And it's not easy
To be-e me.
Harry
stared at the deep red canopy of his bed, unable to sleep. He could hear the other boys snoring and wanted
nothing more than to join them. The
beginning of the year feast had always made him sleepy before, yet this time
was different.
Sighing, he
reached into the drawer of his bedside table, pulling out a photo album. He opened it slowly, meeting the smiling
images of his parents. Suddenly, he
snapped it shut. His heart felt as
though someone had just wrenched it out and his eyes began to water. Silently, he put the album back. Maybe he could look at it some other time;
maybe when he wouldn't cry.
I wish that I could cry,
Fall upon my knees;
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see.
A few weeks
had passed, and Harry's nights were just as sleepless. He felt as though he was dying inside, and
no one could see, no one knew. Ron and
Hermione had asked him a few times if anything was bothering him, but he
couldn't tell them. They wouldn't
understand; no one could understand.
It may sound absurd,
But don't be naïve.
Even heroes have
The right to bleed.
Harry woke
up with a start. He'd seen them in his
dreams again. Why did they keep coming,
making his heart break?
He pulled
on his bathrobe and headed for the dormitory door.
"What's
wrong, Harry?" Ron said, popping his head through his bed curtains.
"Nothing,"
Harry said quietly, "I'm just going to sit in the common room a while."
Ron gave
him a concerned and startled look.
Harry said nothing more, just walked down the staircase. He knew what Ron was thinking, though. Even Harry wasn't sure what was going on in
his own mind.
I may be disturbed.
Oh, won't you concede?
Even heroes have
The right to dream.
And it's not easy
To be-e me.
"Pretend as
if it's a game!" Angelina called to her team as they practiced, "Work your
hearts out!"
Harry just
couldn't seem to concentrate on searching for the snitch. Thoughts were wracking his brain constantly,
leaving no room for quidditch. He
carelessly swatted at some bug fluttering by his ear. It kept persisting, but he finally gave it a good smack and it
didn't bother him anymore.
"Harry
Potter!" Angelina yelled, flying quickly up to him, "What in the world do you
think you're doing?!"
"Huh?"
"The snitch
was practically in your ear, and you swatted it away!"
"That was
the snitch?"
"Where is
your head tonight? You better not act
like that at the game or-"
"Sorry,
Angelina. I've just had a couple of
things on my mind. I promise I'll be
focused during the game."
"You
better! We can't slack off on the last
game of the year!"
Angelina
flew back down to the rest of the team and Harry gave his head a good shake,
trying to actually spot the snitch before it decided to run into him again.
Up again, away; away from me.
Well, it's all right.
You can all sleep sound tonight.
I'm not crazy,
Or anything.
Harry
walked out onto the field, the crowd cheering.
This was the last game of the year; a night game, something Harry hadn't
had before. It had gone by so
fast. He looked up and saw Ron,
Neville, and Hermione holding up a sign that said 'Go Harry!' Instead of making him smile, it actually
disheartened Harry. Why not 'Go
Gryffindors!'? They didn't always need
to single him out.
I can stand to fly,
I'm not that naïve.
They want me to ride
With the greatest speed.
Harry rose
above the game, searching half-heartedly for the snitch. Why was he even up here? Angrily, Harry shook his head. He'd promised Angelina that he'd keep his
mind on the game, and that's what he was going to do. A glint of gold shown suddenly from somewhere near the Gryffindor
goal. He put on a burst of speed,
diving with all his might. The other
seeker had no chance. Harry felt his
hand close around the small golden ball and its tiny wings. The game was over
I'm only a boy
In a silly red sheet,
Lookin' for a speck of gold
On this one-way street.
The
Gryffindors had won, and everyone was rejoicing. They congratulated Harry.
He tried to smile, but his heart just didn't feel like celebrating. Why?
He had every reason to celebrate.
The crowd gradually headed for the castle. Harry was about to join them, but changed his mind. Instead, he started walking along the edge
of the Forbidden Forest.
I'm only a boy
In a funny red sheet
Lookin' for special things
Inside of me.
The lake
was ahead of him. The moon reflected
off it, shimmering with its gentle waves.
It looked like a dream. Harry
headed for it. He had no place special
to go, so why not to the lake.
I'm only a boy
In a funny red sheet.
I'm only a boy
Lookin' for a dream.
The night
was silent. His feet shuffled
noiselessly on the damp, green grass.
His quidditch robe swished gently with his steps. The boy who lived was alone with his
thoughts.
I'm only a boy
In a funny red sheet…
Harry
looked at his reflection, dim in the moonlight, and then turned up to the
starry sky. He'd always loved the stars. And there was his, almost straight above
him. It twinkled peacefully, resting
between two larger, brighter stars.
As a child,
he'd always dreamed that his parents were on those stars, watching over him,
waiting for the day he'd join them. 'Of
course, children always think of such nonsense,' he reminded himself.
And it's not easy…
Sighing, he
turned back to the lake. His eyes grew
wide with disbelief. There were two
reflections in the lake. On looked like
him, but older. The other was a pretty
woman. Harry knew both well. He stared a moment. It couldn't be. Tears filled his eyes, and he tried to blink them away. Looking back down, he found his own
reflection once more. Cautiously, Harry
turned back to the three stars. They
seemed to be twinkling brighter.
"Thanks,
Mom and Dad," he whispered, smiling as tears came to his eyes.
"Hey,
Harry!" Ron's voice called from a distance, "What are you doing out here? C'mon, Gryffindor's celebrating like no
other!"
With a much
happier sigh, Harry got up, heading for the castle. Maybe, just maybe, tonight he'd look at his album.
It's not easy…
To be…me…
~*~*~
A/N: I hope you
liked it. The time line wasn't too
confusing, was it? You knew that the whole
year passed by, didn't you?
Well, I'd enjoy reviews if you want to write
one. Thanks!
-Ady