Star Warz: The Big Dope Strikes Back

Hi, it's me again. I'm sorry this took so long, but I couldn't figure out what to write. And then, when halfway through...my computer ate my story. I've probably made some people really mad. Smaller parts, less speech, more blood and gore, and the inevitable low budget just to name a few bad things. So deal....as always...your loving author: me.

Disclaimer: Star Wars and all it's parts belong to George Lucas, and Lucasfilms LTD. I don't own them. I don't own tic-tacs, or any other junk foods mentioned within. I don't have any money, so suing me would do you no good. This takes place after the other one of mine.


PS, new characters....woo hoo!

Pirho: A 16-year-old male human with severe issues. He can be rude, sexist, immature, but he's really funny/fun. His special talents include singing (which cheeses off the good guys), dancing (which cheeses off the bad guys), and annoying anyone (especially the writer)::GRR!:: O, yeah, and the most important thing is that he is a pyromaniac and arsonist. Portrayed by: Chris

Toby Fett: Originally, his character as supposed to be another main, huge one. But since my story takes place before the entire Fett deal, I'm just making him an essential but silent and minute part. He and his sidekick do cool stuff. Just not as much as everyone else. Portrayed by: Matt

Pyro Boy: Another 16-year-old guy who has a superhero complex. He is funny, smart, and always has something good to add to any conversation. He can kick butt using his bad impressions of famous superheroes. His real name is Melville. Portrayed by: Brandon.

Shelle: She is not new. However, she is mad at me, so she gets a listing. She is the same age as everyone else. And she whines. That's all you need to know. Portrayed by: Michelle

Chadwick: A kid. That's the only important thing you need to know.

Kayton and Whitney appearing as themselves. Adam appearing as himself.



A/N: Reika is mentioned a lot. She is my alter ego who enjoys inflicting pain. She's evil. Let's leave it at that. BTW, Reika owns me.
Scene 1
(Our scene opens in the rebel hangar. Where we left our wonderful children. There they sit, eating gruel. No reason really. Mostly because they're too lazy to get real jobs so they can buy food.)
Kile: This bites major solar wind.
Stone: Indeed. This goo tries my patience. I want the berries from that Bako planet.
Msty: Can we get on with this? Good-looking guys are in it.
Kile: I'm already here babe.
Msty: Shove it up your white, hairy, pathetic rectum. (Kile looks deflated)
Gina: I want some snow.
Stone: That has to be THE most irrelevant thing you have ever said.
Gina: Hey, I'm the alter ego of the writer. I'm allowed as many bad lines as I want. (Writer smiles)
Boy: Someone, pass the mustard. (They all look at him, because he's being stupid and cheesing them off. Gina grabs his buzz cut hair, and then slams his face into the table. He sits back up, wipes his face, and says) Still good. Yummmers....
Msty: I lost my appetite. (Looks down and realizes that the rodent thing from the Big Dope is there) O MY GOD!!! GET IT OFF!!!! I WANT IT DEAD!!! JESUS CHRIST!!! HELLP!! (The rat-thing takes her bowl of gruel, licks her, and leaves)
Kile: Well, that was unexpected.
Stone: Definitely. (Suddenly a rebel pilot guy walks up to them)
Rebel: Hey, aren't you the annoying kids from Bako whatever? (they nod and smile) Well, Han is on a rampage because something is broken on his ship.
Gina: (smack!) BOY! (he whimpers)
Kile: That sucks.
Gina: Yep, I say we leave. (a democratic vote is held, to determine the rest of my story. Gina, Kile, Stone, and Msty vote to leave. Boy didn't know how to punch his ballot, therefore negating his vote.)
(as they walk away, Luke walks up)
Luke: Where do you think you're going? Han's way mad, and Leia's in full princess mode. You ain't leaving me here.
Kile: You have to think we're stupid.
Luke: Well...
Gina: Don't respond, pansy.
Stone: Boy broke something on the Falcon. Han's gonna go Imperial on him. Plus, Gina's supposed to be having some sort of Jedi crisis thing.
Gina: I am?
