Slayers! Yoyutchi
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)
With many thanks to Stefan Gagne for providing a high source of inspiration
and an uber-cool speech pattern for Luna Inverse. Wai!
In case you're wondering where this story would fit into continuity... it
would be directly after season two, where Xelloss and Martina debuted.
"Source of all disrespect...
Taunting that flows within...
Reveal to me now your true lack of power!
From forth the arcade joysticks and now into my hand....
King of mockery, sea of inanity,
I summon thee! Swear myself to thee!
Uncurl my fist and mock those below us! SAIKYOU SLAAAAAAAVE!"
Episode I: The Frantic Menace
[-----]
"OYAJI!"
No, no, that didn't sound right, gosh darn it! Somehow, she was lacking the
drive, the motive, the pure OYAJI-NESS of the yell. Try again. Must...
learn... saikyou...
Must... master... technique...
Can't... stop... pausing...
"*OYA-JI*!"
Hm, better. Maybe a bit more from the abdomen, and less from the throat...
"O-Y-A-J-I."
Ugh, no, now she sounded like a man. And she wasn't a man, last time she had
checked; although she *did* get confused for one, with her conspicuous lack
of breasts and--
Hah! She wasn't going to let this stop her. Besides, she beat the crap out
of anyone who mocked her about her breasts, so that wasn't a problem
anymore. Then again, she *was* growing--
--oh, geezus, she was getting distracted again.
"OYAJIIIIIIIII!!" she bellowed out, and so forceful was the exhalation that
her sensei was blown over by the force and sent spiralling out the nearby
window.
The girl looked up. "Uh... Hibiki-sensei? Sorry about that! I'll pay for the
damages and everything--ACK!"
Her sensei had taken the time (or not) to leap through the window he'd
crashed through and glomp onto his student, waterfall-crying all the while.
"Oh, *happy* day!" he blubbered. "For my student has finally learned how to
properly yell out the traditional battle cry of the Saikyou School of Magic!
Oh, but this is a knowledge reserved for only the most powerful, my
daughter... so you must learn how to properly utilize this power and only
wield it with the utmost discipline!"
"Okay, Hibiki-sensei... but can you please get your hands off my chest? It's
really... annoying."
Hibiki quickly darted his hand away. "Oops... how'd that get there?" he said
cheerfully, grinning vapidly at his student. "Anyways... you are now ready.
Go forth, my child, and taunt! Taunt with caution! Taunt with wisdom! And
send many more students to the Saikyou School of Magic!"
The girl bowed and smiled winningly. "I shall, Master... I shall!" With
that, she skipped out of the dojo, her cape flapping in the ensuing breeze.
Dan Hibiki watched her leave, wiping a tear from his eye. "Ah... the sweet
rapture of having bestowed my knowledge onto another..." he mused. Turning
around, he began to head back to the office before he was interrupted by an
errant puddle of teardrops on the ground and the subsequent crash-landing
procedure between face and ground.
[-----]
Ah, life was good! Even though she never did get an official graduation
certificate in the mail, she was confident that her marvelous sensei, Dan
Hibiki (may he live forever), had approved of her being the newest fledgling
master of Saikyou magic. Imagine, her, lil' ol' Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl, the
newest--
Okay, that was enough harping. Hibiki-sensei always said that 'actions spoke
louder than words--unless you screamed OYAJI *reeeeally* loud', so she was
going to start her new-found path towards glory by... by...
... um, what *did* she want to do?
There were already tons of magic users in the world--in fact, most people
were capable of using magic to some extent, since it was so convenient. Of
course, most of them used piddly, stupid magics, like *white* magic, or
*black* magic, or... or... whatever that last one was called, shalamanaism
or something. None of them have yet beheld the glory of...
Saikyouism. Snazz-ass bitches.
What could she do? She couldn't let this world pass her by! She had to help
spread the teachings of Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) to all corners
of the world! Even if it meant consorting with Philbriezo himself, or
resurrecting Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo--
... *hey* now, that'd really get people's attention, wouldn't it? If they
were going to pay attention to something, it'd definitely be while they were
cowering in terror before a dark god!
Oh, but there were going to be the requisite Good Guys (TM) trying to stop
her... no matter. What a perfect way to spread the influence of Saikyouism--
by crushing her enemies with it, and then by preaching the message through a
being who was capable of telling everyone in the world at once!
Kiseki opened the door to her small cottage, on the verge of tears from her
brilliant insight. "Hibiki-sensei (may you live forever)... you will be so
proud of me!" she gushed, and walked on in.
But wait. She had to go about this the proper way. There was no telling what
she would face in her quest for glory, no clue as to the obstacles in her
path. She had to be prepared.
She sauntered over to her table, where a large knapsack was laying there,
and began dumping the contents onto a nearby chair. Hair gel. Gold coins. A
dagger. Teddy Ruxpin (oooh, he's so cuuute)? Another dagger. Mirror. A
poster of Ricky Martin... dangit, there wasn't anything useful in here.
She made a face, and began to rummage around the room for something remotely
cool, like a sword, or a spellbook.
/Of course, practitioners of Saikyouism need not such vulgar physicalities,/
the voice of Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) echoed in her head. /Now
fork over another 50 gold, I need to buy something./
/Okay, so I've got nothing but my mad skills to rely upon,/ Kiseki thought
to herself. /That's all right. I can do this./
Kiseki donned the knapsack (which was now empty), and paused for a moment.
/On second thought, better buy some food and water--and I'll be needing
these cosmetic supplies as well,/ she reminded herself. With a triumphant
opening of the door, she stepped forth and began the first leg of her
journey.
Six seconds later, she backed out of the broom closet and managed to open
the front door this time, stepping forth to begin the first leg of her
journey.
[-----]
Lina Inverse was pissed. This was not a good thing.
The award for the Most Obvious Statement Ever in a Fanfic goes to...
*ahem* Anyways, she was pissed. The day had gone absolutely horribly for her
in so many ways, it transcended "bad" and into the realm of sheer
"suckitude". In fact, it was so sucky, there were no words to describe it.
It was beyond "suck". It was... absolute blow.
Having adequately conveyed the vague impression that perhaps something had
gone wrong in this day of Lina's life, the errant author then proceeds to
describe the events that led up to her current state of mind.
Everything had *began* well. She was taking a nap under a tree, making her
way towards a new town that was supposedly home to a new form of powerful
magic never seen before in any part of the world. Where magic lay, Lina
Inverse would be there to snatch it up and learn. The words "Strongest Style
Magic" had also caught her attention; what could be more powerful than a
Giga Slave? If there *was* something more powerful, she wanted to see and
use it--and hopefully, this "Strongest Style Magic" doesn't use magics that
constitutes selling one's soul to the highest bidder.
