Main Characters:
Gina: 14-year-old girl living with the other fools of this planet. She is the primary main character. Gina is strong, smart, determined, bossy and tomboyish. She can fight with or without weapons. Her main weapons of choice are the blue light saber she made herself and her TK ability. (For those of you who don't know what TK is, it is the ability to move things with ones mind.) Portrayed by: Me
Kile: (pronounced KILEE) 14-year-old guy with a sunny disposition. He is the sets comedian, but not the comic relief. Kile (aka K) is some what smart, very cute, and a weapons expert. He fights primarily with a tied dyed green light saber, but also uses just run of the mill swords. His special talents include using big words and telepathic skills (he can read and send thoughts to people). Portrayed by: Martin (best friend)
Msty: (pronounced Misty) Yet another 14-year-old girl who probably is with the wrong crowd. The other people of this oddball group all enjoy fighting, while Msty is a pacifist. Her feisty temper and her unbelievably sharp tongue are what save her life from dangers unknown to you. (But I know what happens to them.) She too is blessed with TK. However, she usually uses her skill to pull Gina off of some poor ignorant fool. Portrayed by: Marie (best friend)
Boy: Although he is the same age as everyone else, Boy is a moron. He is actually very intelligent, but he is nothing more than a teenage boy. This makes him a weak fighter and Gina or Msty usually saves him. He is the group's mathematician. The only reason Boy is still alive is because he can easily confuse people and himself. Despite the obvious pitfalls of such a friend, our heroes do care deeply for him. Portrayed by: Michael (best friend)
Stone: OK; Real Name: Steven Age: 14 Hobbies: crushing things with his bare hands. The strongest one of the group, he chooses to fight with no weapons. He scares everyone including his friends. "The Wrath of Stone" may be referred to as a punishment in this FanFic. Portrayed by: Andrew (best friend)
Aaron: He is the FanFic. Director. He makes sure that every whim of the writer (me) is followed. Aaron will appear time-to-time putting in his say to make sure this Crusade is carried out. Means well, but because of life's special rights, something is always against him. Portrayed by: Eric (best friend)
Disclaimer: Everything that is SW related (including Vader, Luke, the Emperor, etc.)
Belongs to George Lucas and/or Lucasfilm Ltd. The characters Gina, Kile, Msty, Boy, Stone, and Aaron all belong tome. No I am not making money for this, but they are my ideas. However, since I based these characters on my best friends, I belong to them as well.
Authors note to reader: These 5 people (Gina....) are NOT Jedi. They should be but they value their lives and so they hide. Luke finds them. This takes place between 4 and 5 . Luke is on vacation. That is a really short summary of the story. Though money is mentioned time and again, no one is being paid. There is no money involved. Also, I make mention that these people have outside lives. They don't. Enjoy! Key: Spoken words //Thoughts// (Actions or Settings) This story is written as a play. Begin rolling credits now Aaron! NOW!!!!
(This story begins on a small sparsely populated, and densely forested planet. We begin w/ 5 of our 6 heroes sitting around meditating. Except Boy; he is reading a comic book.)
Boy: Fools; sitting around thinking about nothing. Forget ya'll!
Gina: You're right for once Boy! Screw this meditation junk. Who wants to have a sparring fight with me?
Msty: Always the violent type aren't we?
Stone: W/ or w/out weapons?
Gina: W/!! (pulls out and activates light saber) En Garde!!
Kile: //You guys are screwing up my thinking time!!! // ARHG!!! You started this, Gina! I will do great physical harm to you for this! (the two begin a sweet fight scene complete with flips and other really cool things when all of a sudden...)
Msty: Adult parental unit type thingy coming!
Boy: (through British accent) Weapons away!! (they all rush and hide the light sabers and sit down like at the beginning of the story{but Boy's book is upside down} when who else but Luke Skywalker comes out from the dense surrounding foliage)
Luke: Umm....what was all that screaming about?
Kile: (screaming) SCREAMING!?!?! WHAT SCREAMING??!?!?!(the group behind him stifles a laugh)
Luke: (looking more like a Jedi Knight every second) I heard something about weapons. (appearing suddenly deflated) And why is his comic book upside down???
Gina: Boy!! (smacking Boy w/ his own book) Just had to give it away w/ the book & weapons thingy!! Fool!!
Boy: I'm s-sorry. Please don't maim me Gina! I swear if some strange man walks up I won't say anything about the light sabers you're not supposed to have!!
Luke: (under breath) Incompetent adolescent morons. (then almost yelling) What?! Light sabers?!
Stone: (upon hearing the insult) Perhaps you should leave before I must do bodily harm to you.
Gina: //Kile, tell Stone who this is.//
Kile: //What is it?//
Gina: //It's Luke Skywalker! Jedi Master. Not even Stoney could beat him!!//
Kile: (to Stone) //Steven! Luke Skywalker!! Dangerous. Do not tempt fate! This guy could kill you twice before you even notice!//
Stone: (alarmed; bows head) I withdraw my offer to fight you.
Luke: (using Jedi senses to hear all of this) HA HA!! (serious) Now tell me what was going on.
Msty: These ruffians were participating in a sparring of light sabers. I held no part in that. (a guy w/ 'director' written on his shirt w/ marker appears)
Aaron: Neither did I. I was just following the script. (scans papers in hands) Ah yes here it is.
Gina: (to Aaron and falling out of the character of Gina) Be gone w/ thee, thingy of mediocrism! As writer/star of the script I will not allow you to be here.
Aaron: Fine; I'll leave. May the Force be with you!! (disappears)
Gina: Now Master Skywalker, can we get you anything? Some tea? Some crumpets? Some chocolate biscuits?
Luke: Umm...No thanks. Chocolate biscuits?
Gina: (cutting him off) Good. We don't have any of that. Being unemployed orphans has its pitfalls.
Luke: That explains why you live in a twig hut then doesn't it?
Msty: I believe that all things should live in harmony with nature. (looks down at foot and sees a small rodent type creature crawling across it) OH MY GOD!!!! Get it OFFF!! (she starts jumping around to get it off when the creature starts attacking) KILL IT NOW!!! I WANT IT DEAD!!!
Stone: Screw that harmony with nature deal. We ain't got no money. And Boy here (points finger) is scared of anything that he cannot talk to and get a response. (Boy smiles innocently)
(At this point Gina walks over to the screeching Msty and uses her TK to move the rat-like thing into the next time zone. Helping Msty up)
Gina: Why didn't you just move it off of you, Miss Nature Girl?
Msty: Gina, it was a full 6 in. long. It was a monster and it tried to eat me!
Gina: Whatever. Well, shall we retire boys and girls?
Kile: But we don't got no jobs; 'cept for him! (points at Luke)
Gina: (to Kile) //DOPE! //
Kile: Hey!
Boy: Who's gonna strap me into bed and read me my story tonight?
Stone: I did it last night. I think it's Gina's turn!
Gina: Not tonight. AAARRROONNNN!!!!! (Aaron appears)
Aaron: Sup?
Gina: It is your turn for Boy duty. This is your punishment for appearing when not beckoned. Now GO!
Aaron: Ok. (to Boy) Go pick out a straight jacket and a story. I'll get you for this Gina.
Boy: WOOO HOO!! (runs off)
Luke: Gina, why is he called Boy? And why do you have light sabers? Are you or have you ever been trained as Jedi? Plus did you really write the script? I need answers.
Gina: 1) When the others and I first met him, he couldn't remember his name. B) One day Boy found a light saber and asked me what it was. I told him the truth. I also drew up some schematics for light sabers using it as a design. Then I left Boy to do his whim with the weapon. He threw it in the lake. (that was good since no one trusts him with weapons) But Kile and I had already begun making ours. You have to watch him otherwise he will throw yours in the lake too. 5)We have never had exposure to training b/c our parents knew what would happen to us if we were Jedi. So they abandoned us hoping we would never be found. And (beaming with joy) I did write the script!
Luke: That explains everything. I knew there was a reason the script is horrible.
Gina: Hey!
Scene Two
(big ole' star ship in a big ole' room with two people a nearly or should be dead guy in robes and a guy breathing through a ventilator in his black suit. We know them as Emperor and Darth Vader bum bum bum)
Emperor: This Skywalker child poses us great threat.(breathes hard) he must be eliminated
Vader: Yes master.
