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PTITLE: Savage Garden Chapter Seven: Hold Me BR
AUTHOR: Gaia LessBR
RATING: PG13BR
SPOILERS: Pilot, Emily... a few flashbacks from actual scenes. Everything else through the beginning of season seven, I guess. BR
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SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully are (still) on their way home.
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DISCLAIMER: I dont own Mulder, Scully, or anyone else you might recognize from the series. They are owned by Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox. I dont own them. No copyright infringement is intended. I didn;t create em, Im just playing with them. Ill give them back when Im done. Promise!! Please dont sue me... BR
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All songs belong to Savage Garden.. yeah.. they rock. Also just borrowing them, blah blah blah....BR
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Archive anywhere, but please get my permission first :) tis as easy as emailing me and saying, Yo, Gaia, I wanna put your fanfic, [title here], on my site, okay? You can even simply cut and paste that sentence into an email document! I will reply with something along the lines of Hey, thats cool. Promote me! Yeah! Sweeeeet. See? Tis VERY easy :) Wowwww. HeheBR
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notes and such at the endBR
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Chapter SevenBR
Hold MeBR
by GLBR
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Four Years AgoBR
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There was a knock at the door, and he came into my apartment. BR
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What are you doing here? I asked softly. BR
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I came to, uh, say goodbye, I guess.BR
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*Please, please, just go away, let me leave, dont try to stop me...* I pleaded silently. BR
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Are you sure you want to leave? he asked.BR
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Yes. I am.BR
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Scully, please... we can work this out.BR
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No, Mulder. We cant. I cant stay here anymore, not like this. Im sorry.BR
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But why? he asked. How can you just... leave?BR
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I just can. I picked up my bag. I turned away from him, not able to look at him anymore. I couldnt let him see my tears. Not now. If I cried, I was sure Id never be able to leave.BR
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I didnt *want* to leave. I loved him so much... I didnt want to leave him behind. But I couldnt stay, knowing every day that this would be between us. The Argument had hurt us, hurt us more deeply than I could take. I was so in love with him, and I wanted to be with him so badly... and to know that I couldnt was just... too horrible.BR
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Scully... I-I love you. Please... dont leave me.BR
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I love you too, I whispered. And thats why I have to go.BR
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But... I dont understand.BR
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Neither do I. We just have to accept it. I finally turned to look at him. ll miss you. God, Ill miss you so much. But... I want you to move on. *I* want to move on. Start over. Please... Fox... cant you try to understand?BR
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He nodded, ever so slowly. But Ill never, ever forget you, he told me.BR
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I know. I wont either. I took a step forward and kissed his forehead, afraid that if my lips found his that Id never be able to leave him, never be able to let go, never be able to walk out of the door and out of this life. Maybe... well meet again someday.BR
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I walked past him and out of the apartment. Behind me, I heard him say, ll be looking for you, Dana. Always.BR
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Only once I was in the safety and privacy of the elevator, away from him forever, did I let the tears fall.BR
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~*~BR
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May 6th, 2003BR
3:21 amBR
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I sit bolt upright in bed. Oh my God... I breathe.BR
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What is it? Fox asks. He sits up next to me in bed and puts an arm around my shoulder. Are you okay?BR
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Yeah, I-Im fine. Bad dream.BR
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What was it about?BR
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That day... the day that I left, I tell him.BR
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Oh, Dana... he says, holding me close. You dont have to worry about that. Im here... nothing is ever going to take you away from me again. Ever.BR
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I know. I... I dreamed about the day I left so many times. I hated myself for leaving you that day. And... its never left me.BR
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He starts to say something, but I stop him. Just... just hold me, Fox. Just hold me.BR
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~*~BR
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HeyBR
If we cant find a way out of these problemsBR
Then maybe we dont need thisBR
Standing face to faceBR
Enemies at war we build defensesBR
And secret hiding placesBR
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I might need you to hold me tonightBR
I might need you to say its all rightBR
I might need you to make the first standBR