Msty: Yea, smart one. It's IN the script. You have to have these flashes or whatever so we have to go help someone.
Gina: Thanks. Without your help I wouldn't know what to do in my own story. (Aaron appears in his puff of smoke)
Aaron: Don't mention the script. You should know better by now. (before he can leave, Shelle appears and screams out "I LOVE YOU" Luke's finely honed Jedi skills make him throw the pen he's been holding at her head. She keels over)
Luke: Sorry, it's a reflex.
Boy: (Singing) Ding-dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch. Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead!!
Luke: What's he so excited about?
Kile: I'm excited too. But I'm too cute to do that.
Stone: This is as excited as I get. (his face remains emotionless)
Gina: She'll be back.
Kile: How do you know?
Gina: The writer is a sadistic, pyromaniac who enjoys inflicting pain on anyone who breathes.
Stone: O.
Luke: Well, I suggest we get going.
Msty: Who is this we kemosabe? You have to say and stave the world. I mean, you have to stay and save the world.
Luke: (whining) But I don't wanna...
Gina: Suck it up, pansy. (Boy walks over to Shelle's body)
Boy: (poking it with a stick) Get up. Get up! You suck.
Kile: Where's Adam?
Msty: He dropped out of school to be a full time stalker. Come on, there's a ship or something we can board that way.
(after a while of walking, they soon run into a kid in a tux. He is their age)
Kid: Hi.
Kile: Hi.
Msty: How you doin'?
Boy: I can tie my shoelace!
Gina: Hi, the moron is Boy, I'm Gina, the midget is Stone, the other boy is Kile, and the girl hitting on you is Msty. We're outcasts from society. What's your name and why are you in a tux?
Kid: My name is Pirho. I'm 16, a pryo and a Sagittarius. I'm a member of the I.G.C.T.S.B.I.T.B.W.J.D.L.O.
Everyone else: Wha?
Pirho: It's the Inter Galactic Choir That Sucks But Isn't That Bad, We Just Don't Like Ourselves. (he beams)
Kile: O, my God! I've been beamed!! (he, Boy, and Stone fall over and play dead.)
Pirho: What's that about?
Msty: You don't want to know. (Pirho nods.)
Stone: (getting up) Hey, Pirho. Wanna come with us?
Kile: Yeah, we're leaving this God forsaken hunk of rock.
Pirho: Where?
Gina: Well, seeing as how pain and annoyances lie that way (points behind them), we're going that way. (points the opposite direction.)
Pirho: You know what? I don't want to go.
Msty: Exsqueeze me?
Kile: You don't want to go?
Boy: Miscellaneous adventures await.
Pirho: No. I don't want to go.
Gina: If you don't go, I'll let one of the writer's alter egos attack you. She will use my lightsaber to castrate you. (she activates her weapon) Snip-snip.
(the boys shudder)
Pirho: I'll go. Just, please. Don't hurt me.
Gina: Um...okay. (she deactivates the lightsaber. Aaron appears.)
Aaron: Come on you guys. Quit screwing around and get to the plot.
Stone: Hey Aaron, isn't Gina having some sorta Jedi thingy?
Aaron: Well, a pathetic life form is in dire need of your help. Go save him.
Msty: Who is it?
Aaron: Chadwick.
Kile: He is indeed pathetic.
Gina: Aw, man. I don't wanna rescue him. What's wrong? A hangnail?
Aaron: Haha. No. An evil history teacher or something.
Pirho: *gasp* You mean, Darth Meister!!?!?!??!?!!
Aaron: I guess.
Kile: Who?
Stone: Wha?
Boy: Am I supposed to have a question here?
Pirho: The Legend of Darth Meister; she's an old history teacher gone bad. She is now a trusted assassin for Darth Vader. She kills with sexist favoritism and homework. No one is safe.
Msty: So, we need to charter a ship to which planet?
Aaron: Um...Auditorial 93. It's right next to that snow planet.
Pirho: Hoth?
Aaron: Nope, Jakodetralob.
