The hunter's task.
He was waiting, patiently by the fire. He had heard the call, a sort of inner voice, beckoning him to seek this one glade and so he had. He knew his duties and he didn't want to spoil his chances by being late. His master was probably going to ask him for yet another favour, yet another mission which had to be fulfilled. But he was there just for that, to right the wrongs and protect what the great hunter loved and cherished. Sometimes it was very hard, other times almost impossible, the humans wreaked havoc upon the natural world and he had wept more than once, seeing the lack of respect and reverence they followed. To man there seemed to be only one rule to follow, make money and make it quick.
His horse was standing nearby, chewing on some hay and the two great hounds which followed him these days lay next to him, snoozing in the heat from the flames. He threw another log onto the fire and sighed, his travels had taken him to many places but this was a new one. So far from people and civilization it in itself had to mean something. He had ridden for several days until he felt that he had found the right place, a small glade in the deep forest, surrounded by wild mountains and steep cliffs. It was almost like the wilderness he remembered from his youth, when he had run around in the forests of Oromë and lacked even the slightest care in the world. It had been so easy back then, so straight forward and simple, no doubts, no questions and absolutely no oaths.
He stared at the flying sparks, it was getting dark soon and the skies were starting to light up with stars, this far from the cities there were no light pollution and no pollution, the air was fresh and clean. He shuddered slightly, threw a blanket over his wide shoulders and heard that a coyote howled in the distance. Then there was a sudden flash of light and the great hunter stood there, majestic as always. The elf bowed his head in reverence and Oromë sighed and sat down next to him. "My friend, we have a job for you, a different one this time."
Celegorm frowned. "We? Not just you this time?"
Oromë nodded slowly. "Yes, as in most of the valar"
Celegorm sighed and looked at the hunter, the strange cat like eyes were serious as ever. "So, what is this job then?"
The hunter leaned back, stretched his legs towards the fire. "You know that there are fëar still in Mandos who haven't repented?"
Celegorm grunted. "My father among others"
The hunter nodded and grasped a straw, started chewing at it slowly. "Yes, but this isn't about your father, this is about someone else. We aren't getting anywhere, this one soul doesn't open up at all, doesn't seem to be able to let go of the past at all. We thought that a sudden change of environment may shock it into a change of heart"
Celegorm stared at the vala, eyes narrow. "You thought? What if you are wrong?"
The hunter sighed. "We may be completely wrong, but what we want is for you to take care of this one elf for a while, see if you can make a difference, you are good with the wounded critters you come across and you do have patience, and enough roughness to handle just about anything"
Celegorm frowned. "So, who is it that I am to babysit then?"
The vala got back onto his feet and smiled. "Someone you have met in the halls, briefly, though…different. I may admit that we have taken the right to do some changes, just to boost the process you may say."
Celegorm got up to, he didn't like the sound of that at all, changes? That could be anything really. He tilted his head. "So, what am I to do with this person then, just stroll around and see what happens?"
The vala nodded. "Exactly that, and if you must seek out human civilization do it slowly, and explain first, the shock may be too much otherwise. We want to help this person, not leave you with a catatonic elf."
Celegorm just grunted and the vala raised an arm. A glowing shape appeared on the ground next to the fire, and then it lost the glow and became solid. The vala smiled, a somewhat tired smile. "There, now, this is your task my friend, take care and we will keep an eye on you two"
Celegorm blinked and the vala was gone, the place where he had stood was empty. The figure on the ground was not moving, and he knelt down, it was a tall person, and he blinked. The long black hair and pale skin, could it be? He turned her over gently for it was a she, no, it wasn't Aredhel, although there were some odd similarities. His heart sank again, he had harboured a mild crush on his cousin back in the days of the trees, they all had come to think of it. Wild and reckless, free of mind and strong of will, she had been their equal in all things and he had loved the hunting trips and the expeditions way into the unexplored inner regions of Aman. He had mourned her death, and blamed himself for it too, there wasn't anything he could have done and yet…
This elleth was very similar to her and there was something strangely familiar about her. She was dressed in the typical garments of those who were recently re-embodied, a sort of grey gown made from a very soft material. He would have to get her other clothes soon enough. He saw that she wouldn't wake up right away so he made camp, made sure the area was safe. He had some food, nothing fancy but she would be hungry when she woke up, he had been when he first awoke in this new body. Who could she be? He hadn't encountered any elleth who looked like her? Had he? No, he couldn't remember anyone like that. He stared at her, the profile, the colours, she was so like Aredhel and yet there was something different in the build of the face. He tilted his head, stared at the sleeping face and then it struck him, he knew who she looked like. Maeglin!
He gasped and had to blink again. Changes Oromë had said, oh yes, changes indeed. If this wasn't the traitor of Gondolin, the elf responsible for the death of thousands you could call him a donkey and saddle him up. But put into a female body. Oh by Aüle's beard, this could get interesting indeed. So Maeglin had refused to repent? No wonder, he had been one twisted individual for sure. No wonder with that creep of a father but still. Well, Celegorm had his work cut out for him, no doubt about that. He sighed and sat down by the fire, warmed some water and now it was a waiting game. It could take some while for the fëa to fully connect to the new body and if the soul in question was forced into re-embodiment it made it only worse. He had almost contemplated going to bed when the elleth stirred, she gasped and coughed and sat up, just to fall back down again with a grunt.
Large slanted black eyes stared at him with panic and she tried to get up but couldn't, the body not strong enough yet. He got up and walked over, sat down next to her and she blinked, stared at him in utter disbelief, then she became aware of the thick silky long hair which flowed around her like a velvet river and grasped it, held a thick lock up high and stared at it as if it was a poisonous snake. "What…where…Turkafinwë?!"
He nodded sternly. "Yes, that is me. But here I use my Sindarin name, I am Celegorm. Welcome the the…oh heck, I don't know what age this is really, the eight?"
She blinked, the eyes were most definitely a result of Eöl's genes, almond shaped and actually extremely pretty with long lashes and he saw it now, it was truly Maeglin's features, just feminized. "I…what has happened…"
Celegorm sighed. "The valar, that is what has happened, you have been placed into my care for a period of time, Eru alone knows how long. To contemplate things from a different point of view I think we can call it"
She hissed. "They had no right, I didn't ask for this, who do they think they are to just…I wasn't ready, Eru damn it, they can't do this to me!"
The last words came like a growl and he had to snicker on the inside. She was so like her mother in some ways. "Easy there young lady, I bet they know what they are doing"
She gaped, then she turned red. "Young lady? YOUNG LADY?! Are you too mocking me you cursed piece of…"
She stared at the hair, eyes widening in sudden realization. She looked down, saw the rather shapely chest underneath the gown, lifted it out from the skin ever so slightly and stared down, the scream which followed was most definitely female, then her eyes rolled up into her head and she passed out, like a candle.
