Star Warz: The Return of the Big Dope

Hello again all. This is the 3rd and (possibly) final installment of the "Big Dope" series. Yes, this makes me very sad. Perhaps there will be more. Maybe the Force will guide me into a further parody of our favorite trilogy. Then again, I could just continue writing about Star Wars stuff. Humm...I think this could get interesting. This story takes place a short period of time after "The Big Dope Strikes Back." I was hurried in writing this, so if it sucks, I apologize. In fact, I apologize anyways because it sucks. I had to write it in the wee hours of the morning. C'est la vie.

I do not own Star Wars. I do not own any of its characters. I do not own tic-tacs, junk food, or any other thing that you know of from the outside world. Star Wars and all of its wonderful parts belong to George Lucas. Some one owns all that other stuff I mentioned too. I don't know whom. Please don't sue me.

New Characters!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! (writer starts to dance around) heh....sorry. I was swept up in the moment.

By the way, I sincerely apologize to "Chadwick." Do not sue me for making fun of "Chadwick." This is only for fun. Do not take seriously, however...the dialogue between Gina and Chadwick has actually taken place. Only Chadwick is still alive.


Art: 15-year-old male human who is the new pilot. Toby got mad at me for making his part smaller, so Art was born. Art tries to humorless and deadpan. He fails miserably.
Portrayed by: Glenn

Kayton, Whitney, the AntiChrist, Traci, and Alana all appear as themselves. Thank you to all who have inspired me. Thank you to all who tolerate me. Thank you to all who have read this far into it.
Scene 1 (we open once again in the rebel hangar. They're still eating gruel. Boy, Gina, Msty, Kile, and Stone have no lives...)
Boy: HEY!! (Sorry, anyways, after the last adventure they went home with nothing to do. O, Pirho and Pyro Boy are still here.)
Stone: Why did we come back to this God forsaken pit of demons?
Msty: Why dear God, did I volunteer for this?
Kile: What is this volunteering you speak of?
Stone: None of us volunteered. We were dragged here against our Whills.
Gina: Bad pun! Bad! No cookie!
Boy: Can we go back to that Jako-planet with the snow?
(suddenly Han and Leia walk up to them and pull out blasters)
Leia: Not that I care, but where's Luke?
Han: Not that I care, but why has a "Toby Fett" billed me for 50,000 credits?
Kile: Um, I swear to God...we didn't lose the pansy!
Gina: Toby said it'd only cost 25,000! Aw, man.....
Pirho and Msty: (noticing blasters pointed at them) Jesus Christ! (Aaron appears)
Aaron: Don't shoot the hired help. They can't be replaced.
Pyro Boy: I wasn't aware we were hired...
Gina: I certainly didn't sign any contracts.
Boy: I still wanna go to that snow planet from the other story.
Kile: Hey Aaron, are there and chicks in this fanfic?
Aaron: I dunno. I'm not God. I'm just the director. The plot is still in the works.
Stone: Once again, our incompetent, sadistic writer has ensured that this will be a long and painful process.
Msty: There'd better be guys in this.
Boy: There'd better be snow in this.
Han: Shut up moron.
Boy: (looking at Leia) Hey-ah sweetie. How about you and me go out for pizza sometime? (she laughs)
Kile: (whining) I'm supposed to be the ladies' man.....*sniffle*
Gina: (comforting) There. There.
Boy: Where? Where?
Msty: Can we get on with the plot?
Stone: There is no plot.
Pirho: Yeah, even Pyro Boy and I know that there's no plot in this story. It's stupid, pointless, and time consuming.
Gina: That hurt my feelings. Do you have to be so mean to me?
Pyro Boy: Yes.
Pirho: It's only because you insist upon dragging us into your life. That, and we are actually kinda fond of you.
Msty: How sweet, a Kodak moment. I think I'm gonna puke.
Stone: Ditto.
Aaron: On with the plot...Thank God someone finally wants to work. I'm sorry, I missed my que. (all other glare evilly at Msty)
Msty: So what? I'm sick of dialogue.
Pyro Boy: Watch your back kid.
Boy: Can we go to the snow planet?
Aaron: No.
