Thank you for the positive feedback! It's really kind of you to take the time.

Meredith - Before

Meredith stared down at the paper that had just appeared on her desk, the bright red 'C – not your best work' emblazoned across the top highlighting, yet again, that she was a disappointment. Meredith the failure - not her mother's best work. She heard Ms Liebowicz, her Chemistry teacher, calling her name and brushed the tears from her eyes angrily before looking up.

'Meredith, can you stay behind, please,' the rather stern looking woman requested. Knowing she would cry if she tried to speak, Meredith just nodded and bent her head back over her desk. 'Are you ok?' her friend and desk mate, Rebecca, whispered to her. Meredith just nodded again. 'Ok, I'll see you in the cafeteria then?' asked Rebecca. Another vague nod and an uncertain look were the only response Meredith gave to this. The other students filed out of the room towards lunch.

'Meredith, what's going on with you?' Mrs Liebowicz began, not unkindly. Meredith shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the floor. 'You've been a straight A student for the past two years and this is your third consecutive failed assignment. You're unfocused in class, you don't participate and you don't really seem to care about any of this. This is an AP class. If you …'

'I do care,' Meredith interrupted, looking up. I just … I don't know, I'm fine. Just a bit tired lately, I guess.

'Is there anything bothering you? Everything okay at home? With your friends?'

'Yeah. Yes, everything's good. I'll do better, I promise.'

'You're going to have to. If you want to get into pre med at a good school …'

'I do! But please, I don't want to talk about it. I'll fix it.'

'Make sure you do Meredith. Or I'm going to have to get your mother in to discuss …'

'No! Leave me alone. I mean … I'm sorry. Just … please, can I go now?' Meredith barely waited for the teacher's permission before she fled from the room.

Slamming her cafeteria tray down on the table, Meredith flung herself into her seat. 'Mrs Liebowicz is a nosy bitch,' she grumbled. 'She's always nice to me,' shrugged a small, red haired girl opposite. 'That's because you're crap at Science,' laughed another girl, giving her a playful shove. 'There's no point in getting angry if it won't get you results. Meredith's a genius. Mrs L cares enough to get cross with her. If you or I got a C, she'd probably give us a high five!'

'How do you know I got a C?' said Meredith sharply, looking over at Rebecca. 'Errr … is that all you're eating?' Rebecca asked, evading the question. Meredith glanced down at the yogurt and apple on her tray. 'I'm not very hungry,' she muttered. An awkward silence descended on the table and the other girls looked at each other uneasily. 'It's just … nobody ever sees you eat anymore, Mer,' Rebecca tried again gently. It's not going to help you keep your grades up and, to be honest, you look pretty sick. Not in a good way.'

'Becs, stop it,' breathed Brianna, the red head. 'Time and place – not here.'

'I'm worried about her, Bri,' argued Rebecca. 'She never wants to do anything any more, I know she's miserable, she passed out in dance last week and nearly did it again after field hockey yesterday and she's so skinny. Like scary skinny, not hot skinny.'

'Yeah, I know but she has to be ready…'

'I can actually hear you, you know,' Meredith interrupted furiously. 'Don't talk about me like I'm not here. In fact don't talk about me at all. It's not your business. I'm not your business. Just leave it.' Meredith stormed out of the cafeteria without looking back at her friends.

When she arrived home from school that evening, the house was empty. It always was. Between school, study and activities, Meredith spent 10 hours a day out of the house but that couldn't begin to compare to her mother's schedule. When had she last seen her mother awake, she wondered. Vaguely, she thought that it should upset her that she couldn't remember if it had been 4 days or 5 but the truth was, she didn't really care. Her mother was, complicated, and it was easier to be alone. She got a plate from the cupboard, tipped the toaster upside down to sprinkle the plate with crumbs, brushed a knife through the butter and placed plate and knife carefully in the sink. Honestly, it was unlikely that Ellis would give a second's thought as to whether her daughter had had dinner or not but there was no need to take chances.

In her bedroom, Meredith tried to settle to her homework but she couldn't think straight. Feeling dizzy, cold and completely exhausted, she lay down on her bed and dozed off.

She wasn't sure how many hours later it was when Ellis Grey barged into her room and dragged her off the bed by her arm. 'Ouch, Mom, what the hell?' she gasped, clinging to the wall for support as the room spun around her. 'I need you downstairs, young lady. Now,' Ellis snapped, walking out of the room and not looking behind her. Meredith closed her eyes and swayed on the spot. She was not up for handling one of her mother's 'episodes' right now but knew delay tactics just made the fall out worse. Slowly, she made her way to the lounge where Ellis was sitting bolt upright by the phone.

'What is it, Mom?' she queried. 'Care to explain this?' came the terse reply as Ellis pressed play on the answer phone.

First New Message. Received today at 16:11

Mrs Grey, this is Elena Liebowicz, your daughter's AP Chem teacher. I'm just ringing because I'm concerned about Meredith. She's had some low grades recently and I was going to give her some time to sort it out before contacting you but I'm worried about the underlying causes. She seems to having some problems focusing in class and looks very tired and unwell. I think she might be struggling and I'd like to see if we can sort this out before it gets worse. There's a very real danger Meredith could fail this class and, if she is ill, then she needs more than just some academic support. Perhaps you could give me a call when you have a chance.'