Celegorm just sighed and found a blanket, wrapped her in it. Now that she had woken up she would need it. He tilted his head and stared at her. His feelings were conflicted and he wasn't so sure if he liked this job at all. Most hated this elf, saw him as a despicable wretch who had harboured unnatural feelings for his cousin and allowed those desires to lead him astray. Celegorm thought that he perhaps knew better than that, Maeglin had fallen into the hands of Sauron himself and he would have loved to see the elf who was capable of resisting the master of deviltry and deceit. Torture can of course break you but Sauron loved to do more than that, he loved to play games, to twist and churn and pick every little secret from you, one by one. What remained was putty, something you could mould into whatever shape the bastard preferred.
Maeglin had been so very young, barely an adult, what chance did he really stand to fight back against such overwhelming odds? Celegorm was sure he could see it, how it had been. Sauron had been there, between the beatings, the whipping, the agony. Sweet talking, tempting, alluring, speaking words which felt like the truth, because they always were, just a twisted version of it. The poor elf hadn't really stood a chance,
Celegorm wasn't less hated by most, maybe even more. Everybody understands desire, understands fear, few understand the power of an oath dark enough to plunge an entire nation into despair and bloodshed.
He made sure the tea was warm, that the simple porridge was warm too. He sat there waiting and the darkness had fully fallen now. He petted the dogs and she stirred again, slowly sitting up. Her chin trembling and she was really very young, probably the age Maeglin had been when he died. "What have they done to me?!"
The voice was thin, shivering, large tears running down from the eyes and she stared at her hands, delicate and elegant. No longer the hands of a blacksmith or a warrior. He sighed and grasped a cup, filled it with tea. "They have given you a female hroa. That is what they have done to you"
She grasped the cup, hands trembling visibly. "Why? Oh Eru!"
She sniffed and took a sip of the tea, frowned. "What is this?"
Celegorm smiled. "Earl grey, with two cubes of sugar"
She frowned. "What earl? A sinda?"
Celegorm shook his head. "No, a human. We are in the age of men now little one, remember that. The world you knew is no more, this is a very different place now"
She took another sip and lifted her head, stared at the stars. Her face spoke of shock and also of some sort of hopelessness. "The stars, I…I cannot recognize them…"
She stared at him, chin trembling. "Your…garments. They are odd?"
He had to snicker, he wore what a cowboy would, jeans, chaps, a flannel shirt, high boots with spurs. He nodded. "They are what humans who work out in the wilderness wear. We will have to get you some other garments too, you cannot travel in that gown"
She stared at said garment, her expression told him everything about what she felt about it. "Why couldn't they give me a body like my old one? I feel…"
She sighed and trembled. "I feel like I am…abandoned"
Celegorm filled some porridge onto a plate. "But you aren't, they care. If they didn't you would still be there, in the halls, lingering in darkness and self-pity"
She snorted, her eyes dark and he once again saw the similarity with the ellon she had been. He hadn't really met Maeglin, but he had seen him in the halls and the fëa usually bore a strong resemblance to the hroa it had worn while being alive. He couldn't help it though, he felt that this hröa somehow fitted the soul better, for some reason. "Why do they even bother? I know what I did"
Celegorm shrugged. "So do I, I too murdered and slew, with my own hands. I have been given a second chance, I guess they feel that you too deserve this"
She looked down, the confused look within her eyes hard to watch. "I don't know anything, I have no clue of what has happened out there, what the world has turned into"
Celegorm nodded. "You stayed too long in the halls, if you had agreed to co-operate with Namo it would have been better, you would have been out there ages ago"
She sneered. "I didn't want to, I…I cannot stand that old…piece of rotten wood"
He sensed something, the way her eyes moved, her posture. It wasn't Namo, it was her, it was something she hid. He didn't want to push it though, better not making her an enemy right away. "You didn't watch the tapestries whilst in the halls?"
She shook her head, eyes downcast. "No, I didn't. I…I didn't want to, it was just too much…"
He smiled, pointed at her porridge. "I understand, eat now, before it goes too cold"
She grunted and started eating, with a distinct lack of manners. No doubt she had been a male, even if she had been a prince. She finished the porridge and made a grimace. "This tasted like pig food"
Celegorm grinned. "No it didn't, but your taste buds aren't quite awakened yet, it will take some time"
She groaned and rolled her eyes, tried to adjust the dress a bit, it was tight over the chest. She looked down. "By Eru, these are….Ridiculous. How is it possible for females to get used to such cumbersome…fatty bags"
He had to laugh, but thinking about it, she was on the busty side for an elleth, most didn't have that much. "There are garments to wear, to tame the "ladies" so to speak"
She blinked. "Corsets?! Eru forbid, I saw what the ladies of Gondolin wore, I would rather return to the halls thank you very much, they couldn't bloody move!"
Celegorm looked down, snickering. "Oh you will find these garments way less cumbersome, I promise. And way more pleasant to wear"
She hissed again, like an angry cat. "I would very much prefer to be without these appendages thank you very much. Oh why could they not have sent me back as an ellon?!"
Celegorm shrugged. "You ask me? I haven't got a clue, but you are a lady now so you better deal with it. I suggest we get some sleep, tomorrow we have to get moving. You need clothes and I need to restack my storage of supplies"
She frowned. "Supplies? Can't you just hunt?"
He nodded. "I can, but there are rules to hunting here, and besides, we cannot just live of venison and nuts. I think I will have to introduce you to some modern cuisine, I think you will love it"
She looked doubtful and there was a slight pout on her face, she actually looked cute that way but he had a feeling that the same expression wouldn't be as pleasant on an ellon. If he didn't recall it wrong the prince had had a reputation for being more than a wee bit sulky. He found his sleeping bag and made a grimace, he had only one, well, she would have to use that. He could sleep without it and the night was relatively warm. He tossed it over to her and she caught it in the air and frowned. "What is this thing?"
He smiled. "It is a sleeping bag, you get into it to sleep"
She blinked, stretched it out a bit, stared at it. "How do you get into it?"
He sighed and walked over, showed her the zipper. "Here, you open it, crawl into it and then you pull this back up"
She stared at the zipper with huge eyes, then she tried it, and made a little squeal as she managed to make it move, up and down. She tried many times and her eyes were huge when she met his gaze again. "This is…this is the work of a genius, why didn't we think of this?!"
Celegorm sighed. "Yeah, wonder about that one. Go to sleep now, the ground here is not too bad"
She worried her lower lip. "I…"
He felt a need to roll his eyes. "What?"
She looked down. "I need to…relieve myself"
Celegorm remembered his younger brothers, they had tested his patience more than once, well, he would have to play big brother once more. "Then go and do what you must, there are bushes over there, just look out for snakes"
She yipped and her expression became one of horror. "I haven't…how do…Snakes?"