Gina: Snow!! WOO HOO!!! (starts celebrating)
Kile: What's up with her? (everyone shrugs)
Gina: What? Why is everyone looking at me?
Scene 2
(We're in a big round room with hardly any furniture. All you see is a pathetic teenager and a Sith Lord. She is Darth Meister. And she's cheesed off.)
Darth Meister: What do you mean you don't have the homework?!??!?!
Teen: I'm sorry. I'll have it tomorrow! I swear!
Darth Meister: I'm not that lenient. (she calls for stormtroopers) Take this slime out of my sight. Put him in the movie room. MWHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!! I love being evil. Bring me Chadwick.
(Chadwick is brought out. He's tied up)
Chadwick: You can't keep me here. You have no hard evidence that I'm a rebel.
Darth Meister: You're right. But I don't like you. Therefore, you stay. And I get to play with you for a while. Any requests before you die?
Chadwick: Yes. Put it on my tombstone that I'm smarter than Aaron and Gina; and that I died valiantly.
Darth Meister: You're not smarter than them. They're not tied up and in my presence. And with what I'll do to you, you won't die valiantly.
Chadwick: That sucks.
Darth Meister: Watch your language.
Chadwick: That bites. Sorry.
Darth Meister: So, what do you want to die from? Or be tortured by? Drawn and quarter? Um...injections of Windex into your veins. How about one history paper due every night at midnight? Or I could borrow one of Lord Vader's machines....(ponders this thought; a stormtrooper walks in)
ST: There's a holo-message from Darthy boy.
Darth Meister: Show him some respect.
ST: Whatever. (he leaves; the holo-net turns on and Vader appears)
Darth Vader: Darth Meister. Good to see you're still alive. I thought someone should have killed you by now.
Darth Meister: What's that supposed to mean?
Darth Vader: Nothing. (mutters) Darn women Sith! (speaks up) I want you to use Chadwick as bait for the annoying kids that escaped in "The Big Dope."
Darth Meister: How did you know he was here? And how do you know they will come? Is it the Force?
Darth Vader: No, the writer came and talked to me. If we don't cooperate, she will set the She-Demon Reika after us.
Darth Meister: O. Whatever.
Darth Vader: I'll leave you for your pleasures.
Chadwick: Darthy, please give me a tic-tac. Any help here would be appreciated?!?!?!
Scene 3 (back at the rebel base, still trying to find a ship)
Pirho: I'm having issues here.
Kile: You fit in great.
Msty: What's wrong?
Pirho: I'm still in a tux.
Stone: Suck it up.
Gina: Um...um...you'll have to talk to Aaron. AARON!!! (he appears)
Aaron: You bellowed?
Pirho: I'm having issues here. I need some jeans and a shirt. Something....being dressed up sucks.
Aaron: Riiight. You'll have to talk to the writer. (they all look at Gina)
Gina: O no, I don't take credit for this. It always sucks. And I always get blamed.
Boy: It's always your fault.
Msty: Shut up worm. (suddenly two girls who aren't from the SW universe walk up: Whitney and Kayton)
Whitney: Yeah, MK is too busy to actually come here. She has to write the story. And it's sequel.
Pirho: O God! There's more!?!?!!?
Stone: Be thankful you weren't in the first one.
Kayton: Hello, back to me. Yes, here are you some clothes. (she holds up a pair of jeans and a TACKY Hawaiian shirt)
Gina: (looking at the shirt) I told you she was sadistic.
Pirho: Can anyone be that sadistic?
Msty: Suck it up. Whining decreases your babe factor.
Stone: Is there actually gonna be plot movement in this scene?
Kile: All we've done so far is talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. (whispering) And Gina wouldn't know what a plot was if one bit her.
Gina: (still whispering) For the last time, I'M NOT THE WRITER!! ( a rebel guard walks over, he's supposed to be doing a job or something)
Guard: (whispering) What's all the whispering about?
Kile: (still whispering) Whispering? What whispering? (everyone else moans)
Aaron: Well, we've managed to use that joke way too many times. And we proved that the writer has problems.
Boy: (singing) I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves; and this is how it UMPH!! (Msty's blow to his stomach cuts short the song)
Stone: So I'm right.