And then the apple had hit her on the head.
"OW!" she spat out, rubbing her head. Lina looked upwards in annoyance, then
picked up the apple and bit into it. There was a sandy crunch in her bite.
Lina blinked, and bit into it again. Another sandy crunch.
She looked at the apple, and noticed the rather-large and currently-headless
worm wriggling in it.
"AUGH!" she screamed, spitting out the bits and pieces of apple and worm all
over the floor, tossing the offending fruit into the sky. This was sucky. At
least there hasn't been any random group of bandits wandering around to try
and rob her--
"'ay, Missie! Yer money or yer life!" came a rough, uncultured voice from
behind her.
Oh, for...
"Go away," Lina muttered, not turning around. "I'm trying to recover from a
bad eating experience here--"
"Yer MONEY or yer LIFE!" the voice repeated in typical Insistent Stupid
Bandit tones.
"DILL BRAND!" Lina shouted, whirling around, invoking a blast of magic that
sent the offending bandit(s) to kingdom come. Dusting her hands off, Lina
casually turned back around and--
"Looks like it's gonna be yer life, Missie!" the bandit yelled, and swung
his sword at Lina's neck.
The Dora-Mata had time to let out the first syllable of an elaborate swear
word before she stumbled back, barely avoiding the tip of the sword. She
managed to get out her own sword while getting a good look at the guy: a
typical, green-haired, thug clad in shining white armor, a glinting white
sword in one hand. His mouth was covered with a white faceplate, much like a
ninja, but it was glaringly obvious that he was smirking.
"Didn't think that your old tricks would work, did you, *Lina* *Inverse*?"
he said scornfully. "I've been watching you... and I finally know how I can
defeat you, Enemy of All Who Live!"
Lina, who had been charging a Fireball, now launched a great big ball of
fire at the white-clad bandit. "Hah! That'll teach you never to make a
dramatic speech in mid-combat!" she crowed triumphantly. "And you didn't
even get my title right. Now... gotta find something to get this evil taste
out of my mouth--huh?!"
The bandit was standing next to Lina, his arms folded over his chest. "Oh,
come on.. you didn't think that puny little Fireball would get me, did you?"
he said. "I know all your tricks, Lina Inverse... and I *will* destroy you!"
Lina's eyebrow began twitching. "Darkness from twilight..."
"But first, it says in my contract that I have to divulge the entire story
of my origin to you, so here goes!" the bandit continued. "A long time ago,
there was--"
"Crimson from blood that flows..."
"--a young, skinny man who wanted to be a hero. But alas, he was so weak...
that he could never be anything at all! His mother, though... did not
believe that to be true... and sent him to train under one of the most
powerful magi in the land."
"Buried in the flow of time... in thy great name, I pledge myself to
darkness!" Lina was hovering slightly off of the ground now, sparks of faint
magic energy stirring up around her.
"And even during the time that the skinny man was under the care and
guidance of the mage, he still couldn't prove himself to be a hero! So...
finally, after he returned home with his father and mother, his mother
decided to try again, and turn her son into a mighty warrior!"
"Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"
"And now, Lina Inverse, I stand before you as... *Jeffrey-kun*, Valiant
Incarnate!" the bandit proclaimed proudly, raising one hand up in the air.
"DRAGON SLAAAAAAA--aaaaah?!" Lina gasped, recognizing the name. Oh, *boy*,
did she recognize it. Jeffrey was one of the companions that had accompanied
her and Naga--another erstwhile rival/partner--at one point in her journies.
He was supposedly a dashing knight in shining armor, but when she had met
him, he was just some skinny guy in armor (not shining, either). And now, he
was... a bandit. Huh, go figure.
"*Jeffrey*?!" she cried in a mixture of disbelief and annoyance. How could
he, of all people, avoid--
Jeffrey took off his face plate and flashed Lina his patented goofy grin.
"Yeah! Hiya, Lina, it's me! .... uh, say, can you point that spell the other
way?"
"Huh? Oh, sure, Jeffrey, hold on a sec... YARGH!" Lina frantically swerved
around and managed to direct the spell she'd been chanting in the other
direction away from Jeffrey--and straight towards a random city.
"Lina? Lina? I'm sorry if I got you mad--but hey, did I impress you? Did I?
Huh? Huh?" Jeffrey gushed, as the backlash of the explosion from Lina's
Dragon Slave washed over him, making his cape flutter in the wind in a
relatively-cool fashion.
"Heh..." Lina muttered, picking up her supplies. "Yeah, you did... whoop!
Look at the time! Gotta run!" With that, she turned tail and began running
the heck away.
[-----]
The first leg of her journey was proving to be more trouble than she had
anticipated.
Kiseki had wandered out of her house, and upon seeing some guy walk across,
had approached him quickly.
"Hey there!" she greeted cheerfully. "Listen, can I ask you a quick
question?"
The man scratched the back of his head. "Uh, sure, miss... what is it?" he
said.
"Do you know where I can find a guy named Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo? He's
supposed to be a really nasty demon, the king of evil or something... I was
hoping you'd know where he was, or how I can reach him--"
"Are you *crazy*?!" the man nearly-shouted. "Why would you *want* to find
Shaburanigdo? He's the lord of darkness! The master of evil! He'd kill you
without a second thought, or even a first!"
"But... I want to preach the ways of Saikyou through him..." Kiseki said,
crestfallen.
"You're crazy," the man said, backing away slowly. "I'm outta here." With
that, he scurried off.
"... well, that sucked," Kiseki mumbled, and turned to look around some
more. The village was pretty much normal for this time of day... people
walking around, horses drawing fancy carriages along the paved roads... a
gigantic blast of energy headed straight towards them...
... eh?
Kiseki stared at the big-assed blast of energy for a full second before her
training kicked in. Raising one forearm, she began to chant quickly: "Power
of mockery, reveal the true spirit of fighting within!"
Shimmering pink light flowed around her... and within the space of less than
a second, Kiseki was gone. Disappeared. Vanished. Not there.
The *town*, however, *was*... and the Dragon Slave smashed directly into the
town hall before detonating, destroying everything within a... big radius.
(The exact size was unknown, since no one was going to stay around and
measure it--especially not Kiseki herself). Debris flew up into the air,
torn from its origins by waves of magical energy; that which was not rapidly
disintegrated was strewn all over the remains of the torn ground and broken
pavement.
Dan Hibiki's Saikyou School of Magic, however, lay on the outskirt of the
spell, so it received nothing more than a significant jar and a few char
streaks before settling down once more.