He nodded. "Yes, but don't worry about that, the dogs have surely chased them off if there were any here to begin with. And how? You are a lady now, you squat"
She had an expression of disgust on her face. "Oh Eru, this is…horrible"
She got up and walked to the bushes, rather unsteadily. She disappeared and Celegorm wondered how many days of travel he would need before reaching something like descent store, she definitely needed clothes and he was rather sure that she would be a bit like her mother, devoted to one style above all others. She would make a quite smashing goth though, and he was rather sure that black would be her preferred colour.
She returned, blushing red and obviously shocked. "That was ,,,.weird"
He just snickered. "You'll get used to it, it's just the plumbing that is different."
She grunted and sat down, started sliding into the sleeping bag with a definite lack of elegance. "Yeah, easy to say for you, you haven't been turned into something…odd"
He shook his head and found a blanket, laid down, made sure the fire was going and the dogs got up to keep watch. "Nope, I haven't. But now it is naptime, sleep well…princess"
She hissed. "I…oh damnation, what should I call myself now?"
He snickered. "Well, you were Lomion, so what about Lomiel?"
She had a lost expression on her face. "Lomiel…Lomiel…that doesn't sound like me"
He pulled his hat over his face. "Better than Maeglinelle, good night…Lomiel"
She almost growled but didn't answer, just turned her back to him. Oh yes, the next days were gonna be very interesting indeed!
The next morning she was in a ghastly mood, she was just sitting there sulking and refused to even answer when he spoke to her, no wonder Namo wanted to get rid of this one with that type of behaviour. He saw that she was frustrated over the gown, and her still somewhat wobbly feet, she didn't like the porridge, she didn't like the tea, she didn't like anything and that was the last thing she would say about it, until she let out another heartfelt but not very polite rant. He broke camp and now she became aware of the horses, he had two riding horses with him and she would have to ride the mare, a very elegant dun animal he had bred himself. She was the daughter of his silvery stallion and for once Lomiel seemed impressed. The horses back in Beleriand had been pretty but not quite as elegant as these and she was eager until she got into the saddle.
"This saddle is…hard"
He nodded. "These are edain saddles, if you rather prefer to sit up with me you just let me know"
She hissed. "No way!"
She turned the mare and he had to snicker, she was proud, well, perhaps she would learn that pride wasn't such a good trait under these circumstances. He rode ahead, it would take them at least four days to get back to his trailer and he tried to tell her a bit of the history of the world. She was just sitting there, looking like a thundercloud, but she was a good rider, and they made good speed. But the landscape and the plants there confused her visibly, yet she didn't ask him to tell her about anything. Yet again that darn pride.
He took it upon himself to tell her about the species they saw, as if he was just making polite conversation. She listened even though she pretended not to. It was a very odd journey for sure. He had brought a gun and shot a few rabbits that evening, the sound and the effect of the shots scared her a lot and she was almost shaking with fear. He realized that she had some sort of trauma when it came to loud sudden sounds and that made sense, thinking about the manner of her death.
He explained the gun and prepared the rabbits, it took some time but he managed to make a decent stew and she ate with good appetite but there was something about her behaviour which was strange. She moved with a sort of jerking motion and hissed when she sat down to eat. Celegorm raised an eyebrow, he had been an idiot. She had no underwear, and had been sitting in the saddle the whole day. Of course she had saddle sores, probably the size of palms.
He got up and walked over to his horse, found a small jar in the saddle bags and tossed it over to her, she took it, eyes narrow. "What is this?"
The voice was sharp, hinting at being a person with authority. He grinned. "You have saddle sores, get that salve onto them now, or else you will have to ride up with me tomorrow!"
She looked furious, then she looked sad, and turned angry again. "I do not…"
He interrupted her. "Yes you do, you should have told me when you started to feel sore, I could have used my blanket to make the saddle softer"
She pouted again. "As if I would tell you anything…"
He stared at her, eyes strict. "You are every bit as stubborn as your mother, get that salve onto your sores or else I will do it for you. We cannot afford to stay here too long, the horses need better grass and I do not want to wander about the wilderness with you all day long forever"
She growled at him but opened the jar and got some of the salve onto her fingers, reached inn underneath the skirt and then she let out a shriek and tears filled her eyes. "Morgoth's balls, that stings!"
He frowned. "Just how bad is it really? That salve isn't supposed to sting?"
She stared at him, eyes wide, lips trembling. "But it does"
He sighed. "Alright, that does it young one, I will have to take a look"
She let out a small shriek. "NO! I won't let you, no way, stay back"
He stared at her. "And risk you getting infections?"
She pouted, eyes shooting lightening" I am an elf, we do not get infections!"
He rolled his eyes. "Says one who is just returned from the halls, your body isn't that strong just yet."
She growled. "I won't let you look at me!"
He shook his head. "Listen, you do not have anything other ellith doesn't have, I have seen my fair share of naked ones by the way, including your mother"
She gaped, then she almost shouted. "You are lying!"
He shook his head. "No, your mom was often out hunting with me and my brothers, we would bathe together, all of us. Nobody bothered with such details back then"
She stared, eyes like tea cups. "You didn't…what? I cannot believe you"
He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Listen, I have no idea of what your creep of a father told you, or what those overly pious idiots at Gondolin taught you but we are as you have stated, elves. And nudity weren't anything anybody felt ashamed of before the great journey"
She blinked, eyes flickering from one side to the other. "Is that true?"
He nodded. "I remember once when we were invited to a party at king Olwë's court, the dancers there wore nothing except glued on gems and paint."
She shuddered. "I cannot…oh why did they have to send me back!"
He felt a sting of pity. "I know it is all new to you now, and probably scary. But listen, there is no point in you suffering for nothing, and I can see that you are in pain."
She looked down, eyes filling with tears. "I…I can handle it"
He reached out, placed a hand on her shoulder. "No you cannot, I know what saddle sores are, and believe me, they won't get any better"
She was quiet, trembling ever so slightly. He took a deep breath. "Right, I bet you went out with the other warriors, didn't you? And sometimes someone would get wounded, did they shy away from the healers then?"
She hesitated. "No, we…I was wounded several times, and no, I didn't shy away from the healers but I was…I was male back then"
He nodded. "Yes, and the healers took care of both genders. There is no shame in this, but it will be a shame if you are left with scars and nasty infections. The dust around here gets everywhere, and it isn't exactly clean"
She looked down, closed her eyes. "Alright, alright then. I will let you…look. But do not touch me!"