Cause tonight Im finding it hard to be your manBR
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HeyBR
More than angry words I hate this silenceBR
Its getting so loudBR
Well I want to screamBR
But bitterness has silenced these emotionsBR
Its getting hard to breatheBR
So tell me isnt happinessBR
Worth more than a gold diamond ring?BR
Im willing to do anythingBR
To calm the storm in my heartBR
Ive never been the praying kindBR
But lately Ive been down upon my kneesBR
Not looking for a miracleBR
Just a reason to believeBR
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I might need you to hold me tonightBR
I might need you to say its all rightBR
I might need you to make the first standBR
Cause tonight Im finding it hard to be your manBR
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Do you remember not long ago?BR
When we used to live for the nighttimeBR
Cherish each momentBR
Now we dont live we existBR
We just run through our livesBR
So aloneBR
Thats why youve gotta hold meBR
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HeyBR
If we cant find a way out of these problemsBR
Then maybe we dont need thisBR
Standing face to faceBR
Enemies at war we build defensesBR
And secret hiding placesBR
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I might need you to hold me tonightBR
I might need you to say its all rightBR
I might need you to make the first standBR
Cause tonight Im finding it hard to be your manBR
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~*~BR
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I wake up the next morning in Foxs arms. Good morning, he says when I open my eyes.BR
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I gaze up at him for a moment. How long have you been awake?BR
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Not too long.BR
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Why didnt you wake me?BR
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Because you look so beautiful when you sleep.BR
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I smile. Then I ask, What time is it, anyway?BR
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Uh... about nine, he replies.BR
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I sit up slowly. I rub my eyes, and remember the dream. I whisper. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to forget. I put one hand over my mouth and stare into the mirror on the wall in front of me.BR
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Fox sits up behind me and links his arms around my waist. What is it?BR
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Just... the dream. BR
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Dana... just dont even think about it anymore. Lets just... pretend that its still 1999, when you left... *before* you left. It never happened.BR
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But what about Lexie, then?BR
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Fox pauses. I dont know... I was just being hypothetical, Dana.BR
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I know. I smile. Speaking of Lexie, Id better get her up.BR
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I stand and walk over to the other bed, where Lexie is still sound asleep. I say quietly, pulling down the blankets a little bit. BR
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Lexie rolls over, still half-asleep. she says.BR
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Come on, Lexie, time to get up. Were going home today.BR
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Lexie rolls over again and looks up at me. BR
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Yup. Come on now, get up.BR
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She shakes her head. I reach down and pick her up, and she holds onto my neck and tries to go back to sleep.BR
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Oh, no you don I say. When I get no response, I sigh. Then I turn toward the other bed and give her to Fox. I have to take a shower, I tell him. ll be right out.BR
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*****BR
Oh, no. What do I do now?BR
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I hold Lexie in my arms, not sure what to do. Shes still asleep, or at least pretending to sleep. I suppose I should try and wake her up. Come on, Lexie. You gotta get up now, I say gently.BR
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she insists. Wanna sleep.BR
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Well... dont you want to go home today?BR
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She opens her eyes just a little bit. BR
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Well if you dont get up then I guess... you wont get to go home.BR
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But I *wanna!* Her lower lip trembles as she looks up at me.BR
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Well then you have to get up, I tell her. Come on. Lexie opens her eyes and yawns. We should get you dressed.BR
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She climbs out of my lap and walks over to her bag. She unzips it and starts going through all of the clothes that Dana brought for her. BR
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I finish helping her get dressed just as Dana comes out of the bathroom. BR
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*****BR
Fox is sitting on the bed, helping Lexie get dressed. Wow, you actually got her up? I ask.BR
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He grins. See? I told you I could be a good dad, he jokes.BR
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Well Im proud of you, I say, kissing the top of his head. He smiles up at me before putting an arm around me and kissing me again. Geez, half the time she wont even let *me* get her up in the morning! I exclaim.BR
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Well, that just shows... well Im not sure what it shows... but it shows *something,* Fox says.BR