Emperor: And I sense other Force sensitive thingies with him. What the heck. Kill them too. And don't forget to go by the store. I have run out of honey buns(tm). Get me some more. And bring home some Hamburger Helper(tm) for our dinner.
Vader: Yes master. Master?
Emperor: Yes?
Vader: Could you tell me where I could find these adolescents?
Emperor: Sure thing chum! They are on a sparsely populated densely forested planet.
Vader: That narrows it down a lot!
Emperor: You're right. Let me check my script here....ahh yes they are on the planet Bakotwxccdej
Aaron: (appearing) Now you scare the livin' day lights outa me but, I am n-not supposed to let you mention the script. So could you please not mention it? See the writer will kill me and pain is just not my thing.
Vader: Oh yes quite. We must have a director and a writer if we wish to get paid.
Aaron: Thank you sirs! (runs off screen yelling "runaway please I don't wanna die!"
Emperor: Now go and kill those meddling brats. Make it slow and painful. Oh and one more thing I need you to get at the store. Get a really big box of Twinkies(tm).
Vader: Yes master. I have stopped questioning your ways my master.
(Vader leaves the room and goes out into the hall where 2 storm troopers are standing and arguing)
ST#1: If you are eating chocolate biscuits you must have some canned chicken to go with it.
ST#2: I don't believe this. Who eats this stuff?
ST#1: I do.
Vader: You had better be working and not slacking off. I wouldn't want to Force choke you to death.
Both STs: Yes Lord Vader!
Vader: Good now get together a group of 10 storm troopers and prepare to go to the planet Bakotwxccdej. Well, get to it!
Both STs: Yes sir!
Vader: Soon I will have those dopes exactly where I want them. First I gonna torture them; then I gonna kill them. MUHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAH!!!!!!(starts choking) UGH UGH UGH UGH
ST#1: Do you need the Heimlich Lord Vader?
Vader: No you fools I will be fine. Just get me some water. NOW!! UGH UGH UGH
(so the things of evil set off to kill the things of mediocrism. Aaron turn off the lights; play the scary music; and switch the scenery. The "Breakfast at Tiffany's" song starts playing. Why must I be cursed with such bad help? On to the next scene!)
Scene Three (didn't think I was keeping up with this did you?)
(the six of our heroes sleep soundlessly unaware of the danger in the stars above them. Boy is asleep in and strapped into a bed. Aaron is sleeping in the chair next to Boy's bed with a copy of "The Little Engine That Could" open resting on his chest. Suddenly)
Boy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (pauses to regain breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(the others flash awake immediately and are by his bedside. Aaron has fallen out of the chair and Luke's light saber is activated)
Msty: Little overboard, don't you think Lukey?
Luke: Don't call me that. Now what did you see Boy?
Boy: (terrified) I had a bad dream.
Stone: No Duh!
Boy: There was this really old ugly almost dead dude and this guy in a black suit breathing through a ventilator talking.(looking like he had confused himself as well as everyone else) They were talking about you! (at this he accusingly pointed his shaking finger at Luke) They want you dead!
Kile: Well, one of two things could be true. A) It was a premonition and Luke is a threat to our way of life. Or 2) It was a nightmare of tremendous proportions produced through too many comic books.
Boy: Huh?
Luke: Well, don't worry about it. I am sure it was just a bad dream and there is nothing to worry about Boy. (everyone leaves the room including Aaron who disappears with a flash. Unable to sleep anymore, Luke and Gina walk out into the fresh night air)
Gina: You didn't sound like you believe that stuff about bad dreams.
Luke: It showed through that bad? If he was dreaming about the same people I am thinking about then I am in serious...
Aaron: (appears/cutting him off) there is to be no colorful language in this FanFic! (disappears)
Luke: Anyways I think he had a Jedi's dream of something that is happening right now. But Boy is such a simpleton. How could this be?
Gina: What gave you that idea? Not the Boy thing, that's obvious; but the Jedi thing. We are sooooo not the Jedi type.
Luke: (confused) It's...uh...in the script.
Aaron: (shows up enraged) Do not mention the script! (disappears)
Gina: Moving on...If you are wanted dead, you pose us threat. If you pose us threat then you must leave.
Luke: YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT!!! I am a Jedi master; er, um I am the last Jedi alive ,I think, therefore probably the best. How dare you!
Gina: Look you can't just show up and expect us to help you win world peace and whatever. Grow up you pansy!
Luke: ( regaining composure) Fine I will leave tomorrow afternoon.
Gina: Sorry buddy. Wished you could stay. Then maybe we could actually learn something from you.
Stone: (from inside house) Don't you be givin' him any ideas! I value my teenage years in which I may do nothing simply because no one expects anything from me. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Gina: (yelling) Quit eves dropping ye mortal peasant!
Scene four:
(we see our good-doers bidding a tearful good-bye to their newly found person to make fun of.)
Boy: (through really fake thick Old English accent) Get thee gone Walker of Sky; there is much boredom with your presence.
Stone: (grabbing Boy's arm and twisting it around behind him) Sorry, he is a moron.
Kile: The Wrath of Stone strikes again!
Luke: I can't believe I am being kicked out of 5 teenagers' stick hut. Talk about embarrassing; Han and Leia will never let me live this one down.
Gina: I don't think you should leave. I want to help you. But Aaron gets mad at me for add libbing. (paper airplane hits Gina. It came from offstage) OW!!
Kile: So what are these guys' names; just in case they come by looking for you. I want to be able to point them in the wrong direction.
Luke: You can't miss them. One is Emperor Palpatine and the other is Darth Vader.
Msty: You mean to say that you are a part of the Rebellion and are trying to overthrow the Empire based upon fear and misery?
Luke: Well, yeah considering I blew up the first Death Star; it is too late to turn back. Does it lower your opinion of me?
All 5 kids: No!
Gina: We'll hold up the Rebellion from here. The Emperor has no idea where this planet is or that anyone lives on it. We will be here if we are needed to fight. OK; moment over. Who wants to fight?
Luke: You will not be so eager to fight once I beat the living snot out of you! (activates light saber)
Gina: La dee freakin' da! (activates her own light saber) One question Luke: Are you mad at us for having these when we're not supposed to?
Luke: No; I trust you. (he is surprised to find how good she fights, but he holds back to keep from overwhelming her)
Gina: Fight; don't be a pansy. I know you can do better. I am not afraid to lose!! (she accidentally trips and falls)
Kile: I think he wins this one, Gina.
Luke: Let me help you up. (Gina takes his hand, but instead of being pulled up she pulls him over and throws him over her head in fancy Kung-Fu move)
(Meanwhile, on the outskirts of the very same wood...)
ST#1: Where exactly are we going?
ST#2: We're going to kill a bunch of kiddies who are supposedly a threat to the Empire.
Vader: No; you two are going to the store for the Emperor. It is your punishment for talking when you weren't supposed to. Pick up some Honey Buns (tm), Hamburger Helper (tm), and a really big box of Twinkies (tm). And go ahead and get him some Tic Tac's (tm) too.
Both STs: Yes Lord Vader. (run off)
Vader: Now when we find these people I want them taken back to the ship, alive. All of my best torture equipment is there. MUHAHAHAHAH!!!
Other STs: Yes Lord Vader!
(the 'dramatic battle' is over and Luke is supposed to gone but he isn't and they are still talking)
Luke: Well, I guess I gotta go.
Gina: (suddenly feeling like something is wrong) I don't like this.
Boy: this is gonna be ugly.
Stone: It is about to be a fight.
Kile: I'm picking up some negative vibes.
Msty: All is not well with the natural world.
Luke: Jeez! There are five of you and each said something different. But none of you got it right. (trying to act like a Jedi) I sense a disturbance in the Force.
Kile: Show off! (Boy screams and jumps into Msty's arms)
Boy: AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Msty: AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (throws him down) Don't ever do that again!
Boy: It's the peoplees from my dream.
Luke, Gina, and Kile: (activating weapons) Where?!
Boy: Coming!
Luke: (obviously scared) Well, I gotta go now. Bye!
Gina: If you leave now you take all of us with you!
(At this moment Darth Vader walks into the clear w/ our heroes. He is flanked by 8 stormtroopers )
Vader: So we meet again, Luke.