He took her hand. "I promise"
She managed to get up, closed her eyes and she was indeed very pale, even for someone of her complexion. "Right"
She pulled the gown up to her waist and he throttled an expletive. She wasn't just sore, the skin was blistering and red and was that blood? There were huge lesions on both side of her crotch and he tried to ignore the fact that she was female as he evaluated the damage. There was no way she would be able to ride tomorrow and he cursed himself for not having thought of this. Her skin was soft and not used to chafing at all, he was such an idiot.
He sighed and let her drop the skirt again. "You are brave, you must have a very high pain threshold"
She blushed in spite of it all, still trembling. "What….what can be done?"
He took a deep breath and got up, found some bandages in the saddle bags and some other ointments. He always carried a first aid kit and it was very well stocked for nobody knew what could happen out there. "Here, you have to put bandages onto your thighs, and ointment. This will feel very cold at first"
She swallowed visibly. "I don't think I can…"
He stared at her. "Do you want me to do it?"
She hesitated again, then she nodded slowly. "Yes, I…the idea of…I cannot"
She bit her lower lip. "But be gentle, please"
He smiled. "I will, just relax. It will be done swiftly"
He got ointment onto his hand and she gasped as he touched her, she was trembling visibly. The skin was so very hot and the sores were even worse up close. He made sure they were covered, then he bandaged her thoroughly and made sure that the bandages wouldn't fall off easily. He let her skirt down and she looked very flushed. "Thanks"
He smiled. "It is so little, it's what's expected of me"
She sat down, very slowly and carefully. There was relief in her eyes. "So, how far do we have to ride?"
He sighed. "For three or four more days, but you have to sit up with me for a few days, those sores has to rest"
She looked as if she had just spotted an army or orcs waiting for her but she didn't say anything. He finished the stew and they ate in silence, she didn't complain and he wondered what her childhood had been like, when she had been Maeglin and lived in Nan Elmoth. Probably not the very best, her father had been a control freak no doubt.
They went to bed and this night she slept without complaining, she even mentioned that the sleeping bag was a good invention. He let her have a sip from his pocket flask, he had filled it with some very nice whiskey and she was gasping and coughing but seemed to like the smoky taste.
The next morning he placed her in front of himself in the saddle, sitting across his thighs and she didn't complain nor protest, she was oddly silent and often she sat there, staring at her hands and arms. He couldn't quite interpret the expression on her face.
This day they reached a valley and it was a large dry plain there, sometimes people would go there to test their cars but there weren't anybody there now. He was glad, he had tried to explain the concept of cars to her but she hadn't really seemed to believe him. They rode along when he heard a distant sound and he sighed and reined in the horse. She heard it too and frowned. "What is that?"
He saw that she was getting nervous and he took a deep breath. "That would be a plane, a machine which flies through the air, very very fast"
She raised an eyebrow. "What? That is impossible"
Celegorm had to make a wry grin. "So they said, until someone proved them wrong."
The sound was getting louder fast, goddamn it, it was probably pilots from the nearby army base, testing their jet fighters at low altitude. The horses were calm, used to absolutely anything but Lomiel was starting to shiver and she covered her ears. "By Morgoth's hairy…"
The first jet shot by, just a few feet higher than the boulders beside them. She screamed, turned and clung to him, hiding her face against his shirt. Three more jet fighters followed, just as low and just as fast. The horses nickered and shook their heads and the dogs barked, they didn't like the sound.
She lifted her head slowly, still hanging onto his collar with both hands, eyes huge. Tears streamed down her face. "What in the name of Eru was that?!"
He swallowed, remover her hands gently for she was almost choking him. "I told you, planes, the sort they use to make war"
She panted. "I…not even a dragon flies that fast"
He nodded. "Darn right about that yes."
He stroked her hair gently. "Don't be afraid Lomiel, if there is any danger I will protect you, Namo has trusted me with you and I do not intend to fail at my task"
She didn't answer, she was just panting and he felt sorry for her, this would certainly only be the first of many shocks she was to face.
She was quiet for the rest of that day, didn't answer when he spoke to her and the huge dark eyes were just staring into nothing, the lost expressions even more visible. He just hoped that this to her new and strange world wouldn't crush her spirit, after all, considering her past life she could be very fragile.
For the next days he tried to push on and travel as fast as possible, the horses could deal with it just fine and on the fourth evening he knew that they would reach his truck the next day. They made camp by a small lake, it was a very idyllic place and he had been there before. Her sores had healed quite well so he could allow her to remove the bandages and she stared at the water with an expression of longing. "Is it safe to bathe here?"
He nodded. "Fairly, I don't think there are much danger here right now. Go ahead"
She hesitated, then she walked down to the shore and he turned his back, demonstratively and started to stir the kettle with what was left of his rations. They needed food now and he too would have loved a bath but she was allowed to bathe alone. He could do it later on.
She took a deep breath, stared at the water, stuck a toe into it just to check the temperature. Then she pulled off the gown which by now was very dirty with multiple tears and dropped it into the sand. She waded inn, slowly, he could see her reflection in the side of the kettle, slightly warped. He hadn't brought any soap or shampoo but he had some in the truck, they could take a proper bath when they reached it. She couldn't be allowed out among people the way she looked now anyhow. It didn't take long, the water was rather cold and not all that clean come to think about it. She came back up and threw the gown into the water, dunked it thoroughly and then she wrung it. It was if not clean at least not as grimy as it had been. She pulled it back on, sat down by the fire and her expression was one of disgust. He had to grin. "Not used to this sort of bath?"
She almost sneered. "I am used to bathing out in the wild, but not wet clothes."
He nodded. "You could have put the gown back on, unwashed"
She shuddered. "There were more sand in that gown than in the whole desert of Rhun"
Celegorm shrugged. "Guess you are right. Tomorrow we will reach my vehicle, then we can get a proper bath"
She sighed, it was a sigh of intense longing." Oh yes, please"
He tilted his head. "I never saw Gondolin, I bet the bath houses there were grand?"
She nodded, an expression of acute longing on her face. "They were, my uncle had insisted on building many and they were just wonderful, hot water, cold water, soaps of any kind"
She pulled her knees up, laid her arms around them. "I was there quite often, being a smith makes you dirty, and sore too"
He remembered that part of it, very well. His father had been rather disappointed when he discovered that Celegorm lacked all interest in the art of being a smith, and that he didn't have even an ounce of talent. "I know, father tried to teach me but I was terrible, I couldn't make a door hinge, or even a butter knife. It all came out warped"
She giggled. "I loved the smithy, I was...It was my place of freedom, the one place where my father actually appreciated me, and encouraged me."
Celegorm nodded. "Tell me, of the smithies of Gondolin, I know so little of that city"
She got a spark of energy back in her gaze, her back straightened. "Alright, I can begin with the other houses."
