Chapter Three

I had to stand and watch Ariela shed fake tears as she stood before Father's pyre. She and her daughters lit the pyre, a right I should have had. The blaze engulfed my father's body, and I couldn't help feeling the building grief and fury within me. I tried to rid myself of my anger, telling myself that his body was only an empty container without a soul. I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't be so upset that I had not been allowed to take part in the ritual. Eventually, the fury subsided, leaving only grief. I sobbed under my hood, with only Eidyia to comfort me. It was so unfair that I could not pay him the honor and respect that I should have.

Ariela had come to the funeral wearing a revealing dress, probably hoping to attract a new beau. However, the fairy's edict hampered her efforts, and she was very disappointed. She did get quite an audience, however, after someone asked about young Baroness Chryseis. "She was so unhappy," Ariela began, her voice dripping with fake sympathy, "she simply threw herself into the river. I sent out many to search for her, but I fear we shall never find the dear child. It is a great loss." To everyone else, it was a great loss, and I longed to shout out that I was alive and Ariela was lying, but then she truly would have me killed.

"Someday," Eidyia whispered when no one else was listening. "Things will change." She was right about one thing. Everything changed. None of my relatives of Llyr could be found. I was the last of the Llyr bloodline. There was no one else who had the right to the land. So it passed to Ariela, who became Baroness Ariela of Llyr. Right away, Amerisia was named the heiress of Llyr, and Cyala was to inherit a part of the land as well. All this I watched from behind my hood. I saw the world, but the world could not see me. My face was obscured by the long cowl that covered my face.

From then on, I was a slave in the Llyr Manor. There was no escape for me. At night, they locked me in a little room, afraid that I would run away. But where would I run to? Who would believe my story and take me in? Since her marriage to my father, and especially since her ascension to baroness, Ariela had become almost respected. I was just a child then, barely seven years old. There was little I could do to defend myself against her. So I was forced to wait, and do her bidding.

I tried so hard not to cry or complain, since that meant Ariela had won, and was victorious. Even then, my pride kept me resolute, and I began to understand how truly important hope was. I was a hopeful child, hoping that perhaps someday I might find a way to get rid of the usurper. But at the same time, I had no hope, and couldn't see how a young child who everyone thought to be dead could oust a woman who was quickly building a formidable series of social connections.

I eventually adapted to my new life, getting along as best I could. My step-sisters adapted as well. Although they were rotten to the core, they seemed to fit in with the high society rather well. They dressed in the finest gowns and had many jewels and fine things. They slept in large rooms with canopy beds and closet after closet for all their raiment. There was antique furniture in their rooms, too, which they hardly seemed to care about. They never bothered to treat them like the priceless pieces they were, but used them as if they were replaceable. That angered me more than anything, and it was hard to keep the beloved heirlooms looking as if they were new and respected rather than old and dingy, with owners that cared nothing for them.

Amerisia was given to adopt haughty airs and try to assume authorities she did not have. She carried herself very straight and tall, as if she were screaming for the entire world to take notice of her and how important she was. Of the two daughters, she was the vainest. I spent hours combing her long blonde hair and arranging it into elegant chignons and upsweeps or curling it so it hung in ringlets around her face. Ariela indulged this in her eldest daughter, always exclaiming over how lovely her daughter was and giving her whatever she wanted to accent this. Amerisia grew up very haughty and determined. She always bragged that she would marry well and be the rich heiress of Llyr. Day after day, she would brag that she would hold court in her hall and that she would be more queen than the true queen of Alansia. Sometimes, she even bragged that she would probably be the queen, and perhaps bequeath Llyr to her younger sister.

Cyala was not much better than her sister. She was a great deal more demanding. Not one for diplomatic subterfuge, she would come right out and issue orders and demands without having to justify herself first. The younger daughter also had blonde hair and blue eyes, and while she was very arrogant about her looks, her vanity was slightly less than her sister's. She prided herself more on her nobility and talents. Talented she was, and blessed with a rather good singing voice and a talent for playing piano. Through her accomplishments, she expected to be treated more like a goddess than a girl, which caused endless friction between the two of us.

