Disclaimer: Err, me stupid. Me poor. Me no make money. You not sue? Please?

Anyway, this is the second Slayers fic, and just plain second fic I've ever written.
I'll post the first one eventually. I wrote this six months ago, and I first sent it
to my ml, but never got around to actually post it anywhere. Now that I reread it, I
guess it's kinda long *sweatdrop*. Ah well, enjoy. Oh yeah, hi to my friends from the
RPG, if you're reading this. ^_^

-------------



I wasn't always like this. A bandit, I mean. One isn't exactly born a bandit, right?
You see, I was born the son of a poor farmer family. Times were harsh, but I guess
that it wasn't all that bad. I mean, I had a home, and a caring family. What more could
I need?

Well, we lived in a small shack near the village. It wasn't much of a shack. The wooden
boards creaked, a when it rained the rain would leek in through a dozen holes in the
ceiling, making it near impossible to sleep. And during winter, the wind would blow
right in through the creaks, and we'd have to huddle closely around the fireplace to
keep warm. Still, it was a home.

Everyday we'd go through the same ol' routine. We men would get up at dawn as the
rooster crows, and we'd go downstairs where the girls would have already prepared
breakfast. When times were good, we had some eggs, some toast and a jar of milk. When
times were harsh, we'd settle for hard, dried bread and water. Then we would work in
the fields until the sun was high in the sky, before settling down for lunch, in a
shaded area preferably, whenever possible. After that we would get back to work, till
the sun meets the horizon, then we would go home for dinner. That was when I was still
very young.

Once there was this huge storm, and the roof caved in, and Pops was trapped underneath.
We managed to get him out with some help, but he couldn't move for a whole month.
During that time, Mama and the girls had to work in the fields as well. It was a hard
time, it was. The hardest time however, was this especially harsh winter. Lil' Mary
caught the fever then. Poor lil' sis, she was tossing and turning all night. And the
next day, she didn't wake up. Mama told me she was sleeping. I was too young to
understand, and too hungry and cold as well. I must have been six then.

Of course, things weren't always all that bad. There were also the good times. I'd hang
out with the other boys by the swamp, then we'd catch frogs and get all dirty. Then our
Mamas would scream at us and we'd get a spanking. And there were those pranks we'd used
to play on the villagers. Once I got caught, had a spanking, and was grounded for two
whole weeks. It was worth it, though, the look on the face of mean'ol miss Grouch when
she found that frog in her hair.


When I was 13, dad sent me to school. I was a big boy then, and Dad had saved enough
money so I could have a basic education. He wanted a good life for me, he said, and I
was very proud of being able to go as well. It was hard, though, all the kids there
were younger than me, and they where constantly mocking me. Damn well-off kids, I bet
them snobs never worked a single day in their life. They kept calling me names, saying
that I was a brute, and that I didn't belong there. I showed them though, and they
never bothered me since. Damn well-off kids.

I continued to help my parents during the weekend. I was a big boy, and I could work,
unlike those scrawny little rich kids who start bawling for their Mama every time they
had the slightest little cut. And I stayed in touch with my old friends. They
understood me. And Rick, my good pal, who had also come to school, would also be there
at my side. Together we were invincible. None of those well-off kids would dare mess
with us.


Then one day, things suddenly got bad. Very bad. There was this drought that year, and
the crops weren't growing well. Then the landlord, that fat and greasy, well-off, good-
for-nothing rich guy who lived off the hard work of other people, he showed up one day
and demanded we pay some new taxes for his land. No doubt to throw one of his other
parties with our hard-earned money. When we told him that we had no means to pay him,
he confiscated our land and left us with barely enough money to survive. It was a
terrible day, Mama was crying, but Pops just stood there with his hands clenched,
saying nothing. His hands were turning white. Then he led us away. I hate those rich
people, they have no rights to do this to us. It was then that I realized how unfair
things were.

Things went on decaying since then... I had to stop going to school. We couldn't afford
it anymore, and I couldn't stand those little well-off snobs anyway. Rick and I kept in
touch. He had known the same sorry fate as I had. Mama and the girls had taken jobs as
waitresses or the likes, and Pops and us other boys got a job in the mines. It was a
hard job, and I missed working outside in the fields, even if it was harsh. One day
Pops had an accident, and he couldn't work anymore. He started drinking. From that day
forth, he changed. He was always in a bad mood, and he started hitting Mama and us as
well. Mama tried to remain cheerful, for us, but we could tell how hard it is on her.
All this because of that fat rich guy.

