After telling Irvine of the whole story that time yesterday morning in his room, Squall felt a tad bit lighter on the chest. But only a bit. Irvine just leaned on that table, then, feet crossed and hand on his chin, thinking deeply. True, Irvine had been in situations like these before, but not nearly like this.
As Squall told him the story, he could hardly believe that all this was happening. It seemed almost surreal. If it would've been any other of those girl cadets at Balamb Garden---and Hyne only knows just how many looked up to Squall as if he's the Adonis of B-Garden---he would've accepted it compacently by half. But Quistis? It was really vastly different knowing that two of your closest friends, whom you thought just had a purely platonic relationship, had just consummated their "fanciful attraction and crush" feelings in a frenzy of unbridled passion and unbound lust. And on a deserted cabin in an isolated snow-covered mountain at that! If there was one thing he had to give to Squall, though, it was that the kid knew how to pick the best places to make love in.
So Irvine told him the best course of action he could think of. Talk. Nothing good would come out of everything if both of them would just sulk and wallow in their own misery and guilt, and pretend that the other did not exist. It was childish, he told him. They were supposed to act like adults now. The fact that Quistis told him that she didn't want to see him for some time meant that she was inwardly crying for help and companionship. And right now Squall was the only person qualified enough to sift things through with her. And as a gentleman, he was honor-bound to be the first to swallow his pride and walk up to her, and tell her that they should talk. Never mind the fact that right then, Squall felt that he had as much honor as a backstabbing, two-timing snake.
So that was precisely what Squall set out to do this morning. To walk up to her in the middle of her class and ask her to talk. He knew that if he'd approach her at any other time, it would be for nothing. Quistis would see him a mile away and she'd take another route, no matter if it would mean going around the Garden, or the whole of Balamb if it would call for that. Anywhere, just as long as she wouldn't have to meet him. So it had to be in her class. She wouldn't have anywhere else to go. Besides, he thought, she wouldn't dare try and refuse in front of her students. It would raise enough suspicions. Not that what happened yesterday in the hallway wasn't suspicious enough. He already had everything set in his mind: what he was going to say, how he would say, and how he would convince her. And everything was going according to how he planned it.
Except for the little fact that he saw Rinoa storm out of Quistis' classrooom.
Heart pounding, he started to run towards the classroom. Rinoa didn't see him as she turned away and disappeared in the corner. Was she crying? Heavens, he hoped not!
He stopped just in front of the open door, pulse skipping and eyes wild with what he suspected, and hoped to heavens that he was wrong. He saw Quistis' face partly hidden by a crumpled stationery piece of paper, and he distinctly noticed that her hands were shaking. Everything seemed to be frozen in eternity even as his heart seemed to be beating as loudly as a bass drum. He tried to drive the reality away. This was not happening, he thought. This was not happening!
When Quistis lowered the piece of paper, he saw her looking at him, tears freely flowing from pale blue eyes. Her lips were quivering, and her breath seemed rapid and gasping. And he couldn't help but see the angry red mark on her left cheek. He wanted to die right there and then. And still, the class looked on at what unfolded, silent and astounded. His head rapidly shifted from the crying Quistis to where he last saw Rinoa. Rapidly shifted as if his head was a balance scale tipping a dozen times a second. Decisions were tossed in his mind. What to do? What to say?
Whom to go?
Eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at Quistis standing there shaking, his hands gripped the door frame tightly for a second before he turned away and started to run to where Rinoa went.
And in the classroom, Quistis crumpled the piece of paper with her right hand and supported herself weakly with the table, even as her left wiped her nose as she cried. Her defenses had broken down completely, and she was turning dizzy.
"Dammit," Jojo stood up breaking the silence even as he looked at his classmates. "Give her some water!"
The students then scrambled to help their beloved Instructor. But all this was out of Quistis' world now. She was crying as she felt another pain well up inside her. Squall's eyes as he looked at her one last time before turning and running after Rinoa hurt more than even what Rinoa said to her. Those eyes which showed passion and promise just nights ago in that cabin. Those eyes which she adored eversince she laid hers on them. Those eyes which made her heart flutter whenever he gazed at her.
Those eyes rejected her just now.
It was funny how something as trivial as a little piece of paper could destroy a world so carefully crafted.
Rinoa ran. But she didn't know where she was going. Her mind was a blank slate of nothingness. All she knew was that she had to get away from that place. From that woman. She was supposed to be her friend. All she saw right now were blurry mists of colors and corridors and students and hallways. And all she felt right now were stabs of pain and hurt and anger and treachery. She had never felt anything like this before. She had never ran away without direction. She didn't know if she was running from that place, or that woman, or from the pain she couldn't get away.
It came as a surprise then when she found herself on the balcony of the Garden. The wind blew so softly here, and it just caressed her skin. Her cheeks grew cold where wind kissed tears. This was where she and Squall went after that battle with Ultimecia. She can still remember the happiness that night, as everyone celebrated the victory. The stars were so plentiful then, and the moon embraced the two of them in her silvery arms. And she held up a finger, as she saw a star fall across the universe. And Squall looked at her with one of his rare, genuine soft smiles. And he kissed her softly. Whoever said that wishing upon a star was just a fairy tale?