He sat back and listened, she told him about how the other lords ran their houses, how the nobles ignored the world out there completely and how Turgon sort of lived in his own little bubble, caught between ambition and grief. He listened as the stars came forth and when they went to bed that night he had a feeling he knew her a little better. It was rather obvious that Gondolin at first had been a wonder to the young elf, that even the death of his parents had been unable to ruin the feeling of awe and curiosity he had felt. Then it had changed, had become something else, something darker, more sombre. It seemed as if Maeglin finally had realized why his mother had insisted on leaving in the first place.
The next day they rode downhill towards the plains, they could see the main road in the distance and she showed some slight shock over how straight it was, and wide. The dogs were happily running around and the horses had picked up some speed too, they knew where they were heading. Lomiel had ridden sideways for the last days, the saddle allowed for that although it wasn't very comfortable at all. But she hadn't complained even once and he had started to understand that she was way tougher than one might imagine.
The large truck and trailer was placed discretely behind some cliffs, it was hard to see and nobody had been there. She stared at the rather massive construction with narrow eyes. "And that thing moves?"
He nodded. "Yes, it does. The back end is for the horses, the front for us, but it is very small"
Small didn't even begin to cut it, it was a tiny room with a bed, a small closet with a sort of gas stove inside of it. Another even tinier room with a toilet and a shower and a small cupboard with towels and soap. It was so small you would have to leave in order to change your mind as he used to joke. You had to sit on the toilet while showering and the water tank wasn't exactly large.
As they entered it seemed even smaller, with two adults in there it was cramped to say the least. But he tried to take it all in his stride and remain positive, the bed was rather wide for he had insisted on having a decent size to it considering his height and if it got too bad he had a tent. He took care of the horses, fed them and made sure they had water, then he started the engine to get electricity enough to heat the water. The sound made her wince. "It is very noisy!"
He smiled back at her. "Yes, but that is just the way it is with these things."
He made some food while the water was heating up, an omelette and bacon, milk and tea. She looked at the bacon, eyes narrow. "What is this? It smells…good?"
He remembered, they hadn't had pigs back in Aman and the elves hadn't really adopted that type of animal at all. "You haven't tasted boar? This is from the domesticated version?"
She sighed. "No, father…we visited the dwarves, they had such meat I think but I wasn't allowed to taste it, all I got was venison, and vegetables"
Celegorm frowned. "Why?"
She shrugged. "Who knows? Father had his ways, and nobody but he himself could understand them at times."
She saw how he ate and tried to copy him and her eyes widened. "Eru, this is more than just good!"
He grinned widely. "Absolutely, this is about as good as it gets. Fresh bacon, fried to a crisp"
She dug into the meal, eating as if she had been starving forever. Afterwards she was a bit lethargic and very relaxed so he showed her how to use the shower. It was yet another marvel to her and she giggled as she switched it on and off. In the end he had to stop her so she didn't use all the water before she even started showering herself.
The shampoo and the body wash was yet another things she found fascinating and he had found an old bathrobe in his heap of clothes and it fit her rather well. She sat there on the bed while he had a very swift and by now very cold shower. But he got rid of the dust and grime and that was the very point. The night fell fast and he fed the dogs and checked on the horses before turning in for the night. He had a radio and she was stunned by it, switched between the channels like mad and acted a bit like a kid with a new exciting toy.
The problem was the language, she didn't understand English yet and he wondered what he was to do about that problem. He would have to convince other people that she was a foreigner of some sorts, speaking some very rare language. She was tired as they went to bed and he just hoped that she wasn't one who moved a lot while she slept. The dogs would keep watch and he allowed himself to relax and sleep deeply.
The morning light awakened him and he was at first very confused, he couldn't move. Something was pressing him down and he felt a sting of panic before he remembered. It was Lomiel, she was clinging onto him like a lamprey, soundly asleep. Her hair tickled his nose and she was breathing into his ear. Celegorm sighed and wondered how he was to extract himself from this tangle of limbs and blankets without embarrassing her. He turned his head a wee bit and blinked, the bath robe she had worn to bed had opened completely, he saw it all. Oh by Eru, she was indeed well shaped, Namo had outdone himself creating this one hroa. He closed his eyes, counting slowly down from fifty, he was to take care of her and help her come to terms with her life, not take advantage of her. He was no eunuch damn it, and having her this close did interesting things to him, he would have to get out of there before things got too hard, quite literally.
He reached over, very gently and tickled her ribs, she winced and turned over with a grunt, snoring slightly as she continued to sleep. He pulled the blanket over her again and slid out of the bed, made use of the toilet and started preparing some food. She had to get something to wear until he found a store. His clothes were all his size but he found a t shirt which could be used as a sort of short dress and a pair of pants which had been cut short due to some tears. They could be used, for a while at least.
After a quick breakfast they got onto the road, she was shocked by the speed of the truck and the other cars they now met and she was also very fascinated by all they saw. The electricity lines were something he had to explain in detail and she took great interest in the buildings which by now started to show up. He reached a town after a couple of hours and parked in a large parking lot, he placed the dogs in the truck and asked Lomiel to stay inside of the trailer until he returned. Then he found a measuring tape and asked her to take her measurements. Lomiel looked a bit confused. "How long do we have to wait until the seamstresses are done making clothes?"
He grinned. "We don't use seamstresses anymore, we buy the clothes from stores, finished and ready. But the clothes are made in specific sizes and I need to know yours to buy the right one"
She frowned. "Not using seamstresses? But…how are the clothes made then?"
He sighed. "Listen, this whole community is based upon one thing, consumption. The clothes are made an mass by people using machines, that makes it possible to make a lot of clothes at a time. Come on, I need those numbers young lady"
Lomiel grunted but obeyed, gave him her measurements and he wrote them down on a note. "Stay in here, do not leave the trailer, I will get you something ordinary looking so we can to out there together to find whatever else you need"
She sighed and shrugged. "Alright, but no skirts"
He winked. "Got it, no skirts"
He got out and started walking down the main street, there was luckily a mini mall there and he made sure that his ears were covered by his hat. His long hair and height made him stand out but he tried to look as non-threatening as possible. He entered and saw a clothes store right away, it was selling used clothing and it was perfect. He used the note and found some items which ought to fit rather well, and they weren't very expensive at all. He had made a habit out of never using a card to pay, he always used cash and luckily most stores accepted that still. The lady behind the counter didn't even raise an eyebrow seeing a giant long haired guy buying ladies clothing, she probably saw that the clothes were way too small for him.
Lomiel was waiting, she was obviously impatient and he had to help her figure out what went where. The underwear was a good fit, so were the t shirt and shirt he had bought and the jeans too. The shoes were a bit too big but with socks in them they were alright, at least for now. She looked pretty much like an ordinary village girl when he was done helping her getting it all on. He pulled her hair back and put it into a style which hid the whole length and her ears and then he deemed that she was ready to face this world.