Pirho: About what?
Stone: There was absolutely no point to this scene whatsoever.
Kile: He IS right. That's amazing.
Pirho: What, that the writer is incompetent?
Boy: No, that Stone is right.
Gina: Good point.
Pirho: This is a men only conversation.
Msty: Sexist pig!
Gina: HHAHAHAHAHAH!!! You mean boy only.
Boy: Did someone call?
Aaron: I'm leaving before this gets any worse.
Kile: Too late.
Scene 4
(same place, Aaron is gone)
Msty: What now, Einstein?
Kile: You're asking Gina'? Like she's supposed to know. Heh heh.
Gina: Don't take ruthless stabs at my character. It's not nice.
Stone: Why?
Boy: She inflicts self-defeat by constantly insulting herself, it actually hurts when others criticize her.
Pirho: Did he just say something intelligent?
Stone: Yep.
Pirho: I'm scared.
Msty: Me too.
Gina: Um, that's not right.
Kile: (smacks Boy) Okay, who set the Mormon.....I mean moron...on smart mode? Must have been a scratch in the album.
Pirho: Have you people ever considered psychiatric help?
Gina: What would be the point in that?
Pirho: Okay, whatever. (now that they've walked and talked 1.5 scenes, they're actually at the ship. The pilot is Toby Fett.)
Toby: Hey, are you the people who are supposed to board this ship with Luke? I'm Toby. Your captain.
Stone: Wha? (Luke walks out of the ship)
Luke: I told you, you're not leaving me here.
Toby: So, who's paying for this?
Boy: Han Solo!
Pirho: Is it my imagination, or is Boy getting smarter?
Kile: I...don't...know. Spock, explain.
Stone: Highly illogical, Captain. But apparently true.
Gina: Jim! You're turning the story into a crossover. It's dead Jim. No amount of improv will give the fic a pulse.
Toby: What in the name of Yoda is going on?!?!?!?!
Msty: Captain, we're being hailed.
Luke: Okay, Star Trek sucks. Let's get back to my part of the universe, okay?
Stone: He said Star Trek sucks. O my God.
Gina: Thou blasphemous fool; thou shall pay for thy arrogance!! (a kid in superman costume jumps out from behind something: it is Pyro Boy)
Pyro Boy: Holy underwear Batman! Did I mention the writer was sadistic?
Boy: We've established that.
Kile: Why is your underwear on the outside of your uniform?
Msty: This is getting stranger by the scene.
Stone: Thank you Captain Obvious.
Msty: (grinning) You're welcome, Lt. Cynical.
Toby: Are you getting on the ship, or not??
Gina: Um...I dunno.
Kile: Whad'dya mean "I dunno"????? You're supposed to!!
Gina: I...uh...haven't read this far into the script.
Boy: I did something Gina didn't! Wow!!
(suddenly, Whitney and Kayton are back)
Whitney: Get on the ship. Go to A-93. You have to rescue that low down platypus Chadwick.
Kayton: And the sadistic writer sent Melville these clothes. (She holds up jeans and a button-up shirt) You have to use that underwear though.
Boy: I'm guessing Pyro Boy is Melville.
Whitney: Yeah, you forgot to go through that scene. MK forgot to write it.
Pirho: Wait a second. How come he gets nice clothes?
Kayton: And who are you again?
Pirho: I'm someone important.
Kile: That's an opinion.
Pirho: I'll start to sing and dance if I don't get my way. (everyone stares blankly at him, he starts singing and dancing) I love to singa...about the moona and the Juna and the springa. I love to singa...(they quickly get him a change of clothes so he stops singing) That's more like it.
Gina: Don't do that around us. You almost gave Stone a heart attack.
Stone: How could you tell?
Boy: She used her Jedi thingy to detect your pest chains.
Kile: His what?
Pirho: His chest pains.
Msty: He understands Boy.
Stone: Wow.
Pyro Boy: Have no worry, have no fear, Underdog will soon be here.
Gina: O well, come on. Board the ship.
Toby: I'm charging Han a lot more for this.
