Somehow the two managed to make it through the next day without telling the others. Since hearing news of the raid no one had been sleeping well so when Melissa fell asleep right after supper Hogan didn't wake her. He knew it might be the only real sleep she would have for a while.
The next morning Hogan gathered them for a meeting. Melissa was standing behind Carter's chair and LeBeau was at the stove, cooking as usual.
"Well, we got news from London," Hogan began hesitantly. He avoided looking at LeBeau and Melissa. "The raid was a failure." LeBeau dropped his spoon with a clatter.
"I'm sorry Louis." Newkirk twisted in his seat.
"Casualties?" Melissa's voice was a harsh whisper. She clung to her last shred of hope.
"About 70%. Two thousand captured, half that many killed." Melissa's face was pale and she grabbed on to the back of Carter's chair. She held on as though it could stop her world from falling apart. Absolutely terrified she closed her eyes. Hogan expected her to burst into tears; or faint; or even react. He expected her to do something he knew how to deal with. "I wish I had better news, I'm sorry Melissa." She opened her eyes and smiled weakly, her lips trembling.
"Excuse me." She walked to her quarters. Everyone stood frozen for a second. Then Kinch went and silently opened to door. They could see her on her knees in front of her bunk, praying. He shut the door as silently as he had opened it. She remained secluded in there for the rest of the day. Every so often someone would get up, take a step in that direction and reverse course.
When Melissa came out at suppertime she was composed and her face showed no sign of tears. "Are you okay?"
"All I can do is hope they are."
The next day everyone was much more subdued than usual but still no one mentioned the raid.
Two days after learning the news of the failure Major Hochstetter drove through the gates. They were unable to learn anything from listening to the bug in Klink's office and when Hogan interrupted them Hochstetter didn't even get angry. No one knew why he had come until later that night.
The entire compound was ordered into the rec hall where a movie screen and projector had been set up.
"Could I have your attention please. Major Hochstetter has something to say!" Klink tried to get the prisoners to settle down and be quiet.
"Quiet!" Everyone stopped talking. "Could I have anyone with siblings in uniform stand." Half of the prisoners stood. Hochstetter continued asking people to sit down until only Melissa was standing. "I'm going to be showing you a film. She will remain standing."
The film started by giving a little information about the failed Dieppe raid, information they already knew from London. Then it began to show pictures of the beach, littered with corpses, the ground dark with blood. It continued to show pictures of the beach, littered with corpses, the ground stained dark with blood. It continued on showing abandoned tanks, lines of prisoners, shattered spectacles, and dented helmets. Occasionally a uniform was recognisable and all of them were Canadian. No one had thought that the Germans could be so cruel. But Melissa stood stiff. She didn't sway. She didn't reveal any emotion. Finally it ended and they were allowed to go. Melissa continued to show no emotion until they were out of sight. Then she ran to a nearby garbage can.
Bending over it she threw up. The other formed a screen, shielding her from view. When she was done she slumped to the ground, her back against the building and burst into tears. No one moved and they allowed her to sit there and cry. Shultz didn't even yell at them for being outside after lights out.
Still hiccuping, but eyes dry, she stood. They all wrapped her into one large hug. She sniffed. "Does anyone have a handkerchief?" Shultz handed her his. "Thank you."
"I'm so sorry. I wish I could have stopped it leibchen." He left again and the others headed back to the barracks, Melissa still protected in the centre of the group. She went to her room and Carter followed her. She grabbed the stuffed bear that Shultz had given her and lay down on her bunk. Carter sat down beside her and gently rubbed her back. He remembered his mother doing it for him when he was younger.
After a while he thought she was asleep and stood to go. "Don't leave me alone please." She grabbed for his hand. He nodded and sat back down.
In an hour Hogan came in. "You go to sleep Andrew, I'll sit with her for a while." Carter went to go but found Melissa was still holding tight to his hand. He gently pulled free and Hogan took his place. All night someone sat with Melissa and every few hours they would trade off.
In the morning when they woke, Melissa's face had regained little of its colour. The others looked much more rested even thought they had got far less sleep. LeBeau tried making Melissa's favourite foods but she never took more than a bite.