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I laugh. Then I ask, Lexie, how come you wouldnt get up for me, but you will for Fox?BR
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She thinks for a minute. Cause Daddy said I hadda get up so we could go home. An I wanna go home.BR
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I smile at her, then I look over at Fox, who is also smiling. This is the first time shes ever referred to him as I can tell he is getting used to that, and that he probably likes it. BR
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Well, *Daddy,* I say, sitting down on the bed next to him. d* better get ready for the day, too.BR
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Okay, *Mama.* He smiles at me, and starts to kiss me, but is interrupted by Lexie.BR
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Can we go home now?BR
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We turn to look at her. Shes standing on the other side of the bed with her hands on her hips. Of course we can. I look back at Fox and smile. s go home.BR
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~*~BR
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12:15 pmBR
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I pull my van into the driveway and Fox parks the truck in front. I get out of the van and get Lexie out of the back seat. She immediately runs up to the house, and I walk down the driveway to meet Fox. Home sweet home, I say with a smile.BR
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m so happy, Dana, he says, giving me a hug.BR
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So am I, I whisper back. m glad were doing this.BR
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I am too. He lets go of me and says, Come on. Lets go inside. He takes my hand and we go into the house. BR
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Lexie cries when I unlock the door. She runs upstairs to her bedroom.BR
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I smile and turn to Fox. We should start moving your stuff inside, I say.BR
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he replies. BR
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ll be right out, Im just going to check the answering machine and then run upstairs to check on Lexie.BR
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he says, turning around and going back outside.BR
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I go into the kitchen and check the machine. Surprisingly, theres not very many messages. A few from my mom. Oops, I think I forgot to tell her that I was going with Fox... She sounds worried. BR
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I pick up the phone to call her. BR
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she answers the phone.BR
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Hi, Mom.BR
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Dana! Where were you? she cries. I was worried sick!BR
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m sorry Mom... I decided to go with Fox to help him pack up his apartment.BR
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Oh, thats good. I wish youd have called me before you left.BR
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m sorry, Mom.BR
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s all right. Im happy for the two of you.BR
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I smile. So am I. Well, look, Id better go. Hes out there now, were going to try to get him moved in tonight. Ill talk to you later.BR
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All right, Dana. Bye.BR
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Bye, Mom. I hang up the phone.BR
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I go upstairs to Lexies room. I say.BR
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Mama, my dollies missed me! she tells me, holding up one of her dolls.BR
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Oh, well Im sure they did. Im going to help F--*Daddy* bring all of his stuff inside, so you stay in here, okay?BR
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Well, can I watch Bugs Life? she asks.BR
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I sigh. I wonder when--*if*--shell ever get over that movie. No, not now, Lexie. Just stay in here, okay?BR
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Lexie says with a frown. BR
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I smile at her and run back downstairs. Fox comes into the house carrying his suitcase. Honey, Im home! he calls, and I laugh, and decide to play along.BR
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Oh, did you have a good day, Darling? I say, giving him a hug and a kiss.BR
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I had a wonderful day, Pookie, he replies. BR
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I laugh, stepping away from him. Fox, if you *ever* call me Pookie again, I swear... I grin.BR
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He grins back. You swear what?BR
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Just... dont call me Pookie. Please.BR
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All right, Dana. Anything for you.BR
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I smile and tilt my head to the side. Well, we still have a lot of junk to bring inside. Come on, Ill help.BR
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We walk out of the house and out to the truck, hand in hand. BR
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~*~BR
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10:10 pmBR
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Good night, Lexie, I whisper, tucking her in.BR
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Good night, Mama. She gives me a hug, and then looks at Fox, who is waiting for me in the doorway. Good night, Daddy.BR
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He smiles. Good night, Lexie.BR
