I don't own Gravitation or anything associated with it, the rights belong to Murakami Maki-sensei and I'm not making a cent or yen off of this so please don't sue me.
Part 5 of the series and I'm not done yet….I'm sorry this is dragging on. I hope to finish it in 5 chapters at the longest but it took much more space than I ever anticipated, and looks like it's going to be seven chapters….sorry.
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Till Death Do Us Part V
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Hiro was speeding on his motorcycle to the Shindou's house, he didn't care if a cop stopped him and had to keep on reminding himself that Ayaka was on the back seat behind him and he was responsible for her well-being.
However the news that Shuuichi woke up, if that term was appropriate, was more important to him. He didn't care if it was three in the morning and was sleep deprived, his best friend was more important.
As Hiro pulled up in front of the Shindou household he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure.
"Oh Hiroshi, it took you long enough." The American with long blond hair and a hand gun by his side smiled like everything was ok, as he usually did.
"K?! What are you doing here?" Hiro asked as he parked his motorcycle and helped Ayaka get off, all he wanted to do was run up and see with his own two eyes that Shuuichi would be ok.
"Waiting for you of course. I heard the news after you did and took a helicopter over here." K nodded to himself.
"And I was dragged along….right as I was sorting through my collection of Seguchi-san…" Sakano whined in the background. Hiro felt like he had a migraine, how could these two act like this when it was so important that they check up on Shuuichi.
"How is Shindou-san?" Ayaka asked from behind Hiro and Hiro glared at the pair.
"He refuses to talk to anyone." Hiro face faulted at that statement K made. "Or let anyone in except Hiroshi." K looked at Hiro and smiled confidently. "Your master is requesting a personal audience with his lead guitarist." Hiro looked at K blankly. "Reference to the comment you made on graduation day." K smiled like a joker and a smile slowly formed on Hiro's face.
"Come on Ayaka-chan." Hiro grabbed her hand and pulled her with him. As he opened the door though Maiko stopped the two.
"Halt!" Maiko raised her hand in front of Hiro's face and looked sternly at him, her eyes though were filled with joy. "Oniichan asked for Nakano-san only, he's not talking to anyone else." Maiko declared at Ayaka more than Hiro.
"But Maiko-chan.." Hiro began to protest but Maiko stopped him with her stern face.
"Hiro-san, you've been with him through most of his relationship with Yuki Eiri, you were the one he'd always run to with his problem. You're the one, the only one he really wants to talk to."
Hiro looked at her closely. Despite that Maiko was younger than Shuuichi she always tended to mother him. She was now handing that role over to Hiro though, as she had stepped aside so many times when she wanted to be there. Hiro nodded at her.
"Ayaka-chan can you wait down here for a while?" Hiro turned to Ayaka and asked. Ayaka smiled in her usual all-knowing smile and nodded.
"Tell Shindou-san my regards." Ayaka asked and Hiro nodded as he dashed up the stairs. For the first time in what seemed like forever he wasn't dragging his feet with dread.
As Hiro opened the door he was greeted with a fierce hug from Shuuichi. "Hirooooooooooo!!" Shuuichi cried, his voice still a little hoarse but much better than the day before.
"What's up Shuu-chan?" Hiro asked as he hugged the boy back, a smile playing on his lips.
"Lots." Shuuichi replied as he let go of Hiro and sat down on the floor. He indicated Hiro to follow and Hiro didn't object.
Shuuichi leaned against the wall and breathed out heavily and closed his eyes, as though contemplating where to start. Hiro didn't rush him, just looked over him, happy to see as Shuuichi clasped his hands together, or toyed with the end of his shirt, trying to find the words.
"I didn't see Yuki." Shuuichi started. "At the Aquarium, when Yuki ran from my side, was the last I saw of him." Shuuichi shook his head. "The accident didn't register in my mind until tonight." Shuuichi explained. "I just couldn't find him anywhere, and then something snapped in me on the way to the hospital. I saw everyone there but couldn't hear anything, couldn't hear anything until yesterday. And couldn't see anyone after the doctor came out and told us…., well I wasn't hearing before that either but… it was like all the world consisted of was the view out of my window and a dark space with something tugging at me." Shuuichi breathed as though he'd talked too much and then looked at Hiro.
"He's gone, isn't he." Shuuichi stated as tears came in his eyes again. "And I'm crying again, I only just managed to stop them, and Hiro they won't stop…I need to stop them." Shuuichi rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears.