After that first long night she didn't need anyone to say with her. Hogan would hear her walking slowly back and forth or softly saying her prayers but he never heard the soft even breathing that comes with sleep.
They saw very little of Shultz and even less of Klink but one day both Hogan and Melissa were summoned to Klink's office.
Klink looked horrible. His office was a mess and the bottle of schnapps was almost empty. "Please forgive me. I didn't know. Mein Gott, I didn't know!" Klink was obviously upset. His usually immaculate uniform was wrinkled and he sat in his shirtsleeves; the jacket was a heap on the floor. Hogan stood at the door stunned and unsure how Melissa would react. She crossed the room.
"Of course I forgive you."
"I swear I didn't know. I would have done something to stop it. I would have personally taken it to the Russian front." Klink buried his head in his hands. His shoulders started to shake. Melissa walked over and put her arm around his shoulders. Klink lifted his head. Melissa wrapped her arms around his neck as she had done so many months ago, only this time he put his arms around her too. They sat, a German and his prisoner, wrapped in an embrace. After a few moments they pulled apart. Klink straightened his shoulders. While he wasn't quite the same kommandant they were used to, it was a change from the distressed man of only moments ago.
"You may go now but Melissa, if you need anything, just ask." Melissa nodded weakly. Hogan was no longer concerned about Klink. The German seemed to have regained his strength.
The two were walking back and suddenly Hogan put his arm around the small girl beside him. Melissa had provided strength for Klink and Hogan remembered all of the times she had provided support for him. Who, he wondered, would give her strength?
Hogan went to his quarters as soon as they returned and he sat there in reflection all afternoon. At supper he really looked at Melissa, amazed at how much he had missed seeing before.
As she pushed her food around her plate, never eating any, her hands shook. Under her eyes were dark circles, standing out against her pale skin. Her cheeks were colourless and her usually quick smile and laugh were missing.
Hogan turned his focus from Melissa to the other men under his command. Voiced were subdued and actions slow. No one seemed to be heartily eating, only picking at their food.
The next day Klink appeared as usual at roll call but he had an unusual announcement to make. "The mail will be arriving early this month. Berlin is sending it tonight and it will be delivered tomorrow. Also every prisoner will receive an extra sheet of writing paper." There was a brief flurry of conversation. "Dismissed."
Hogan followed Klink into his office. "You arranged for the mail to be delivered early." It wasn't a question but a statement.
"I couldn't stand to watch it anymore. At least this way she'll know." Hogan nodded and left. Before Klink had not shown any emotion towards any of the prisoners. Perhaps in another place, under different circumstances Klink and Hogan could have been friends but Klink seemed to consider Melissa as a favourite niece, perhaps even as a daughter.
When Shultz delivered the mail to Barracks Two the next morning Melissa wasn't there. Instead she was walking alone outside. The others received their mail and as usual immediately opened the letters. News from home was usually given undivided attention but today the precious letters were hardly seen.
Suddenly there was a single knock at the door. When Kinch opened the door the sight brought everyone up short. Shultz held Melissa's limp body in his arms.
Kinch pushed Carter out of the way and Shultz set her down gently. For a moment everyone stared and then Hogan came in from his quarters. Even from across the room they could see him go pale. "What happened?"
"All three of her brothers." Carter looked near tears as he looked at the letter Shultz held out. All three of her brothers had been killed in the action at Dieppe. Jem, the youngest, had been shot while getting off the landing craft. Walter had made it inland but had been killed while attempting to cross a bridge. Teddy had almost made it back to England again but as he was retreating back to the beach he had stopped to help a group of wounded soldiers. The soldiers had made it but Teddy hadn't.
Klink was pacing back and forth across his office waiting to learn what had happened. He cared about the young girl and didn't want anything to happen to her. He couldn't wait any longer and picked up his hat to walk across the compound. Then he changed his mind and summoned Hogan to his office.
"Colonel Hogan, there are times when we are friends, and I sense this is not one of them. But please Hogan, tell me, what happened?" For the first time Hogan was seeing Klink as a real person, but for the first time Klink was the enemy.