Kiseki reappeared a ways outside of the town, smiling brightly. Yup! The
power of Saikyouism had prevailed once more--Fatherly Flee was one of the
first spells she had learned, and...
She turned around and saw the town.
... oh dear, this was going to cost a lot of money to repair.
[-----]
The worst thing was, Lina's day had only begun.
"Oh, my *God*, Lina!!" Jeffrey shouted. "You destroyed Kennelia! You
bastard!" He took the time to pant a few times. "Why are we running like
this?"
"*Because*, you idiot, I don't want the entire village going after me again
like that time I had to Slave a dragon that was--" Lina spat out as she
continued running at a pace that would make... a very fast runner jealous.
Jeffrey, though, was somehow keeping up with her, much to her shock and
chagrin. The armor he was wearing almost seemed to be *pulling* him along...
this was weird. What happened to the incompetent git (complete with rabid,
killer maternal unit) that she'd met?
"I think all the villagers would be busy repairing their homes," he pointed
out, looking around. His green hair (which was now admittedly much more
cooler-looking) whipped around his face.
"Well, yeah," Lina said flippantly, still running. "But still, you never
know who gets o--OW!"
The mage went flying back onto her butt as she ran into something--no,
someone. Lina looked up.
A female was standing there, her blue hair and cape billowing dramatically
in the wind. She was garbed in a traditional mage's outfit, with a white
shirt, a one-sided shoulder piece that veered off to her left, and blue
trousers. Her eyes were a piercing blue... and glaring angrily down at Lina
at the moment.
"And you were running because..." the girl demanded.
"Who the hell are you?" Lina shot right back. "I can run if I feel like it,
y'know."
The wind kicked up dramatically once more, sending the girl's cape flaring
out behind her. "*I* am Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl... the first master of
Saikyouism in the land!"
Jeffrey had finally managed to stumble up to the two, tripping over a small
portable fan the instant he drew close. Kiseki's dramatic breeze quickly
died down.
"OW! ... *huff*... *puff*... hey, Lina... *cough*... who's this lady?" he
managed to get out.
/Obviously Jeffrey's physical condition hasn't improved much--and yet he was
able to dodge my Dill Brands,/ Lina mused. /Hmm./
"Some mage," Lina said aloud, turning away from Kiseki. "C'mon, let's go."
"Hey, hey!" Kiseki protested. "I'm not going to just let you *walk* off!
You were the one who charbroiled my village back there, weren't you?"
Lina paused. "Yeeeah..." she said slowly.
"You... you sent my sensei to another dimension..." Kiseki breathed. "I-I
can't let you get away with that. OYAJI FLARE!"
"Wha--" Lina began, before a bright light rose sharply from Kiseki's hand,
streaking directly towards her. Lina managed to weave aside narrowly, and
the spell slammed directly into Jeffrey.
With no effect whatsoever.
"What was *that*?" Jeffrey said.
"All right, look!" Lina said. "I'm really sorry about blowing up your
village, but killing me's not going to do anything. Besides," she smirked,
"you have no idea who you're going up against."
"... no, I don't," Kiseki admitted after a second or two of thought. "But
smiting you *will* avenge my fallen Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever)...
and that is the task which I will devote myself to."
"Um, right," Lina said. "Look, I'm sorry, but I gotta go and find something
right now, so if you'll excuse me--"
"Yoyutchi *BLAST*!" A random configuration of small pinkish orbs flew out
at Lina.
"Oh, for..." Lina quickly raised a Valus Wall and deflected the majority of
the orbs aside, then began to charge a spell of her own in her hands. "You
are really beginning to piss me off..."
Kiseki was already charging another pulsing orb of pinkish energy in her
cupped hands. "Yeah... sensei, I will avenge you... CHOUHATSU BRAND!"
"You can at least come up with some original names--" Lina began, before
Kiseki flew up into the air, a pink column of energy exploding beneath her.
"Huh. She missed."
She turned around, dispelling the spell that she was about to cast, and
began making her way towards the--
--Kiseki landed on top of Lina. More precisely, Kiseki *stomped* on top of
her, as if she had actually planned to blow herself up into the air (a
thought that was as practical as it was ridiculous). The smaller girl was
driven straight into the ground with a curse and a bitch, and Kiseki stepped
away from Lina, dusting off her grade-A combat boots carefully.
Slowly... slowly... Kiseki's right arm rose up, and curled at the elbow...
then began shaking back and forth in a show of utter defiance and mockery.
"OYAJIIIIII!!!" she bellowed, in the long-practiced traditional cry of the
now-fallen Saikyou School of Magic.
"What the--ow, damn, those boots hurt--hell are you *doing*?!" Lina
demanded, scraping herself up from the ground. The impact wasn't so bad, but
it really was weird to see a girl shaking her forearm at you instead of
casting a Fireball, or a Freeze Arrow, or something actually effective.
"Anger is the path... of the loser's circle..." Kiseki crowed triumphantly,
still shaking her forearm at Lina. There was something mesmerizing about
the way she was shaking it...
"FIIIIIIIIIIIRE...." Lina began, raising one hand upwards, a swirling mass
of red energy gathering with incredible speed above her palm.
"AIYAHAYIHAYAYAHIIAIYAYAI!" Jeffrey screamed, and zoomed right past Lina,
his sword upraised. Lina prepared for impact--as stupid as Kiseki was, even
*she* couldn't lose to someone like Jeffrey--
Kiseki was caught in mid-forearm-shake and managed to somehow flip a full
three somersaults in the air before coming to a grinding halt on the ground.
Jeffrey, on the other hand, skidded to a halt shortly after barrelling into
her (his sword was still upraised), and gave Lina a V-for-victory sign with
both hands. The sword dropped onto his foot.
"--ball," Lina finished blandly, and shot the ball of magic into the sky
somewhere. Ignoring Jeffrey's yelp of pain, she turned to Kiseki, who was
still on the ground. "Hey, listen, can you do me a favor? I need to find a
town here, a town that's home to the Strongest Style of Magic. You got any
idea where it is?" Lina was careful to stay back in case Kiseki had a
lethal weapon of some sort, like a lollipop or a piece of string.
Kiseki responded with a magnificent round of silence.
"Well? You gonna sit there in a heap all day? That looks painful, too."
"You blew it up, along with the town," was Kiseki's deadpan response.
"... oh. Damn."
Silence. A leaf fluttered by on the ensuing breeze. Jeffrey batted at it
with the portable fan that he'd tripped over earlier.
"So, now what?" he said.
"Now, I take my leave," Lina said, getting up to her feet again and
beginning to walk off.
