Chapter Eleven

As soon as I got home and put my horse back in the stable, I found Eidyia in the parlor, cleaning. She got up and greeted me, eager for news of the night. We headed up to the attic full of trunks to put away my things from tonight. Going into the attic room, Eidyia locked the door behind us and I began to take off my necklace and ring. "Everything went as planned?" she asked straight away. I nodded and filled her in on all the information I had gathered tonight. When I told her about the Count's support, she smiled. "Lord Michael always spoke very highly of the Count of Dagyn. The count is a very wise and influential man. He's not a man to be fooled, and I'm glad he is your ally. His opinion counts for a great deal with the duke, and most likely with the king as well."

"Duke Aviel is coming tomorrow. Did either my father or mother ever say anything about him?" I asked her as I pulled off the ballgown.

"Lord Michael did speak of him, I think," Eidyia recalled with some difficulty. It was obvious that she was trying to retrieve a bit of conversation that had transpired many years ago. "I believe that of Alansia's four dukes, that Aviel is the one most respected by King Matthew. I do not know what manner of person he is, but if my memory serves me correctly, he has a reputation for being very fair."

"Then I should talk to him tomorrow?"

"Yes!" Her answer was extremely emphatic. "He will be your strongest supporter, from what you have told me. Will you reveal your identity to him tomorrow? The duke might be the one you need on your side to regain your land."

"Actually I think the prince might be my best chance. The count said that he can convince his father of things, so his opinion will be even more important than the dukes. He is a just person, and if I tell him, I know he will believe me. I trust him, and…"

"You trust him?" Eidyia asked gently. "What makes you trust him so easily?" I only shrugged.

"I suppose it's the fact that… He's so fair to everyone, even Amerisia. And he understands…" My former governess gave me a look, but said nothing, and I felt like a foolish child. Somehow when I tried to say what I meant, it wouldn't come out right. But in my heart, I knew what I had to do. I just couldn't make her understand…

Eidyia lifted my hair out of my hairnet and put away the delicate hair piece. As we put things away, she kept giving me instructions for the following few days. "Now remember, Chryseis, that when Ariela and her daughters get home, you must already be working. She's adamant that this house be in perfect condition for the banquet tomorrow. You wouldn't believe the persuasion it took to get the other servants out of the house. They're all nervous about preparing for this event."

"Ariela and her daughters are going to be just detestable, aren't they?" I predicted. Eidyia nodded as she set my folded gown back into its trunk and locked it with her little key. Reluctantly I was putting on my own hooded work robe.

"That woman is too ambitious. She's determined that her daughter will be a princess in two days time…" She shook her head, clearly upset at the false baroness's efforts to impress the royal family.

"She is powerful, Eidyia, but I won't let that happen." I glanced over at her just before I pulled the hood of my robe over my face. "I promise I won't fail. I won't fail now, because it's too important."

"You've gotten this far," she told me confidently. "And if you've gotten this far…" Her eyes had a far away look, and after a while she spoke. "You were so young when Ariela made you her slave, but I knew that some of the strength of Llyr was still in you. And deep in my heart, I always had the hope that someday you would be strong enough to break free. And now to see that hope almost come true… Your parents would have been proud of you, not just for what you are doing now, but for what you have endured all these years."

"I always thought," I began rather dejectedly, "that they would be ashamed to see me like this. I'm glad they never had to see me like this. I want so badly to be all that Mother was, and to be as respected as Father had been. That's why I won't fail now, because I have to… I have a duty to them, and to everyone… And if I fail now, then I've failed everyone- you, Valora, Mother, Father, all of Llyr."

And Brien, I added silently. I knew that if Amerisia succeeded in marrying Brien, she would make that spark fade from his eyes. She would burn out his love of life with her arrogant spirit. And she would see to it that I was never happy again. Valora would remain trapped in Edris, and Eidyia's great talent for teaching would be wasted in the kitchens and wash rooms. Not only that, but the line of Llyr that had endured for centuries would die, and its land would pass to those who would continue to rule irresponsibly. That was what I faced if I failed. It was too much… Failure couldn't be an option.