Luke: Ahm...have we ever actually met?
Vader: Don't try to confuse me. I am old and it works too easily.
Boy: Why don't you retire?
Vader: This isn't exactly that kinda job. (looks deflated) And I don't have a retirement plan. I would keep none of the power I hold now.
Boy: (thinks for a moment) Ohhh....OK.
Vader: (trying to regain control of the situation) For asking about my personal life, you will be the first to die. Or be painfully tortured. I can't decide. Anyways...MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Boy: Yeep! (Msty uses her TK to move Boy out of harm's way; and Gina, Kile, and Stone all step up to Vader Luke is a pansy and stays behind)
Gina: Back off Darthy! Only we can hurt Boy.
Stone: I am afraid that I have to ask you to leave now. (Vader uses the Dark Side of the Force to throw Stone into a tree) OWW!!! You will pay for that you fiend!
(as he charges at Vader, Luke senses danger and pulls Stone back; just then Gina uses her power to knock Vader back on a really pointy rock)
Gina: Gotcha!
Vader: I must confess, this display of talent is quite amazing.
Boy: //Huh? //
Kile: // He thinks she is impressive.//
Boy://Ohh// Vader has a crush on Gina!
Gina: You will be injured manifold for that one Boy! (starts to attack Boy)
Kile: // Stop it. This is not in the script. Ha! Aaron can't get me for thinking about it.// (a gym sock is thrown at Kile from offstage) EWWWWW!
Gina: (snapping out of it and dropping Boy) Right...moving along now. (to Vader ) You think you can just walk in here and take over? Not as long as I have breath in my body.
Vader: But it says right here in the script: "Attack kids"
Luke: Hey; I am 25 years old. I am not a kid.
Vader: But you are a pansy. Back to me. Anyway I am doing exactly what I am supposed to.
Aaron: (appearing) Well, Luke you are a pansy. But for the last time: STOP MENTIONING THE SCRIPT! Okay? Please sir?
Vader: You there (points to stormtrooper) kill the kid. (stormtrooper points gun)
Gina: Wait. I won't pay you if you kill him. Instead of nothing, you'll get absolutely nothing.
Vader: Aww man! I hate it when the kid is right. I can't kill him, you, it (points to Boy), her (who's the only other her?), or that one (points to Luke). How about you there pretty boy?
Kile: Not me please not me. I am too young to die. And I'm too cute too.
Luke: Take me; leave the children (takes pride in fact he's older) here.
Gina: //He can't kill you. Because then George would kill me. With that he won't get paid.//
Luke: Oh; never mind then.
Vader: Let's go. Bring 'director' boy along to for the fun of it.
Aaron: What!?!?!
Gina: Let me handle this one Darthy; this is what you get for appearing when not beckoned. I'll teach you yet. And as for that "I'll get you for this Gina" stuff. HA! Don't make me laugh. You are so not intimidating.
Vader: Come with me or pretty boy dies. Sorry missed my cue somewhere.
Gina: (pauses in reflection) Okay; sure. We have nothing better to do. That and the plot needs something.
Stone: Like a pulse for example.
Gina: Shut up.
Vader: Here are the rules for this flight:
* No talking unless I say so No gum chewing
* No Force using No laughing
* No spitballs No smiling
* No weapons use No eating
* No drinking No reading
* No excessive noise No hard breathing
* No plotting escape And most importantly:
* NO WHINING!!
Boy: It is a proven statistical fact that a person between the ages of 14 and 25 has an 85% rate of whining. This is increased rapidly when that person is placed in a life or death situation. To remove the high possibility of whining it is best to use duct tape to cover the person's mouth. Hence why gags are used in hostage situations,
Everyone: Huh?
Gina: That was your one smart scene. Aren't you happy? You showed everyone up by not add libbing or screwing up. Now Boy, (smack) never show me up again. Don't worry. A big fight is coming and everyone has something to do.
(enter ship scene end now lets try this again....play scary music now Aaron. OH MAN!!! My director is being held hostage. Now I gotta do everything)
Scene ummm 5 I guess
(now we[they] are on the ship and moving toward the really big torturing place poor Boy
he is space sick and wants to get off the ship)
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: When we will get there?
Vader: If you don't shut up...I'll....er do something really mean and evil.
Boy: So are we there yet or not?
Everyone except Boy: NO!!!!
Aaron: I shouldn't be here. Now there is no one to play the music. And I think this is a politically incorrect way of handling things. All you are going to do is torture people who have never done anything to you. You should have a charge or something against us. And I did get you back Gina. I upstaged you in yet another smart scene; so HA!
Vader: Fine leave. You are quite annoying anyway. Dumb children education program. Should just brainwash them and use them in the Imperial Forces. OOOHHH; that 's a good idea. (pulls out miniature recorder) Note to self: use children as brainwashed warriors for army.
Gina: Note to self. Darthy's a pansy!
Vader: Am not. And stop calling me Darthy; I am a Sith lord. I will not be mocked.
(storm trooper walks in ) ST: I have the groceries Lord Vader. I even picked up your..um... perscription for your breathing problems.
Vader: Thank you. You are dismissed.
Boy: Are we there yet?
ST: No; how dare you ask the same question over and over again. I should kill you for this.
Gina: Not today. Stop; ye trigger happy fool. (uses TK to pick him up)
Vader: Quit the both of you. We are here.
Boy: Where?
Vader: ( ignoring Boy) I will introduce you to the Emperor now. With the proper brainwashing you will make excellent fighters for the Imperials.
Msty: How about no.
Stone: I fight for whom I choose. I will not fight for you.
Kile: Is there money involved. Being broke is not fun; so if you could pay me....
Vader: NO; No money is involved.
Kile: Then screw you. I ain't working unless cash is involved.
(they exit the ship and walk down the cold steel hallway. Then things start to go wrong for the children )
Vader: Give me all weapons you have.
Luke: //What do you guys think.//
Gina: //I don't know.//
Kile: //Give over weapons or die. The choice is quite obvious. Give him the weapons.//
(they hand over the light sabers)
Vader: All of you.
Stone: I carry no weapons.
Msty: I don't believe in violence.
Kile: I can only carry one and not strain my beautiful muscles.
Boy: No one trusts me with weapons.
Gina: Sorry, I can't help you there.
Luke: I have a blaster in my pants, but my belt is too tight to reach in and get it. So any one who wants to try can.
Vader: I think you can keep your blaster.
(they enter the big 'throne' room. And this is how the scene ends I have to think about what happens next.)
Scene 6
(in the throne room w/ Vader and Emperor and our psuedo heroes)
Emperor: Excellent; you brought them here for public torture.
Vader: Yes, my master.
Boy: It's the almost dead guy! AAAHHHHH!
Kile: By all natural laws, shouldn't you be dead?
Emperor: Yes, probably. But I am not, so you most...ummm....deal with it. (breathes really hard)
Kile: (points to Vader) Shouldn't you be dead too?
Vader: Most likely. The world may never know.
Kile: So this is a jipped fight? You are almost //and should be ,I'd like to add// dead. You want control of the entire galaxy? Come here Vader. I have to tell you a secret. (Vader walks over) (Kile whispers)I see dead people. (Ben Kenobi's ghost walks on set)
Ben: Hello! (walks off)
Gina: What was that all about?
Msty: I don't know.
Stone: Let's just start the fight.
Emperor: OK
Boy: How about we all play hide and seek instead?
Gina: // No, I have an idea. Is everyone getting this?//
Everyone: //Yes//
Gina: //Pay no attention things of evil. Anyways, everybody but me and Lukey here scatter. All try to make it to the ship.//
Boy: We have a ship?
Gina: //Yes, now shut up. Luke and I will meet you there. We gotta take care of Darthy and Co.//
Other kids: K!
(everyone follows the plan, but to keep things interesting we will now follow Boy)
(first he runs into a wall; then he gets up, shakes it off and keeps going but he runs into a stormtrooper)
Boy: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ST: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boy: Why are you here? What are you even? Hey, you're one of those storm truckers!
ST: Stormtroopers and...ughhhhhhh (dies of heart attack)
Boy: Ooooooooo! Shiny! (looks at stormtroopers uniform he puts it on and picks up the gun Oh God; we are screwed if he has a gun)
(now on to Msty) Msty: Move it! (barrels through using TK) Hot stuff coming through and she has TK!