Kiseki was immediately up on her feet as well. "Hold it. I'm not going to
let you escape my clutches, you... you...! Uh, what was your name?"
"Lina," Lina said, sauntering off with a somewhat-calm expression on her
face. (On Lina's face, a calm expression usually meant something bad.)
"Lina Inverse." She waited for the gasps and exclamations of horror to
follow, things along the lines of "the enemy of all living things", and--
"That's a pretty name," Kiseki said.
Okay, this one was new.
"Now, if you weren't my mortal enemy, I could appreciate it. Prepare to get
hurt, Lina Inverse!"
This one *wasn't* new.
"Sorry, but no thanks, next in line, please," Lina said airily, casting a
Raywing over herself. She floated upwards a few feet, then looked back down
at Kiseki. "I'm *really* sorry about that... I'll make it up to you later,
all right?"
"H-hey!" Kiseki protested, jumping up ineffectually. "Get back down here!"
"Nope, can't do. Later!" Lina said, and flew off into the distance.
Jeffrey managed to tear his attention away from the riveting saga of a
moving leaf and a small portable fan long enough to notice Lina's departure.
"Hey, Lina! Wait up! I gotta talk to yooooooooouuuuuu..." His voice trailed
off as he--or rather, his armor--sped up and began tearing across the
grasslands in pursuit of the airborne sorceroress.
/Okay,/ Kiseki thought. /This will be a bit harder than I thought./
Wearily, she got up and began walking off into the distance.
[-----]
Lo, and behold, there was darkness.
Darkness, all-consuming and writhing throughout the very fabric of the
world. It was here. It was there. It was everywhere, in all places one can
lay their eyes upon. Lack of form, absence of light, or any other fancy
poetic names one could think of.
It was really, *really* dark, okay?
As the reader was gaping at the sheer inanity of the words before his eyes,
a form--not a physical form, or even a spiritual one, but a form that was
nothing more than a slightly-more defined ripple in the darkness--made
itself seen (or perceived, for it is impossible to see in a place that is
nothing but utter darkness). It was a tall, shapely figure, feminine by most
standards, and it was moving through the darkness like a shadow through a
thick fog.
Another form began to make its shape perceived in the rolling darkness...
and this shape was distinctly more prodigious, towering over the smaller one
like a bird of prey over it's... well, prey. As the smaller figure stood
there, impasse, the larger figure began slowly rising up, inch by inch,
feet by feet, until it took up what appeared to be the entire area in the
'sky', if there was even a sky in this place.
"Oi. You done yet?" the smaller figure called out; not with her voice, so
much as her mind, a projection of her whims... for she was a very whimsical
person.
The larger figure stopped its towering and wavered there, silent, trying its
utmost to look cool.
"Ya don't look cool. C'mon, let's talk."
With a loud rumble that was supposed to be a sigh of some sorts, the larger
figure quickly diminished in size until it was no more than a short, hunched
being standing in front of the now-larger female.
"Need 'nother schtick, Ceiphey," the female muttered, her 'tone' smiling.
"Darkness is gettin' old."
"I suppose," 'Ceiphey' said. "Shall I begin the briefing, Luna?"
'Luna' shifted vaguely onto her other foot. "S'pose so," she said. "G'wan."
"The Dragons have long been in existence in this world," 'Ceiphey' began.
"And during that time... we have had to stand against the Mazoku repeatedly,
and protect the humans from their wickedness."
"Ayup."
"Not only this... but I sense that another dark presence looming upon us."
"Shabby 'gin?" 'Luna' said offhandedly.
"No, no... not Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo... that would be boring, given how we
have had to defeat him so many times already... it is someone... else."
'Luna' cocked her head. "Do tell."
"I do not know," 'Ceiphey' said. "That is what I want you to find out, Luna.
Go forth and do my will."
"Heh, no prob, Ceiphey. Would've done it anyways, y'know?" 'Luna' said,
"... yes, my Knight. Go forth."
The head of the Luna-ripple nodded once, then faded out from existence. A
few seconds later, the form of the Ceiphey-ripple disappeared into nothing
as well.
It starts.
[-----]
And you thought that that was the worst of Lina's day, didn't you? You're so
wrong, it isn't even funny. Okay, maybe it is, but just a little.
After Lina had Raywinged her way across a half-hour or so of terrain, she
had finally drawn close to another small town of sorts. Gently setting
herself down, she quickly scanned the outskirts of the place. A sign was
hammered into the ground:
"Welcome to the town of Ri Saikul Lable. Population 15."
Was this a bad sign, all puns aside?
She decided, to hell with it, and walked in anyways. The town was remarkably
small (because only fifteen people lived in it), sporting a bar, a jail, a
general store, and exactly five houses, each the same general size and
shape. It reminded Lina a lot of her own town, except Zefiela had more
stores, more people, a variety of houses... okay, so maybe it was nothing
like her hometown, but at least they both shared the same quaintness.
Lina Inverse was hungry. Fifteen people would have to strive mightily to
feed her.
She walked into the bar, and immediately noticed that the entire town was
probably here--a majority of it, at any rate. A man was banging away at the
piano with a jovialty that had to be drunk; the sound coming from the piano
was horrendous, as well. A shapely waitress was serving drinks to a group of
four--a family, judging by their look--at a table. The bartender himself was
at the bar, shaking up a drink for one of the three people that sat on the
high stools. Another curvacious woman was atop a dais of some sort, with the
requisite males (three of them) gawking at her.
Lina took a seat between the pianist and another table where two seedy-
looking guys were talking in low, hushed tones. "Hey, some service here, and
I don't mean the scantily-clad kind!" she called out towards the waitress.
The waitress sauntered over, remaining turned to one side so as to serve
the table next to her. "Yeah?" she mumbled, flipping a lock of
crimson-purple hair away from her... eyes? From what Lina could see, the
lady didn't have any... either that, or she had *really* long bangs.
"Gimme one of everything on the menu!" Lina proclaimed happily. Yup, if
there was one thing she needed now, it was--
The waitress turned around, looking at Lina straight in the face. "Hiya
sis," she said.
--NOT her sister Luna!
"AIE!" the younger Inverse yelped, stumbling off of her chair. "Uh... h-hey
there, L-L-Luna..." she managed, her voice somewhere between a squeak and a
whisper. Luna just stood there, smiling in a way that was pretty damned
smug: her "big sis knows much more than you do" smile.
"Orderin'?" she said simply.
Lina blinked. "Uh... n-no, not now... I think I'll be leaving, actually--
BYE!" With that, she scrambled up and zipped through the door, a veritable
trail of smoke in her wake.
Luna watched her go. "Heh."
With that, she went back to waiting on the other patrons of the bar.