The years flew by, an endless pattern of servitude and longing. At last, Amerisia turned seventeen, nearly a grown woman. Her sister was two years younger, and was not quite fifteen, but due to her commanding nature seemed almost as old as her sister. At this time, Ariela decided that the series of private governesses and teachers that had been coming to our manor were not enough for her beautiful offspring. They must have special training in what she called the 'regal arts.' Therefore, she made a rather important announcement at supper one night.

I was bringing in the main course when she decided to make her declaration. Carrying a tray of steaming roast beef fresh from the oven, I moved quietly into the hall, with my head down. Long ago, I had learned to adopt a humble posture when around my step-family. Amerisia was stirring her soup idly, looking rather impatient. Cyala stared at me when I entered. "What took you so long?" she demanded as I set the platter of roast beef down. Another of the kitchen maids who accompanied me carrying a bowl of potatoes apologized profusely, but Ariela shook her head.

"Get back to the kitchen, girl. My daughter was not speaking to you." She turned on me. "You, I believe were the one who was to help prepare the supper tonight?" I nodded, but that gesture was hardly noticed from beneath my hood. Ariela did not see this and her eyes flashed with anger. "Answer when spoken to!" she demanded.

"Yes ma'am," I muttered.

"Perhaps if you miss your own supper tomorrow night you will remember to have ours prepared on time," the false baroness decreed. Inside, I hated her even more. This was a common punishment, and she should have known by now that she could not starve me into submission. I had done nothing wrong, and this was no fault of mine. I refused to be rebuked for what I had not done. Instead of arguing, however, I simply moved to take away the soup bowls left on the table.

"My soup was far too salty," Amerisia complained as I went to take her bowl, which was still mostly full. I hadn't cooked the soup tonight, and she knew it.

"I was just helping you watch your ladylike figure," I spat before I could think better of it. Amerisia gasped.

"Was that an insult?" I almost laughed at that. Amerisia was obsessed with keeping her figure slim and perfect.

"Of course not," I replied. She let it go, probably suspiciously wondering if it had indeed been an insult. I noticed that she hardly touched her dinner that night. It served her right. After that small moment of tension, I withdrew to the kitchen and then returned to wait on the three of them as they ate. When I walked back into the room, Ariela was speaking excitedly about something.

"I'm ever so proud of both my lovely daughters," she cooed. "And I know that you will both be wonderfully accomplished ladies. I just want to give you the opportunity to truly blossom and learn what being a lady is like. Therefore, I have decided to send you to the Castle Edris for instruction." Both the girls gasped at this, and Amerisia looked very pleased at this fact. I didn't understand quite what Ariela meant. Cyala, in her excitement, began to ramble ecstatically about the experience.

"Oh, how perfect! To go to a true castle and study abroad... Oh, thank you, Mother! It will be so wonderful, and there will surely be other ladies of fine breeding there to converse with. I knew it was customary for young girls to go and learn the arts of a lady from another fine lady, but to go to Castle Edris will be such an accomplishment!" Amerisia looked pleased also.

"We must have new dresses, Mother, we simply must," she insisted. "All the other girls there will have kept up with the fashions in the capital, and we simply can't look like country waifs like Cyn-Dyrela." I winced at the name. In the Ancient tongue, Dyrela means girl, and Cyn means slave. It was probably the only Ancient words Ariela knew. Time to fight fire with fire.

"Er Callendi-Dyrelle, mura tain no amosan." As I spoke, Ariela and her daughters just stared blankly, unable to comprehend what I had just said. I was fortunate Eidyia was not here, or she would have been laughing. Ariela had no idea that I had just called her a pig-woman and an evil usurper. Indeed, she only stared at me, trying to figure out what I had just said to her. I began to chuckle underneath my hood.

"Silence," Cyala commanded angrily. Reluctantly, I forced myself to quit laughing. I knew that some sort of punishment was forthcoming, but it was worth it. This petty game I played was all that kept me sane. The evening had been worth it, even though I was not looking forward to the punishments that would most likely be inflicted on me tomorrow.

Later on that night, I settled down to bed, tired from the long day of labor. I laid my head on my thin pillow, hoping that I could sleep until dawn. My hopes were in vain. Sometime late at night, I was awoken by Amerisia knocking on my door. This wasn't the first time this had happened. One of the two girls often woke me at night to do some petty task for them.