(naturally she makes it to the ship first "Kryptonite" starts playing on the ship's radio when she starts the engine) Msty: Why do I know Aaron is responsible for this? I just do.
( moving on to Stone's story) Stone: Outa my way!!! (he uses his strength to tackle his way through crowds, unfortunately, he is shot not killed but really really mad) Ye who shot me will be injured severly!! All feel the Wrath of Stone!! (throws guy against wall)
(now to the weird person)
Kile: (facing 10 oncoming stormtroopers) //You once said how you would always be there for me. I need you now more than ever.// TO ME MY FURRY FRIENDS!!!( at this cue 27 Ewoks jump out from behind things on the ship, don't ask where they came from....I don't know, they start attacking the stormtroopers with pointy sticks)
Kile: I love you guys!
(scene change to the throne room)
Luke: Why are we even here? We don't have to do this, ya know?
Gina: Well, you got any better ideas?
Vader: (activating light saber) How about you die?!
Gina: (activating hers) Not gonna happen. (they begin this really cool fight scene...just imagine Vader fighting a teenage girl and losing....when all of a sudden) Gina: Hey Luke! You should be fighting him.
Luke: Why?
Gina: I don't know, but I don't like this. (the Emperor throws that lightning stuff like in ROTJ.)
Luke: OW! (falls over)
Gina: Pansy!
(Emperor does it again, but Gina reflects it back at Vader)
Vader: OW!
Gina: Ha!
Emperor: Huh? You did not tell me she could do this Vader.
Vader: You never asked. (falls over)
Gina: Betcha a dollar you are stupid enough to try to hit me again!
Emperor: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!(tries it again this time she throws it right back at him) OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gina: C'mon Lukey. We gotta go. (she drags Luke up and they run out of the throne room; using TK to draw a blaster from a near by stormtrooper she blasts her way through the halls of the ship. Then she runs into a stormtroopers) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
ST: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Luke: (snapping out of his pain induced trance.) Oh yeah, AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
ST: (taking off helmet; we realize it's Boy) Please, Gina, don't maim me; I like me the way I am. I don't wanna die.
Gina: Boy! (thinks about smacking him but decides against it, knowing she would hurt herself if she did)Come on; we gotta get to the ship and get off of this flying garbage truck. (they all keep on running until they find Kile)
Kile: OK; you can go home now. Thanks for all of you help. (Ewoks leave)Let's go! (now guess what they find....no; it's not that, it's a trail of blood EWWW!)
Boy: How far away is the ship? Are we there yet?
Gina: Boy, Luke and Stone are hurt. We have to get outta here and get them the necessary medical attention they need. We will get to the ship faster if you stop asking so many questions.
Kile: How do you know Stone is hurt?
Gina: I don't know how I know; but I know I know.
Boy: I am confused.
Luke: You're always confused.
Gina: Glad to see you feel good enough to make jokes.
(they finally make it to the ship{YEAH}Msty: OK; we're leaving. Now!
(in her hurry to escape, she almost runs over Aaron who is trying to escape from an obsessed fan's van) Aaron: LEMME GO!!!!!!
Shelle: (that is the fan's name) NO; I love you! (kisses him)
Adam: (shelle's friend) Why don't you go out with me? I like you, I think.
Aaron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (pauses to breathe) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Gina: (doing the Jedi thought thing, she wants to try this anyway) //Do that poof thingy Aaron. Get out of there.//
(does the poof thing) Aaron: Is there a shower on board. I feel filthy. (Msty plows over the van and its 2 passengers: Shelle and Adam{the freaky guy who sits near you and your buddies at lunch who no one likes})
Gina: (ignoring Aaron and tending to Stone) You're gonna be fine. Let's just put a really big Band-Aid on it. And some Neosporin.
Stone: Thanks Gina. Hey, Lukey, what's wrong with you?
Luke: (looking a little green) I'm OK, maybe. Msty, take us to the Rebel base. Coordinates: 2667-1110
Scene 7 (wow 6 was really long) (they make it to the Rebel base {yeah} and meet Han and Leia)
Leia: Luke! Are you all right? (noticing Boy in costume) What's it doing here!?!?!
Gina: Boy! (pushes him) Take off that ridiculous outfit. At least the helmet.
Boy: Ohh...OK. Hey(looking at Leia) she looks better this way.
Stone: How sweet, Boy has a crush on the princess.
Kile: She is way out of your league, Boy.
Boy: Point?
Aaron: No; this is not in the script. Han and Leia eventually get together and have a family anyways. George would kill us if we change it. And can you follow the script?
Everyone: Ummm...
Gina: How does it end, originally?
Aaron: (flipping through papers) DHR picks up the kids and puts them in foster homes.
Gina: God; that is horrible. I actually wrote that?! From here on out we are going to wing it, OK?
Everyone: OK!
Leia: For something or other, we will honor you for your bravery. Now I need your names.
Msty: Dear sweet God! It's back! ( the little thing that attacked her in scene 1 is back and it looks really mad) Someone save me!
Kile: Kile to the rescue! (bravely wrestles small thing until it cries for mercy)
Han: That was weird.
Luke: They been doing stuff like that all through the story.
Han: I pity you. C'mon! You heard the princess. Names.
Gina: I am Gina; that is Stone (points to him); Boy is the moron there( he smiles innocently). The screaming girl is Msty. And the pseudo hero there is Kile. "Director Boy" is Aaron. But he doesn't deserve squat, because he is only the director. He is not even supposed to be here.
Leia: (writing this all down) Got it.(Kile has gotten the thing off Msty and everyone is standing around with nothing to do)
Aaron: Gina! Start the next scene now. We need to do something.
Gina: Don't yell at me. Only I can do that.
Scene 8 (the last actual scene; I think I'm gonna cry)
(in front of huge crowds, Boy has to wear a straight jacket to keep him from hurting anything; so he has one on...)
Leia: I would like to commend my young friends here for their courage and abilities. They probably saved Luke's life.
Luke: I coulda done it on my own.
Leia: No you couldn't have.
Luke: Why?
Han: You're a pansy. You got kicked out of a twig hut by 5 teens. And you (points to Boy) stop making googley eyes at Leia!
(he starts attacking Boy and this is how it ends. The entire thing) Gina: Aaron....roll credits now!
Is this really the end? What happens to our heroes? And who is the big dope?
(sticking head through curtains)Boy: I AM!!!
The End
Epilogue: Boy meets his parents at the base. Their names are Man and Woman.
Kile: Becomes a professional model, and a comedian
Msty: Becomes a teacher at a local school. (I don't know which one)
Stone: Goes off into the wild to find himself. Gets bored and comes back 3 days later. He says: " I found a squirrel."
Gina: Also goes into wild to find herself. She becomes more in tune to the Force and even earns the title Jedi when around Luke.
Aaron: Goes back to own time. And must stay in gym class.
Our heroes hate their new lives. So they all meet at the Rebel base and live there together. All except for Aaron. The coach still won't let him out of gym class.
Gina-MK Kile-Martin
Msty- Marie Stone- Andrew
Boy- Michael Aaron- Eric
All Star Wars characters played them selves. No rodents were harmed in the making of the FanFic. Special appearances by: Shannon(Shelle) And Adam(the freaky guy who sits near you and your buddies at lunch who no one likes)
Quotes from cast:
MK-(Gina) This was really fun. All the others were so supportive and they were always there when I needed them. I wanna do something else like this now. And Luke is a pansy!
Martin-(Kile)Well, the people OK. But my furry friends were the best. I liked Jubba, the one with the scrunched up face. He also did this really neat trick with pies and 3 weasels. I'll tell you about it later.
Marie-(Msty)It's been interesting. I enjoyed running over that freaky kid.
Michael-(Boy) The extent of Boy's stupidity was over exaggerated by the writer. Boy being based on me and I am not that stupid. Plus, she doubled what she was paying the others for me. Instead of absolutely nothing, I got just nothing.
Andrew-(Stone)I never got to hit anyone with a rock. And I can't believe that guy shot me.
Eric-(Aaron)...................
(He could not get out of gym class to give me a quote. Sorry, blame the coaches; I didn't do it.)