Stone: Can we get some vacation time?
Aaron: No.
Han: Will someone explain what's going on to Leia and me?
Aaron: No...sorry, wrong answer. (flips through blank papers and mutters) I'm gonna smack MK for not writing more to the script.....
Leia: Where's Luke at, Director Boy?
Boy: What?!?! Who said my name?!?!?!
Gina: (ignoring Boy) And what's the next plot move (waves activated lightsaber at Aaron)
Aaron: I though we were closer friends that that, Gina.
Gina: O, right. Sorry.
Pirho: You often get swept up in your own world, don't you?
Gina: Did you say something important? I was in my own little world.
Aaron: Can we please get back to me?
Pyro Boy: How come he gets such a big part in this fic?
Pirho: The writer is sadistic.
Stone: The writer is incompetent.
Msty: The writer is insane.
Kile: The writer is weird.
Boy: The writer is a moron.
Han: I don't know the writer.
Leia: Me either.
Gina: If Aaron talks and explains the plot, we don't waste 17 sheets of paper just talking about nothing.
Kile: You suck. I like rambling and ranting on and on about nothing.
Aaron: A-hem.....
Boy: Sorry old chap.
Aaron: Are there any Jedi here?
Leia: Technically, I'm supposed to be.
Gina: You read ahead in the real script, didn't you? (Leia nods)
Msty: George is gonna kill us.
Stone: We're screwd.
Aaron: Anyways, here's the thing: IF any of you were Jedi (real Jedi, anyway), you'd know that Chadwick--that low down scum ball--and Luke--that stupid pansy--are trapped on a remote planet.
Pirho: So we get to pilot a ship to some remote planet to save their wuss...(cut off by Pyro Boy)
Pyro Boy: AS-TEROIDS!!! Are those asteroids I see? (everyone moans and Stone smacks him)
Msty: Hey Gina, we haven't used our TK since the Big Dope.
Gina: We had TK?? O yeah!!!!!
Kile: And I'm telepathic.
Boy: (beaming) I'm telepathetic. AHH!!!! I beamed myself. (falls into fetal position)
Stone: So, o great and wise director, why haven't they used their powers. And when do I get to show off my strength?
Aaron: The writer and I agree that all of your real talents are too much trouble to write into story lines. And flattery, my friend, will get you anything you want.
Han: What are these people smoking?
Leia: Why aren't they sharing?
Pirho: I don't know about the others, but Gina and I are crack heads.
Gina: For the last freaking time, it's NOT crack.
Aaron: I'm gonna go start scene 2 now.
Boy: (singing) It's the end of the scene as we know it. It's the end of the scene as we know it. It's the end of the scene as we know it, and I feel fine.........
(scene ends with them acting like fools. Never mind, it's not acting.)
Scene 2 (open in a well furnished condo room, not a bedroom; far away from our morons....there is a dark figure, cloaked in black robes and shadows with Luke)
Figure: Welcome to my villa Luke.
Luke: I guess I'm glad to be here. Those kids are so annoying.
Figure: Luke, I want something from some of those friends. You will be welcome to stay here until I get it.
Luke: A vacation would be nice. Those pubescent wackos are driving me insane.
Figure: Short trip. I don't think you understand. You WILL stay here.
Luke: (whining) No, this is the last thing I need. To be kidnapped by a figure in dark robes who stays in the shadows...aw man.
Figure: Quit whining, pansy. Gina and Aaron have something I want. Stone, Msty, Boy, ...they all have something. And those others....
Luke: You mean Pirho and Pyro Boy?
Figure: Them; how long have you been with them?
Luke: Too long. (sits down in nice leather chair) It's been quit hard for me to stay with them.
Figure: The sadistic writer gives you a problem too?
Luke: O yeah.
Figure: Well, how'd you like to have some tea and chocolate biscuits?
Luke: (puzzled) Chocolate biscuits? How long have you known Gina?
Figure: We attend the same school together.
Luke: You mean Hell with that fluorescent lighting?
Figure: That's the place. Can I get you anything?
Luke: No, I'm actually quite alright.