Luke: You can't do that.
Toby: Why not?
Luke: Because I say so.
Toby: Shut up, pansy.
Luke: I'm sorry.
Toby: You'd better sit in the corner for the entire trip.
Luke: Yes sir. (during the ride to the planet...)
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: No.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Toby: If you ask that one more time, you will wish the Imperials had you.
Gina: Shut up. Just drive. That's supposedly what you're being paid for.
Pyro Boy: Do I do anything important?
Kile: That is the question.
Gina: Everyone does. I think.
Pirho: I haven't had a line in a while. Did the writer forget me?
Msty: I wish I could.
Stone: I'm hungry.
Pyro Boy: This scene sucks.
Gina: We know.
Kile: I wanna kill someone.
Stone: I wanna hit someone with a rock.
Msty: I wanna find a smart boy in this fic.
Gina: Sounds like some personal problems to me.
Luke: Can I come out of the corner now?
All others: NO!
Scene 5 (back at Darth Meister's place; Emperor and Darthy have shown up)
Darth Meister: Are you sure this will work?
Emperor: No.
Darth Vader: We don't have any other options.
Chadwick: You could let me go.
All others: No.
Emperor: You're too valuable as bait. MWAHAHHAHAHAH!!!(starts coughing) UGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGH...
Darth Meister: Are you okay?
Darth Vader: Suck it up, Empy.
Emperor: Yes sire.
Chadwick: Isn't it time for my stale bread and water?
Darth Meister: Remind me why we can't kill him again...
(back on Toby's ship)
Luke: So THAT'S the plan?!?!?!?!
Gina: Well, yeah.
Kile: That sucks.
Stone: I'm not comfortable with this.
Msty: This isn't making me happy.
Boy: Did I miss something?
Pyro Boy: The odds are against us. But we can do it, super friends.
Pirho: He's getting worse than Boy. Gina, you suck at planning.
Gina: It's a simple plan. We go in, get caught. Save Chadwick...run away. Any questions?
Luke: So THAT'S the plan?!!?!?!!?!?
Gina: Shut up; don't start that again.
Toby: A request: If my ship gets scratched...can I have Luke's head on a platter.
Pirho: Okay. Fine by me.
Gina: AARON!!! END THIS SCENE AND START THE MUSIC!!!
("Shake, Rattle, and Roll" starts playing)
(they get to the planet, they sneak in or whatever. everyone is in the main room of Darth Meister's place....except Aaron. He got out.)
Luke: (upon seeing Darth Vader) Crud monkeys!! What now Gina?
Gina: (ala Monty Python) Run away!! Run away!!
Kile: I thought we were supposed to get captured.
Boy: AHH!! THE ALMOST DEAD AND THE SHOULD BE DEAD GUYS!!! (he jumps in to Pirho's arms)
Pirho: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (throws Boy down) Don't ever do that again!
Msty: HAHA!!
Pyro Boy: Gina, it says in the script: "kids get captured. No running away. ~Signed: the loving author"
Luke: Gina, your alter ego has problems.
Gina: Tell me about it.
Darth Meister: Ah, fresh meat. Guards! Get them!!
Darth Vader: Hey, that's my line.
Emperor: Suck it up. (to guards) And make sure you tie them up in an easily escapable position.
Darth Meister: WHAT!!! They're teens. Scum of earth! Bacteria of life!
Gina: Freshmen of forever!
Kile: Platypus of space!
Boy: Dirty sock of empires!
Pyro Boy: Holey underwear of armored guards!
Luke: Enough of the bad analogies.
Emperor: Thank you my child.
Luke: No prob.
Darth Vader: I missed my que again. Anyways...we tie them up like that so they can be killed in a gory matter while they escape.
Darth Meister: Oh.
Luke: Reika threatened you too, huh?
Darth Vader: Yep. Lightsaber. Snip-snip...ewwww.
Gina: Oy vay!
Kile: Sounds like Reika may be attracted to Darthy Boy. Sounds like he's got some sexual attraction going on.
Msty: Not hardly.
Stone: He's rich, he's powerful. Women like that.