[-----]
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com.
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)
With many thanks to Stefan Gagne for providing a high source of inspiration
and an uber-cool speech pattern for Luna Inverse. Wai!
In case you're wondering where this story would fit into continuity... it
would be directly after season two, where Xelloss and Martina debuted.
"Source of all disrespect...
Taunting that flows within...
Reveal to me now your true lack of power!
From forth the arcade joysticks and now into my hand....
King of mockery, sea of inanity,
I summon thee! Swear myself to thee!
Uncurl my fist and mock those below us! SAIKYOU SLAAAAAAAVE!"
Episode I: The Frantic Menace
[-----]
"OYAJI!"
No, no, that didn't sound right, gosh darn it! Somehow, she was lacking the
drive, the motive, the pure OYAJI-NESS of the yell. Try again. Must...
learn... saikyou...
Must... master... technique...
Can't... stop... pausing...
"*OYA-JI*!"
Hm, better. Maybe a bit more from the abdomen, and less from the throat...
"O-Y-A-J-I."
Ugh, no, now she sounded like a man. And she wasn't a man, last time she had
checked; although she *did* get confused for one, with her conspicuous lack
of breasts and--
Hah! She wasn't going to let this stop her. Besides, she beat the crap out
of anyone who mocked her about her breasts, so that wasn't a problem
anymore. Then again, she *was* growing--
--oh, geezus, she was getting distracted again.
"OYAJIIIIIIIII!!" she bellowed out, and so forceful was the exhalation that
her sensei was blown over by the force and sent spiralling out the nearby
window.
The girl looked up. "Uh... Hibiki-sensei? Sorry about that! I'll pay for the
damages and everything--ACK!"
Her sensei had taken the time (or not) to leap through the window he'd
crashed through and glomp onto his student, waterfall-crying all the while.
"Oh, *happy* day!" he blubbered. "For my student has finally learned how to
properly yell out the traditional battle cry of the Saikyou School of Magic!
Oh, but this is a knowledge reserved for only the most powerful, my
daughter... so you must learn how to properly utilize this power and only
wield it with the utmost discipline!"
"Okay, Hibiki-sensei... but can you please get your hands off my chest? It's
really... annoying."
Hibiki quickly darted his hand away. "Oops... how'd that get there?" he said
cheerfully, grinning vapidly at his student. "Anyways... you are now ready.
Go forth, my child, and taunt! Taunt with caution! Taunt with wisdom! And
send many more students to the Saikyou School of Magic!"
The girl bowed and smiled winningly. "I shall, Master... I shall!" With
that, she skipped out of the dojo, her cape flapping in the ensuing breeze.
Dan Hibiki watched her leave, wiping a tear from his eye. "Ah... the sweet
rapture of having bestowed my knowledge onto another..." he mused. Turning
around, he began to head back to the office before he was interrupted by an
errant puddle of teardrops on the ground and the subsequent crash-landing
procedure between face and ground.
[-----]
Ah, life was good! Even though she never did get an official graduation
certificate in the mail, she was confident that her marvelous sensei, Dan
Hibiki (may he live forever), had approved of her being the newest fledgling
master of Saikyou magic. Imagine, her, lil' ol' Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl, the
newest--
Okay, that was enough harping. Hibiki-sensei always said that 'actions spoke
louder than words--unless you screamed OYAJI *reeeeally* loud', so she was
going to start her new-found path towards glory by... by...
... um, what *did* she want to do?
There were already tons of magic users in the world--in fact, most people
were capable of using magic to some extent, since it was so convenient. Of
course, most of them used piddly, stupid magics, like *white* magic, or
*black* magic, or... or... whatever that last one was called, shalamanaism
or something. None of them have yet beheld the glory of...
Saikyouism. Snazz-ass bitches.
What could she do? She couldn't let this world pass her by! She had to help
spread the teachings of Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) to all corners
of the world! Even if it meant consorting with Philbriezo himself, or
resurrecting Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo--
... *hey* now, that'd really get people's attention, wouldn't it? If they
were going to pay attention to something, it'd definitely be while they were
cowering in terror before a dark god!
Oh, but there were going to be the requisite Good Guys (TM) trying to stop
her... no matter. What a perfect way to spread the influence of Saikyouism--
by crushing her enemies with it, and then by preaching the message through a
being who was capable of telling everyone in the world at once!
Kiseki opened the door to her small cottage, on the verge of tears from her
brilliant insight. "Hibiki-sensei (may you live forever)... you will be so
proud of me!" she gushed, and walked on in.
But wait. She had to go about this the proper way. There was no telling what
she would face in her quest for glory, no clue as to the obstacles in her
path. She had to be prepared.
She sauntered over to her table, where a large knapsack was laying there,
and began dumping the contents onto a nearby chair. Hair gel. Gold coins. A
dagger. Teddy Ruxpin (oooh, he's so cuuute)? Another dagger. Mirror. A
poster of Ricky Martin... dangit, there wasn't anything useful in here.
She made a face, and began to rummage around the room for something remotely
cool, like a sword, or a spellbook.
/Of course, practitioners of Saikyouism need not such vulgar physicalities,/
the voice of Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) echoed in her head. /Now
fork over another 50 gold, I need to buy something./
/Okay, so I've got nothing but my mad skills to rely upon,/ Kiseki thought
to herself. /That's all right. I can do this./
Kiseki donned the knapsack (which was now empty), and paused for a moment.
/On second thought, better buy some food and water--and I'll be needing
these cosmetic supplies as well,/ she reminded herself. With a triumphant
opening of the door, she stepped forth and began the first leg of her
journey.
Six seconds later, she backed out of the broom closet and managed to open
the front door this time, stepping forth to begin the first leg of her
journey.
[-----]
Lina Inverse was pissed. This was not a good thing.
The award for the Most Obvious Statement Ever in a Fanfic goes to...
*ahem* Anyways, she was pissed. The day had gone absolutely horribly for her
in so many ways, it transcended "bad" and into the realm of sheer
"suckitude". In fact, it was so sucky, there were no words to describe it.
It was beyond "suck". It was... absolute blow.
Having adequately conveyed the vague impression that perhaps something had
gone wrong in this day of Lina's life, the errant author then proceeds to
describe the events that led up to her current state of mind.
Everything had *began* well. She was taking a nap under a tree, making her
way towards a new town that was supposedly home to a new form of powerful
magic never seen before in any part of the world. Where magic lay, Lina
Inverse would be there to snatch it up and learn. The words "Strongest Style
Magic" had also caught her attention; what could be more powerful than a
Giga Slave? If there *was* something more powerful, she wanted to see and
use it--and hopefully, this "Strongest Style Magic" doesn't use magics that
constitutes selling one's soul to the highest bidder.