Figure: O, okay. Well, it won't last. I will begin to torture you. Test your strength and endurance....(cue evil music) MWHAHAHAHAH!!
Luke: You should work on that evil laugh.
Figure: It's that bad?
Luke: Yep.
Figure: But I didn't cough like the Emperor.
Luke: It's horrible.
Figure: I had evil music.
Luke: I'm not intimidated.
Figure: But.....(cut off by pansy)
Luke: It sucked. Really, it sucked a lot.
Figure: What should I do?
Luke: Well, throw your head back. Use your hands as claws. (demonstrates: looks like Mandark from Dexter's Lab.) And use "BWAHAHAHA" instead of "MWAHAHAHAH." Try it.
Figure: Really?
Luke: It sounds more aggressive.
Figure: What about lighting?
Luke: The room is dark. Very devilish. But you need some better shadows. (moves lamp a little bit) Much better.
Figure: Can I laugh now.
Luke: Needs something else. (pulls out some red-glowing contacts from his contact case) Use these.
Figure: (puts them in and clears throat) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!! Better?
Luke: Much. So good, in fact, that I soiled my rebel uniform.
Figure: Thanks (pushes button on his desk) Lu-Anne, send in Mr. Skywalker a change of uniform. These people. They're so stupid. I can't work with them.
Luke: She can still hear you. Your finger is on the button. (the figure releases the button)
Figure: To prevent cussing: Look at that beaver DAM over there! (Luke is puzzled, again)
Scene 3 (suddenly, in another part of the galaxy, Darth Vader wakes up in bed)
Darth Vader: MOMMY!!! I HAD A BAD DWEAM!!!! (shakes it off) Now, what did I wake up for? (a lightbulb appears above his head. It is off. The bulb flickers for a while before staying off. Kayton and Whitney appear. Whitney is looking a fuse box. Kayton studies the lightbulb.)
Kayton: Dang, rusty old model. (she "unscrews" the bulb and replaces it, about that time...)
Whitney: Eureka! (replaces fuse in the fuse box and the lightbulb activates)
Darth Vader: Thank you angels.
Whitney: We aren't angels.
Kayton: Yes we are. We're not being paid.
Whitney: Give the writer a break.
Darth Vader: Is this the same writer who threatened me?
Girls: Yes.
Darth Vader: I'll give her a break alright...a broken bone or 10! (girls glare) Sowwy.
(girls leave) Now, two of my biggest enemies are on an isolated planet. If my memory serves me correctly, then their friends will rush off to get them. Maybe even Han and Leia. Probably not. Who cares about them anyways. Maybe a new moronic captain. This is too good to pass up. (gets out of bed and calls the emperor. He's in the middle of a facial)
Emperor: What do you want?
Darth Vader: What is on your face?
Emperor: It's a facial. It's going to make me younger looking.
Darth Vader: It'll take a lot of those.
Emperor: Shut up Ani.
Darth Vader: George says the audience isn't supposed to know about that.
Emperor: They already do.
Darth Vader: We're going to finally catch those annoying brats from the Big Dope....
Scene 4 (rebel hangar)
Kile: Now what were we supposed to do?
Pirho: Beats me. (Gina and Msty being to beat Pirho up, kicking him, punching him...etc.) Ow, quit it. What's this for?
Msty: He said, "Beat me."
Gina: Happy to oblige. (Kicks him in the ribs)
Stone: He said, "Beats me." (they stop)
Msty: "Beats me," as in "I don't know?"
Boy: (smiles and nods) I don't know!
Pyro Boy: You never know, do you?
Boy: I'm confused.
Stone: Just like me.
Gina: And me.
Kile: You mean you don't know what's going on?
Gina: Nope. I only act like I know what I'm doing.
Pirho: You suck at acting.
Msty: She never said she was any good.
Pyro Boy: And she never will be. (Aaron appears)
Aaron: Okay guys, according to this rough copy of a script, you need to be going that way....(he points a direction out to them)
Boy: Bye Aaron! (the director leaves)
Pyro Boy: These people scare me.
Stone: We scare ourselves.