Pirho: Hey, where's Toby?
Pyro Boy: You mean the normal one?
Stone: Yeah, where is he?
Gina: Well, someone had to stay on the ship; now we can leave quicker.
Msty: (grabs Gina's shirt and shakes her) You mean you left someone on the ship?!?! It wasn't me!?!?!?! You will pay!!!!!
Kile: Knock it off you two.
Msty and Gina: Sowwy.
Kile: That's better. I don't want any goofing off during the all important capture scenes.
Scene 6
(the kids are tied up and surrounded by 12 stormtrooers. Their hands are tied behind them; they're tied to chairs, back to back. Their weapons are gone)
Pyro Boy: This sucks.
Pirho: Why did I let her talk me into this?
Gina: Because you're a scared lonely, insecure little boy with no friends.
Kile: That's how she got all of us here.
Msty: Not me. I just don't like the other girls our age.
Boy: I have an idea. Let's play musical chairs.
Stone: If I could smack you. I would, without hesitation.
(suddenly a guard comes and puts Chadwick next to Pirho and Gina)
Pirho: Why by me? Why can't he sit by Boy?
Stormtrooper: The writer says "HI!" You're supposed to know what that means.
Pyro Boy: I think we should revolt.
Pirho: No, she has to help me study for my exam so I don't fail. I hate this script.
(Aaron appears)
Aaron: Don't do that. ( he leaves)
Pirho: Never was a truer phrase spoken, than that of the AntiChrist. He once said. "If she doesn't help me study, and I don't pass...I'll fail."
Boy: Amen.
Kile: Hey, Stormy! (all guards look that way) The one with the keys! Come here. (the one with keys comes over)
ST: Yes?
Kile: I have to tell you a secret. I have a rare mutated throat virus that could be lethal.
ST: Like I haven't heard that one before.
Kile: I swear. Take a look...(he opens his mouth and a hand pops out of his throat, it punches the stormtrooper, takes the gun, and the keys, pushes the guard over. Then it goes back into Kile's mouth) That hurts. Now I need a lozenge.
Gina: Go Kile.
Msty: Wow.
Pirho: That was weird.
Boy: Yeppers.
Luke: Yeppers?
Pyro Boy: Yeppers?
Luke: Maybe we can leave him here.
Chadwick: What about me and those other guards.
Gina: No problem. Hey Key boy...
Kile: Yes?
Gina: Unlock us, pwease?
Pirho: Just say it. Please. I hate baby talk. Especially from you.
Pyro Boy: Can I go home?
Stone: Not if I can't.
Msty: Hurry up Kile. Don't make you hurt me. I mean...you know what I mean.
Chadwick: Don't forget me.
Kile: Don't hold your breath. (Kile unlocks everyone except Chadwick. Gina walks up to the guards.)
Gina: You know what? I've found the meaning of life. I know all the secrets to the universe. You wanna know? (guards nod) Okay, here I go...the(she stops mid sentence and falls to the ground, screaming) Shut UP, O my God! Make the voices stop!!! I won't do it!! NO!!!!! (the stormtroopers look at the others, then drop their guns and leave)
Stone: You need help. Compact your issues into volumes.
Luke: Don't give her any ideas.
Pirho: That's not safe.
Pyro Boy: Don't we have to go kill someone?
Msty: Don't get too excited there Sparky.
Luke: Does this fanfic ever end? Or does it go on forever?
Kile: Don't give the writer any ideas.
Gina: She doesn't need help.
(Boy starts waving the keys in front of Chadwick, just out of range: Boy is torturing Chadwick ::this is priceless:: )
Boy: Heh...cool.
Stone: I question his sanity.
Pirho: Quit wasting time. Come on, to the throne room for the show down.
Chadwick: Hello, I'm still tied up.
Pyro Boy: So he is.
Msty: I wonder if it's in my contract to do a bikini scene like Leia.
Gina: No, you don't have to.
Kile: I wouldn't mind.
Stone: I think I'm gonna hurl.
Pirho: Why can't Pyro Boy and I go home?
Msty: The more, the merrier.
