Author's Note: Please forgive me for doing this to poor Mark

Author's Note: Please forgive me for doing this to poor Mark. I swear, this was supposed to be a happy Mark story. Instead, it has sort of turned into a challenge to myself to write in all the other character's point of views. Please let me know how this is going, if you thinking I'm staying true to the characters… yada yada… Reviews make me happy.

Oh yeah, Jonathan Larson's characters, not mine.

"New York Noise" – Chapter 4

Roger sat in disbelief, "No, it's not true. I would have known. He would have told me." Mimi put her arm around his shoulder but he shrugged it off and stood up, approaching Benny. "Why the hell would you say something like that?"

"Roger, it's true." Benny stood up and faced eye-to-eye with Roger. Both of them looked as if they were going to attack the other, "When we were roommates in college, he was diagnosed. He stopped going to classes, never left the room, and then, he would just go crazy, he would have an exuberance of energy, and just seem mad. I thought he was doing drugs, but after he tried…" Benny let his eyes move away from Roger's and looked at the ground, "After he tried killing himself, he was diagnosed."

"Bullshit…" Roger barely whispered, but they all knew that he believed Benny.

"Poor Mark," Joanne, said softly as Maureen buried her head her shoulder. "He should have told us, he could have told us."

Benny turned around, "He seemed better, and the meds they gave him straightened him out. We moved to New York, met all of you, I thought he was going to be ok."

"I remember him taking vitamins everyday. I used to tease him about it." Roger spoke quietly, a small smile on his face as he remembered, "They weren't vitamins were they?" Benny shook his head and the smile disappeared, "I don't remember the last time I saw him take any. Do you think he stopped?"

Collins spoke, "If he's acting this way, I'm willing to bet. I wonder how long it has been." He took a deep sigh, "I think we need to find him, who knows what he's thinking or doing."

Joanne stood up, quickly jumping to action, "Ok, Maureen and I will go to the Life, and St. Mark's, Collins, Benny, you guys check out the park, Mimi, Roger, why don't you go to the loft and see if he shows up there."

"No, I want to go look for him." Roger was stubborn and they all knew it wasn't worth arguing with him.

"I'll go with Mimi to the loft." Collins quickly volunteered, leaving Roger and Benny to nod silently. Roger quickly thought that he would rather be stuck with Benny than have him and Mimi in the loft alone. Then, he silently chastised himself for being jealous when Mark was missing and sick. Collins' baritone voice continued giving out instructions, "Everyone call the loft every half-hour, so we can keep in touch. Try and bring him back to the loft." They all agreed and embraced each other, then took off in the separate directions.

Joanne and Maureen walked silently to the Life Café, clutching each other's hands. Maureen was shaking slightly, obviously upset by the news. When she finally spoke, her voice was shaky and soft, not strong and loud as usual, "I just can't believe the whole time we were seeing each other, and he never told me. I thought he told me everything."

Joanne squeezed her girlfriend's hand, nodding. "Obviously, he didn't want anyone to know, for whatever reason, he thought it was best to keep it to himself."

"But Benny knew."

"Only because he was there the first time around. Don't worry, sweetie, he'll be ok."

"What… what if he isn't? What if we're too late?" Joanne pulled Maureen to her and held her as she wept.

"We won't be, Mark knows we all love him and we will find him and help him." Maureen pulled away from Joanne nodding, wiping her eyes. "Well, we're here, shall we?" Joanne opened the door to the Life Café and they both stepped in.

From the doorway, they could easily scan the entire restaurant, they weren't very busy, only a few tables occupied. They quickly determined that Mark wasn't there, but Joanne decided to ask one of the waiters. He had just started his shift, but said he hadn't seen Mark in a few days. He then mumbled something about Mark being a lousy tipper, and Joanne and Maureen walked out.

"Strike one, Pookie." Maureen sighed

Joanne rubbed her back, "It's ok, I'm sure he's probably at the loft and Collins and Mimi are fixing him a tea, and everything is fine."

"Yeah, you're probably right," But neither of them believed it. They walked again in silence towards St Mark's Place.

Mark wasn't at the loft when Collins and Mimi arrived. They had both hoped, but when they walked in, the place was silent and still. Collins walked towards the window and stared out, trying to see if he could see him down the street. Mimi walked over to Mark's room, the door slightly left ajar and peeked in. The small space was trashed with ripped papers and boxes turned over.

She took a step and picked up one of the halves of the picture that Mark tore up, it was Mark's half. His eyes stared back at her, and his smile haunted her. It looked so genuine. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen that. She found the other half, the one with Roger's image and she laid them next to one another, as if she could magically seal the rupture between the two. She studied the picture some more and placed it as a time before she knew them. Roger's hair was dyed a bright red, and they both looked younger and more innocent. It was obviously taken at a time before drugs, AIDS or death entered their lives. Still, Mark knew his secret even then, and kept it to himself. She placed the picture carefully on top of a box, as if it still one piece.