"Cyn-Dyrela, make me some warm cider in the kitchen, and bring it back up to my room," she demanded. "There is a chilling draft in my room and I grow cold."

Refusing to get up, I called out a sleepy response. "If you can take the effort to walk all the way over to my room, than surely you are capable of walking down to the kitchens and getting it yourself."

"Mother will punish you. Servants are supposed to obey me," she threatened. Ariela made it clear that she and her daughters were to be treated as goddesses. I refused to ever treat them so. They were not goddesses. They were not even decent people. I was not going to let my rest be interrupted tonight.

"You can do it yourself. It's too early for me to get up. If you can't get it yourself, you shall just have to endure until morning. It does not take a great deal of intelligence to pour some cider in a pot and heat it over the stove." I paused for a moment. "Hm, I suppose you couldn't do it. Maybe you do need the help after all."

"That's no way to address a noble lady!" she exclaimed, her voice trying desperately to imitate her mother's commandingly nasty air. "You are to address a lady with respect."

"If I see a lady, I will," I told her tartly. After that, I heard her stomp off down the hallway. I tried to get back to sleep, wrapping my thin blanket around me. However, my rest was short-lived.

Ariela stormed up to my door, pounding on it with furious force. "Cyn-Dyrela! Come here immediately." Reluctantly, I pulled on my hooded robe, pushing my messy braid into the hood and drawing it over my face. I opened my door and looked out at Ariela. Her face was masked with anger and her terrible daughter stood behind her, smirking in triumph. "I should beat you, you disobedient, selfish, ungrateful wretch! You would do well to learn your place," Ariela remarked angrily.

I was admittedly a little irritable about being woken up at such an hour, and had not my usual patience or judgment. So I snapped back at Ariela when she snapped at me. "You would do well to remember your own place. It is I who am Baroness, not you." At that, Ariela swung her hand to slap me. She caught me across the jaw, only because my hood had distorted her view of my face. I had not been seen by her without a hood since I was condemned to become a servant in my own home. I took the blow as best I could, but inside I was burning with anger and hatred. It was wrong, and I so much wanted to hate her. But I couldn't let myself be consumed by hatred, I just couldn't...

When Ariela spoke again, her voice was low and dangerous. "For your insults and rebelliousness tonight, I shall punish you. You will scrub every window in this manor to my satisfaction. You will have neither sleep nor food until you are finished. Starting now." I was mortified. This punishment was worse than I had anticipated. We had many rooms in our manor, and many windows in each room. Some were as tall as the rooms themselves, and many had inlays of colored glass in them that were incredibly difficult to clean. But there was nothing I could do.

Ariela marched me down to the kitchen, where my first task was to make Amerisia a cup of warm apple cider. I wanted to put pepper in it, but my step-mother was watching me too closely. Then I set about the windows in the kitchen doggedly, working as fast as I could. Soon after I started, Ariela went back to bed, telling me that she would be back to inspect my work in the morning and if it didn't pass her test, I would do it all over again. By morning, I ached all over. Besides being utterly exhausted, I was getting a sore arm from all the scrubbing. I knew that I still had over half of the manor's windows left. But I had no choice other than to keep working. My throat had long ago gone dry, but I was not allowed to stop and get a drink of water. Ariela had no complaints yet, and my one hope was that perhaps I wouldn't have to do this entire task twice. The other servants began to awaken and go about their daily tasks. I said not a word to the other servants, and they said nothing to me. Instead, they gave me strange looks, probably wondering what I was doing and why Ariela was always punishing me so. Most of them didn't even know who I was. I almost laughed to think of what they would think if they were to find that I was their Lady and Baroness.

Ariela occasionally stood over me, watching my progress with a disdainful look on her face. I pretended to mutter, but I made sure that I was loud enough so that she could hear me. I spoke in the Ancient Tongue, saying things like, "Why should I be punished for other's stupidity?" and, "Perhaps I have to scrub because my mistress is too lazy and overweight to do so." I toiled until after Ariela and her daughters had their luncheon in the garden. When I finished, Ariela was standing over me.