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I stand up from her bed and start to walk out of the room. I glance back at Lexie, who is now sitting up in bed and looking at Fox. She has her arms extended in a position. She wants a hug, I whisper to him on my way out. BR
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he replies, walking over to the bed. He leans down and gives Lexie a hug. I smile at the picture. Its so cute. I never imagined Fox Mulder as a father, but now, here he was.BR
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*****BR
I follow Dana into her--our--bedroom, and I turn on the TV. She goes into the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth, and change. She comes back out a moment later, and lays down next to me. Im on the bed, watching a Knicks game.BR
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Do you want me to change it? I ask. I know shes never liked watching basketball.BR
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No, you can keep it on. You live here too, now, Fox. You can watch TV without my permission. She puts her head on my chest and stares at the TV, not watching the game, but just thinking. BR
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What are you thinking about, Dana? I ask her when the game goes to a commercial.BR
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I dont know. About you; us... the baby, she says, smiling.BR
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My hand moves and rests on her stomach, just underneath her t-shirt. Her hand meets mine there, and I hold onto it, gently rubbing my thumb against her skin. s David I say. We both knew that already, but it just came out.BR
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No. Its not. He never knew I was pregnant this time. Just because... just because you didnt help to create this child, Fox, its still yours. You will be the one with me through the pregnancy, and youre the only one the baby will know as a father. We never even have to tell the baby, if you dont want to. Dont ever think of yourself as not being this childs father... David *never* would have been there. I would have left him and had the baby, even if I didnt find you. She squeezes my hand. But Im glad I did.BR
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Thank you, Dana, I whisper to her. BR
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We need to think of a name for the baby, she says a moment later, rolling over and propping her head up on her hands.BR
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Yeah... what names did you think of the first time?BR
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David picked Lexies name, she tells me.BR
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she says. If its a girl.BR
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I smile at her. Samantha. Id like that.BR
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What about if its a boy? she asks.BR
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Hmm... I dont know, Dana. What names do you like?BR
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I like Fox, she says, smiling at me. I smile back, taking her hand. Christopher. Or Jeremy. BR
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I like those names, I agree, kissing her hand. You know what else we need to think about?BR
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She has her eyes closed and a little smile on her face.BR
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The wedding. BR
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Yeah, youre right, she replies, opening her eyes. I dont really want a big wedding.BR
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Well, thats fine with me. We dont have to invite every friend, family member, acquaintance, and anyone else we know. Just as long as Im invited this time, I say with a smile.BR
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I dont think we have to worry about that one. I think its kind of a given. She smiles for a moment and then looks away from me. The first time... when I married David... while I was walking down the aisle, I wanted so badly to see you at the end. But then I looked up, and you were gone. I was so sad that I didnt even invite you to the wedding... but I was afraid that it would have hurt both of us way too much.BR
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s all right, Dana. Dont worry. BR
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I never stopped loving you, Fox. Ever.BR
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I know. Neither did I. But... it was all in the past. David is gone now... you dont have to worry about that anymore.BR
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Right. I know. All I have to think of now is Lexie... and you. She looks back up at me and smiles again. I love it when she smiles. It lights up her whole face. She certainly didnt smile enough when we were together in the FBI. But now she does. And its a nice change. BR
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Shes really a whole new person now. Everything has changed about her. Even though she smiles more, I can tell she didnt smile enough when she was with David. He hurt her too badly. I wonder when the last time she was really happy was...BR
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Was it three months ago? Im that they must have been experiencing some sort of happiness then, if Dana was pregnant with his child now. Or was it something other than that? Was she not telling me something? David hit her, he physically hurt her... would he... God, its horrible just to think... And, of course, thats *all* I can think of, David and Dana... and David hurting Dana... that son of a bitch.BR
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Dana looks at me critically, as if shes reading my mind. *Is* she reading my mind? I wonder as her smile disappears and her eyes well up with tears. she says, and I put my arms around her and hold her close. she repeats, just hold me.BR
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