Title: " Letting Go "(2/?)
Author: Catherin Rabb (catherinrabb@aol.com)
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any characters,
just borrowing them for a moment.
Classification: S (Harm/Mac)
Rating: G
Spoilers: None that I know of.
Summary: The Dinner.

Hi! Thanks for the feedback on part 1. I had some time tonight so here's
part 2. I dunno how long I need to continue, but I'll do my best.
Have fun reading and tell me what you think.


Letting Go
by Catherin Rabb

Part 2



Harm had just finished the cooking and was busy putting the
final touches to the nicely decorated table, as the doorbell rang.

'On time as always ', he thought, smiling to himself, but saying
out loud, "Coming!"

Opening the door he found the woman who occupied his thoughts
in front of him. "Hi there!"

Mac couldn't help but smile back at him, he looked good even when
he was in jeans and shirt.

"Hey, " she answered. Stepping in, Harm took her coat and closed the
door.

Now, Mac had the time to look around. "You know, squid, I could get
used to this!! "

Harm just shrugged his shoulder, giving her his best
' I - don't - know - what - you're - talking - about - look'. But Mac
didn't take it.

"You're spoiling me too much. Dinner the last time was great and
know you're cooking again for me. If the food is half as good as
the ambience and the company, then it must be delicious. Thank you."
She was really touched by the effort he took just to surprise her and
how easy it was for him to make her feel comfortable.

Harm went back into the kitchen to get the food, while Mac sat down
at the table.

"You haven't even tried the food. Good that you like the table - well
I just had to try my decorating skills on somebody !!", he replied,
bringing her a plate with dinner.

"Here you go, hope you're hungry, but who am I asking ?!"

Mac chuckled. "Let's it, squid!"

Soft music was playing in the background and no word was said during
dinner. But it was no awkward silence. They were comfortable,
understanding each other even without words.

Afterwards, Mac helped him again with the dishes, the teasing
begin anew.

"So, tell me, this wasn't just for nothing, Harm. Were you
celebrating or what was it?!"

They had make some tea and Harm gave Mac her cup leading her to
the couch, then standing up again to put in a new CD, all the same
avoiding her question.

Mac meant to be teasing, but grew serious when he didn't answer
immediately.

Finally he sat down next to her, slowly sipping his tea. "You are
not nothing, Sarah. "

Mac knew that it was serious, because only than he used her given
name. "Gee, thanks, but Harm what's up? Did something happen? You
know you can talk to me about everything, right?! I am here for you."
She lightly touched Harm's hand trying to give him the assurance of her
presence.

Taking a deep breath, Harm began talking.

"Remember our talk at the ferry?", he shifted nervously trying to avoid
her eyes.

Instantly, Mac tensed and drew back her hand. She only nodded, her face
blank.

"I said then that I couldn't let go, well, I can now. What I meant was
the fear of loving someone, so much that it hurt. If I would have let go,
it meant to let someone near me. See the real me, my fears, my hopes. "
As Mac was about to protest, Harm stopped her by gently covering her lips
with his index finger.

Harm smiled shyly.

"I was afraid that if I love you, share my love with you and when you see
the me, the real me, that you would leave and I couldn't stand being away
from you, being rejected. But that had allready happened. You know more
about me, than my own mother. I let you in without realizing it and
even after all that has happened you are still here with me." Harm moved
a bit closer and looked her directly into the eyes.

"Sarah, when you wore Brumby's ring and really considered to marry him,
my world broke apart. On the ferry I thought time was on my site, that I
could come to terms with my feelings and tell you then. I was hurt and
treated you the way I felt."

He took her hands in his.

"I do have strong feelings for you. I want to protect you,
I also know that you are one tough Marine. But I know the soft, lovely,
beautiful Sarah behind the strong Mac."

Sarah was confused, the walls were trembling. "You really think that I
am beautiful?"

"Of course I do, and I want to tell you everyday for the rest of my life.
I want to have you near me, hold you, wake up next to you. But I know
that I do not have the right to demand anything. I know that. The only
thing that I need to tell you... to give you... is..", he stocked.

"Is my love. Sarah Mackenzie, I love you."

A few minutes of silence and deep breathes, Harm dared to look up again.
Tears were running down Sarah's face and her lips were pressed into a
tight line. Confusion filled Harm's heart, he didn't know whether he should
let her cry alone and wait till she calmed or just take Sarah into his arms.

But Sarah calmed down before he could make a decision.

"Harm, you know that I wanted to hear these words from you for a long
time. Nevertheless, you hurt me badly and how can I be sure that you
won't change your mind again and hurt me once more ?! I still have deep
feelings for you, maybe even love, but am afraid, too. Scared that if it
doesn't work out the way we want it to, what then. We worked so hard to
get back our friendship after you left, to gain our trust again."

Like she before, Harm wanted to interrupt, to tell her to not be afraid,
but she, too, silenced him.

"No, let me finish. You know what happened when I loved. Chris, Dalton,
John. My greatest fear is that you could get hurt because of me."

Another deep breath to calm herself, she forced down the tears which
threatened to flow again.

Harm cupped her face with his hands, caressing her cheeks with his
thumbs, a gesture full of tenderness.

"I can't promise you that nothing will happen to me. What happened to
those men was not your responsibility - it was a chain reaction of bad
happenings. You hear me - it was not your fault. I can only promise you
that I will not hurt you in any way. Please, Sarah, give me.. no us..
a chance to make this work."

His breath was on her face like a sweet caress, those huge brown eyes
were looking at her - not forcefully, but gentle, supporting whatever
she would say.

Her heart was beating fast, "Yes, I would like that."

Harm smiled uncontrolled and was about to kiss her, when she stopped
him, hands on his shoulders. "But I want to take it slow. I want more
dates and ..."

"Comfortable shoes!", Harm added grinning like an idiot.

"That, too," she kissed him gently, floating in the sensation it was
giving her. They leaned back, just enjoying the feeling of being so
close to each other.

The food, stressing conversation had made her exhaustion take over
and it just felt so good being in Harm's warm embrace, she felt
very sleepy.

"Hey, " Harm gently rubbed her shoulders. " If you want, you can
stay her. I sleep on the couch. If I remember correct, you slept well
the last time?!", he said, stroking her hair.

"Mhmm ?! ... No ... I think it's better if I leave. Remember, we are
going to take this slow."

He nodded in agreement, but nevertheless added," You sure, that
you're able to drive home?"

Sarah yawned, stood up and stretched.

"Yeah, it's not that far. Good night, flyboy. Sweet dreams."

Harm stood up and led her to the door, helping her into her coat.
"Give me a call, when you're home, will ya?!"

Sarah turned around, whispering a yes. She caught him by surprise,
when she reached up, pulling him down to her, kissing him.

They broke away breathless. " Goodnight, beautiful ," Harm whispered,
shutting the door close.

He did not fall asleep till she had called and even after
he knew she was safe at home, it took him a while to finally fall
asleep. He was excited, full of plans how to persuade Mac that he
was honestly in love with her and that he is worth to be loved,
but exhaustion took over and Harm fall asleep, smiling.


[End] Part 2/?