Kile: I expect to the unexpected right about......now! (Shelle comes running up to them)
Shelle: No body expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Gina: A) That's the wrong movie. And 2) Only I'm allowed to make fun of my religion. At least, out of everyone here. (No offense to my fellow Catholics out there)
Shelle: Sorry. Anyways, has anyone seen Weird Al?
Kile: Wha?
Pirho: Who?
Pyro Boy: Why?
Boy: Where am I?
Gina: When will this be over?
Msty: How soon can you kill me off?
Stone: Would you people stop asking questions?
Aaron: Al went that way. (points; then does a double take) AHHH!!!!! SHELLE!!!! (jumps into Msty's arms)
Msty: I didn't know you cared. (sets him down)
Aaron: Sorry, reflex.
Gina: You need a vacation.
Kile: He probably could have one if he wasn't your director.
Pirho: Why is that again?
Pyro Boy: He's smarter than the rest of them.
Boy: That's not an amazing feat. (Aaron leaves; suddenly a really big kid walks up to them...it's Art)
Art: Hi. I'm Art. I will be the pilot for this portion of the fanfic. There is to be no misbehaving. And I will be paid.
Stone: (waves hand like Jedi) No you won't.
Art: What? (glares) That Jedi thing doesn't work on me.
Msty: We won't pay you. All we will do is to accept you into our circle of outcasts.
Pirho: (grabs Gina) Run Art! Save yourself! It's too late for us! Get out while there's still time. (releases Gina) Just kidding.
Kile: Yeah, it's way too late to save anyone here.
Art: What the heck? (shrugs) Come on to the ship.
Pyro Boy: Where are we going? (they all stop)
Boy: Don't know. Neither does Gina. (suddenly, a girl with rose tinted glasses and flaming red eyes comes out.)
Girl: The planet Fnu.
Everyone else: Where?
Girl: The planet Fnu. As in: Dyslexics have more Fnu.
Art: Who are you?
Girl: Me? I'm Reika. (she exits)
Stone: Wow.
Kile: We finally met Reika.
Boy: And we're still alive.
Pirho: WOO HOO!! (celebrates)
Pyro Boy: Whatever.
Gina: Reika is a brat.
Reika: (offstage) I heard0 that!
Kile: When Reika kills you, I want your stuff.
Gina: Well, you can only have it if you all have a huge fistfight over my earthly possessions.
Pirho: Okay.
Msty: I'm taking your clothes.
Pyro Boy: But I get one pair of tights for my new superhero outfit. I'm making a new one. Do you want to hear about it?
Everyone else: NO!
Gina: Normal man!
Scene 5 (on Art's ship: the Purple Dawn of a Moonlit Galaxy)
Pirho: Why is the ship's name so long?
Art: Because the writer is sadistic.
Kile: Amen to that.
Msty: That girl freaks me out.
Gina: Welcome to the club.
Boy: Are we there yet?
Art: If you say that one more time, your nose will be broken. Then I'll take away your right to be called a man. Are those terms clear? (boys all shudder)
Boy: Yes sir...
Stone: Always the violent type?
Art: Yes.
Pyro Boy: I see no problem with that.
Gina: Me neither.
Kile: No complaints here.
Art: Fnu...what planet are we really going to? (all look confused)
Gina: Um...Fnu is more commonly known as Trobalexicjex.
Everyone else: Huh?
Gina: Coordinates: 6-24-86.
Kile: How do you know so much about remote planets?
Msty: She has to know these things.
Pirho: Why?
Boy: Because the rest of us are morons.
Pyro Boy: No argument there.
Stone: Gina knew because she read the script.
Art, Boy, and Pirho: What's a script?
Kile: Never mind.
Art: Not to interrupt any well made plans (others stifle laughs), but what are you gonna do when we get there?
Boy: Well, Gina will sneak in through the east side; Kile on the west. The others of us will lead a full attack on the front as a diversion.
Pyro Boy: How come he gets the smart scene?
Msty: And will you honestly trust his plan?
Stone: When do I get to hit someone with a rock?
Pirho: Isn't an attack on the front dangerous?
Art: (to Pyro Boy) Because he's special.
Kile: (to Msty) It's better than Gina's plan of getting captured, then escaping.
Gina: (to Stone) If you're lucky, Scene 8.