Gina: 14-year-old girl living with the other fools of this planet. She is the primary main character. Gina is strong, smart, determined, bossy and tomboyish. She can fight with or without weapons. Her main weapons of choice are the blue light saber she made herself and her TK ability. (For those of you who don't know what TK is, it is the ability to move things with ones mind.) Portrayed by: Me
Kile: (pronounced KILEE) 14-year-old guy with a sunny disposition. He is the sets comedian, but not the comic relief. Kile (aka K) is some what smart, very cute, and a weapons expert. He fights primarily with a tied dyed green light saber, but also uses just run of the mill swords. His special talents include using big words and telepathic skills (he can read and send thoughts to people). Portrayed by: Martin (best friend)
Msty: (pronounced Misty) Yet another 14-year-old girl who probably is with the wrong crowd. The other people of this oddball group all enjoy fighting, while Msty is a pacifist. Her feisty temper and her unbelievably sharp tongue are what save her life from dangers unknown to you. (But I know what happens to them.) She too is blessed with TK. However, she usually uses her skill to pull Gina off of some poor ignorant fool. Portrayed by: Marie (best friend)
Boy: Although he is the same age as everyone else, Boy is a moron. He is actually very intelligent, but he is nothing more than a teenage boy. This makes him a weak fighter and Gina or Msty usually saves him. He is the group's mathematician. The only reason Boy is still alive is because he can easily confuse people and himself. Despite the obvious pitfalls of such a friend, our heroes do care deeply for him. Portrayed by: Michael (best friend)
Stone: OK; Real Name: Steven Age: 14 Hobbies: crushing things with his bare hands. The strongest one of the group, he chooses to fight with no weapons. He scares everyone including his friends. "The Wrath of Stone" may be referred to as a punishment in this FanFic. Portrayed by: Andrew (best friend)
Aaron: He is the FanFic. Director. He makes sure that every whim of the writer (me) is followed. Aaron will appear time-to-time putting in his say to make sure this Crusade is carried out. Means well, but because of life's special rights, something is always against him. Portrayed by: Eric (best friend)
Disclaimer: Everything that is SW related (including Vader, Luke, the Emperor, etc.)
Belongs to George Lucas and/or Lucasfilm Ltd. The characters Gina, Kile, Msty, Boy, Stone, and Aaron all belong tome. No I am not making money for this, but they are my ideas. However, since I based these characters on my best friends, I belong to them as well.
Authors note to reader: These 5 people (Gina....) are NOT Jedi. They should be but they value their lives and so they hide. Luke finds them. This takes place between 4 and 5 . Luke is on vacation. That is a really short summary of the story. Though money is mentioned time and again, no one is being paid. There is no money involved. Also, I make mention that these people have outside lives. They don't. Enjoy! Key: Spoken words //Thoughts// (Actions or Settings) This story is written as a play. Begin rolling credits now Aaron! NOW!!!!
(This story begins on a small sparsely populated, and densely forested planet. We begin w/ 5 of our 6 heroes sitting around meditating. Except Boy; he is reading a comic book.)
Boy: Fools; sitting around thinking about nothing. Forget ya'll!
Gina: You're right for once Boy! Screw this meditation junk. Who wants to have a sparring fight with me?
Msty: Always the violent type aren't we?
Stone: W/ or w/out weapons?
Gina: W/!! (pulls out and activates light saber) En Garde!!
Kile: //You guys are screwing up my thinking time!!! // ARHG!!! You started this, Gina! I will do great physical harm to you for this! (the two begin a sweet fight scene complete with flips and other really cool things when all of a sudden...)
Msty: Adult parental unit type thingy coming!
Boy: (through British accent) Weapons away!! (they all rush and hide the light sabers and sit down like at the beginning of the story{but Boy's book is upside down} when who else but Luke Skywalker comes out from the dense surrounding foliage)
Luke: Umm....what was all that screaming about?
Kile: (screaming) SCREAMING!?!?! WHAT SCREAMING??!?!?!(the group behind him stifles a laugh)
Luke: (looking more like a Jedi Knight every second) I heard something about weapons. (appearing suddenly deflated) And why is his comic book upside down???
Gina: Boy!! (smacking Boy w/ his own book) Just had to give it away w/ the book & weapons thingy!! Fool!!
Boy: I'm s-sorry. Please don't maim me Gina! I swear if some strange man walks up I won't say anything about the light sabers you're not supposed to have!!
Luke: (under breath) Incompetent adolescent morons. (then almost yelling) What?! Light sabers?!
Stone: (upon hearing the insult) Perhaps you should leave before I must do bodily harm to you.
Gina: //Kile, tell Stone who this is.//
Kile: //What is it?//
Gina: //It's Luke Skywalker! Jedi Master. Not even Stoney could beat him!!//
Kile: (to Stone) //Steven! Luke Skywalker!! Dangerous. Do not tempt fate! This guy could kill you twice before you even notice!//
Stone: (alarmed; bows head) I withdraw my offer to fight you.
Luke: (using Jedi senses to hear all of this) HA HA!! (serious) Now tell me what was going on.
Msty: These ruffians were participating in a sparring of light sabers. I held no part in that. (a guy w/ 'director' written on his shirt w/ marker appears)
Aaron: Neither did I. I was just following the script. (scans papers in hands) Ah yes here it is.
Gina: (to Aaron and falling out of the character of Gina) Be gone w/ thee, thingy of mediocrism! As writer/star of the script I will not allow you to be here.
Aaron: Fine; I'll leave. May the Force be with you!! (disappears)
Gina: Now Master Skywalker, can we get you anything? Some tea? Some crumpets? Some chocolate biscuits?
Luke: Umm...No thanks. Chocolate biscuits?
Gina: (cutting him off) Good. We don't have any of that. Being unemployed orphans has its pitfalls.
Luke: That explains why you live in a twig hut then doesn't it?
Msty: I believe that all things should live in harmony with nature. (looks down at foot and sees a small rodent type creature crawling across it) OH MY GOD!!!! Get it OFFF!! (she starts jumping around to get it off when the creature starts attacking) KILL IT NOW!!! I WANT IT DEAD!!!
Stone: Screw that harmony with nature deal. We ain't got no money. And Boy here (points finger) is scared of anything that he cannot talk to and get a response. (Boy smiles innocently)
(At this point Gina walks over to the screeching Msty and uses her TK to move the rat-like thing into the next time zone. Helping Msty up)
Gina: Why didn't you just move it off of you, Miss Nature Girl?
Msty: Gina, it was a full 6 in. long. It was a monster and it tried to eat me!
Gina: Whatever. Well, shall we retire boys and girls?
Kile: But we don't got no jobs; 'cept for him! (points at Luke)
Gina: (to Kile) //DOPE! //
Kile: Hey!
Boy: Who's gonna strap me into bed and read me my story tonight?
Stone: I did it last night. I think it's Gina's turn!
Gina: Not tonight. AAARRROONNNN!!!!! (Aaron appears)
Aaron: Sup?
Gina: It is your turn for Boy duty. This is your punishment for appearing when not beckoned. Now GO!
Aaron: Ok. (to Boy) Go pick out a straight jacket and a story. I'll get you for this Gina.
Boy: WOOO HOO!! (runs off)
Luke: Gina, why is he called Boy? And why do you have light sabers? Are you or have you ever been trained as Jedi? Plus did you really write the script? I need answers.
Gina: 1) When the others and I first met him, he couldn't remember his name. B) One day Boy found a light saber and asked me what it was. I told him the truth. I also drew up some schematics for light sabers using it as a design. Then I left Boy to do his whim with the weapon. He threw it in the lake. (that was good since no one trusts him with weapons) But Kile and I had already begun making ours. You have to watch him otherwise he will throw yours in the lake too. 5)We have never had exposure to training b/c our parents knew what would happen to us if we were Jedi. So they abandoned us hoping we would never be found. And (beaming with joy) I did write the script!
Luke: That explains everything. I knew there was a reason the script is horrible.
Gina: Hey!
Scene Two
(big ole' star ship in a big ole' room with two people a nearly or should be dead guy in robes and a guy breathing through a ventilator in his black suit. We know them as Emperor and Darth Vader bum bum bum)
Emperor: This Skywalker child poses us great threat.(breathes hard) he must be eliminated
Vader: Yes master.