Eidyia and I made our way downstairs, and I was already beating the rugs outside when the Chemise's carriage pulled up. It was dark, and I had only the torches to light the night for me. As Amerisia and Cyala passed me, they sneered. Their mother climbed out of the carriage behind them and surveyed my work. "What a surprise," she mocked in a sarcastic tone. "Cyn-Dyrela has actually made herself useful. I see that not all of my commands fall on deaf ears."

"Yes, my lady," I said quietly. I was feeling benevolent. Let her have these last days of mastery. Soon I would be the Baroness again, and I would be ordering her. I would take such joy in ordering her to leave Llyr and never return… So I made myself imagine that, and smiled in spite of myself as she ordered me to bring the carpet in right away and proceed to the girls' dressing room to help them out of their gowns and corsets. Pulling the rug off the line, I followed them into the manor. If I could passively follow their orders for a few more days, then they wouldn't punish me, and I could get through my last few days as a servant without incident.

Once in the dressing room, Amerisia and Cyala were abuzz with gossip. Cyala, apparently, had spent the entire night by her precious duke's side. She told her sister that she expected the duke to ask her mother's permission to court her any day now. Her voice was filled with such pride, but I had more respect for her than I did for her sister. At least Cyala was chasing after someone she thought highly of, and one who seemed to be able to tolerate her as well. She wasn't nearly as deceitful as her sister.

As I expected, Amerisia bragged endlessly about how much time she had spent with the prince. Undoing her necklace, she boasted that she had even managed to sit by him at dinner. It was then that she told him of some of her accomplishments at Castle Edris. "I'm sure he was charmed by my great knowledge of Llyr's gardens," the blonde brat I would be surprised if she even knew the names of a few common flowers, but I held my tongue. Only a few more days, I reminded myself.

"What a queen I will make, hm, Cyn-Dyrela?" Amerisia asked suddenly. "Can't you just see it: me, sitting on a throne in a grand hall, commanding a whole palace full of servants, and wearing a golden crown. Won't I be a beautiful queen?" I said nothing, but I wanted to tell her that if she would make a beautiful queen, then I would be the dimwitted Empress of Teatra. Fool.

At last, they were asleep, and Ariela called me to her chambers. I entered with my head down, ready for her inevitable orders. Indeed, she wanted me to clean all night through, with the promise that I might be able to sleep a few hours in the morning if I did not fall asleep all through the night. I knew that in the morning she would accuse me of having slept for a few minutes, and that I would be awake until tomorrow evening, but I didn't care. Soon I would be free. Soon I would be free. My mind just kept repeating that one thought, and I had the strength to do her bidding.

All through the night, I labored at preparing the manor for the throng of guests that would be arriving. It was a pity I couldn't attend as Morrigan, but Amerisia had told me that I was to be serving throughout most of the party. Even if I was released of service before the night was through, they would notice that Morrigan came just as Cyn-Dyrela disappeared. If I was caught, then all hope was gone. This time, I would just have to wait and watch from the shadows. I realized that I was greatly anticipating the next ball. Two days seemed so far away, and I quietly vocalized my wish that there was a ball at the palace tomorrow night instead of one here as I moved some of the wicker chairs out of the ballroom.

Once I got everything out, I began to polish the stone floor until it shone. The floor seemed so expansive, but I refused to let the size of my task bother me. With every swipe of my cloth, I told myself that this was for Valora. This was for Father. This was for Mother. This was for Eidyia. This was for Llyr. I had realized so much tonight. Thinking of this servitude as a duty to Llyr and to all those who had put their trust in me made it easier to bear. Then there was the knowledge that before long, I would never follow another one of my step-family's orders ever again. That was what kept me going until morning, when Ariela (as I had predicted) set me to work on something else, claiming that I had sneaked off to sleep as soon as I could.