"All three of her brothers killed at Dieppe. When she found out she fainted." Hogan's reply was crisp and cold. Klink nodded and Hogan turned on his heel and left. Klink was not a perceptive man yet he seemed to know that Hogan wasn't sure how to react. Klink himself didn't know how to react. Finally he did the only thing he could think of. He crossed the room and poured himself a glass of schnapps.
"To death." Then he voiced what he knew Melissa's response would have been. "To life."
It wasn't until the next morning that Melissa awoke. The lights in the barracks had burned all night but neither Shultz nor Klink had bothered them. It had been a long night filled with countless cups of coffee and little conversation.
Just after roll call she opened her eyes and weakly tried to sit up. Carter came and supported her shoulders, half embracing her. LeBeau had a cup of hot tea ready to hand to her. She drank a little a Newkirk's insistence and tried to give the cup back. But no one would take it until it was empty.
After a moment Hogan spoke his voice low. "I'm sorry about your brothers, I wish there was something I could have done."
Melissa opened her mouth to speak but she was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. "Colonel Hogan you are to report to the kommandant's office." Shultz had hardly opened the door when he left, closing it again.
Hogan nodded and left. Shultz was back only moments later to tell Melissa she was to report to Klink as well.
She stood, wavering slightly, and Carter wrapped a steadying arm around her waist. He walked with her to Klink's office and followed her in. The two stood uncertainly just inside the door. Klink could hardly bring himself to look at Melissa.
"Colonel Hogan, Sergeant Carter, you are dismissed." Hogan and Carter looked uncertainly at Melissa but she waved them out. Instead of returning back to the barracks both men waited just outside the closed door.
"Please have a seat." Klink was still avoiding her gaze. She sat in the chair set before his desk. "Is there anything I can get you?" She shook her head no. Klink shifted uncomfortably in his chair, unsure of what to say next. "How are you feeling?"
"Okay."
"Colonel Hogan, he told me about your brothers." Klink paused. "I'm sorry. I know what it's like to lose a loved one to war." He stopped again.
"The last war?"
"Excuse me?"
"Did he die in the last war?"
"Yes, I admired him greatly."
"The called it the war to end all wars, then twenty years later they start another one."
"I wish the war had never started."
"So do I, but not the fight." Klink looked at her confused. "The fight has to be fought. People like Hitler can't just be allowed to take whatever they want. Heil Hitler indeed." She cast a scornful glance at his photograph.
"He doesn't take whatever he wants." Klink weakly defended Hitler no real conviction behind his hollow words.
"He took Czechoslovakia and Poland. He took France and North Africa. He tried to take England, but he'll never get it. And he took lives, my brothers' and perhaps your brother's." Her temper flared.
"He can't take my brother, the last war already got him." They fell silent.
"Tell me about him, please."
"He was tall and handsome, with a full head of blond hair." Klink passed his hand over his bald head thoughtfully. "He was everything I wanted to be. A gifted musician and athlete, he got all of the prettiest girls. When the war broke out he signed up right away. He was four years older than I was. He wanted to serve his country. He was killed in action at Vimy Ridge in France, so near the end. I still have all the letters he wrote home."
"I'm sorry, both as myself and as a Canadian."
"Why would you be sorry as a Canadian?"
She took a deep breath. "Canadians were the ones who finally took Vimy Ridge. The British couldn't do it, and the French couldn't do it, but we did. They said we didn't know when a place couldn't be taken."
"You still don't. You tried to take Dieppe."
"Don't worry, we'll get it yet." It was with unerring faith and determination like hers that Dieppe was finally liberated in 1944. And by some of the same regiments that had been decimated in the raid. In the seconds before Klink spoke again the long path to victory, with all its struggles and hardships, was laid clear before her.
"We've both had loved ones taken, mine by your hands, and yours by mine. Yet still I feel no animosity towards you. You should be returning to your barracks." She went to the door. But she stopped on the threshold and crisply saluted. Colonel Klink saluted back.