"You call this clean, Cyn-Dyrela?" she asked, smudging her finger against one of my impeccably clean windows. Her hand left a streak on it, and I resented her for it. "All of them. Again." At that moment, I felt the angry words rising from within me, threatening to burst out.

'No!' I wanted to shout. 'This is not my place! I will not stand for this any longer!' But it was no use to yell or scream. In the end, it would do me no good, only earn me more scorn, more hatred from Ariela, if that was indeed possible. I was powerless, trying to play a game where any power I had was precious, but ultimately useless. Resigned, I just bowed my head, fists clenched to absorb the fury.

"Yes, ma'am." Those two words were so painful, but they carried bitterness in them beyond any curse I could have hurled at her. She knew it, of course. We both knew that our hate for each other seethed below the surface. I had no reason to love or respect her, so I imagine that she always wondered why I remained in Llyr. She couldn't understand the connection I had to my land, or the idea of a hope so great that one would risk their life for it. She didn't understand me, and didn't care to, just as I didn't really care to understand her.

So I continued working, more fiercely than ever. The pain in my arm increased, but dulled as the labor became so repetitive that I noticed little. I felt incredibly hungry as the afternoon pressed on, but as hunger is, you get used to it and it lies dormant for a while before twisting your stomach again in demand to be fed. The worst part was the thirst. It was a particularly warm day, and standing in front of window with the sunlight streaming in was not pleasant wearing a full hooded robe, however light it might have been.

At last, I threw down my rag in bitter triumph. Ariela had been spontaneously popping into the rooms I was working in all day, watching over me with a satisfied grin on her face. Even Amerisia and Cyala had stopped by me to mock me as I worked. Amerisia was looking particularly nasty, and I wanted to sneer right back at her, a futile gesture from beneath my hood. I hadn't seen Eidyia all day. No doubt they kept her busy elsewhere so she couldn't help me or even speak to me. Now finished with my task, I resolved to look for her after going to the kitchens for some water and food.

As I dragged myself into the kitchen, I saw Eidyia waiting for me. She already had my dinner waiting, along with a tall mug of cold water. I threw back my hood and gulped the water gratefully, managing to get out a "Thank you so much," in between swallows. After the water mug was half drained, I set upon my food.

"What was it this time?" Eidyia asked, her soft voice full of disdain for the self-fashioned Lady of Llyr.

I stopped eating for a moment and told her what had happened the previous night. She just shook her head and sat down at the table with me. "The entire manor twice?" she asked. I nodded. "She's still trying to break you, Chryseis."

"She's been trying to break me for years. Ariela will never give up, no matter what I say or do. Sometimes I wonder, Eidyia, would it be different if I resisted her orders? Could I fight them and refuse to do what they commanded? Would it be the same anyway?" I glared down into my bowl.

"No," she decided after lengthy consideration. "No matter how horrid they are now, I'm sure that if provoked, they can get worse." Her words were almost prophetic. As soon as she said them, I heard Cyala's voice calling me.

"Cyn-Dyrela! Come and plait my hair and set out my nightgown this instant!" Eidyia and I shared an exasperated look, and I left my mostly finished dinner sitting on the table, making my way slowly up to my young mistress' room. When I knocked and heard the imperious command of "Enter!" from Cyala, I discovered that Ariela and Amerisia were sitting in the younger girl's room as well.

"Ah, Cyn-Dyrela has finally deigned to grace us with her presence," Amerisia mocked.

"You bellowed?" I asked, turning to Cyala. She looked horrified at my response, but before she could say anything, Ariela cut in.

"You interrupted a conversation with my daughters, but I think we have come to a decision, haven't we girls?" The sly grin on her face was unnerving, and when her spitefully smiling daughters both nodded, I began to feel a bit anxious. Ariela looked at me and pronounced my second punishment of the day. "My girls are going to be students of Lady Edris in three days. It would not do to have them travel like commoners, with just a trunk or two of belongings! They must be sent with an entourage, like the noble ladies they are. All we were lacking was a serving maid, but I think you shall do."