Right now, though, her wish was different. She wished that all this was just a bad dream, a nightmare. Right from that moment when she cleaned up the room she had reserved for Quistis when she and Squall came back from their SeeD mission. Right from the moment when she noticed a crumpled piece of paper beside the trash can. And right from the moment when she smoothed it out out of curiosity, and read those words which started to stab millions of pinpricks of hurt and pain. Curiosity was a dangerous virtue. To Rinoa, curiosity just destroyed her world.
How she fervently wished to wake up from this nightmare. How she hopelessly hoped that time was reversible, and that she never had to clean that room that fateful day. She could've asked their servants to do that for them, but she didn't. She wanted to personally clean the rooms of her friends. It gave her a joy, knowing they've taken shelter in her house, and enjoyed her company. She was in high spirits then, even humming a tune.
Darling...
She didn't know if she would still be able to call him that now. She closed her eyes, just wanting his image to go away. She wished that he was still the Squall she knew in her mind. But it was changed now. He was something else. She wished that she'd just wake up, and find him smiling at her and saying "Wake up, pretty sleepyhead" like he always did. She wished that he would be able to say anything else except...
"Rinoa...I'm sorry..." a voice said from behind.
...so there you are...
She didn't want to turn around. She didn't want to see his face. She didn't want to get a glimpse of that wild dark-brown hair and eyes, and that scar. She didn't want to, but she did. And she turned around. And saw him standing there.
With that look on your face...
"How could you?" Rinoa asked, tearful eyes narrowing. It was barely a whisper, but he heard.
"Rinoa, please let me explain," Squall said, taking a step forward. She tried to step back, but the railing prevented her.
"No!" she cried angrily at him. "There is nothing to explain! You lied to me! You both lied to me! Damn you Squall, you betrayed me!"
"I did not mean to!" Squall pleaded, his eyes giving off an uncharacteristic look.
As if you're never hurt...
"I never thought you'd do this," Rinoa said, again in that barely whispering tone. "I never thought you both are capable of this...both of you...in all my life, I never thought..."
As if you're never down...
"Please Rinoa," Squall said. His voice wavered. She had never heard his voice waver like that. Even when he was badly hurt back then during their battle with Ultimecia.
No Rinoa, she thought to herself. You can never trust his tears now. You can never trust him again.
Squall took another step forward, just wanting to at least hold her.
Shall I be the one for you...?
"No!" Rinoa cried again angrily at him. "I don't want to be touched by those hands! I thought those were just for me...I thought I was the only one for you. I thought you and I had something special going on..."
Squall tried to say something, but Rinoa kept on.
"You have no idea how much I loved you. You have no idea how much I would've given my all to you," Rinoa sobbed. "I would've given you everything...my body...my soul...my life, if you wished it...we could've been special together, Squall..."
Who pinches you softly but sure...
Every word she said was a blow delivering such pain that not even Griever itself could've done. He would've been willing to face a million Grievers instead of this one crying girl whom, until days ago, shined on him deeply like the sun.
If frown is shown then...
"But you broke my trust," Rinoa said, trying to compose herself. "And you broke my heart. And you broke my faith in you. Not again, Squall. I will never be drawn back to that dream again. That was what it always had been, wasn't it? Just a dream. And you knew it. But I woke up. And I see that you're not the person I fell in love with. That was just a dream."
I will know that you are no dreamer.
Squall just looked at her, stunned. He just felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Each screaming pain a million times more than anything he ever felt. He just looked at her with eyes shocked and near tears.
Rinoa turned her back to him. "Go away, Squall. I don't want to see you again. Just leave....please..."
She heard nothing for a few minutes. And then she heard him turn around, and softly listened as the footsteps faded away.
She broke down again, hands buried in her face. She did love him. She loved him so much, that she wished she could kill him right now. It must have been minutes that she shed tears. The wind was not a comfort, nor were the twittering birds or the happy sun. All of them were just a mockery.
Suddenly, he heard a clapping sound behind her, and then a familiar chuckle. "Well well, now that is something I don't see every day. I never thought you could be a great actress, Rinoa..."
That voice. It was a voice so familiar to her. It was a voice she shared laughters with memories ago. And right now, it was the last voice she ever wanted to hear.
"Go away Seifer. Damn you, but just go away."
Seifer, however, was the kind of person who does exactly the opposite of what you want him to do, if it meant getting on your nerves. He seemed to have been an expert on that. If the Garden had a field test for annoying anyone, he would've been a SeeD a long time ago. And right now, he witnessed something he didn't see every day. Instead of going away, he leaned on the wall beside the door and crossed his arms, his face still wearing that smirk that made him infamous.
"So, the betrayer herself has been betrayed. How does it feel now, Rinoa?" he asked, chuckling again. "It hurts, doesn't it? Hyne, I just sooo love poetic justice."