We thought that things couldn't get worse, but they did. All the other rich kids
started teasing us more and more, and we couldn't stop them. They had no right, those
well-off kids, they don't know what it's like to fight for your survival. I wanted to
show them, but Mama just smiled and told me to just ignore them. Then they started
saying things, such as that my Mama was a whore, as were my sisters, and my Pops was a
good-for-nothing cripple. Same was for Rick. At that point Rick and I had had enough,
and we went up to them and gave them a beating. Sent them home crying. That would have
showed them. I knew we would be in trouble later, but I had had enough. We were strong
kids, we didn¡¯t need to listen to those scrawny kids just because they had richer
parents.

That night, when I went home, I heard my Mama crying. Pops beat her again. All because
those rich people had nothing better to do than pick on us. It made me sick to think
that right now, all those well-off people would be in their homes, oblivious to the
misery around them, and even enjoying pointing out how badly-off we were while they
go on with their perfect little life.

I decided then, I was to run away from home. Rick came with me, and we both headed off
into the woods. Unfortunately, we both knew little about surviving in the woods, and
at one point we thought all was hopeless. It was then that they found us. People like
us who found it unfair that some people were better off than others, who like us were
social outcasts, but who instead of sitting around actually did something about it. It
was then that we made up our minds. We would be like them, and we would never have to
listen to others again. We became bandits.


Many imagined the life of bandits as living like brutes, in some hidden cave, where we
would drink large quantities of beer, eat greasy foods and basically act like pigs.
Well, they were right. And I loved every minute of it. It feels good, you know. You
didn't have to answer to nobody, and it was just you and the guys.

Sure, sometimes I felt some guilt at attacking the travelers and all, but it was either
them or us. And what is it some guy once said, survival of the fittest, right? So
that's what we were doing. And if other people had problems about it, well, they didn't
suffer for long anyway. Besides, most of the people we attacked were those rich fat
merchants who don't know any better than to live off other people. There were also, of
course, the occasional traveler. Bah, that was the price they paid for crossing our
territory. Cause that's what it was, our territory. Ours. Not the land owned by some
rich landlord who'd never even lived there, but the place where we ourselves lived and
had claimed. You didn't get around by being weak, you know, and we certainly weren't
that.

Mind you, it wasn't always an easy life. We didn't stay alive by doing nothing, far
from it. Especially the first days you started your life as a bandit. No, you had to
work out, and train, to be as strong as you could. The other guys were harsh with Rick
and I in the beginning, and at times it was quite humiliating. But in the end we
managed. From then on, they were like family, and ho what fun we had.

Now Ol'Rockhead was our head bandit. Though he might seem very strict and all, he was
actually more of a Father to us. He trained us and looked after us. He cared for his
boys, and we all listened to him. He had made us into quite an impressive group, much
to be feared. We could count on him, and he knew that he could count on us. Besides,
betray that trust and he knew how to make sure you regret the decision for the rest
of your life. Which is to say, not for very long. Suffice to say that we all remained
quite loyal.

There were all the other fellow-bandits as well. We'd drink beer at night, play cards,
decide who had to go to the village to buy more provisions... Then there were the more
bothersome tasks, such as cleaning. There's a very simple solution to that: we simply
didn't do it. Sure, it was bad for the hygiene, but it was just like when we were young
and reckless, and hey we didn't mind. There were always the occasional slaves we catch
who could take care of these things for us, as well as other things. And if they didn't
survive, bah. Survival of the fittest. In fact we didn't need to think much about it
then, so we didn't.

There were all the hard times, of course. Once this stupid bear suddenly attacked.
Lost an eye there, but we paid it back in spades. Made good roast, too. And there was
this demon attack once. Nearly didn't survive that one, but we eventually lost it.
Lastly there was this royal expedition once, they had lots of gold with them. We
ambushed them there, but they put up quite a fight. Even had a few damnable magic
users among them. Some of the boys in the trees eventually got them by shooting them
down in the back with arrows, but not before they took out some of our boys. Rick died
there, along with many others, but we got our revenge. We killed them all, and watched
them burn. Nobody messed with us bandits on our territory. We got quite a lot of loot,
though, so their loss was not in vain. And as Ol'Rockhead said, they died so that we
may live, so that's what we were going to do. He put it in cruder terms, of course, he
never did have a way with words. Not that it was important or anything.