Boy: (to Pirho) Very dangerous, but I live for danger.
Art: One more question.
Pyro Boy: Screw it.
Kile: This sucks.
Boy: I must have died and gone to Hell. (Aaron appears)
Aaron: Those three lines have ruined my G rating. (he sobs) My Oscar......
Msty: His what?
Gina: Aaron, this isn't Disney. This is MK-nian.
Pirho: He wants an Oscar for this crud? (Aaron nods and leaves, his feelings are hurt)
Pyro Boy: Why are you so mean to everyone?
Pirho: Because I can be...(he smiles)
Gina: You suck.
Art: Moving on...if all of you people die, do I still get paid?
Stone: You won't be paid even if we ALL survive.
Pirho: Welcome to my world, Arty.
Art: Don't call me that.
Pirho: Why?
Art: I bet you're gay...
Pirho: I'm gonna burn the writer for this.... (now we flip to the other end of the story: Luke and the Figure in black are still in that large condo room; they're playing chess.)
Luke: Checkmate. I won again.
Figure: This is a pansy game.
Luke: Well, I'm a pansy. What did you expect?
Figure: I'm a pansy too. But I always win.
Luke: Obviously not. Aren't you supposed to be torturing me or something?
Figure: That's right. (takes out a cattle prod and pokes Luke)
Luke: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Ouchies. Why'd you do that?
Figure: Because I could.
Luke: You didn't hafta do that.
Figure: What kind of evil minion would I be if your torturing didn't hurt?
Luke: It'd be a rather nice experience.
Figure: I want to seem threatening when Gina and Aaron get here...
Luke: It's not ALL their fault.
Figure: Yes it is. Everything is.
Luke: The Jedi Purge too? It can't be.
Figure: Gina and Aaron time travel through fanfics. They told Darthy to do it. They made Anakin go evil.
Luke: You're insane.
Figure: No. I'm normal. The entire world is out to get me...they are all insane. Not me. Them....
Luke: Christ!! I'm dealing with a nut case.
Scene 6 (landing bay on the planet Fnu)
Art: Welcome to this planet. I seem to have forgotten the name. O right, Fnu. Watch your step as you exit the ship. Please enjoy your stay on the planet Fnu. Remember to go to Customs on your way back to this ship. We don't want to bring any foreign morons on board.
Stone: We kinda have to.
Pirho: What do you think Pyro Boy and Boy are?
Boy: You hurt my feelings.....*sniffle*
Pyro Boy: I thought we were closer than that?
Gina: Is there a reason all of these lines sound familiar?
Msty: I don't know. (Suddenly, 2 girls run up to them Traci and Alana of the Wild Magick)
Traci: The irony is out to get you!
Alana: Run away!!! (they run offstage.)
Stone: That was weird.
Kile: Definatley.
Boy: (looking a big rock) Ooooo, shiny rock......
Stone: (taking it) I'll take that for Scene 8.
Pyro Boy: Holy crow, Batman! I forgot what I was going to say.
Kile: Msty, you and me should leave these morons here.
Msty: In your dreams, Bilbo Baggins.
Kile: At least I had other acting jobs! None of you have! So there!
Gina: (looking hurt) Mom says we're not supposed to talk about that.
Kile: I'm sorry. You know I love you.
Art: Whatever. You are all way to weird for me. (Gina and Kile sneak in; the others charge the front of the condo and are immediately captured by the Condo Security guards. They are taken to the room where Luke is drinking a frappuchino and the Figure sits watching TV)
Luke: Hi guys.
Msty: Here I am, drug halfway across the galaxy to save you...and you're in the lap of luxury. In the middle of a kidnapping nonetheless. Oy vay.
Luke: Well, actually...I wasn't kidnapped. I wound up on this planet by accident and didn't want to leave. That figure over there is only annoying. I could've taken him and come home at any time.
Pirho: Why didn't you?
Luke: I wanted to have a vacation from you guys.
Art: This job sucks.
Stone: I have a rock.
Pirho: (to Pyro Boy) I still say we leave these people. (Pyro Boy shrugs)
Boy: FRAPPUCHINO!!! (tackles Luke and finishes the drink)
Figure: Where are Aaron and Gina??!?!?!?!?!?