Emperor: And I sense other Force sensitive thingies with him. What the heck. Kill them too. And don't forget to go by the store. I have run out of honey buns(tm). Get me some more. And bring home some Hamburger Helper(tm) for our dinner.
Vader: Yes master. Master?
Emperor: Yes?
Vader: Could you tell me where I could find these adolescents?
Emperor: Sure thing chum! They are on a sparsely populated densely forested planet.
Vader: That narrows it down a lot!
Emperor: You're right. Let me check my script here....ahh yes they are on the planet Bakotwxccdej
Aaron: (appearing) Now you scare the livin' day lights outa me but, I am n-not supposed to let you mention the script. So could you please not mention it? See the writer will kill me and pain is just not my thing.
Vader: Oh yes quite. We must have a director and a writer if we wish to get paid.
Aaron: Thank you sirs! (runs off screen yelling "runaway please I don't wanna die!"
Emperor: Now go and kill those meddling brats. Make it slow and painful. Oh and one more thing I need you to get at the store. Get a really big box of Twinkies(tm).
Vader: Yes master. I have stopped questioning your ways my master.
(Vader leaves the room and goes out into the hall where 2 storm troopers are standing and arguing)
ST#1: If you are eating chocolate biscuits you must have some canned chicken to go with it.
ST#2: I don't believe this. Who eats this stuff?
ST#1: I do.
Vader: You had better be working and not slacking off. I wouldn't want to Force choke you to death.
Both STs: Yes Lord Vader!
Vader: Good now get together a group of 10 storm troopers and prepare to go to the planet Bakotwxccdej. Well, get to it!
Both STs: Yes sir!
Vader: Soon I will have those dopes exactly where I want them. First I gonna torture them; then I gonna kill them. MUHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAH!!!!!!(starts choking) UGH UGH UGH UGH
ST#1: Do you need the Heimlich Lord Vader?
Vader: No you fools I will be fine. Just get me some water. NOW!! UGH UGH UGH
(so the things of evil set off to kill the things of mediocrism. Aaron turn off the lights; play the scary music; and switch the scenery. The "Breakfast at Tiffany's" song starts playing. Why must I be cursed with such bad help? On to the next scene!)
Scene Three (didn't think I was keeping up with this did you?)
(the six of our heroes sleep soundlessly unaware of the danger in the stars above them. Boy is asleep in and strapped into a bed. Aaron is sleeping in the chair next to Boy's bed with a copy of "The Little Engine That Could" open resting on his chest. Suddenly)
Boy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (pauses to regain breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(the others flash awake immediately and are by his bedside. Aaron has fallen out of the chair and Luke's light saber is activated)
Msty: Little overboard, don't you think Lukey?
Luke: Don't call me that. Now what did you see Boy?
Boy: (terrified) I had a bad dream.
Stone: No Duh!
Boy: There was this really old ugly almost dead dude and this guy in a black suit breathing through a ventilator talking.(looking like he had confused himself as well as everyone else) They were talking about you! (at this he accusingly pointed his shaking finger at Luke) They want you dead!
Kile: Well, one of two things could be true. A) It was a premonition and Luke is a threat to our way of life. Or 2) It was a nightmare of tremendous proportions produced through too many comic books.
Boy: Huh?
Luke: Well, don't worry about it. I am sure it was just a bad dream and there is nothing to worry about Boy. (everyone leaves the room including Aaron who disappears with a flash. Unable to sleep anymore, Luke and Gina walk out into the fresh night air)
Gina: You didn't sound like you believe that stuff about bad dreams.
Luke: It showed through that bad? If he was dreaming about the same people I am thinking about then I am in serious...
Aaron: (appears/cutting him off) there is to be no colorful language in this FanFic! (disappears)
Luke: Anyways I think he had a Jedi's dream of something that is happening right now. But Boy is such a simpleton. How could this be?
Gina: What gave you that idea? Not the Boy thing, that's obvious; but the Jedi thing. We are sooooo not the Jedi type.
Luke: (confused) It's...uh...in the script.
Aaron: (shows up enraged) Do not mention the script! (disappears)
Gina: Moving on...If you are wanted dead, you pose us threat. If you pose us threat then you must leave.
Luke: YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT!!! I am a Jedi master; er, um I am the last Jedi alive ,I think, therefore probably the best. How dare you!
Gina: Look you can't just show up and expect us to help you win world peace and whatever. Grow up you pansy!
Luke: ( regaining composure) Fine I will leave tomorrow afternoon.
Gina: Sorry buddy. Wished you could stay. Then maybe we could actually learn something from you.
Stone: (from inside house) Don't you be givin' him any ideas! I value my teenage years in which I may do nothing simply because no one expects anything from me. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Gina: (yelling) Quit eves dropping ye mortal peasant!
Scene four:
(we see our good-doers bidding a tearful good-bye to their newly found person to make fun of.)
Boy: (through really fake thick Old English accent) Get thee gone Walker of Sky; there is much boredom with your presence.
Stone: (grabbing Boy's arm and twisting it around behind him) Sorry, he is a moron.
Kile: The Wrath of Stone strikes again!
Luke: I can't believe I am being kicked out of 5 teenagers' stick hut. Talk about embarrassing; Han and Leia will never let me live this one down.
Gina: I don't think you should leave. I want to help you. But Aaron gets mad at me for add libbing. (paper airplane hits Gina. It came from offstage) OW!!
Kile: So what are these guys' names; just in case they come by looking for you. I want to be able to point them in the wrong direction.
Luke: You can't miss them. One is Emperor Palpatine and the other is Darth Vader.
Msty: You mean to say that you are a part of the Rebellion and are trying to overthrow the Empire based upon fear and misery?
Luke: Well, yeah considering I blew up the first Death Star; it is too late to turn back. Does it lower your opinion of me?
All 5 kids: No!
Gina: We'll hold up the Rebellion from here. The Emperor has no idea where this planet is or that anyone lives on it. We will be here if we are needed to fight. OK; moment over. Who wants to fight?
Luke: You will not be so eager to fight once I beat the living snot out of you! (activates light saber)
Gina: La dee freakin' da! (activates her own light saber) One question Luke: Are you mad at us for having these when we're not supposed to?
Luke: No; I trust you. (he is surprised to find how good she fights, but he holds back to keep from overwhelming her)
Gina: Fight; don't be a pansy. I know you can do better. I am not afraid to lose!! (she accidentally trips and falls)
Kile: I think he wins this one, Gina.
Luke: Let me help you up. (Gina takes his hand, but instead of being pulled up she pulls him over and throws him over her head in fancy Kung-Fu move)
(Meanwhile, on the outskirts of the very same wood...)
ST#1: Where exactly are we going?
ST#2: We're going to kill a bunch of kiddies who are supposedly a threat to the Empire.
Vader: No; you two are going to the store for the Emperor. It is your punishment for talking when you weren't supposed to. Pick up some Honey Buns (tm), Hamburger Helper (tm), and a really big box of Twinkies (tm). And go ahead and get him some Tic Tac's (tm) too.
Both STs: Yes Lord Vader. (run off)
Vader: Now when we find these people I want them taken back to the ship, alive. All of my best torture equipment is there. MUHAHAHAHAH!!!
Other STs: Yes Lord Vader!
(the 'dramatic battle' is over and Luke is supposed to gone but he isn't and they are still talking)
Luke: Well, I guess I gotta go.
Gina: (suddenly feeling like something is wrong) I don't like this.
Boy: this is gonna be ugly.
Stone: It is about to be a fight.
Kile: I'm picking up some negative vibes.
Msty: All is not well with the natural world.
Luke: Jeez! There are five of you and each said something different. But none of you got it right. (trying to act like a Jedi) I sense a disturbance in the Force.
Kile: Show off! (Boy screams and jumps into Msty's arms)
Boy: AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Msty: AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (throws him down) Don't ever do that again!
Boy: It's the peoplees from my dream.
Luke, Gina, and Kile: (activating weapons) Where?!
Boy: Coming!
Luke: (obviously scared) Well, I gotta go now. Bye!
Gina: If you leave now you take all of us with you!
(At this moment Darth Vader walks into the clear w/ our heroes. He is flanked by 8 stormtroopers )
Vader: So we meet again, Luke.