Chadwick: These chains aren't getting any looser. I'm still tied up.
Luke: Hey, well...he is. Where are our lightsabers?
Pyro Boy: And my blaster?
Boy: And my brain?
Gina: (to Luke) Down the hall to the left. (to Pyro Boy) In that cabinet. (to Boy) You've never had one.
Kile: I want a blaster.
Msty: I think Luke should have it.
Everyone else: Why?
Luke: (beaming) I'm a pansy!!
Pirho: Here we go again.
Stone: I've been beamed! (he, Kile, and Boy fall over)
Pyro Boy: It's a bird, it's a plane! It's superman and his moronic counterparts!
Gina: Aren't you happy to have friends?
Pirho: If this is friendship, shoot me.
Msty: Don't tempt me.
Stone: (standing up) Gina will threaten to hurt you. Msty will maim you if given the chance.
Chadwick: I'm still in chains! Don't you people hear me?
Boy: I think I have earwax or something. (sticks finger in ear)
Pirho: I wanna meet Darth Meister. Come on.
Chadwick: I'M STILL HERE!! (all others exit, leaving him by himself)
Scene 7
(they are all standing in front of Darth Vader, Meister, and the Emperor)
Darth Meister: Well, well, well. If it isn't the children who've run astray from the Empire.
Luke: I'm not a child.
Darth Vader: (stifling laugher) Go on and lie to yourself. You don't fool us.
Gina: You may not be a kid, Luke, but you are a pansy.
Emperor: Now, Darth Vader and I will leave.
Darth Meister: Why?
Darth Vader: Because we can. And because I don't want to be struck by blue lightning again.
Emperor: Yes, that really does hurt. I learned the hard way.
(so the bad guys leave, because they are losers)
Darth Vader: I'm not a loser.
Pirho: When you were chosen as Darth Vader, did you read the job description?
Stone: And when you were chosen, did you read the script?
Darth Vader: No. And..uh..no.
Kile: O, I see.
Boy: You're a bad man. And bad men always lose.
Gina: Especially since you killed Kenobi.
Msty: (sniffle) He used to be so cute.
Darth Vader: What about me? I looked good before I got scarred for life and was made into part machine!
Pyro Boy: (looking at Luke) It obviously doesn't run in the family.
Luke: What's that supposed to mean?
Gina: Nothing, nothing at all.
Emperor: Come on, Darthy Boy. We can order a pizza and rent some videos tonight.
Darth Vader: YIPEE!
Pirho: Now I'm gonna have Episode 1 nightmares for the rest of my life.
(the bad guys exit and Darth Meister stands up)
Darth Meister: Well, I'll guess I'll kill you all myself. (activates her purple lightsaber)
Boy: Purple? (the kids and Luke stifle laughter)
Darth Meister: Yes! I'm not a lesbo. I just like purple.
Pyro Boy: Sure, whatever.
Pirho: Ooo, pretty colors.
Msty: Why did we bring him again?
Gina: If I have to explain that the writer is sadistic one more time...I'm gonna scream.
Stone: Did you say something Gina?
Gina: AAHHHH!!!!!!!!! See, I told you.
Kile: We have more pressing issues than Gina's fleeting sanity.
Darth Meister: First I'm gonna kill Luke.
Luke: Why?
Everyone else: Because, you're annoying!
Luke: You've hurt my feelings. Wait a second. I'm signed up for the other episodes...you can't kill me. (starts celebrating)
Darth Meister: Darn. O well, next in line....AGHHHHHHHHH!!! (she has a heart attack and dies right there.)
Msty: O my God.
Kile: She killed Kenny! O, sorry. Wrong thing.
Stone: That's unusual.
Pirho: Does this mean the fic is over?
Pyro Boy: I wanted to burn her.
Pirho: Join the club.
Gina: No, the fic is not over. (suddenly, Darth Meister's spirit gets up)
Darth Meister's Spirit: Well, that sucks. I died before I could kill you.
Luke: Doesn't this situation strike any of you as odd?
Gina: Yeah, it's pretty weird. Even for me.