Everyone in the manor was busy preparing for the banquet. Ariela ranted that her house must be perfect, since everyone who was anyone would be here tonight. The gardeners were set to trim the hedges into magnificent shapes in the garden and make sure all the plants and flowers looked their best. Extra cooks and bakers were hired to create delicacies that would rival those served at the palace. And the servants and maids were put to work cleaning and arranging every inch of the manor. Even the servants' rooms were cleaned and made impressive, in case inquiring guests might stray from the main path that Ariela would take them on when leading a tour of the mansion.

Eidyia and I worried when she led a few servants up to the attic and demanded that it be cleaned as well. Fortunately, Eidyia thought quickly and prevented such a disaster. "The attic has been locked for years," she told Ariela in a calm voice that didn't betray her worry at all. "I don't even think anyone has the key to it any more."

"Well then, I'll just send you all down to the hall to clean," Ariela had snapped, and both Eidyia and I breathed sighs of relief. She would not discover our secret today. My duties in the hall mainly consisted of putting the fine lace table cloths on all the tables that had been set up there. After that, I was put to work setting endless place settings. After laying down what seemed like the thousandth china plate and silver fork, spoon, and knife, I looked around the room for Eidyia. She was no where to be seen, and I wished I could talk to her. Today's work had been so dull, and I was getting tired. Perhaps once this was done, I could sleep a bit…

When at last I finished, I practically ran out of the hall. The hours had flown by, and it was almost time for the banquet to start. At this point, though, any sleep I could manage to get in these few minutes would be worth it. My exhaustion was growing, and I hoped that I could nap juts a bit before Ariela would bang on my door and demand that I get down and start serving the guests. However, my hope for sleep was not to be. On my way up to my room, I ran into Cyala.

"Cyn-Dyrela!" she shouted. "Where do you think you're going?" I came up with an answer quickly, hoping to avoid trouble.

"To change my robes. Unless you would rather have me wear these." I gestured to the filthy sleeve of my current work robe. The blonde wrinkled her dainty nose at that, and motioned for me to go up the stairs.

"Go then and change into something so you won't be an embarrassment. I won't have you disgracing us with your shabbiness." I wonder if she knew that she was acting just as I had wanted her to. If she knew, she would be beyond furious. But it made my step a little lighter as I bounded up the stairs knowing that I was winning in our petty little game that we played.

After arraying myself in another of my best robes, I was obliged to come right back downstairs. The guests had started to arrive. The Duke of Corianis was already here, and Cyala was already attaching herself to his arm. Ariela was greeting all her guests and welcoming them into the manor. I was sent to the kitchens straight away to wait for the order to bring dinner in to the hall. However, I did hear the buzz that arose outside when the King and Queen arrived at the Llyr Manor. Prince Brien had come to, and was quickly made the guest of honor. I knew that was only so because the guest of honor was obliged to sit by the hostess, and thus would have to sit next to Amerisia the entire nights. It was just another of the Chemise's ploys, despicably enough.

When at last I was called to serve the first course, I was commanded that my job was to serve the main table where Ariela and her daughters were sitting, along with the royal family. They must have wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I was indeed in attendance. Besides that, I knew that Amerisia had most likely requested that I serve at the main table out of spite. She wanted so badly to lord her status over me. No doubt she would be grinning quite smugly as I walked in, as if to say "I have all this, and you have nothing. I dare you to say something, because I know you will say nothing."

Indeed, I could say nothing. I just set the first course down in front of each diner quietly. I moved from the duke of Corianis and my step-family to the royal family. When I laid down Brien's plate, he thanked me quietly and politely. Did he recognize me? The queen followed her son's example, and thanked me as well. I rather liked her. The king seemed to think that his wife and son were being rather ridiculous, and didn't say much of anything. But I didn't mind: I was still wondering if Brien had recognized me. If he had, how had known it was me?

The second course passed without incident. Poor Brien was beginning to look very bored at the conversation around him. Amerisia must have been started on one of her favorite topics: her time at Edris and everything she had learned there. By the third course, the conversation must have taken a better turn, because all of the guests looked slightly more entertained. I brought out several more courses, and with each, Ariela and Amerisia looked more and more arrogantly impressed with themselves. They had obviously received several compliments on their hospitality.

