Excerpts From the Diary of Shmi Skywalker--Don't Look Back--Entry 2 Don't Look Back–Excerpts From the Diary of Shmi Skywalker

Author: princess-sari
Disclaimer: The Star Wars universe and everything in it belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilm, Ltd. No money is being made from this story and no infringement is intended.

Editor's Note: Yes, another Diary by princess-sari. :p I can't help it, I just love writing these for the often-overlooked characters in TPM. This one is relatively short compared to the Handmaiden Diaries, only four entries.
Shmi's Diary was logged into a highly encrypted datapad, probably to protect it from Watto's prying eyes. A careful examination would only reveal some recipes and housekeeping notes which would bore anyone to tears very quickly. The good stuff was hidden in a series of secret files. Enjoy!!

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I had a very strange feeling today and so did Ani. He told me when I tucked him in that he felt like his skin was on fire. I said I would go for the salve I usually put on his sunburns and he said, "No, not like that. Just like...like something is going to happen."

I felt the same way today. Perhaps it is because Watto caught me with my money pouch and of course there was more money there than I could have unless I had been saving for months. He cannot prove that I have been selling small items on the side, but he suspects. He threatened once again to sell Ani to Jabba–without me, of course.

He thinks he has given me great latitude in allowing me to clean memory devices for what little money that brings in and I know if he finds out about the other items I have been buying and selling and the profit this is bringing in, he would either make me stop, demand part of the profits, or follow through on his threat to sell Anakin. Which is why he must not find out.

When he made the threat today, I had to fight down a desire to throttle him with my bare hands once again. I am reaching a point of no return. I am not sure how many more threats I can put up with. People always remark at how patient I am, and I cannot tell them that inside I am raging. It is something I have fought all my life, especially since I first became a slave. I suffered so many beatings in those first months because of my temper and my mouth that it is a wonder I survived them all.

I did not really mellow until I had Ani and suddenly my temper could get him in trouble, too. Now I still rage, but I hold it inside. In some ways, I think that is worse even if it does mean fewer beatings.

In any case, I know that I am reaching my breaking point after years of forcing myself to stay in control. I fear for Ani, though. If I were to lose control, what would happen to him? I fear he would be fortunate to be sold to Jabba in that instance.

If only something would finally happen for our good, for Ani's good.

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