"You don't need to stop them Shuuichi, all of us have cried almost constantly since the accident." Hiro explained as he patted Shuuichi's head softly but Shuuichi shook his head.
"I can't go like this." Shuuichi stated flatly.
"I know, it's going to be tough, and I'm not saying time will lessen the pain but it might do something."
"No, that's not it." Shuuichi looked at Hiro in the eye. Brown eyes and the tear filled black eyes looked closely at each other.
"Shuu, what are you thinking?" Hiro asked as his eyes narrowed and Shuuichi's mouth formed a smile.
"I have a favor to ask of you best friend." Hiro laughed despite the situation as Shuuichi smiled mischievously like he always did.
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"You want me to go with you?" Hiro asked as the morning sun started to rise as they stood on the train station platform.
"I'm fine, thanks though." Shuuichi replied with a smile. It wasn't his full-heart, innocent smiles as before, but a smile was a smile. However Shuuichi was still very weak and actually was told that he shouldn't be even leaving bed. Shuuichi of course with a mind of his own decided that he was going to Kyoto. To Tatsuha.
"I need to talk to Tatsuha, I just have to." Shuuichi had explained to Hiro earlier that night or morning actually, and Hiro didn't object. He himself would've taken Shuuichi down there but Shuuichi refused and the motorcycle wasn't the safest thing for him to be riding at the moment.
Hiro sighed and studied his best friend. He just couldn't say no to Shuuichi, Hiro wanted to see Shuuichi happy and would do almost anything for it. It was a little after Hiro arrived at Shuuichi's house that the two sneaked out to come to Tokyo Station. Hiro started to object but stopped, knowing Shuuichi had to this.
"Thanks for everything Hiro. You're the best best friend anyone could ever have." Shuuichi smiled up at him and Hiro couldn't help but notice it was forced. The impact of Yuki/Uesugi Eiri's death was still fresh to him.
"When you're done with this, or even when ever, if you ever feeling like crying, come to me. I can't be Yuki-san, but I'm always going to be your best friend." Hiro offered and Shuuichi reached his hand out to Hiro.
"Thanks….you don't know how grateful I am of you Hiro."
"Don't worry, I know." Hiro snickered and Shuuichi looked at him again, a serious look on his face.
"I am, don't ever forget that." Just than the bullet train came and Shuuichi turned around. "I'll call you when I need to be picked up. Sorry for leaving you to deal with everyone."
"Don't mention it, just buy me a new guitar, my old one's starting to go." Hiro joked and Shuuichi smiled as he got on the bullet train.
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"What the f***ing hell were you thinking!!!" Maiko's scream welcomed Hiro as he returned to the Shindou residence to pick up Ayaka. He was also met by the hostile glares of Shuuichi's parents and Ayaka, only K seemed to look accepting of his choice.
"Shuuichi said he needed to go." Hiro explained, not offering much more and Maiko's eyes narrowed.
"He's in no condition to!! He's been starving himself for nearly two weeks, and you left him to go to Kyoto by himself!!" Maiko demanded as she waved the note Shuuichi had left his family.
"He wanted to go, he needed to talk to Tatsuha-san." Hiro stated flatly.
"And you just let him?" Sakano asked as though he was afraid for an answer.
"Shuu set his mind to it, and besides he was more worried about Tatsuha-san then himself." Hiro smiled at that, Shuuichi was never concerned much with his own well being but more for those around him.
"Why though?" Mrs. Shindou asked.
"Because Tatsuha-san is Yuki-san's brother." Hiro offered and Maiko sighed annoyingly.
"That's all he needs, in fact he probably doesn't even have a reason, to do what he did." Maiko stated and fell against the couch. She was annoyed but couldn't help smiling.
Shuuichi did everything on instinct, and Maiko learned long ago to trust his instincts.
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Shuuichi looked out at the scenery. He caught a glimpse of Mt. Fuji a while ago and smiled. He heard that Mt. Fuji's cherry blossoms were beautiful, and was planning on going on a picnic next spring with Yuki. Tears formed in his eyes at the thought and Shuuichi placed his forehead against the cool window pane.
There was so much he wanted to do with Yuki, and yet a year was all they had together. Only one out of his 19 and Yuki's 24 years of life. To Shuuichi though that year meant more than anything to him. It was too short though, and Shuuichi blindly believed they would have more to come.