Following the banquet was a reception in the parlor where all the guests assembled to speak with each other and listen to the entertainment Ariela had hired. There were minstrels playing, and after an hour or so, I was called to bring in some refreshments for the evening. On my way, I ran into Amerisia. She turned up her nose at me when she saw me. "Get out of here, Cyn-Dyrela. A party like this is no place for a servant like you…"

For once, I was glad to follow her orders. After spending so much time in the hot, stuffy kitchen and the equally stuffy atmosphere of the dining hall, I was in desperate need of some fresh air. Pushing out of the house and out into the summer night, I took in a deep breath. It was a perfect night, with clear skies and the stars shining up above. Suddenly, a voice cut through the night. "Mer-Dyrelle?"

I knew Brien's voice right away. I searched for the origin of the voice, turning about and looking everywhere around me until he yelled, "I'm up here." Looking up on the roof of the stable, I spotted him. "Do they miss me yet?" he asked as I approached.

"I'm sure that someone has noticed you are gone," I told him, "but no one has said anything yet." He leaned, and I could see him as I neared the wall of the stable. But I heard his voice anyway. "Perfect…" I wondered what I should do. On one hand, I didn't want to be presumptuous and keep speaking to him if he wanted to be alone. However, I wished that I could talk with him for a while. Maybe then I wouldn't be so weary. My thoughts were interrupted by a question. "Care to hide with me?"

"Would you like the company of another refugee?" I asked with a laugh.

"Intelligent company would be much appreciated," he answered, using the Ancient Tongue. I climbed up on the tall rain barrel and caught a hold of the edge of the roof. Trying as hard as I could, I pulled myself up and scrambled over the edge. Eventually, I made it up, only to find his highness laughing at me. "You could have used the ladder inside of the stable, you know," he told me, still chuckling good-naturedly. I felt completely foolish; I should have known. How many times had I climbed up to the loft to get hay for the horses and used that ladder?

Walking carefully across the roof to sit by him, I tried not to further embarrass myself by tripping or anything like that. "So, what are you doing out here?" I asked quietly, continuing our conversation in the old language. Glancing over at him as I sat down, I noted a faraway look in his eyes.

"Just looking at the stars," he replied. "You see, that one's the Great Lady, the ancient goddess." He pointed to a constellation that I sought out in the sky. He went on to tell me the myth behind it, and why the image was set in the stars. I listened to him for some time as he pointed out more stars and their myths and stories. His voice was pleasant to listen to, not stuffy or boring.

"They say that the great phenomenon of the Southern Lights will happen tonight. I heard that they can be seen almost everywhere late at night. So at least I have some justification for sneaking out of there," he told me. "You just look in that direction. Between those two stars," he pointed, but I couldn't see where he was pointing to. Moving closer to him, I then followed his finger towards the south, and saw two stars twinkling brightly in the night sky.

One was brighter than most of the other stars, shining against the black night. The other seemed to have a sheen of gold to it, and gleamed as bright as the other. I remembered Eidyia having pointed these out to me before. "That one is Cimiliene, the Silver Star," I said, still looking at the sky.

"And its sister, Chryseis, the Golden Star." He smiled. "You know your astronomy. Do you read much?"

"As much as I can," I admitted. "Although if you looked at the Llyr library now, you'd think no one in the manor ever picked up a book." Just then, a spark of light flashed in the sky.

"It's starting!" Brien exclaimed, his eyes turning skyward. I looked up, watching the astral phenomenon. Green, red, yellow, purple, blue, white; the sky was a medley of color. Natural fireworks, I thought to myself. Brien was looking at them thoughtfully. Then, he began to explain how they came about and why the certain colors showed up in the sky. "You certainly love astronomy, don't you?" I asked him when he was done.

"I was allowed to study it as a boy," he explained. "My tutors taught me everything that they thought a prince should know, mostly history, government, etiquette. They said that science and art were better left to the advisors and others who were not so important. I guess I always did like going against what my tutors said."

"Hence the roof-climbing, horse-loving science expert you've become?" I joked softly. He smiled as well.

