akane said, and stared at the ground in despair, "WHY ME?!! WHY WHY WHY?!! First, I get engaged to some un-cute fiancee.. then whenever she gets mad she ends up sucking us though some weird mallet space portal into kami-sama knows where!! I thought MAINFRAME was enough.. but noooooo... Then we had to visit that robot planet. I thought THAT was it.. but noooooo.. now we're stuck on some space ship in the middle of NOWHERE!" He sighed, "You know... life sucks right about now..."

"There there, my boy..." Happosai began to comfort Ranma.. but stopped, "Wait a moment.. did you say we're stuck on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere??"

"Uh.. that's what it looks like!" Ranma replied.

Happosai's eyes went wide, "That means... PREEEEEETTYYYYYY LAADIIIIIEEEEEESSS!!!" He started to drool, "And they can't run away!!!"

"Is that all you ever think about??!" Akane asked, but she knew the answer.

"Bye bye kiddies! I'll see you later.. maybe!!" And with that, Happosai disappeared.

***

Lamprey hid in the shadows of the bridge, waiting to make her move, "All I need to do is hijack this ship.. then..." Suddenly she felt something grab her from behind. She turned to look.. and saw a little old man nuzzling her rear. "AHHH!!!! Get off me, you FLEA!" she shouted.

"Oooooh... pretty lady!!!" the thing muttered, and still glomped onto her.

"GET OFF!! GET OFF!!" She screeched, and punted the thing off her. Lamprey began to run away.

"Hey pretty lady! Come back!!!" Happosai ran after her.

"GAAH!! NO!! GET AWAY!!" Lamprey continued to run and quickly headed to her ship. She was gone before Happosai could grab her again.

The old pervert pouted, "Ooooh.. the pretty lady left..." then he smiled, "But there are still more pretty ladies on this ship!!" and headed off to continue his search.

***

"Oh, where IS that old pervert!" Akane muttered as her and Ranma searched the ship, hoping they wouldn't run into the inhabitants of the vessel, "You know, if he gets us in trouble, it'll be all YOUR fault, Ranma!"

"MY fault?! And how do you figure THAT?!" Ranma asked.

"Well... it's your fault we're here, you know! Or did you forget how angry you made me!" Akane replied.

"Akane... you're always angry!"

Akane looked sad for a moment, "...and you're always so mean!!" she replied, and sniffled.

"I.. uh.. er.. um.." Ranma was at a loss for words. Only Akane could do that to him. "Uh.. c'mon.. don't cry...!" Akane looked up at him, eyes wet with unshed tears, "Aww, geez.. Akane.. I'm.. I. " his voice became softer, "Akane.. I..."

"Emperor... what do you think I should do to get Graveheart to notice me??" a voice interrupted Ranma.

"Oh no!!" Ranma gasped, and quickly pulled Akane into a shadowy corner.

"Well.. let's see now.." a second voice replied.

Ranma and Akane hid from the source of the voices. They saw two very strange creatures walk by them, "What the heck are THOSE?!" Ranma whispered to Akane.

"Like I'm supposed to know!!" Akane replied.

There was a young girl.. perhaps in her early teens. She looked like a humanoid insect! And the man beside her looked like a humanoid lizard of some sort. "This place is TOO weird... we have to find Happosai and get out of here!"

***

"Now let's see.. how to get Graveheart to notice you..." Femur began, thinking of a manipulative plan to 'help' this girl - and himself. The young insect-like girl looked up at him, eyes wide and hopeful. "Give me some time and I'll think of something.." Femur said, and grinned, showing a row of sharp teeth. Of course, he didn't dare tell the young girl that the older Graveheart would not be interested in her anyway. After all, Graveheart had the lovely Jade.

"OH! Thank you, sir!" Zera bowed gracefully. Femur headed on his way. Zera walked the hallway alone, thinking to herself. Suddenly, she heard a loud voice.

"OOOH!! Hello little girl! Do you think you could help an old man find his way??"

Zera turned to the source of the voice, "Huh.. who are-" and a small creature suddenly glomped onto her, "EEEEK!!! Get off me!! Do you know who I AM?!!"

"Right now, I don't care..." the old man said, and nuzzled her.

"I am Lady Zera of the planet ICE! And if you do not let go of me this instant, I shall have you arrested!!!"

"I don't wanna let go!! Hmmm... You DO feel like ICE.. but that's ok! I'm not picky..." Happosai answered.

"I DEMAND YOU LET ME GO!! NOW!!" Zera screamed, trying to pull the old letch off her. Ranma was about to jump in and reveal himself when someone else showed up.

"HEY!! Get off Zera!!" A young boy shouted, running down the hall.

Happosai looked up at the interruption. A strange boy, looking like a human torch, stood glaring at him angrily, "And who might you be, son?!" Happosai asked.

"I am NOT your son!! I am Prince Pyrus of the planet Fire!! Now let go of Zera!"

"Oh.. I see.. she's your girlfriend, eh??" Happosai replied.

"WHAT?!!" Pyrus sputtered, "She is NOT!! Just.. let go of her!!"

"Don't wanna..." Happosai replied, and continued to nuzzle her.

Suddenly, Pyrus pulled out a huge staff - and began whacking Happosai over the head with it. "Let *whack* go *whack* Before *whack* I *whack* hurt *whack* you!! *whack*" he punctuated each word with a whack of the staff. Zera was trying to pry the pervert's hands off her.

Happosai quickly let go, and rubbed his sore head. He looked up at Zera and Pyrus, and began crying, "I'm just trying to have some fun!! You're so mean to a poor little old man!!"

Zera glared at him and narrowed her eyes, "Shut up!" she shouted, and quickly kicked Happosai like a football. He went flying. Then she turned to Pyrus, "Thank you..." she replied.

"You're welcome. We should tell Graveheart and your dad about our little visitor!" Pyrus replied. Zera nodded, and the two quickly walked to the bridge.

***

"Oh great!! The old pervert ALREADY got himself into trouble!!" Ranma muttered.

Akane sighed, "Well.. they definitely know we're here.. so.. um.. what do we do now??"

Ranma shrugged, "Only one thing we CAN do... find this Graveheart guy before he kills gramps!!"

Go to the next page

Go back to the fanfic page