And then the apple had hit her on the head.
"OW!" she spat out, rubbing her head. Lina looked upwards in annoyance, then
picked up the apple and bit into it. There was a sandy crunch in her bite.
Lina blinked, and bit into it again. Another sandy crunch.
She looked at the apple, and noticed the rather-large and currently-headless
worm wriggling in it.
"AUGH!" she screamed, spitting out the bits and pieces of apple and worm all
over the floor, tossing the offending fruit into the sky. This was sucky. At
least there hasn't been any random group of bandits wandering around to try
and rob her--
"'ay, Missie! Yer money or yer life!" came a rough, uncultured voice from
behind her.
Oh, for...
"Go away," Lina muttered, not turning around. "I'm trying to recover from a
bad eating experience here--"
"Yer MONEY or yer LIFE!" the voice repeated in typical Insistent Stupid
Bandit tones.
"DILL BRAND!" Lina shouted, whirling around, invoking a blast of magic that
sent the offending bandit(s) to kingdom come. Dusting her hands off, Lina
casually turned back around and--
"Looks like it's gonna be yer life, Missie!" the bandit yelled, and swung
his sword at Lina's neck.
The Dora-Mata had time to let out the first syllable of an elaborate swear
word before she stumbled back, barely avoiding the tip of the sword. She
managed to get out her own sword while getting a good look at the guy: a
typical, green-haired, thug clad in shining white armor, a glinting white
sword in one hand. His mouth was covered with a white faceplate, much like a
ninja, but it was glaringly obvious that he was smirking.
"Didn't think that your old tricks would work, did you, *Lina* *Inverse*?"
he said scornfully. "I've been watching you... and I finally know how I can
defeat you, Enemy of All Who Live!"
Lina, who had been charging a Fireball, now launched a great big ball of
fire at the white-clad bandit. "Hah! That'll teach you never to make a
dramatic speech in mid-combat!" she crowed triumphantly. "And you didn't
even get my title right. Now... gotta find something to get this evil taste
out of my mouth--huh?!"
The bandit was standing next to Lina, his arms folded over his chest. "Oh,
come on.. you didn't think that puny little Fireball would get me, did you?"
he said. "I know all your tricks, Lina Inverse... and I *will* destroy you!"
Lina's eyebrow began twitching. "Darkness from twilight..."
"But first, it says in my contract that I have to divulge the entire story
of my origin to you, so here goes!" the bandit continued. "A long time ago,
there was--"
"Crimson from blood that flows..."
"--a young, skinny man who wanted to be a hero. But alas, he was so weak...
that he could never be anything at all! His mother, though... did not
believe that to be true... and sent him to train under one of the most
powerful magi in the land."
"Buried in the flow of time... in thy great name, I pledge myself to
darkness!" Lina was hovering slightly off of the ground now, sparks of faint
magic energy stirring up around her.
"And even during the time that the skinny man was under the care and
guidance of the mage, he still couldn't prove himself to be a hero! So...
finally, after he returned home with his father and mother, his mother
decided to try again, and turn her son into a mighty warrior!"
"Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"
"And now, Lina Inverse, I stand before you as... *Jeffrey-kun*, Valiant
Incarnate!" the bandit proclaimed proudly, raising one hand up in the air.
"DRAGON SLAAAAAAA--aaaaah?!" Lina gasped, recognizing the name. Oh, *boy*,
did she recognize it. Jeffrey was one of the companions that had accompanied
her and Naga--another erstwhile rival/partner--at one point in her journies.
He was supposedly a dashing knight in shining armor, but when she had met
him, he was just some skinny guy in armor (not shining, either). And now, he
was... a bandit. Huh, go figure.
"*Jeffrey*?!" she cried in a mixture of disbelief and annoyance. How could
he, of all people, avoid--
Jeffrey took off his face plate and flashed Lina his patented goofy grin.
"Yeah! Hiya, Lina, it's me! .... uh, say, can you point that spell the other
way?"
"Huh? Oh, sure, Jeffrey, hold on a sec... YARGH!" Lina frantically swerved
around and managed to direct the spell she'd been chanting in the other
direction away from Jeffrey--and straight towards a random city.
"Lina? Lina? I'm sorry if I got you mad--but hey, did I impress you? Did I?
Huh? Huh?" Jeffrey gushed, as the backlash of the explosion from Lina's
Dragon Slave washed over him, making his cape flutter in the wind in a
relatively-cool fashion.
"Heh..." Lina muttered, picking up her supplies. "Yeah, you did... whoop!
Look at the time! Gotta run!" With that, she turned tail and began running
the heck away.
[-----]
The first leg of her journey was proving to be more trouble than she had
anticipated.
Kiseki had wandered out of her house, and upon seeing some guy walk across,
had approached him quickly.
"Hey there!" she greeted cheerfully. "Listen, can I ask you a quick
question?"
The man scratched the back of his head. "Uh, sure, miss... what is it?" he
said.
"Do you know where I can find a guy named Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo? He's
supposed to be a really nasty demon, the king of evil or something... I was
hoping you'd know where he was, or how I can reach him--"
"Are you *crazy*?!" the man nearly-shouted. "Why would you *want* to find
Shaburanigdo? He's the lord of darkness! The master of evil! He'd kill you
without a second thought, or even a first!"
"But... I want to preach the ways of Saikyou through him..." Kiseki said,
crestfallen.
"You're crazy," the man said, backing away slowly. "I'm outta here." With
that, he scurried off.
"... well, that sucked," Kiseki mumbled, and turned to look around some
more. The village was pretty much normal for this time of day... people
walking around, horses drawing fancy carriages along the paved roads... a
gigantic blast of energy headed straight towards them...
... eh?
Kiseki stared at the big-assed blast of energy for a full second before her
training kicked in. Raising one forearm, she began to chant quickly: "Power
of mockery, reveal the true spirit of fighting within!"
Shimmering pink light flowed around her... and within the space of less than
a second, Kiseki was gone. Disappeared. Vanished. Not there.
The *town*, however, *was*... and the Dragon Slave smashed directly into the
town hall before detonating, destroying everything within a... big radius.
(The exact size was unknown, since no one was going to stay around and
measure it--especially not Kiseki herself). Debris flew up into the air,
torn from its origins by waves of magical energy; that which was not rapidly
disintegrated was strewn all over the remains of the torn ground and broken
pavement.
Dan Hibiki's Saikyou School of Magic, however, lay on the outskirt of the
spell, so it received nothing more than a significant jar and a few char
streaks before settling down once more.