Msty: I dunno.
Pyro Boy: I don't care.
Stone: Aaron is directing from a safe distance. I imagine he won't come anywhere near these scene.
Boy: Gina and Kile are sneaking in.
Luke: This is just a hunch, but I don't think we're supposed to tell him that.
Art: (noticing the guy in the shadows for the first time {he's a genius, ain't he?}) Great. We got our very own bona-fide demented world domination psycho who wants to kill Gina.
Pirho: That describes me, but what about our new friend there in black? (Art shakes his head)
Figure: No matter. Gina is coming. I must have revenge against her. She defaced my name, and she knows I'm smarter than her. I'll win. Good guys are dumb.
Msty: Gina?? A good guy??? Hardly. (starts laughing uncontrollably)
Pyro Boy: She's more like a mediocre tomboy.
Boy: Did someone say my name? (suddenly Kile pops out of a ventilation shaft and does a kung fu pose)
Kile: Don't nobody move! I'm here, and we're gonna hurt some queers...
Luke and Pirho: I'M NOT GAY!!
Pirho: Heh....reflex.
Msty: O MY GOD!!! I just figured out who you are!
Kile: You've always known us. Luke and Art too.
Figure: She means me. So, who am I?
Msty: I've seen way to many Bond movies to reveal all of my secrets.
Boy: She has a point.
Stone: A very blunt point.
Art: Throw your rock, Stone. See what it does.
Stone: Not yet.
Pyro Boy: Why don't you have any real stormtroopers? I mean, Condo security guards brought us in....
Figure: Can't afford stormtroopers.
Everyone else: Ahh....
Scene 7
(Darthy and Emperor are in a ship, going to the planet Trobalexicjex)
Emperor: Why are we doing this again?
Darth Vader: I woke up and had a sudden epiphany of an enemy weakness.
Emperor: You're cheesed off because they killed Darth Meister, aren't you?
Darth Vader: Yep, but I'll get them back. I'll have revenge.
Emperor: I sense a semi Force sensitive thingy with them. It's a very pathetic life form. What is it?
Darth Vader: Jesus! I hope Jar-Jar is dead.
Emperor: God! Could he be back?
Darth Vader: I hope not. That's the last thing I wanna deal with. Now I remember why I joined the dark side. I wanted to be a Sith so I could kill Jar-Jar.
Emperor: Really? It wasn't the promise of power and might?
Darth Vader: I just wanted Jar-Jar to shut up. I wanted to break his little neck. Of all of my memories, he is the most painful. Not even the death of Qui-Gon hurt me that bad.
Emperor: No matter. We will kill whatever it is.
Darth Vader: Do you honestly have to be so sadistic?
Emperor: Come off it. Don't you remember Villain Code #1?
Darth Vader: Um...always wear clean underwear?
Emperor: That's # 2.
Darth Vader: O yea! Violence IS the answer.
Emperor: Very good. I hope there's a Taco Bell on this planet. I'm hungry.
Darth Vader: What planet is it again? (offstage)
Reika: It's on Trobalexicjex, 6-24-86! Torture those pansies good!!
Emperor: Now THAT'S sadistic.
Darth Vader: That girl frightens me.
Emperor: I don't think she's human.
Darth Vader: I know she's not.
Emperor: She's a hybrid. Half human, half alien.
Darth Vader: Poor parents. I bet it's not alien, I bet it's demon.
Emperor: I hate to say it, but she could be Sith spawn.
Darth Vader: CRUD! I don't want her to have anything in common with us. That's scary.
Emperor: She could be one of us.... (Darth Vader goes into obscenities that cannot be put into a PG-13 fanfic. And this rant goes far beyond R rating...I didn't even know those words existed....Jesus! Cool it Darthy, you'll bust a vein or something)
Emperor: (shocked) Feel better now?
Darth Vader: No. (he goes off into a new rant in Hutenese, this lasts about 5 minutes) I feel a little bit better. And the only restaurants on this planet are Mickey-D's and an Italian place.
Emperor: I vote Italian. Less aliens there.