"Why should I be conventional?" he demanded. "Why should I be what everyone thinks I should be? I'd much rather be who I am than who people want me to be."

"Not many people have the courage to say that," I marveled. The lights were still parading across the sky, but my eyelids were growing heavy and I had to struggle to stay awake. It had been so long since I had slept… It was only Brien's voice that kept me awake.

"I'd think that of the two of us, you would be the one with courage." His voice was soft, but it caught me off guard.

"How is that?" I asked him, curious at his odd statement. He explained patiently, taking his eyes from the sky above for a moment to look over at me.

"I can tell that you're tired, and that Ariela makes you work more than most servants. And yet you say nothing. You bear it with a dignity that I can't understand."

"How can you tell?" I wondered out loud.

"You always held yourself straight and tall when I spoke to you in the hills. Now your shoulders sink forward. You're tired."

"Not that much…" I protested. Having him point it out made me feel guilty, as if I should have tried harder to keep my exhaustion from being evident. I tried to sit up straighter, but suddenly the prince put his hand on my shoulder and lightly pushed down.

"It's okay. I'm tired too. We both have our duties." He sighed a long sigh, allowing his own shoulders to slump forward a little bit. Then, without warning, he stretched out his long legs and laid down on the roof, looking up at the sky. Tentatively, I did the same, although it was considerably difficult to do so and keep the hood over my face. Eventually, I turned my head to the side, to let the hood fall easily over my face. The lights were fading from the sky now, the phenomenon ending. Brien turned to face me, and I saw a look of contentment on his face.

"Thank you for the use of your stable," he told me with a grin. "It has made a most excellent make-shift observatory."

"It has," I agreed softly. Now I was truly tired. "The lights were so beautiful. And they only happen at this time in the summer, right?"

"Mmhm." Now he sounded tired.

"Are all these balls exhausting you, your highness?" I teased gently. "Such a difficult duty…"

"You have no idea," he muttered. "They start early and last until all hours of the night. I'm expected to be endlessly patient and polite with every girl I come across, and so many of them are simply ridiculous. I dance all night, most of the time with someone I'd really rather not dance with. I try to eat as best I can, knowing all the time that hundreds of people are watching my every move." I had suspected that he harbored these feelings all along.

"And you hate every minute of it," I finished for him. "You just wish that they'd leave you to live your own life and make your own decisions rather than having them push you to be the prince they expect you to be."

"Precisely. Although I wouldn't say I hate *every* minute of it. Sometimes it isn't so bad. There's always a silver lining in every cloud."

"And always a cloud in every silver lining," I returned. "That's life." My little saying made him smile.

"You haven't noticed, Mer-Dyrelle, that there are no clouds with any lining tonight," he began, his voice taking on a joking tone. "Although there is a Silver star…"

"And many other stars beside. I believe there is a constellation called The Prince up there somewhere." I scanned the sky, searching for the Regal Four, a quartet of constellations that resided in the northern sky. When I found them, I pointed straight up towards my mark. Brien looked up at them as well.

"Resembles me, don't you think?" he joked as we looked up at the sky. "And I can just see my dear father's resemblance to the king up there. His hair's getting white, kind of like that king's." Now it was my turn to grin.

"The stars are always changing, also like people," I mentioned. "But somehow, they all stay the same in ways as well."

"Do you wish for change?" Brien had gone from being light hearted to being quite serious.

"Yes," I admitted to him. "There are many things I wish were different. But all I can do is try my best to change them myself." He nodded in assent, agreeing with me.

"I suppose that if I want to change things, I should just do it," he confided in me. "But there are other more important things to consider. Like my parents, tradition, and Alansia." I hated hearing him justify this to himself. Did he feel guilty for wanting to be free? Did he feel guilty for trying to be himself?

"You will be who you are," I said quietly. "That is one thing you should never have to change. If you were not who you are, then you would no longer be yourself. Throw it all to the wind… If you want something enough, then you'll find a way to do it." Brien had such strength of character; I couldn't see him bending to everyone's expectations. I had been concerned at first of whether or not I could carry out the plan that Eidyia and I had conceived, but I had wanted my freedom enough to make it work. Was that the courage that Brien claimed I had?