Kiseki reappeared a ways outside of the town, smiling brightly. Yup! The
power of Saikyouism had prevailed once more--Fatherly Flee was one of the
first spells she had learned, and...
She turned around and saw the town.
... oh dear, this was going to cost a lot of money to repair.
[-----]
The worst thing was, Lina's day had only begun.
"Oh, my *God*, Lina!!" Jeffrey shouted. "You destroyed Kennelia! You
bastard!" He took the time to pant a few times. "Why are we running like
this?"
"*Because*, you idiot, I don't want the entire village going after me again
like that time I had to Slave a dragon that was--" Lina spat out as she
continued running at a pace that would make... a very fast runner jealous.
Jeffrey, though, was somehow keeping up with her, much to her shock and
chagrin. The armor he was wearing almost seemed to be *pulling* him along...
this was weird. What happened to the incompetent git (complete with rabid,
killer maternal unit) that she'd met?
"I think all the villagers would be busy repairing their homes," he pointed
out, looking around. His green hair (which was now admittedly much more
cooler-looking) whipped around his face.
"Well, yeah," Lina said flippantly, still running. "But still, you never
know who gets o--OW!"
The mage went flying back onto her butt as she ran into something--no,
someone. Lina looked up.
A female was standing there, her blue hair and cape billowing dramatically
in the wind. She was garbed in a traditional mage's outfit, with a white
shirt, a one-sided shoulder piece that veered off to her left, and blue
trousers. Her eyes were a piercing blue... and glaring angrily down at Lina
at the moment.
"And you were running because..." the girl demanded.
"Who the hell are you?" Lina shot right back. "I can run if I feel like it,
y'know."
The wind kicked up dramatically once more, sending the girl's cape flaring
out behind her. "*I* am Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl... the first master of
Saikyouism in the land!"
Jeffrey had finally managed to stumble up to the two, tripping over a small
portable fan the instant he drew close. Kiseki's dramatic breeze quickly
died down.
"OW! ... *huff*... *puff*... hey, Lina... *cough*... who's this lady?" he
managed to get out.
/Obviously Jeffrey's physical condition hasn't improved much--and yet he was
able to dodge my Dill Brands,/ Lina mused. /Hmm./
"Some mage," Lina said aloud, turning away from Kiseki. "C'mon, let's go."
"Hey, hey!" Kiseki protested. "I'm not going to just let you *walk* off!
You were the one who charbroiled my village back there, weren't you?"
Lina paused. "Yeeeah..." she said slowly.
"You... you sent my sensei to another dimension..." Kiseki breathed. "I-I
can't let you get away with that. OYAJI FLARE!"
"Wha--" Lina began, before a bright light rose sharply from Kiseki's hand,
streaking directly towards her. Lina managed to weave aside narrowly, and
the spell slammed directly into Jeffrey.
With no effect whatsoever.
"What was *that*?" Jeffrey said.
"All right, look!" Lina said. "I'm really sorry about blowing up your
village, but killing me's not going to do anything. Besides," she smirked,
"you have no idea who you're going up against."
"... no, I don't," Kiseki admitted after a second or two of thought. "But
smiting you *will* avenge my fallen Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever)...
and that is the task which I will devote myself to."
"Um, right," Lina said. "Look, I'm sorry, but I gotta go and find something
right now, so if you'll excuse me--"
"Yoyutchi *BLAST*!" A random configuration of small pinkish orbs flew out
at Lina.
"Oh, for..." Lina quickly raised a Valus Wall and deflected the majority of
the orbs aside, then began to charge a spell of her own in her hands. "You
are really beginning to piss me off..."
Kiseki was already charging another pulsing orb of pinkish energy in her
cupped hands. "Yeah... sensei, I will avenge you... CHOUHATSU BRAND!"
"You can at least come up with some original names--" Lina began, before
Kiseki flew up into the air, a pink column of energy exploding beneath her.
"Huh. She missed."
She turned around, dispelling the spell that she was about to cast, and
began making her way towards the--
--Kiseki landed on top of Lina. More precisely, Kiseki *stomped* on top of
her, as if she had actually planned to blow herself up into the air (a
thought that was as practical as it was ridiculous). The smaller girl was
driven straight into the ground with a curse and a bitch, and Kiseki stepped
away from Lina, dusting off her grade-A combat boots carefully.
Slowly... slowly... Kiseki's right arm rose up, and curled at the elbow...
then began shaking back and forth in a show of utter defiance and mockery.
"OYAJIIIIII!!!" she bellowed, in the long-practiced traditional cry of the
now-fallen Saikyou School of Magic.
"What the--ow, damn, those boots hurt--hell are you *doing*?!" Lina
demanded, scraping herself up from the ground. The impact wasn't so bad, but
it really was weird to see a girl shaking her forearm at you instead of
casting a Fireball, or a Freeze Arrow, or something actually effective.
"Anger is the path... of the loser's circle..." Kiseki crowed triumphantly,
still shaking her forearm at Lina. There was something mesmerizing about
the way she was shaking it...
"FIIIIIIIIIIIRE...." Lina began, raising one hand upwards, a swirling mass
of red energy gathering with incredible speed above her palm.
"AIYAHAYIHAYAYAHIIAIYAYAI!" Jeffrey screamed, and zoomed right past Lina,
his sword upraised. Lina prepared for impact--as stupid as Kiseki was, even
*she* couldn't lose to someone like Jeffrey--
Kiseki was caught in mid-forearm-shake and managed to somehow flip a full
three somersaults in the air before coming to a grinding halt on the ground.
Jeffrey, on the other hand, skidded to a halt shortly after barrelling into
her (his sword was still upraised), and gave Lina a V-for-victory sign with
both hands. The sword dropped onto his foot.
"--ball," Lina finished blandly, and shot the ball of magic into the sky
somewhere. Ignoring Jeffrey's yelp of pain, she turned to Kiseki, who was
still on the ground. "Hey, listen, can you do me a favor? I need to find a
town here, a town that's home to the Strongest Style of Magic. You got any
idea where it is?" Lina was careful to stay back in case Kiseki had a
lethal weapon of some sort, like a lollipop or a piece of string.
Kiseki responded with a magnificent round of silence.
"Well? You gonna sit there in a heap all day? That looks painful, too."
"You blew it up, along with the town," was Kiseki's deadpan response.
"... oh. Damn."
Silence. A leaf fluttered by on the ensuing breeze. Jeffrey batted at it
with the portable fan that he'd tripped over earlier.
"So, now what?" he said.
"Now, I take my leave," Lina said, getting up to her feet again and
beginning to walk off.
Kiseki was immediately up on her feet as well. "Hold it. I'm not going to
let you escape my clutches, you... you...! Uh, what was your name?"