Luke: Ahm...have we ever actually met?
Vader: Don't try to confuse me. I am old and it works too easily.
Boy: Why don't you retire?
Vader: This isn't exactly that kinda job. (looks deflated) And I don't have a retirement plan. I would keep none of the power I hold now.
Boy: (thinks for a moment) Ohhh....OK.
Vader: (trying to regain control of the situation) For asking about my personal life, you will be the first to die. Or be painfully tortured. I can't decide. Anyways...MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Boy: Yeep! (Msty uses her TK to move Boy out of harm's way; and Gina, Kile, and Stone all step up to Vader Luke is a pansy and stays behind)
Gina: Back off Darthy! Only we can hurt Boy.
Stone: I am afraid that I have to ask you to leave now. (Vader uses the Dark Side of the Force to throw Stone into a tree) OWW!!! You will pay for that you fiend!
(as he charges at Vader, Luke senses danger and pulls Stone back; just then Gina uses her power to knock Vader back on a really pointy rock)
Gina: Gotcha!
Vader: I must confess, this display of talent is quite amazing.
Boy: //Huh? //
Kile: // He thinks she is impressive.//
Boy://Ohh// Vader has a crush on Gina!
Gina: You will be injured manifold for that one Boy! (starts to attack Boy)
Kile: // Stop it. This is not in the script. Ha! Aaron can't get me for thinking about it.// (a gym sock is thrown at Kile from offstage) EWWWWW!
Gina: (snapping out of it and dropping Boy) Right...moving along now. (to Vader ) You think you can just walk in here and take over? Not as long as I have breath in my body.
Vader: But it says right here in the script: "Attack kids"
Luke: Hey; I am 25 years old. I am not a kid.
Vader: But you are a pansy. Back to me. Anyway I am doing exactly what I am supposed to.
Aaron: (appearing) Well, Luke you are a pansy. But for the last time: STOP MENTIONING THE SCRIPT! Okay? Please sir?
Vader: You there (points to stormtrooper) kill the kid. (stormtrooper points gun)
Gina: Wait. I won't pay you if you kill him. Instead of nothing, you'll get absolutely nothing.
Vader: Aww man! I hate it when the kid is right. I can't kill him, you, it (points to Boy), her (who's the only other her?), or that one (points to Luke). How about you there pretty boy?
Kile: Not me please not me. I am too young to die. And I'm too cute too.
Luke: Take me; leave the children (takes pride in fact he's older) here.
Gina: //He can't kill you. Because then George would kill me. With that he won't get paid.//
Luke: Oh; never mind then.
Vader: Let's go. Bring 'director' boy along to for the fun of it.
Aaron: What!?!?!
Gina: Let me handle this one Darthy; this is what you get for appearing when not beckoned. I'll teach you yet. And as for that "I'll get you for this Gina" stuff. HA! Don't make me laugh. You are so not intimidating.
Vader: Come with me or pretty boy dies. Sorry missed my cue somewhere.
Gina: (pauses in reflection) Okay; sure. We have nothing better to do. That and the plot needs something.
Stone: Like a pulse for example.
Gina: Shut up.
Vader: Here are the rules for this flight:
* No talking unless I say so No gum chewing
* No Force using No laughing
* No spitballs No smiling
* No weapons use No eating
* No drinking No reading
* No excessive noise No hard breathing
* No plotting escape And most importantly:
* NO WHINING!!
Boy: It is a proven statistical fact that a person between the ages of 14 and 25 has an 85% rate of whining. This is increased rapidly when that person is placed in a life or death situation. To remove the high possibility of whining it is best to use duct tape to cover the person's mouth. Hence why gags are used in hostage situations,
Everyone: Huh?
Gina: That was your one smart scene. Aren't you happy? You showed everyone up by not add libbing or screwing up. Now Boy, (smack) never show me up again. Don't worry. A big fight is coming and everyone has something to do.
(enter ship scene end now lets try this again....play scary music now Aaron. OH MAN!!! My director is being held hostage. Now I gotta do everything)
Scene ummm 5 I guess
(now we[they] are on the ship and moving toward the really big torturing place poor Boy
he is space sick and wants to get off the ship)
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: Are we there yet?
Vader: No
Boy: When we will get there?
Vader: If you don't shut up...I'll....er do something really mean and evil.
Boy: So are we there yet or not?
Everyone except Boy: NO!!!!
Aaron: I shouldn't be here. Now there is no one to play the music. And I think this is a politically incorrect way of handling things. All you are going to do is torture people who have never done anything to you. You should have a charge or something against us. And I did get you back Gina. I upstaged you in yet another smart scene; so HA!
Vader: Fine leave. You are quite annoying anyway. Dumb children education program. Should just brainwash them and use them in the Imperial Forces. OOOHHH; that 's a good idea. (pulls out miniature recorder) Note to self: use children as brainwashed warriors for army.
Gina: Note to self. Darthy's a pansy!
Vader: Am not. And stop calling me Darthy; I am a Sith lord. I will not be mocked.
(storm trooper walks in ) ST: I have the groceries Lord Vader. I even picked up your..um... perscription for your breathing problems.
Vader: Thank you. You are dismissed.
Boy: Are we there yet?
ST: No; how dare you ask the same question over and over again. I should kill you for this.
Gina: Not today. Stop; ye trigger happy fool. (uses TK to pick him up)
Vader: Quit the both of you. We are here.
Boy: Where?
Vader: ( ignoring Boy) I will introduce you to the Emperor now. With the proper brainwashing you will make excellent fighters for the Imperials.
Msty: How about no.
Stone: I fight for whom I choose. I will not fight for you.
Kile: Is there money involved. Being broke is not fun; so if you could pay me....
Vader: NO; No money is involved.
Kile: Then screw you. I ain't working unless cash is involved.
(they exit the ship and walk down the cold steel hallway. Then things start to go wrong for the children )
Vader: Give me all weapons you have.
Luke: //What do you guys think.//
Gina: //I don't know.//
Kile: //Give over weapons or die. The choice is quite obvious. Give him the weapons.//
(they hand over the light sabers)
Vader: All of you.
Stone: I carry no weapons.
Msty: I don't believe in violence.
Kile: I can only carry one and not strain my beautiful muscles.
Boy: No one trusts me with weapons.
Gina: Sorry, I can't help you there.
Luke: I have a blaster in my pants, but my belt is too tight to reach in and get it. So any one who wants to try can.
Vader: I think you can keep your blaster.
(they enter the big 'throne' room. And this is how the scene ends I have to think about what happens next.)
Scene 6
(in the throne room w/ Vader and Emperor and our psuedo heroes)
Emperor: Excellent; you brought them here for public torture.
Vader: Yes, my master.
Boy: It's the almost dead guy! AAAHHHHH!
Kile: By all natural laws, shouldn't you be dead?
Emperor: Yes, probably. But I am not, so you most...ummm....deal with it. (breathes really hard)
Kile: (points to Vader) Shouldn't you be dead too?
Vader: Most likely. The world may never know.
Kile: So this is a jipped fight? You are almost //and should be ,I'd like to add// dead. You want control of the entire galaxy? Come here Vader. I have to tell you a secret. (Vader walks over) (Kile whispers)I see dead people. (Ben Kenobi's ghost walks on set)
Ben: Hello! (walks off)
Gina: What was that all about?
Msty: I don't know.
Stone: Let's just start the fight.
Emperor: OK
Boy: How about we all play hide and seek instead?
Gina: // No, I have an idea. Is everyone getting this?//
Everyone: //Yes//
Gina: //Pay no attention things of evil. Anyways, everybody but me and Lukey here scatter. All try to make it to the ship.//
Boy: We have a ship?
Gina: //Yes, now shut up. Luke and I will meet you there. We gotta take care of Darthy and Co.//
Other kids: K!
(everyone follows the plan, but to keep things interesting we will now follow Boy)
(first he runs into a wall; then he gets up, shakes it off and keeps going but he runs into a stormtrooper)
Boy: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ST: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boy: Why are you here? What are you even? Hey, you're one of those storm truckers!
ST: Stormtroopers and...ughhhhhhh (dies of heart attack)
Boy: Ooooooooo! Shiny! (looks at stormtroopers uniform he puts it on and picks up the gun Oh God; we are screwed if he has a gun)
(now on to Msty) Msty: Move it! (barrels through using TK) Hot stuff coming through and she has TK!