Kile: That says a lot right there. (suddenly a redheaded kid in a football shirt walks in, his name is Adam. And he is the AntiChrist. This is not the same one who followed Shelle around in "The Big Dope")
Adam: Hi, did anyone just die here? (Luke and kids point to Meister) Okay, come with me ma'am. I'm the AntiChrist. And you have to come to Hell with me.
Darth Meister's Spirit: Aren't I supposed to disappear in the Force or something?
Adam: You're not actually a Sith. More like, a Sith-wanna-be. So you get to come with me to Hell. It'll be fun. We're having a campaign to get air-conditioning.
Darth Meister's Spirit: Sounds cool. Okay, bye everyone. (suddenly, a frazzled Chadwick walks in.)
Chadwick: O, thank God. I thought you would have left me here. I had to worm my way to the keys. And I used my mouth to undo the locks. I think I chipped my tooth. (as he walks up to hug someone, {he's happy to be alive} the AntiChrist reaches into Chadwick's body and pulls out his heart. Chadwick dies.)
Adam: Sorry, it's a reflex. Hope you didn't need him for the plot. (Aaron appears)
Aaron: No, but he'll be back.
Gina: Why?
Aaron: Shelle is way mad for the entire "fan" thing. And Chadwick has taken Shelle's place.
Msty: Chasing you?
Kile: No, being killed.
Pirho: So who's Shelle after now? (Shelle walks up)
Shelle: Weird Al. He's hot.
Pyro Boy: He's old.
Boy: Love is blind.
Stone: So is obsessed fandom.
Luke: Good point.
Aaron: Anyway, you all behave. Episode 3 is coming.
Pirho: Bye, AntiChrist.
Adam: I'll see you in a few months!
Gina: Hey Adam, (he turns to face her) I'll see you Monday in biology. MWAHAHAHAH!!!!! I love doing that.
Boy: You need help.
(everyone leaves...the kids and Luke get on the ship with Toby, Adam and Darth Meister go to Hell, Chadwick is seen a few days later: hiding from Gina, Shelle goes off to find Weird Al, and Aaron goes home to prepare for the next installment to this fanfic.)
Scene 8
(on the snow planet, Jakodetralob)
Gina: Eat snow, Pyro Boy! (throws snowball)
Pyro Boy: I will never let you win!
Pirho: Shut up! (throws snowball at Gina)
Gina: Hey!
Kile: Msty! (she turns) Catch! (lobs snowball)
Msty: UPMH! (she tackles Kile)
Stone: Boy! (he throws the snowball)
Boy: Huh? ACK!!!!!! UMPH!
Luke: Kile! (Luke throws the snowball and Kile cuts the chunk of snow in half)
Kile: Don't do that. It's not funny.
Luke: But I thought...never mind.
(And so ends one of the most painful fanfics ever written by me. Yes, it was horrible. It sucked. But I don't care.)
Stone: I still haven't hit anyone with a rock.
Pirho: I still haven't burned anyone.
Msty: I am still single.
Gina: I am still having issues.
Pyro Boy: I am still wondering why I'm here.
Kile: I am still wondering why we're doing this.
Aaron: I am not in gym class anymore!
Toby: I still haven't been paid.
Shelle: I am still alive!

The End....

Boy: I am STILL the big dope.


Cast: (in no particular order)
Gina: MK
Kile: Martin
Msty: Marie
Stone: Andrew
Boy: Michael
Aaron: Eric
Pirho: Chris
Pyro Boy: Brandon
Toby: Matt
Chadwick: Scum of the earth.
Shelle: Michelle
Luke: Pansy
Han: Himself
Leia: Herself
Whitney: Herself
Kayton: Herself
Adam the AntiChrist: Adam the AntiChrist
Darth Vader: Guy in black suit
Emperor: A corpse
Darth Meister: A teacher from my school

No body was really harmed in the making of this fic. I spent countless hours typing and slaving, but I didn't get hurt. Chadwick and Shelle weren't really killed. It's only a fan-FICTION, as in not for reality. Thank you for reading. Now, please wait for the other part....give me a day or two.