Darth Vader: And the grease from fast food wreaks havoc on my respirator.
Emperor: That sucks.
Darth Vader: So does flossing.
Scene 8 (Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! This is quite possibly the last Big Dope scene ever. Thank God. These late night writings are killing me. We're still at the figure's place. And we still don't know who it is, most of us don't know)
Kile: What in the Force is keeping Gina?!?!?
Luke: Ewoks?
Stone: Midgets?
Msty: A library?
Boy: A what?
Pirho: A place with books.
Boy: Books are scary.
Pyro Boy: Yep.
Figure: She'd better be here. I paid a lot for this evil hideout.
Pyro Boy: It's very nice.
Pirho: Would you recommend it to someone like me?
Boy: Does this complex allow pets?
Figure: (to Pyro Boy) Thanks. (to Pirho) No, I have neighbor issues. (to Boy) No. I wanted to have a ferret here, but the manager nearly had a heart attack when I asked.
(suddenly, sounds float up to the room....a broom hitting the ceiling below and muffled screaming)
Voice: Keep it down up there!
Figure: Bite me! ( starts to stomp foot)
Voice: Don't make me come up there!
Figure: Screw you!
Voice: I'll call the cops!
Figure: I hope you choke on the phone cord. (silence) There, that shut him up. (kids look dumbfounded)
Boy: Whatever. (suddenly, there's a knock at the door) It's the coppers!
Luke: I'll get it. (he opens the door) Hey Gina. Come in.
Gina: Not yet. I had to figure out what room you were in. Now that I know, I can charge in with my own dramatic.....my own.....what's the word I'm looking for?
Kile and Stone: Idiom, sire?
Gina: Yes. Thank you. Now back away from the door. (she charges in there, trips, then stands back up) Okay, guys...you leave...I'll cover your exit.
Figure: Hello Gina. I AM SMARTER THAN YOU!!! YOU WILL ONLY MAKE B's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gina: Jesus Christ! Chadwick! What in God's name are you doing here?
Everyone else but Msty: *gasp* Chadwick?
Msty: See, I knew it!
Chadwick: Not just Chadwick. I am Darth Chadwick! (throws off cloak to reveal a bad face-painting job. It is supposed to look like Darth Maul....it doesn't) I am a Sith! (bum bum bum)
Pyro Boy: What are you talking about?
Pirho: What the heck are you smoking?
Msty: And why aren't you sharing??
Boy: I want some!!
Art: Who the bloody heck are you?
Kile: Why did you change your name? Is that legal?
Stone: I wanna sign up for Sith school...(Msty smacks him)
Gina: (rolling on the floor, laughing incredibly hard) For Christ-sakes! Chadwick, you are a freaking pansy! Darth Vader and Emperor wouldn't let you be a Sith to save their lives! (laughs, stands up and giggles madly)
Chadwick: You may laugh. But I am smarter than you....your bridge project only held 30 pounds! How pathetic! You suck!!
Pirho: How would you know?
Chadwick: I have math with her, that's how I know about her project.
Pirho: How do you know she sucks? (Aaron appears)
Aaron: Christ! That's disgusting. Not only is Chadwick the most revolting being alive; that implies that Gina....o my God. My rating.....(he sighs and leaves)
Art: I think I'm gonna hurl now.
Msty: Don't hurl on me....
Pyro Boy: That guy has problems....
Stone: Aaron? He is trapped in a world from which there is no escape. Surrounded by morons.
Art: As are the rest of us.
Boy: But we're all morons. I don't get it....(suddenly Chadwick's date book falls off of his desk)
Msty: Let's look in the date book!
Pyro Boy: And change things....
Pirho: I feel horrible doing this.
Chadwick: Then stop.
Pirho: I don't feel that bad. Move your hand Boy, I can't see.
Boy: Sorry.
Kile: Hey look. "Talk to President Bush about allowing public lynching" 2 o'clock, Sunday.
Gina: You really need a hobby, sissy.
Chadwick: Don't call me that. I'm a Sith lord. (Darth Vader and the Emperor walk in)
Darth Vader: Says who?
Emperor: I don't recall granting any titles to you....