(naturally she makes it to the ship first "Kryptonite" starts playing on the ship's radio when she starts the engine) Msty: Why do I know Aaron is responsible for this? I just do.
( moving on to Stone's story) Stone: Outa my way!!! (he uses his strength to tackle his way through crowds, unfortunately, he is shot not killed but really really mad) Ye who shot me will be injured severly!! All feel the Wrath of Stone!! (throws guy against wall)
(now to the weird person)
Kile: (facing 10 oncoming stormtroopers) //You once said how you would always be there for me. I need you now more than ever.// TO ME MY FURRY FRIENDS!!!( at this cue 27 Ewoks jump out from behind things on the ship, don't ask where they came from....I don't know, they start attacking the stormtroopers with pointy sticks)
Kile: I love you guys!
(scene change to the throne room)
Luke: Why are we even here? We don't have to do this, ya know?
Gina: Well, you got any better ideas?
Vader: (activating light saber) How about you die?!
Gina: (activating hers) Not gonna happen. (they begin this really cool fight scene...just imagine Vader fighting a teenage girl and losing....when all of a sudden) Gina: Hey Luke! You should be fighting him.
Luke: Why?
Gina: I don't know, but I don't like this. (the Emperor throws that lightning stuff like in ROTJ.)
Luke: OW! (falls over)
Gina: Pansy!
(Emperor does it again, but Gina reflects it back at Vader)
Vader: OW!
Gina: Ha!
Emperor: Huh? You did not tell me she could do this Vader.
Vader: You never asked. (falls over)
Gina: Betcha a dollar you are stupid enough to try to hit me again!
Emperor: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!(tries it again this time she throws it right back at him) OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gina: C'mon Lukey. We gotta go. (she drags Luke up and they run out of the throne room; using TK to draw a blaster from a near by stormtrooper she blasts her way through the halls of the ship. Then she runs into a stormtroopers) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
ST: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Luke: (snapping out of his pain induced trance.) Oh yeah, AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
ST: (taking off helmet; we realize it's Boy) Please, Gina, don't maim me; I like me the way I am. I don't wanna die.
Gina: Boy! (thinks about smacking him but decides against it, knowing she would hurt herself if she did)Come on; we gotta get to the ship and get off of this flying garbage truck. (they all keep on running until they find Kile)
Kile: OK; you can go home now. Thanks for all of you help. (Ewoks leave)Let's go! (now guess what they find....no; it's not that, it's a trail of blood EWWW!)
Boy: How far away is the ship? Are we there yet?
Gina: Boy, Luke and Stone are hurt. We have to get outta here and get them the necessary medical attention they need. We will get to the ship faster if you stop asking so many questions.
Kile: How do you know Stone is hurt?
Gina: I don't know how I know; but I know I know.
Boy: I am confused.
Luke: You're always confused.
Gina: Glad to see you feel good enough to make jokes.
(they finally make it to the ship{YEAH}Msty: OK; we're leaving. Now!
(in her hurry to escape, she almost runs over Aaron who is trying to escape from an obsessed fan's van) Aaron: LEMME GO!!!!!!
Shelle: (that is the fan's name) NO; I love you! (kisses him)
Adam: (shelle's friend) Why don't you go out with me? I like you, I think.
Aaron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (pauses to breathe) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Gina: (doing the Jedi thought thing, she wants to try this anyway) //Do that poof thingy Aaron. Get out of there.//
(does the poof thing) Aaron: Is there a shower on board. I feel filthy. (Msty plows over the van and its 2 passengers: Shelle and Adam{the freaky guy who sits near you and your buddies at lunch who no one likes})
Gina: (ignoring Aaron and tending to Stone) You're gonna be fine. Let's just put a really big Band-Aid on it. And some Neosporin.
Stone: Thanks Gina. Hey, Lukey, what's wrong with you?
Luke: (looking a little green) I'm OK, maybe. Msty, take us to the Rebel base. Coordinates: 2667-1110
Scene 7 (wow 6 was really long) (they make it to the Rebel base {yeah} and meet Han and Leia)
Leia: Luke! Are you all right? (noticing Boy in costume) What's it doing here!?!?!
Gina: Boy! (pushes him) Take off that ridiculous outfit. At least the helmet.
Boy: Ohh...OK. Hey(looking at Leia) she looks better this way.
Stone: How sweet, Boy has a crush on the princess.
Kile: She is way out of your league, Boy.
Boy: Point?
Aaron: No; this is not in the script. Han and Leia eventually get together and have a family anyways. George would kill us if we change it. And can you follow the script?
Everyone: Ummm...
Gina: How does it end, originally?
Aaron: (flipping through papers) DHR picks up the kids and puts them in foster homes.
Gina: God; that is horrible. I actually wrote that?! From here on out we are going to wing it, OK?
Everyone: OK!
Leia: For something or other, we will honor you for your bravery. Now I need your names.
Msty: Dear sweet God! It's back! ( the little thing that attacked her in scene 1 is back and it looks really mad) Someone save me!
Kile: Kile to the rescue! (bravely wrestles small thing until it cries for mercy)
Han: That was weird.
Luke: They been doing stuff like that all through the story.
Han: I pity you. C'mon! You heard the princess. Names.
Gina: I am Gina; that is Stone (points to him); Boy is the moron there( he smiles innocently). The screaming girl is Msty. And the pseudo hero there is Kile. "Director Boy" is Aaron. But he doesn't deserve squat, because he is only the director. He is not even supposed to be here.
Leia: (writing this all down) Got it.(Kile has gotten the thing off Msty and everyone is standing around with nothing to do)
Aaron: Gina! Start the next scene now. We need to do something.
Gina: Don't yell at me. Only I can do that.
Scene 8 (the last actual scene; I think I'm gonna cry)
(in front of huge crowds, Boy has to wear a straight jacket to keep him from hurting anything; so he has one on...)
Leia: I would like to commend my young friends here for their courage and abilities. They probably saved Luke's life.
Luke: I coulda done it on my own.
Leia: No you couldn't have.
Luke: Why?
Han: You're a pansy. You got kicked out of a twig hut by 5 teens. And you (points to Boy) stop making googley eyes at Leia!
(he starts attacking Boy and this is how it ends. The entire thing) Gina: Aaron....roll credits now!
Is this really the end? What happens to our heroes? And who is the big dope?
(sticking head through curtains)Boy: I AM!!!
The End
Epilogue: Boy meets his parents at the base. Their names are Man and Woman.
Kile: Becomes a professional model, and a comedian
Msty: Becomes a teacher at a local school. (I don't know which one)
Stone: Goes off into the wild to find himself. Gets bored and comes back 3 days later. He says: " I found a squirrel."
Gina: Also goes into wild to find herself. She becomes more in tune to the Force and even earns the title Jedi when around Luke.
Aaron: Goes back to own time. And must stay in gym class.
Our heroes hate their new lives. So they all meet at the Rebel base and live there together. All except for Aaron. The coach still won't let him out of gym class.
Gina-MK Kile-Martin
Msty- Marie Stone- Andrew
Boy- Michael Aaron- Eric
All Star Wars characters played them selves. No rodents were harmed in the making of the FanFic. Special appearances by: Shannon(Shelle) And Adam(the freaky guy who sits near you and your buddies at lunch who no one likes)
Quotes from cast:
MK-(Gina) This was really fun. All the others were so supportive and they were always there when I needed them. I wanna do something else like this now. And Luke is a pansy!
Martin-(Kile)Well, the people OK. But my furry friends were the best. I liked Jubba, the one with the scrunched up face. He also did this really neat trick with pies and 3 weasels. I'll tell you about it later.
Marie-(Msty)It's been interesting. I enjoyed running over that freaky kid.
Michael-(Boy) The extent of Boy's stupidity was over exaggerated by the writer. Boy being based on me and I am not that stupid. Plus, she doubled what she was paying the others for me. Instead of absolutely nothing, I got just nothing.
Andrew-(Stone)I never got to hit anyone with a rock. And I can't believe that guy shot me.
Eric-(Aaron)...................
(He could not get out of gym class to give me a quote. Sorry, blame the coaches; I didn't do it.)