He instructed her to do as he said at all times, to never stare or gawk at anything and to stay by his side no matter what. He had decided to tell people that she was his cousin from Estonia if they asked, few if anybody knew where that was and it was highly unlikely that there were anybody with roots in that area here. Lomiel was flabbergasted by what she saw, she asked questions continuously and her eyes were wide and shiny. They stopped by a few stores, bought her some bra's and better shoes, some makeup and other toiletries and even more socks and a pair of outfits which looked a bit better than just jeans and a shirt. He noticed now that she was tall, he hadn't really thought about it but she was way taller than most women and her looks put her right in the "model" category. Some stared at her but she ignored it, she was probably used to being in the centre of attention, after all, she had ruled her own noble house.
They stopped by a steak house to eat and he made sure that she was seated with her back to the wall, he sat in front of her and she grinned and winked, she had understood his strategy. If anyone wanted to start anything they would have to go through him.
They ate in peace, she didn't speak much and he enjoyed the meal, this restaurant was excellent and the meat was both tender and tasty. He had eaten at such places where the meat was so tough it had to have been made from a cow old enough to have participated in the war of the last alliance and so tasteless he had felt as if he was trying to chew cardboard. Lomiel enjoyed the food too, he had ordered a glass of wine for her and she liked it a lot. The wine they had had back in the days had been good too, but much stronger and made from very different grapes, She sat there and had a good time, for some reason the sulkiness was gone now and she acted like a normal person would, maybe this had been a good idea after all. Namo had dealt with the most unthinkable of cases and he had to know what he was doing.
Celegorm suddenly felt that he was being stared at, he just pretended as if nothing was wrong but she noticed, she had been a warrior and not just a blacksmith, of course her instincts were still intact. He pretended to drop his napkin by accident and bent down to pick it up. In a booth on the other end of the restaurant some elderly guys were staring, he realized that from their angle they saw just the top of her head and it was pitch black. And the light was dim so they probably believed that he was one of those guys who dated girls of a different ethnical origin and disapproved. They saw that he was white, so they were most likely the good old fashioned racist type who preached about keeping the white race pure and all that trash.
He wanted to do something but decided against it, they could glare all they wanted. Lomiel was as pale white as anyone could ask for and he knew that the men had entered after the two of them so they couldn't have seen how tall Celegorm was. He ordered dessert and it was banana split with caramel sauce and cherries. Lomiel looked as if she had her doubts, until she carefully took a bite out of the concoction. Then she smiled, the first real smile she had produced so far. "This is…wonderful, oh Eru, I wish I could eat just this forever"
He grinned. "You will go tired of it then, it is too sweet too. Enjoy it, we cannot have such food each day"
She frowned. "You are an ordinary person here right?"
He nodded. "Yes, I take jobs the hunter finds, I try to help out, fixing things"
She tilted her head. "So you get paid, like a worker? I must be costing you a lot then."
He shook his head. "Don't worry about that, I have plenty of funds, I will not go broke just because of you little one"
She frowned. "It is odd, back in Gondolin I was rich, I mean, I got my own house to rule and I never lacked for anything but…I didn't feel as though I deserved it, at all"
Celegorm took a bite of his own desert, damnation it was sweet. "Your uncle felt guilty, that is why. I bet he tried to buy your affection, and your forgiveness. After all, he cost you both your mother and father"
She shrugged, stabbed the ice cream with her spoon. "Yeah, I guess. He always had a hard time talking to me, about anything at all really. Even if I was supposed to be among his advisors."
Celegorm frowned. "Maybe it was because of Idril?"
She hissed, almost tossing the spoon at him. "Do not mention her again! Ever!"
Celegorm sighed inwardly. There it was, the root of the problem, the infected tooth, the thorn in the flesh. They finished the meal in silence and he paid the bill with a polite smile to the lady behind the counter, she was staring at Lomiel who looked absolutely stunning with that slight blush of rage in her cheeks. The men in the corner looked sheepish, they had probably expected to see an Asian or native girl, not a white woman of more than six feet who were drop dead gorgeous. Celegorm almost snickered as he opened the door to her.
The main street was mostly abandoned and they walked down towards the parking lot, Lomiel didn't say anything but her face said a lot, she was obviously upset. They walked by another clothing store, it had mostly fancy dresses and she stopped abruptly. Stared at the clothes displayed behind the front window. She blinked a few times, then she leaned inn a bit closer, curiosity written on her face. The dress she was staring at was a very elegant thing made from some sort of black velvet, over sown with thousands of tiny crystals, it made the whole thing sparkle and glitter. Celegorm snickered, black oh yes, he was right about her favoured colours. She wetted her lips and straightened herself up, stared at her own reflection. She seemed almost shocked for a moment, took a few steps back. Then she stared some more, was quiet for some minutes. Celegorm was getting impatient but he chose not to say anything, she was obviously having an important moment. She took a deep breath. "Celegorm, that dress?"
He nodded. "Yes, that dress?"
She blushed. "It is…would it fit me?"
He turned and stared at it, the price tag was probably hefty, but he could afford it, the question was if they had any in her size. He nodded. "You would look stunning in it"
She had a sort of jerking motion in her hands, he realized that it expressed her feelings, she had to be very stressed out there and then. "Could we.."
He grinned. "Go inside? Yes, it is possible to try the gowns on"
She bit her lower lip. "Yes please"
He nodded and made a gesture towards the door. "After you my lady"
She walked to the door and hesitated for a second before pushing it open, there was one lady in there, probably the owner of the store and he wondered how such a store could survive in a town this small but they probably had an online department too. The woman stared at Lomiel with huge eyes and Lomiel made a discreet gesture to Celegorm, she couldn't speak the language after all. He greeted the woman behind the counter with a polite nod and a gesture to his hat. "Ma'am, uh…my cousin saw that black dress in the window and wondered if she could try it? She is from abroad, cannot speak English yet"
The woman blinked, she was still a bit shell shocked by the sight of the two very tall and overly pretty people in her store. "Ah…of course, follow me. What size is she?"
Celegorm told her and the woman nodded. "We do have a gown in that size, tell me, is your cousin a model?"
Celegorm had to swallow a rather rough laughter. "No, not yet. She aspires to be one though"
The woman grinned and disappeared through a door, returned after two minutes with a dress in a bag. She gestured towards a dressing room. "Here, try it on in here dear, I am quite sure it will look stunning on you"
Lomiel sent her a shy smile, then she took the bag and entered the room, she understood that she had to close the curtain behind her. Celegorm sat down on the outside and waited, he heard her swearing a bit before she managed to get into it and then there was silence. He got a bit worried. "Lomiel?"