"Lina," Lina said, sauntering off with a somewhat-calm expression on her
face. (On Lina's face, a calm expression usually meant something bad.)
"Lina Inverse." She waited for the gasps and exclamations of horror to
follow, things along the lines of "the enemy of all living things", and--
"That's a pretty name," Kiseki said.
Okay, this one was new.
"Now, if you weren't my mortal enemy, I could appreciate it. Prepare to get
hurt, Lina Inverse!"
This one *wasn't* new.
"Sorry, but no thanks, next in line, please," Lina said airily, casting a
Raywing over herself. She floated upwards a few feet, then looked back down
at Kiseki. "I'm *really* sorry about that... I'll make it up to you later,
all right?"
"H-hey!" Kiseki protested, jumping up ineffectually. "Get back down here!"
"Nope, can't do. Later!" Lina said, and flew off into the distance.
Jeffrey managed to tear his attention away from the riveting saga of a
moving leaf and a small portable fan long enough to notice Lina's departure.
"Hey, Lina! Wait up! I gotta talk to yooooooooouuuuuu..." His voice trailed
off as he--or rather, his armor--sped up and began tearing across the
grasslands in pursuit of the airborne sorceroress.
/Okay,/ Kiseki thought. /This will be a bit harder than I thought./
Wearily, she got up and began walking off into the distance.
[-----]
Lo, and behold, there was darkness.
Darkness, all-consuming and writhing throughout the very fabric of the
world. It was here. It was there. It was everywhere, in all places one can
lay their eyes upon. Lack of form, absence of light, or any other fancy
poetic names one could think of.
It was really, *really* dark, okay?
As the reader was gaping at the sheer inanity of the words before his eyes,
a form--not a physical form, or even a spiritual one, but a form that was
nothing more than a slightly-more defined ripple in the darkness--made
itself seen (or perceived, for it is impossible to see in a place that is
nothing but utter darkness). It was a tall, shapely figure, feminine by most
standards, and it was moving through the darkness like a shadow through a
thick fog.
Another form began to make its shape perceived in the rolling darkness...
and this shape was distinctly more prodigious, towering over the smaller one
like a bird of prey over it's... well, prey. As the smaller figure stood
there, impasse, the larger figure began slowly rising up, inch by inch,
feet by feet, until it took up what appeared to be the entire area in the
'sky', if there was even a sky in this place.
"Oi. You done yet?" the smaller figure called out; not with her voice, so
much as her mind, a projection of her whims... for she was a very whimsical
person.
The larger figure stopped its towering and wavered there, silent, trying its
utmost to look cool.
"Ya don't look cool. C'mon, let's talk."
With a loud rumble that was supposed to be a sigh of some sorts, the larger
figure quickly diminished in size until it was no more than a short, hunched
being standing in front of the now-larger female.
"Need 'nother schtick, Ceiphey," the female muttered, her 'tone' smiling.
"Darkness is gettin' old."
"I suppose," 'Ceiphey' said. "Shall I begin the briefing, Luna?"
'Luna' shifted vaguely onto her other foot. "S'pose so," she said. "G'wan."
"The Dragons have long been in existence in this world," 'Ceiphey' began.
"And during that time... we have had to stand against the Mazoku repeatedly,
and protect the humans from their wickedness."
"Ayup."
"Not only this... but I sense that another dark presence looming upon us."
"Shabby 'gin?" 'Luna' said offhandedly.
"No, no... not Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo... that would be boring, given how we
have had to defeat him so many times already... it is someone... else."
'Luna' cocked her head. "Do tell."
"I do not know," 'Ceiphey' said. "That is what I want you to find out, Luna.
Go forth and do my will."
"Heh, no prob, Ceiphey. Would've done it anyways, y'know?" 'Luna' said,
"... yes, my Knight. Go forth."
The head of the Luna-ripple nodded once, then faded out from existence. A
few seconds later, the form of the Ceiphey-ripple disappeared into nothing
as well.
It starts.
[-----]
And you thought that that was the worst of Lina's day, didn't you? You're so
wrong, it isn't even funny. Okay, maybe it is, but just a little.
After Lina had Raywinged her way across a half-hour or so of terrain, she
had finally drawn close to another small town of sorts. Gently setting
herself down, she quickly scanned the outskirts of the place. A sign was
hammered into the ground:
"Welcome to the town of Ri Saikul Lable. Population 15."
Was this a bad sign, all puns aside?
She decided, to hell with it, and walked in anyways. The town was remarkably
small (because only fifteen people lived in it), sporting a bar, a jail, a
general store, and exactly five houses, each the same general size and
shape. It reminded Lina a lot of her own town, except Zefiela had more
stores, more people, a variety of houses... okay, so maybe it was nothing
like her hometown, but at least they both shared the same quaintness.
Lina Inverse was hungry. Fifteen people would have to strive mightily to
feed her.
She walked into the bar, and immediately noticed that the entire town was
probably here--a majority of it, at any rate. A man was banging away at the
piano with a jovialty that had to be drunk; the sound coming from the piano
was horrendous, as well. A shapely waitress was serving drinks to a group of
four--a family, judging by their look--at a table. The bartender himself was
at the bar, shaking up a drink for one of the three people that sat on the
high stools. Another curvacious woman was atop a dais of some sort, with the
requisite males (three of them) gawking at her.
Lina took a seat between the pianist and another table where two seedy-
looking guys were talking in low, hushed tones. "Hey, some service here, and
I don't mean the scantily-clad kind!" she called out towards the waitress.
The waitress sauntered over, remaining turned to one side so as to serve
the table next to her. "Yeah?" she mumbled, flipping a lock of
crimson-purple hair away from her... eyes? From what Lina could see, the
lady didn't have any... either that, or she had *really* long bangs.
"Gimme one of everything on the menu!" Lina proclaimed happily. Yup, if
there was one thing she needed now, it was--
The waitress turned around, looking at Lina straight in the face. "Hiya
sis," she said.
--NOT her sister Luna!
"AIE!" the younger Inverse yelped, stumbling off of her chair. "Uh... h-hey
there, L-L-Luna..." she managed, her voice somewhere between a squeak and a
whisper. Luna just stood there, smiling in a way that was pretty damned
smug: her "big sis knows much more than you do" smile.
"Orderin'?" she said simply.
Lina blinked. "Uh... n-no, not now... I think I'll be leaving, actually--
BYE!" With that, she scrambled up and zipped through the door, a veritable
trail of smoke in her wake.
Luna watched her go. "Heh."
With that, she went back to waiting on the other patrons of the bar.
[-----]
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com.