Chadwick: I didn't know there were rules to this.
Darth Vader: Of course not. You're a moron.
Emperor: The big rule is: You have to be evil.
Darth Vader: I thought that was "violence is the answer."
Chadwick: I can be evil. Gina! (she looks over at him) You are stupid. I will always be smarter than you. You will fail...I'm better than you at everything...(he bursts into flames as Pirho douses him with a flame thrower)
Pirho: No one likes you. Not even Old Betsy here. (pats gun) Sorry, reflex.
Pyro Boy: It's about time someone played with fire.
Boy: Oooooo, fire pretty. (all stare with eyes glazed over at a flaming, dying Chadwick)
Stone: (kisses rock) Fly true, faithful one. (lobs at Chadwick and hits him in the head...Chadwick dies)
Darth Vader: And now, the Emperor and I will kill you. You won't get away again.
Gina: I hate it when they say that.
Emperor: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Sorry, missed my place. NI!!
Msty: He just said "ni" didn't he?
Art: Wrong movie, moron.
Kile: Did you say something important?
Stone: (whining) Shut up....you're taking away from the fire.....
Gina: On the count of "run," we're gonna dash to the ship. Okay? (they all tense)
Emperor: What?
Darth Vader: How?
Gina: Wait for it....RUN!!! (they all run like heck to the ship...Pirho sticks his head back in the door)
Pirho: (British accent like from Weakest Link) Good-Bye!
Emperor: Bloody heck! We lost them again!
Darth Vader: It's not fair! It's not bloody fair!!!
Emperor: Quit whining.
(on ship)
Art: Making the jump to hyper-active speed....(ok, screw the ride back to the rebel base....they wind up back where they started)
Han: It's about darn time.
Leia: Well, yes. Considering we have had hard labor for the pansy to do...you took way too long.
Luke: You don't care that I'm back safely?
Han: Heck no.
Pirho: I killed the sissy. (smiles)
Leia: Chadwick?!?!?
Kile: He earned it.
Msty: He'll be back.
Boy: Sadistic writer!
Pyro Boy: I feel sorry for Aaron.
Stone: My part is over, can I go on a 50-mile hike now?
Gina: Whatever. I don't feel sorry for Aaron. Chadwick's ferocious taunting was meant for the both of us. He abandoned me. (Aaron appears, with an Oscar)
Aaron: I did it! I won "the Best Director of a Pointless Fanfic Oscar"!!! I won!! YIPPEE!!!!
Pirho: All right! Aaron actually won something.
Boy: I'm more amazed at the fact that it's THIS fanfic he got the Oscar for....
Kile: Fascinating.
Msty: Unbelievable.
Gina: It's not that bad.
Luke: Keep lying to yourself.

THE END
Or is it?


The Last Words....


Gina: Screw you Chadwick. Not literally.
Kile: TO ME MY FURRY FRIENDS!!!! (ewoks pop out, start celebrating)
Msty: Why God? Why can't I get a guy?
Stone: Look! The rodent thingy from scene 1 of the "The Big Dope!" (throws another rock) I hit it!! 10 points!
Pirho: Burn baby! Burn!
Pyro Boy: Once again, the day is saved...thanks to the PowerPuff Girls!! Or...us....
Art: Why did I do this?
Aaron: It is done. And I got a Oscar!!!
Shelle: I didn't die!
AntiChrist: I'm not taking Chadwick. He'll try to take over.
Boy: I am the Big Dope. And I have returned!!!!


The spoof will never end...May the spoof be with you...

Next to come: The Phantom Moron

Thank you for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to review me and tell me how bad it was.....


Cast:


Cast: (in no particular order)
Gina: MK
Kile: Martin
Msty: Marie
Stone: Andrew
Boy: Michael
Aaron: Eric
Pirho: Chris
Pyro Boy: Brandon
Art: Glenn
Chadwick: Scum of the earth.
Shelle: Michelle
Luke: Pansy
Han: Himself
Leia: Herself
Whitney: Herself
Kayton: Herself
Adam the AntiChrist: Adam the AntiChrist
Darth Vader: Guy in black suit
Emperor: A corpse