She took a deep breath, then she pushed the curtain aside. He had to blink a few times, the shop lady was right, it looked stunning on Lomiel, no, more than stunning. It was like a second skin, glittering like diamonds and it was extremely flattering both when it came to cut and style. The shop lady gaped, her eyes like tea cups. "Oh my, oh…goodness. That is stunning dear, completely stunning"
Lomiel blushed and bit her lower lip, she looked at herself in the mirror again and there was something new in her eyes, a sort of understanding perhaps, or triumph. Celegorm smiled at her, it was all he could do. He wanted to just gawk like some juvenile idiot for she was more beautiful than her mother had ever been, more lady like perhaps. He nodded slowly. "You like it?"
She nodded vigorously, almost in tears, stroking her hands over the black velvet with something akin to reverence. "Yes"
He took a deep breath. "Then it is yours little one"
She shrieked and the gesture she made was very feminine indeed. "You mean it? Oh thank you!"
The shop lady didn't understand a word they said but she kept smiling, just staring at the sight in front of her. Celegorm sent her a winning grin. "We'll take it"
The shop lady looked a bit shocked. "It is a designer dress, it is very expensive"
He nodded. "I know. But she has never owned anything this pretty before, and believe me, I have the money"
She looked a bit flushed. "Very well then sir, please follow me"
Celegorm nodded at Lomiel. "Get out of it now, and put the other clothes back on."
She pouted but obeyed and he followed the shop lady to the tiller where he had to part from quite a grand sum of money but it was worth it, the expression in Lomiel's eyes had been so very precious. Lomiel came to the counted with the dress in the bag and the widest grin he had ever seen on her face, the whole mistake he had made by mentioning Idril was forgotten obviously. The shop lady was waving at them as they left, he had probably sponsored the shop with a whole month of income just with that one dress. Lomiel was still blushing. "I had no idea the edain could make something that pretty"
He scoffed. "Oh they can make lots of pretty stuff, not just calamities. There are gems among the pebbles"
They returned to the trailer and she put the dress into the little closet above the bed, very gently. It was obvious that she was almost in love with it. He made sure the horses were alright and called the dogs back inside. "I think we better get moving, there is another town further down the road. It is too early to call it a day and we can stop in a few hours and have more food"
She grinned. "More ice cream, I liked ice cream"
Celegorm had to roll his eyes. "I saw that thank you very much, but if you keep eating ice cream you will end up as a fat elf"
Lomiel scoffed. "The only fat elf I have ever seen was Salgeant, and he was not right in the head"
Celegorm frowned, he started the engine of the truck. "Really?"
She nodded and put on the seat belt as he had instructed her to do. "Yeah, he had starved you see, during the crossing of the helcaraxe so he ate everything he could get his hands on, he was just so very afraid of hunger. He was a friend, sort of"
The last words were sad and he petted her hand. "I see, now, take the book you see next to you in the door and open it, it is maps"
She lit up and grasped the book, obviously stunned by the texture and the print and the pictures and for the next two hours she was completely lost in it. He had anticipated that, it left him with plenty of time to think.
That evening they parked the trailer in an area assigned for large vehicles, they sort of blended inn with the mobile homes and Celegorm paid the owner of the place some money just to be nice. There was in fact a corral there and he was allowed to place the horses there, but left one of the dogs to watch over them. The two horses were gorgeous and visibly valuable so he didn't want to risk anything, besides, there were people who seemed to believe that horses were there to be ridden, by anybody.
Lomiel was rather silent again, she agreed upon going out for dinner and she put on some of the best clothes he had bought for her, she looked very classy in the outfit and he too got on something a wee bit better than his sort of country style clothes. They ended up at an Asian restaurant and she thawed again, a wee bit. He saw why, one of the lads working there stared at her as if he had seen a goddess and the rest of the workers were extremely respectful. It seemed as if being a lady no longer bothered her, at all. They had some very nice food, and she ate with good appetite. He entertained her with tales of the different types of food he had enjoyed during his stay in middle earth and revealed that the most horrible thing he had ever come across was a sort of fermented herring which originated in Sweden. The smell alone could have gagged a cave troll.
She giggled and her eyes were shining, she told him of the cuisine of Gondolin and compared it with the rather simple fare of Nan Elmoth. Her father had thrown feasts every now and then but they had been rather simple and humble compared with what her uncle had come up with. Once Turgon had ordered the chefs to make a river of jelly and place several large salmons into it, the fish had been cooked already and their bellies filled with nuts and vegetables. It had looked amazing, and it hadn't tasted too bad neither.
She got some more wine and also some brandy and she was a bit tipsy as they walked back to the trailer. She tried to sing but had forgotten the words and then she told him of that one time when she had tried to compete with Rog in a smiths competition, the goal was to make as many forge hammers as possible in a certain amount of time. She had lost with bravado for he was so much stronger than her he had made twice as many as her and they had also been way better. Maeglin hadn't been all that large and strong, and he had been more focused upon detail than quantity.
They got back inside and she was still singing, being rather jolly. She sat on the bed and then she suddenly turned sombre again. "Know what? I never did this in my first life"
He sat down next to her. "Did what?"
She made a helpless sort of gesture. "This…having fun, drinking…being silly"
Celegorm smiled. "Then it was about time"
She sighed and looked down, eyes staring into the very past itself. "Father never…he didn't like such things, he was always so sombre, so serious. It was never about having fun, about exploring, it was always learn learn learn, was your father like that? You did love him didn't you, considering the oath and all?"
He looked down, eyes narrow. He hadn't really thought about that but now he had to, and her words gave him some new perspective. "I loved my father yes, but…you didn't truly love Fëanor, he was…overwhelming. You were dragged inn, almost consumed in a way. He was like a black hole"
She frowned. "A what?"
Celegorm made an apologetic grin. "Uh, it is.., something which sucks things inn, mercilessly. Father was like that, you couldn't resist him in any manner, he dominated everything and you couldn't help but agreeing with him. I so wanted to please him, to be a good son. We all did, and we all felt as if we fell short."
She frowned. "You did? I did too, I wasn't good enough, only when I managed to make something special was I praised. He didn't know how to show love I think"
Celegorm smiled, a sort of faraway look on his face." I could have said the same about my dad. Oh he did love us, fiercely. Maybe too much, he became rather possessive of those he cared about. But he was hard to love, for nobody could truly understand him. he was on a different level, we couldn't understand it."
She tilted her head. "Maybe we are alike in that manner, we were both disappointments to our parents, one way or the other."
He frowned. "You were a disappointment? How?"
She tried to smile, her eyes distant. "I think…I think I will tell you something I haven't told anyone. Not even Namo"
He leaned back and she hesitated, then she sort of laid back against him. "When Sauron captured me…I was…tortured."
Celegorm nodded. "Yeah, I sort of guessed that, he was a master at that"
She took a deep breath and shuddered slightly. "Yes, he was. But what he did to the body wasn't the worst, it was what he did to the mind. And yet…I didn't break, I didn't tell him…he just thought he knew"
Celegorm lifted his head, frowning. "What do you mean?"