I was speechless. This was worse than any punishment she could have given. I don't know if she knew that, and that was why she had banished me like this, but if she knew, she would have reveled in her cruelty. I couldn't let her know what her words meant, what they did to me. I didn't answer, instead leaving the room. I didn't care about respect or the semblance of obedience any more. My words to Eidyia rang in my ears. It wouldn't matter anyway. Her words answered mine. "No matter how horrid they are now, they can get worse."

Ariela caught up to me in the corridor. "You are insolent, Cyn-Dyrela, to think you can act the way you do. I knew from the moment I saw you that you were trouble. But hear this: you will serve my daughters completely, and satisfy their every whim. If you do not, I can make you truly regret it. I'm warning you now: don't try anything. This isn't the least of what I can do."

"I will always despise you," I announced to her rather bravely, "but I will go to this Castle and do what you ask." In the Ancient Tongue, I added, "We will see who wins in the end, Ariela."

"Don't mutter that foul language at me, girl," Ariela warned.

"Fine. It does not cause me great sorrow not to have to speak to you again." As I walked away again, she called after me, desperate to have the last word.

"Heed me, Cyn-Dyrela, or you will be sorry." I was already sorry. The awfulness of it all sank in as I paced back to the kitchens to deliver the news to Eidyia. I did not want to leave my home. Even in my servitude, I had always been able to remain here, where I spent my childhood, the land my mother's family had owned for years upon years. I would miss everything about it, I realized. The Castle Edris was so far away, not even in the province of Llyr. How long would it be before I was allowed to return?

From Edris there would be no escape. There would be no horse to ride when I could escape. Escape would be all but prevented in a stuffy, traditional atmosphere like the one I knew existed in Edris. Most likely, they were as cruel as Ariela to their servants, and I would be expected to bow my head and do my step-sisters' bidding until I collapsed. At least most of my manual labor would be over, I thought to myself. Perhaps some things might not be so bad.

Being forced to leave my home felt like cruel abandonment. I couldn't trust Ariela to care for my estate. She would ruin the land more than she already had. It wasn't as if I could stop her much by being here, but being here was better than being hundreds of miles away where there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. When I opened the door to the kitchen and pulled off my hood, Eidyia knew there was something wrong.

It was then that everything I had been hiding inside came bursting out, and I was suddenly aware of how much I had changed. I used to be a happy girl, who loved reading and horses and her land. Now I was a bitter and angry young woman. A thirst was growing within me, a thirst for the taste of revenge. I stood in the kitchen of our manor, telling Eidyia everything about what had happened.

"Ariela is sending me away!" I exclaimed furiously. "I'm to go with those brats of hers all the way to Castle Edris in three days! What am I supposed to do? They… they… they can't do this to me. How dare they? How dare they send me away?" I had started now, and was not capable of stopping myself. "How dare they do what they do, to make a servant of me in my own home? As if that were not enough, they have the nerve to send me away like a serf? This is not the life my mother or father meant for me to have. What would they say if they saw me now, just letting them do this to me? Why can't I do something? I can't just sit here and let them do this to me anymore. It's too much! I have to draw the line somewhere, don't I? What can Ariela threaten me with that I haven't faced already?"

"Chryseis! You must keep yourself sane, child, don't lose yourself to this rage," Eidyia warned, her voice stern but also containing a glimmer of pity. "Some day…"

"I'm tired of waiting for someday!" I insisted, with classic teen impatience. "If I keep waiting for someday, it will turn into never. Why not now?"

"Because you are not ready," was Eidyia's simple answer. "Listen, child. I know how much you hate this, and I agree with you. You were not meant to live this life. But can we change it now? One day, it will be time, but not now. Until then, you must be patient. We must all be patient." Her words made so much sense. She was always so rational, so sensible. Like my own mother would have been, I imagine.

"What will I do without you?" I murmured, hanging my head. She wrapped me in a hug, as if she could sense how much I needed someone to help me through this point in my life. I was close to sobbing, and she began to rock slowly and soothingly until I had collected myself.

"You will carry on with pride and dignity, like a true member of the house of Llyr," she answered. "Carry on and remember that you'll be back here someday."

"And when I do," I swore softly, "I won't wait anymore."