The box she placed the picture on had only had one side closed, and through the open side she spotted a notebook. She knew immediately what it was and picked it up by the corner, as if her fingerprints could be detected at a later date. She didn't dare open it; she just carried it out into the other room. "Collins, look." She tossed the notebook down on the table as if it was evidence and Collins walked towards it, shaking his head.

"No, we can't, it wouldn't be right."

"I know, but what if, what if it gives a clue as to where he is?" Mimi looked a little scared, and shocked, not believing herself that she would look at it.

"He would never forgive us and I…" The phone ringing interrupted Collins, he quickly sprang to answer it. It was Joanne, calling to check in. When they filled each other in on their lack of updates, they hung up. "That was Joanne, they didn't find him at St Mark's or The Life… They were going home to change, I guess its getting cold out, and then they were going to look some more." Collins looked outside and noted that the visibility had decreased rapidly as the sun was setting. "I hope they find him soon, it will be near impossible to find him in the park after dark."

"What if he isn't in the park?" Mimi looked up Collins, "What if they don't find him?" Collins continued shaking his head, but still picked up the notebook and fanned the pages from the back looking for the last entry.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." He found the page where the writing stops.

"They don't care, and I don't care. It's over, I'll disappear and they won't find me"

Collins looked up at Mimi and turned the page back one, "They think they know me, but they don't. None of them take the time to stop ask about me. They only ask if I'm ok so they can feel better about themselves. I'm tired of it; I'm tired of everything. I am mostly tired of this feeling in my stomach that won't go away."

"Oh God Collins, he doesn't think we care." He nodded, handing the notebook back to Mimi and nodding towards the bedroom.

"Put that away, I don't think it's going to help us, and if he comes home, I don't want him to know we looked at it."

Mimi took the notebook and walked towards the bedroom. "If? Do you really think he may not?"

"I don't know anymore, but I can't stand around here not doing anything, I'm going to go look. Stay here and answer the phone, but make the calls quick, in case he tries to call."

Mimi hugged Collins and kissed his cheek. "It will be ok, I just know it." Collins smiled at her as he walked out the door.

Roger and Benny walked down the street. To those passing by, they looked like strangers who just happened to be keeping pace with one another. Benny strutted, standing straight, his lower torso moving before the rest of him caught up. Beside him, Roger walked with his shoulders hunched and his head looking down, except for the occasional glance around for Mark or to avoid an oncoming stranger. They made no interaction with one another, not even sideway glances, just walked quickly to their destination.

When they reached the edge of the park, Roger suggested they start by the dog run. "It would be the least likely place we'd find him, and if he's hiding out here, that is where he would be."

'No, I think we should go by the sculpture, that is where Collins and Angel met and I think he would be there.

"No way, to obvious."

"Roger, look, its right over there, the dog run is on the other side of the park, let's just go there and then make our way to the other side."

Roger was getting angry, but tried to remain calm, "Benny, I know the way Mark thinks, he wouldn't be at the sculpture."

"Well, then prove me wrong and let's go look."

"No fucking way, I'm not going to fall for that. Look, I'm going to the dog run, you can come with me or not, I don't fucking give a shit." Roger turned away from Benny and started walking off.

"Jesus Christ, Roger, why don't you admit what this is really about?" Roger turned around, pulling his hands out of his pockets and unconsciously forming fists.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Me and Mimi, and the fact that you are still jealous."

Roger turned back around, "I don't have time for this shit, I need to find my friend." Benny quickly approached Roger and grabbed his shoulder.

"I think we need to talk about this first."

"Benny, I'm not jealous. I don't care about you at all, and neither does Mimi."

"Bull, and you know it." Roger made his fists even tighter. "You know that every time you guys fight, she comes running to me."

"I'm warning you, this isn't the time,"

"You're right, it isn't. I just wish you would see that it isn't all my fault. She comes running to me, I don't go to her." That was enough for Roger, his fist raised and made contact with Benny's cheek, causing him to lose balance a few steps. Benny held his cheek and laughed. "Is that all you got?"

Roger then attacked him, completely out of control of his actions. Benny kicked Roger behind the knee causing the musician to fall. He noticed Benny's nice dress shoes as he fell and looked down at his own battered boots. He picked himself off the ground and the two circled each other for a few minutes, until Roger noticed the blood dripping on Benny's face, and then looked down at his own blood stained hands. "Shit… stay away from me…"

Benny slowly comprehended what Roger was trying to get across, as he reached up and touched his face and looked at his fingers, painted red instantly. "Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me." Roger could see Benny's eyes tear up with fear.

"It's ok, I think this is your blood." Roger replied as he bent down and wiped his hands on the grass. No more blood appeared and Roger nodded, "Yeah, we're ok." Benny fell to the ground and buried his head in his knees. Roger took off his flannel shirt and handed it to Benny and then sat next to him and put his arm around Benny's shoulders. They stayed like that until after the sun set.