She bit her lower lip, the eyes darkened again. "I…I think I will go to bed, I am tired"
She got up and he swore to himself, yet again she had closed off. She started getting rid of the clothes and walked into the tiny bathroom, wearing only underwear. She stopped, staring at the small mirror which was part of the wall, it was full height but very narrow and she stared at it, at her reflection. Slowly she removed the bra, and the panties, stood there naked in front of the mirror. She stared at her own body for a while, from different angles, lifted her hands, caressed them. Then she hesitantly touched her own breasts, weighed them in her hands, eyes large and oddly shiny. Her hands became bolder, exploring, making her familiar with this new body, so different from the one she had owned.
She closed her eyes, gasped when she realized how sensitive some areas where, how different touch felt from when she had been an ellon.
She stared at the mirror again, facing her own gaze. "I can, I dare. I cannot deny it anymore"
She got into the bathrobe and exited the tiny room, Celegorm had already crept back under the blankets and she joined him, laying there beside him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I didn't tell you everything, but now…I think I am ready"
He turned his head to her. "That is great, I am listening"
She took a deep breath. "When I was captured, Sauron…he looked into my mind. But I didn't really show him much, he just saw pieces and broken images. He made his own conclusions about what it was that I was after, what I wanted"
She heaved for air. "That was the worst part, not the whippings, the beatings and the other horrors he exposed me to, not even when…when…"
She closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face. "Do you know that he had magic there which prevented the fëa from fleeing? He had orcs…violate me, and while they used me he was there, whispering sweet promises to me, hollow promises for he knew not what it was that I wanted, he just assumed he knew. He pretended to be so compassionate, so understanding and yet each word he said was laced with poison."
She shivered, her body cold to the touch. He turned slowly, embraced her and she sort of melted into his embrace. "Oh he was so convincing, so sure of victory. But they are all wrong, they are all making the wrong assumption. It wasn't as they think it was, at all"
He just held her, knowing that this was a pivotal moment, perhaps this poor soul finally would break free from the past and truly be ready to start anew. She sniffed. "If Namo comes now I will ask to stay here, and no, I don't want to change back, I think…I think he somehow knew, I just had to accept it. I couldn't back in the halls, it wasn't possible. I needed this…change."
Celegorm hummed softly to her, as if to calm a frightened animal. "You tried to stop it didn't you? To avoid the attack?"
She nodded. "Yes, but…I couldn't remember, not really. It was driving me insane I think. "
She hid her face against his neck. "When I came to Gondolin, there was such splendour, so much beauty and luxury and I didn't feel worthy of any of it, not really. It was too much, but I knew one thing"
He waited, stroking her back slowly and she seemed to accept that. She let out a deep sigh. "They say I desired my cousin, that I wanted her, the way an ellon want an elleth, that I would have violated her to put a claim to the throne"
Celegorm took a deep breath and kept stroking her back. "That wasn't it was it?"
She shook her head. "No, it wasn't. I haven't told anyone, Namo the old bastard probably guessed, since he gave me this hröa. He isn't all that stupid, I guess"
He smiled and held her. "You didn't want her, you wanted to BE her"
She nodded. "Yes, like her, beautiful and elegant and poised, admired. I always knew…"
She sniffed and trembled ever so slightly. "I think mother suspected it, but she never said anything to father, he wouldn't have understood at all. I just had to be his obedient little son, the one who could excel in the forges and be a tool. If he had been told the entire truth he would have disowned me for sure, he always claimed I was a weakling and too much of a softie."
She made a half laugh, half sob. "I was so envious of Idril, all that she had. And then she had a husband of her own, and a child and I…I think Sauron managed to break something within me, in the end. I just snapped when the attack happened, maybe I had managed to supress the whole thing somehow"
Celegorm nodded. "The mind will find a way to protect itself, even if that means it has to dive into madness to achieve it. "
She sighed. "I was so awkward, so shy, I didn't know how to approach Idril without seeming like a creep. I didn't know how to tell her…"
Celegorm caressed her hair. "Know what, these days there are many who feel like you did, and it is not that strange, people have more or less accepted that it is that way. You are lucky to be an elf, you can get a new body, one which fit the soul you are"
She smiled against his neck, he could feel it. "You don't think it is odd?"
He shook his head. "No, it just explains a lot. But why didn't you tell Namo of this?"
She swallowed hard. "I didn't know how to, I felt that…I would be giving away the very last piece of me, that one brick within the arch which keeps it all upright. I didn't feel as if I was deserving of anything, a new chance least of all"
He held his breath. "And now?"
She lifted her head, stared at his face. "I am here am I not? Yeah, I sort of…feel right, better. I feel that I could live like this. It feels oddly like coming home, once I have gotten used to the changes"
He smiled. "That is good, well, there is yet much to see and learn here and I am glad to be your teacher"
She yawned. "Being this honest makes one tired, but it feels better, getting it off my chest"
She changed position slightly, found a more comfortable one. "I am sort of glad I am here, and again, thank you for that dress"
He kissed her brow, gently. "It is so little. Sleep well little one"
She yawned again and closed her eyes, as trusting as a kitten and he felt oddly humbled. He had sort of suspected the truth, but now she had told him herself, and it told of great strength. Of course Sauron hadn't been able to find the truth, he could only judge others by his own experiences, to him desire was a very settled thing, understandable and far from abstract. He wanted power, thus he anticipated that this was what everybody else too were after. Celegorm shook his head a bit, well, Sauron was gone ages ago and now he had a suspicion that he would have gained a companion for his travels.
He fell asleep and didn't see that a misty figure for a moment appeared within the small room. Namo stared at the two sleeping elves, he smiled, a somewhat sad grin. He had been right, both in his suspicions and in his belief in Celegorm. He was way more blessed than he was aware of. They had done the world a great injustice when they allowed for those laws and rules to be made, the avarin elves had been way more accepting and natural.
But the wrongs were made right now, this soul would find a safe harbour with Celegorm and he raised an eyebrow with a sort of wry expression. A companion indeed, and soon maybe so much more. Celegorm had been alone for too long, he deserved it, a true partner. They would grow together like the trunks of two trees, strengthening each other.
Yes, it would be, he put a hand on each of them as a blessing, they were all a part of Eru's grand plan. The eldar would return, slowly, one by one, and the healing of the world would start. This young hunter and this young smith was just one of the first, their strength would be needed. He threw one last glance at them before he faded away from the visible world, not even the dogs noticed that he was there. Lomiel would fit right in here, Aman wasn't ready for her return and absolutely not for her return as an elleth. But she would thrive, her sharp mind being challenged each day and her spirit would mature further, it would be a joy following them, he was truly looking forward to it.