"Damn you Seifer!" Rinoa growled, still sobbing. Her eyes were burning with rage and pain. "What do you know about pain? You can't possibly know how it feels! You, who always thinks of yourself first before others! Go away before I slap that smirk off your face!"
"Pain?!" Seifer growled back, turning angry. The annoying expression vanished just like that as something snapped inside him. Something which seemd to have been held back by him. He suddenly grabbed Rinoa's hands. The girl gasped and instinctively tried to take a step back, but was once again held back by the railing. "I have lived that kind of pain for the last one and a half years! You, of all the goddamned people, should know that Rinoa. You gave it to me!"
Rinoa turned speechless. He possibly can't still be having that grudge from so long ago?
Seifer's eyes burned with anger as he looked at her. And in those eyes, Rinoa saw something else. She saw pain. Pain that had been held back somewhere deep inside him.
"Seifer..." she said, her voice suddenly turning serious. "I did not think you'd still be hurt by that...I did not mean...if...if I knew..."
"If you knew you wouldn't have played me?!" he growled, his face becoming closer. "If you knew, then you wouldn't have wrenched out my heart? Why don't I believe you, Rinoa? I loved you! And what did you do?! You ran off with that stupid Daryll guy while I stood there like an idiot with a note in his hand! Why was that, Rinoa? Was it because his family was one of the richest in Deling? Was my heart worth nothing more than a piece of paper with the words 'I'm sorry, but I don't love you as much as I thought I did.'?"
"No, you don't understand," Rinoa saidm shaking her head. "Seifer, please let me explain..."
"Let me see, when have I heard that before," Seifer mocked. "Oh yeah. Leonheart said that minutes ago. What was your reply...?"
Rinoa cried again closing her eyes and willing that mocking tone to go away. How could things turn out like this? The past was the past. And he should've left that behind him. It was nothing. What happened was nothing. She did not expect him to be hurt like that. She thought that he would understand. She thought that it was just a casual fling. She never betrayed him.
Did she...?
"I loved Daryll more!" she shouted at him then, almost choking in her tears. "I knew I should've told you sooner, but...I didn't know how! Seifer, I did love you...!"
"'But not as much as you thought you did'," Seifer quoted again, letting go of her hand harshly. "You know how hard it was to open yourself up to someone, Rinoa? You know how hard it was to have your trust and love offered to someone?" Seifer said slowly. He seemed different now. He seemed to actually be making sense. "And here people thought I was a heartless bastard who just loves to pick on people just to see them react. You are more heartless than me. Only, you hide it behind that cute smile of yours, and that swish of your black hair. You remember that? That was how you got me."
She did remember. A party in Deling. He was there, in his cadet uniform. She was there with her father. She did smile at him flirtingly, and she did swish her hair.
"After what happened, I swore I would never let anyone take advantage of me again," Seifer said. "It was never Quistis' fault that I became like this. That was what she thought. But it's not it. You want to know the truth, Rinoa? Everytime I see that pretty face of hers, I was reminded of how I was entranced by you. And everytime I defied her, I was defying you. For what you did to me."
She couldn't believe she was hearing this. Was she really a betrayer?
"But you taught me a valuable lesson," Seifer continued. "People are always wanting to screw with your life. It's just up to you to let them do it. Guess what? I won't let anyone screw me again, like you did me."
"I never meant it like that," Rinoa sobbed.
"In a way, I could almost thank Leonheart for what he did, whatever it is he did," Seifer said, starting to turn away. "At least now you got a dose of your own medicine. I wish I could ask you to sleep well, Rinoa. But I know that you won't. Not for a long time. I should know. I've been there."
"Seifer..." Rinoa whispered softly, as the blond-haired man started walking. Maybe she wanted him to hear her. Maybe she didn't want him to go, after all. She just realized that both of them had been betrayed. The only difference was that, she was the cause of the other's hurt.
Seifer did stop. Rinoa looked expectantly at his back. Expecting him to turn around, and even maybe give her a comforting word. He just looked sideways, however, giving her a sideward glance. And he spoke. She didn't know if what he said then were comforting or not. But they did tug at her heart.
"You know why I became the Sorceress' Knight, Rinoa?" He spoke softly, very uncharacteristic of the man who was mostly disliked by almost everyone in Balamb Garden. Very uncharacteristic of the person who always defied authority and who was always annoying his peers and superiors. Right now, his voice was soft. And it made it even more hurting. "Because I wanted to prove to you and to everyone else that I can be one. That I can be the sword that defends a woman. I think...she did love me then. I think she needed me. And when I found out that you're the next Sorceress...I...I just can't let Leonheart be your Knight. I fought for what I thought was right. I fought, following my heart. But everyone did not see that."
With that, Seifer finally walked away.
She watched Seifer until he disappeared just beyond the corridor. And then, she felt her knees getting weak, and she had to slump down, still crying. Things were getting more and more complicated. She huddled there on the floor, leaning against the railing, crying her heart out. She wished that all of this was just a nightmare. She wished that she'd wake up and find everything is as it should be.
She made so many wishes, but there was no star.