Second New Message. Received today at 17:36

Mrs Grey? Um, this is Rebecca. I'm, er, friends with Meredith. Um, I feel really bad phoning you but I'm scared that Meredith's really sick. She never eats anymore, she's really distant at school, she gets faint and she's lost loads of weight. It's, um, I mean, I'm sure you've noticed that and I probably shouldn't say anything. Mer will be so mad at me. But, er, yeah, I'm scared. And I didn't know what else to do. She doesn't listen to us. Please don't tell her I told you.

Meredith sat like she'd been turned to stone. The silence seemed to go on forever. Then, 'well?' her mother demanded.

'I don't … I'm sorry … it's not …'

'Failing grades, Meredith! Really?'

Meredith lifted her head and her anxious, tear filled eyes met Ellis' cold angry ones. 'My grades?' she whispered. That's why you're upset?'

'Of course I'm upset, Meredith. You're a Junior now. Every grade affects your future prospects. If you slack off now, you can forget Yale and you can forget med school and ever being a surgeon. Focus, Meredith. Hard work and focus. Success isn't just going to be handed to you on a plate. You're not naturally outstanding, Meredith. You're going to have to strive for everything we want for you. Whatever's going on with you - sort yourself out. Fast.' With that Ellis strode away from her shaking daughter without another word. Meredith stared after her, conflicted. Her mother had heard all those things about her behaviour and was going to do … nothing? That was a good thing. Wasn't it? She was free to carry on with … whatever this was. So why didn't she feel happy, she wondered bitterly. Instead she felt like she was in freefall and there was nobody there to catch her.

By lunchtime the next day, the numbness had turned to anger. At her mother, mostly, but there was confusion there because Ellis' lack of interest in her daughter's well being was actively enabling Meredith to continue the behaviours she felt were keeping her going. Towards Rebecca however, Meredith's feelings were crystal clear. That was betrayal, pure and simple. How dare her friend go behind her back to her mom of all people?! When she reached her usual table where her friends were already sitting she walked straight past and sat at an empty table, her back to the others.

Her friends chatter lapsed into confused silence. 'Meredith, aren't you sitting with us?' called Brianna. 'Doesn't look like it, does it,' said Meredith coldly without looking round.

'Okayyyy …. something we said?'

'Ask Rebecca.'

Rebecca stared at Meredith's back, her face frozen like a rabbit caught in headlights. 'Oh shit,' she muttered. 'What?' questioned Alexis, another girl at the table. 'I, um, come with me? Please? I have to try and talk to her.' Rebecca, Brianna and Alexis picked up their trays and put them down by Meredith. Meredith glared at them. 'Seriously? Can't you take a hint, Bec? Leave. Me. Alone.'

'Meredith, please. I had to. I was so scared, I didn't know what else to do.' Tears started up in her eyes.

'What did she do?' asked Briana, torn between concern and intrigue.

'Let's just say I had a great time last night sitting with my mom listening to Rebecca on our answer phone telling my mum I'm a psycho'.

'Mer, I did NOT say you are a psycho. I said … I just said what we all feel. You have anorexia, Meredith. You must know that. You're really, really sick and none of know how to help you.'

Meredith spoke through gritted teeth to stop the tears threatening to overwhelm her. 'I don't … I am not … I … Stop … I'm fine,' she managed to force out.

'Then eat this,' challenged Alexis suddenly, pushing her burger towards Meredith.

'Alexis,' whispered Briana, aghast. 'What the hell?'

'No, she's right,' Rebecca joined in. If Mer is 'fine', she won't have a problem with a burger at lunchtime, will she.

There was a long silence then Meredith grabbed Alexis' burger and ate it quickly and silently as the others watched on uneasily. As she finished, she slammed her chair backwards and stood, wild eyed. 'Satisfied?' she asked, quiet hatred in her voice. 'Go to hell, all of you.' With that she walked quickly from the cafeteria, trying to ignore the stares that followed her.

In the bathroom stall, Meredith forced her fingers down her throat, making herself slowly and horribly sick, over and over again until she was sure her stomach was empty. She leaned her head against the cool tiles on the wall, shaking and dizzy. She hated purging with a passion. It hurt and, worse than that, it made her feel hopelessly out of control.

The rest of the Chemistry class was seated by the time Meredith made her way inside the room, leaving her with no choice but to take her normal seat next to her former best friend. Rebecca looked at Meredith's chalk white face and watery, reddened eyes in horror but didn't dare speak. The lesson began and both girls stared ahead of them, their faces fixed. Mrs Liebowicz was explaining a practical task and instructed them to go and collect their equipment. 'Are you working with me?' Rebecca muttered. 'Whatever,' whispered back Meredith, standing to get their stuff but then sitting back down with a frightened exclamation, gripping at the sides of the table.

'Mer? Meredith! Talk to me.'

'Don't. feel. good.' gasped out Meredith, her eyes squeezed tight shut and her face now more grey than white.

'Mrs Liebowicz, there's something wrong with Meredith,' Rebecca called out anxiously. The teacher looked up and lunged to her feet in alarm just as Meredith rolled off her chair and slumped unconscious to the floor.