"So full of hope…" Brien sat up again, and so did I. My gaze returned to the night sky. The stars were still shining the same as they always had.

"I suppose I do still have hope." Even after all these years, when I had almost lost it, I was still clinging to my dream. And now that dream was a reality, and I felt as if I could reach the pale moon that hung in the sky. In a quieter voice, I added, "Sometimes hope is all you have. And it can get you through, even when you think that you can't go on." Then I noticed that all through this, Brien had been watching me.

"I hope you have what you wish for someday," he said, his voice sincere. "You're a good person, Mer-Dyrelle. I have enjoyed talking to you during these past few days."

"So have I," I began. Words formed in my mind, and I suddenly wanted to say so many things… Something in me was nagging at me to tell him the truth now, to reveal everything. He would understand, I knew. I couldn't wait for the ball tomorrow night. Tonight I could tell him, and he would listen to my story and then I would be free. I would have what I wished for. Ariela would be revealed as an impostor, and Llyr would be free from her.

But was the time right? Part of me was screaming that this was the time, but another part of me was urging me to keep silent. It was so peaceful here on the roof, just talking as two normal people would. Why should I interrupt Brien now, when all he wanted was to be at peace and watch the stars? I just couldn't bring the real world down around us now, when it would just haunt us. So I said nothing until he prompted me to explain what I was going to say.

"It is nothing," I tried to dismiss, but he persisted.

"No, you had something more to say. I could tell by the tone. You just trailed off at the end; I could tell you had something more to say."

"It's just that," I admitted at last. "Here I am, speaking with you, and you understand me so well. And you're the Prince of Alansia. And you're here speaking to me, a servant. But when I talk to you, it seems like none of that is important any more. And…" I paused. Had I been acting as Morrigan, I would have likely continued to speak. Had I been Cyn-Dyrela the serving girl, I would have never begun this foolish conversation in the first place. But as it was, I was just Chryseis for a moment, nervously and haltingly saying things I was not used to saying, not caring how they were said.

"These years haven't been easy, and it isn't until now that I've had any hope." My eyelids were drooping and I knew that I should stop speaking before I said something foolish. My fatigue was catching up to me, and as a soft summer breeze began to blow, I found that I was fading into sleep.

"I do understand, Mer-Dyrelle," Brien finally told me. "Just as I knew you would understand what I had to say." With that, I laid down on the roof, too tired to keep talking with him. He knew that, of course, and before long, he had stretched out as well. I drifted off, floating in that state between awareness and the dreamworld. Then, a voice cut through the silence of the night.

"Brien! Are you out here?" The voice belonged to Queen Marai. "Brien! If you're out here, please hurry. You must be a proper guest! Your father is getting upset."

"So ends a lovely evening," the prince sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm off to the banquet again."

"Back to the real world." I sat up slowly and looked down to where the queen was standing and hoped that she couldn't see me up here with Brien. The last thing he needed were people bombarding him with questions.

"Thank you," he said just before climbing down off the roof into the hayloft of the stable. I waited up on the roof until I heard Brien speaking with his mother.

"Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you?" she asked, not in a demanding voice, but in a mother's worried tone.

"Just looking at the sky, at the stars, Mother," he said, turning to walk back with her. "And besides, it doesn't really matter does it? I was only gone a little while."

"It does matter, dear. You are a prince, and are expected to…"

"I know all that. It's just…" His mother didn't let him finish. I watched her put a hand on her son's shoulder gently.

"You must make your choice, Brien. And it is your choice to make. That's why we're doing this. No matter what your father says, it's still your life in the end. And your choice. I just want you to make the right decision, that's all." With that, she led him away, and I couldn't hear anymore of their conversation. After they left, I waited a while before dragging myself up off the roof and down through the stables. I used the back door to get into the manor and went to bed right away. As soon as I lay down in my little room, I fell asleep, unable to fight the exhaustion anymore. And when the new day dawned, then the time would come. Tomorrow was when everything would change, and I would see where my hope and my strength would bring me.