"Damn, I cried practically all night and these stupid tears won't stop." As he said that though Shuuichi didn't even attempt to stop them. He knew, for no reason but just did, that Tatsuha would be blaming himself for the accident, and had to tell Tatsuha that Shuuichi didn't blame him. He didn't know how much he could actually affect Tatsuha, but if anything he wanted to make sure Tatsuha was all right and to show Tatsuha that he was all right. For that, he shouldn't be crying.
"I'll be strong while I'm with Tatsuha, but I'll cry after that Yuki…and probably for the next week straight." Shuuichi whispered as he clutched his cell phone that was covered with the Purikura* that Yuki and him took, the only thing that had both of them in the same frame.
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Shuuichi was a little intimidated by the temple he stood in front of. Last time he came her was to talk to Yuki, and now to Tatsuha. Shuuichi took a deep breath to calm himself. He had to do this, if not he would never forgive himself. Carefully he pressed the door bell that was attached to the front gate.
"Yes, I'm coming." Mika's voice said from inside and Shuuichi braced himself. He and Mika were always sort of on the edge, neither disliked the other and Mika gave Shuuichi and Yuki her blessing but they always had some sort of trouble getting along.
As the gates opened Shuuichi managed a smile. "Ohayo Gozaimasu Mika-san, sorry to bother you so early but it Tatsuha in?"
Mika stared at the boy for a second before tears formed in her eyes. "Shindou-kun….welcome." She smiled softly. "Come on in, though I can't guarantee that Tatsuha would talk to you."
"That's ok, I'll make him talk to me." Shuuichi responded as he took off his shoes and put on the house slippers.
"Are you ok?" Mika asked cautiously, for Shuuichi's face was drained of color and looked very ghostly.
"I've been malnutrition for some time now and it's going to take time to recover, but I'll eventually be ok." He managed a goofy smile to assure Mika. Mika led him through the house to Tatsuha's room.
"Tatsuha." She knocked on the door softly, instead of just going in. She was sure Shuuichi wanted to talk to Tatsuha in private, but wasn't sure if both of them were up to face to face confrontation.
"Go away." Tatsuha responded and Mika shook her head and turned to Shuuichi. Shuuichi took a deep breath before he stood in front of her and knocked on the door.
"Tatsuha, it's me, Shuuichi, can you open this?" Shuuichi asked in a soft voice.
"………….No." Tatsuha's tortured reply came after a pause.
"I really need to talk to you Tatsuha, it's important that I do."
"Just go away!! I don't want to hear it!!" Tatsuha shouted back.
"Tatsuha, open it, please!!" Shuuichi pleaded as he banged on the door. "I need to talk to you!!" Tatsuha didn't respond, to that. "Look, whether you want to talk or not, I'm going to and I have things I want to say to your face so I'm coming in!!" Shuuichi didn't wait for an answer as he just turned the door knob and proceeded to enter the room, ignoring Mika's protests
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Tatsuha was scared. He, one who threatened the Yuki Eiri with an exacto knife and would tease him, was scared of a boy, though the boy was two years his senior. Shuuichi's eyes, those eyes that were full of life and joy, that were similar to Sakuma Ryuuichi's. Those eyes that would now be directed at him with hate and blame burning in them.
Shuuichi, oblivious to what was going on in Tatsuha's mind, opened the door and looked at him.
"Tatsuha, I," Shuuichi didn't know what he was supposed to say. He was never in a situation like this and he didn't even have a speech.
"Look, just don't say it." Tatsuha said as he raised his hand to stop Shuuichi.
"But Tatsuha, I,"
"I Don't want to hear it!!" Tatsuha snapped and curled up in a ball.
"Tatsuha, all"
"Look, I said I don't want to hear it!!" Tatsuha yelled again and Shuuichi felt his patience thinning.
He had just realized the love of his life was dead, he was malnutrition, sleep deprived, and rode the bullet train for three hours. Hell he was going to MAKE Tatsuha listen whether he wanted or not. Shuuichi was known for his stubbornness when he set his mind to it.
"Tough, you're listening and that's final!!" Tatsuha opened his mouth but Shuuichi cut him off. "Look, I'm tired, starving, and probably going to get yelled at by my parents, Maiko, K, and everyone else when I return so I'm at least going to do what I came to do." Shuuichi placed his hand on Tatsuha's mouth before he could speak. "I love Yuki, I'm going to miss him horribly, and I sure as hell will always wish he didn't die." Tatsuha shut his eyes at Shuuichi's comment. "But I definitely don't blame anyone but him for his death."