"There are many men I admire, but only one I despise." She looked again at Hitler's photograph
Outside Hogan and Carter were still waiting. The three walked together back to the barracks. Melissa went immediately to her quarters and slumped down against the wall.
She had only been sitting there for a moment when there was a knock at the door. "Yes?"
Kinch stood in the doorway holding a tray of food and the four letters she had received at mail call the previous day. "We thought you'd like to be alone. But you need to start eating again. And these are your letters."
"Thank you."
Kinch crossed the small room to place the tray and the letters on her bunk. Then he walked over to Melissa and wrapped his strong arms around her. He held her tight and he felt her shoulders begin to shake as she relaxed. Then she stiffened again. Kinch pulled away and left.
When LeBeau went to collect the tray later it was sitting outside the door on the floor. He debated going inside to check on her, but decided to give her some space. His soil had been stained by blood. But it was her blood that had been spilled.
Newkirk juggled the supper tray as he tried to open the door to the darkened room. Melissa was asleep on the bed inside and he debated waking her. Hogan had given his orders but Newkirk couldn't help but disobey them. He brought the tray back out with him.
"I couldn't guv'nor. She was sleeping so peacefully." Hogan nodded.
"I understand Newkirk."
She was still sleeping the next morning when Hogan went to wake her for roll call. He stood at the door for a moment watching. Then he silently crossed the room and pulled the blankets up tighter around her shoulders.
Outside the men were all lined up neatly for roll call. Melissa's place was the only empty one. As Klink marched across the compound his eyes immediately lighted on the empty place. "Shultz, report!"
"All present and accounted for, except Melissa, Colonel Klink."
Hogan stepped forward from his spot. "She's asleep on her bunk kommandant. I decided not to wake her."
Klink nodded. Hogan was shocked. He had expected Klink would challenge him. Klink raised his voice to the camp. "For those of you who don't yet know Melissa's brothers were killed in the raid on Dieppe." He stopped and the camp was silent. Most of the men had already known but this confirmation was more final than the rumours that had been floating around the camp. "Men, you are dismissed."
The men filed back into the barracks. LeBeau had started a pot of oatmeal before roll call and it was bubbling happily on the stove. "Is it chow time?" Carter gestured carelessly to the stove.
"Oui." As he dished the steaming bowls out he couldn't stop thinking about the blood that had been spilled so far over his soil. "It's all my fault."
"No LeBeau, the oatmeal's not that bad." Newkirk feebly tried to make his tone light-hearted. Hogan glared at the English corporal. Newkirk gulped. "Sorry Louis, I didn't mean it."
"What's your fault?" Carter met LeBeau's gaze steadily.
"The whole thing. If I had just fought harder, or not turned down those missions the whole thing might never have happened."
"LeBeau, you can't blame yourself for any of this. It wasn't anyone's fault. Things like this happen in war."
LeBeau nodded sadly. "But it wasn't over your soil."
No one knew quite what to say. They had all felt that maybe if they had done something more maybe so many lives wouldn't have been lost. Even if they would have gone on one more mission they could have saved one more life.
Hogan cleared his throat. "I'll take Melissa's tray in this morning." He accepted the dish of oatmeal LeBeau held out. Hogan headed for her quarters.
By this time Melissa had awakened and was sitting on her bunk, reading a letter. When Hogan pushed open the door he could almost make himself believe that nothing had happened. "I brought you breakfast."
"Thank you." Hogan stood hesitantly at the door. "Are you going to come in?"
"I guess." He walked in and set the tray down on her footlocker. "How are you?"
"Better. It still doesn't feel quite real though." She paused. "I don't think it will feel real until I get home and they aren't there. I've gone from having three brothers to being an only child."
"I wish there was something more we could have done. We all do."
"Don't. I have been but I can't any more. It's too easy to fall into that trap and we won't be able to help anyone if we don't believe that we're doing the best we can to help everyone." Her eyes pleaded with him to agree.
"I don't know. Is it worth it? We could go back to our families and our old lives. London wouldn't argue."
"Nothing's going to be the same. We've all changed too much. And our old lives are gone. They vanished long ago. When we do get back even our friends and our families won't be the same. Nothing will ever be the same again."