Tatsuha blinked and Shuuichi managed a grin. Although it did seem forced, like all his others, this one was closer to a genuine grin. "I would've done the same for my sister, and I'm not even as close to her as you and Yuki are." Tatsuha noticed the present tense in the sentence, though Shuuichi didn't.
"You can't think of him in past tense yet." Tatsuha muttered and Shuuichi looked at him. "How can you say you don't blame me, if it wasn't for me Aniki would still be here, and you wouldn't have been sick and.."
"Because Yuki doesn't blame you." Shuuichi explained. "I know I can be stupid and misdirected, but I know Yuki doesn't blame you. And even if I wanted to, I can't." Shuuichi placed his hands on Tatsuha's shoulders and looked at him in the eye. "You're my friend Tatsuha, and I can't hate you." Shuuichi sighed.
"Accept it Tatsuha." Shuuichi placed his head of Tatsuha's shoulder. "He's gone, I'm here, I don't blame or hate you."
"You say that like it's easy." Tatsuha muttered as he felt the slight weight of the tiny boy.
"I know as hell it's not." Shuuichi responded. "But hey, I don't think he would've wanted me wallowing in self-pity and I know for sure he wouldn't want you wallowing in it."
"I miss him like crazy." Tatsuha suddenly muttered. "I grew up in Japan and he in the U.S, we only actually spent 7 or so years living together, and just knowing I can't visit him when I want is tough."
"Hey, I miss him so much I nearly killed myself with starvation and insomnia and I only have a year with him." Shuuichi responded.
"Only a year…..true." Tatsuha rested his head against Shuuichi's. "And so much in a year."
"Not enough…" Shuuichi choked. "Not even close."
"I know…" Tatsuha whispered as he carefully embraced the boy. "I'm sorry, I really am."
"Stop it, I don't blame you, Yuki doesn't, no one does." Shuuichi replied as he relaxed himself.
"I do…" Tatsuha whispered softly as he felt tears on the verge of over flowing. "I blame myself."
"Then cry, and let the blame wash out." Shuuichi patted Tatsuha's head softly. "You may act like you're an adult, but sometimes you need to be a kid, everyone does."
"Shuuichi….." Tatsuha switched position and hugged Shuuichi strongly. "Thank you……" He whispered and then cried like a child holding onto his mother for dear life.
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Shuuichi sat in the room as Tatsuha had fallen asleep on him and wondered what he was going to do now. He didn't feel like he should worry Mika-san by calling her, and didn't want to accidentally wake Tatsuha up, he was sleeping so peacefully. He promised Hiro he'd be back by night, and it was still around noon so he wasn't too worried.
Shuuichi scanned the room and noticed the pink stuffed rabbit that was on the floor, near Tatsuha's bed. Shuuichi recognized it immediately. "Kumagorou…" he whispered and then looked at Tatsuha. "Lucky, Sakuma-san didn't visit me." Shuuichi pouted. Sakuma Ryuuichi had called him a couple of times, he heard from Hiro, but never visited. He chose to come the three hours to Kyoto than visit Shuuichi who lived in the same city.
Shuuichi ran his hand through Tatsuha's black hair. "People care for us Tatsuha, Yuki does too, we can't just stop living, as painful as it is." Shuuichi closed his eyes after that, he was tired, and really craved a restful slumber.
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Mika entered Tatsuha's room and just stood there, half in awe. How was it that a bundle of energy that made enough noise for a whole entire orchestra and a really twisted monk in training who always seemed to have a smart come back, looked like angels in their sleep.
Mika sighed as she looked at the young face of Shuuichi. What she couldn't do in two weeks it took the boy not even a day, a heart that even Sakuma Ryuuichi couldn't penetrate opened up to him. It could be that Tatsuha was afraid of Shuuichi's hatred and blame, and now that he knew he didn't have it he was at peace.
Shindou Shuuichi really had his way with people. People just loved him, no matter what mistakes he made people were there for him.
"Thank you…" Mika whispered as she pushed the hair out of the sleeping boy's face. "For loving my brothers." For she was always going to be indebted to the young singer who loved Eiri unconditionally and accepted him, and got Tatsuha to move out of his depression.
She turned to the sleeping face of her brother. For the first time in a long while he appeared peaceful, and content. "Sweet dreams Otouto-chan." Mika smiled softly.
TBC
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Purikura: Japanese abbreviation for Print Club, a machine which allows you to make stickers with you and your friends in it.