You know, we didn't cut off all contact to the outside. Someone had to take care of the
supplies, and this was usually determined by a card game. Loser had to go. This way we
more or less knew what was going on in the world, mostly those bad things we could
laugh at. We also caught hold of this new fairy tale that's been going around. It's
about this sorceress, see, named Lina Inverse. Now she's supposed to be a ten-feet
tall two hundred years-old demon, with twenty or so tentacles, who goes around eating
children and destroying villages. She's supposed to be the enemy of all that lives,
and even dragons would run away from her in disgust. Oh and she's supposed to be flat
as a plank. None of us believed in such a tall tale, of course, but it made for
interesting stories around the fire. Another description of this Lina Inverse is that
she is a fourteen or so years old kid who's poorly endowed and who just happened to
have mastered some of the most powerful magic known to man. Yeah right, a scrawny
little kid with big powers. That's even more unbelievable than the first version. That
is until one day, we actually met her.

Of course, we didn't know it then. We had just spotted this little girl traveling on
her own one day, wearing a mages outfit. Easy target. And she didn't look too poor
either. So we showed ourselves, and told her to give us all her valuables if she wanted
to survive. She just stood there and laughed, the arrogant little b****. Then she told
us that if we gave her all Our money, if We wanted to survive, of all the nerve! She
said that she was Lina Inverse. Yeah, and I'm Shaburanigdo. We just laughed of course,
and decided that if she didn't want to do it the easy way, then we'd have to do it the
hard way. But then she muttered a few words under her breath, and before any of us had
the time to react, she unleashed a spell frying some of us, "flare arrows" I believe.
That of course, made us hesitate, but it also made us mad. That is, until one of us
noticed something. Of all the legends surrounded this Lina Inverse, one fact always
stood out: she was flat-chested. So, the girl in front of us might just be her! As he
pointed this out though, she seemed to become very angry, and all I could remember was
hearing ¡°Fireball¡± before everything around us exploded and everything went white.

As we came to, we found out that the kid had taken all our valuables. One of the boys,
it seems, had been threatened beforehand into giving up the location of our hideout.
He only gave her the location of one of our temporary storage spaces, though. When we
checked, sure enough, it was empty, but the bulk of our treasure was safely hidden in
our hideout. Ol'Rockhead promised revenge, but I just hoped never to see this freak of
Nature again. They say that Lightning never strikes in the same place twice, so I
guessed we were safe.


We were wrong. One day Ol'Rockhead turned up with this sorceress babe with a black
bikini, claiming to be Lina Inverse¡¯s greatest rival. Naga the white snake, or
something like that, I hardly remember. Actually, from what we've heard, she was more
frequently called the Goldfish-feces or something. Heh. Anyway, she was quite good-
looking, unlike that Lina Inverse, and she sure knew how to hold her liquor. She would
have made quite a bandit, too. Unfortunately, she had this laugh. Ugh. I'd never forget
that laugh. It was a bitchy sort of laugh, the sort that would have left your head
spinning for days. However, she was a magic-user, and we'd already seen what those
could do, so we let her join us. It's not like we could have anything to lose by that.
And if this Lina person showed up again, well, let's see her take all of us And this
Naga person.

Anyway, a few days after that, we found this Lina Inverse again. We didn't recognize
her at first, we just ambushed her like we would any other traveler. Then we recognized
her. This time, though, we were more confident. After all, we had a magic-user on our
side, so we proudly proclaimed that it was her time to die. However, she just laughed!
She let out a few taunts to this Naga, asking her what she was doing with the likes of
us. Well! Like hanging out with a person like her was any better! Naga just laughed
again (my head pains just to remember that laugh) and remarked that she was stronger
and more beautiful than her before "Lina" sent a ball of fire in her direction. It
burnt her, though she still seemed in mesure to fight. At that moment though, that
b**** turned on us, saying that we weren't worthy to stay with. She turned on us
because she was afraid of that little witch, that coward! At this point things weren't
going so well. Between the arrows of fire and ice being thrown around, we were losing
our numbers fast. We had to think of something.

Theb one of the boys remembered how sensitive this Lina Inverse was when it came to
the size of her chest, and decided to use this to our advantage. He called out to her
saying how flat her chest was, and for a moment it seemed to work. The sorceress just
stood there with her fists clenched, seeming very angry and muttering under her breath.
The rest of us joined in the taunts, thinking that we could finally beat her this way.
That was until we noticed that the traitor Naga was fleeing, we didn't know why. Then
we heard Lina Inverse speaking out louder. It seemed as though she was pledging herself
to evil. It was then that she looked up, and we could clearly see the rage in her
crimson eyes, and she shouted one single spell. There was a huge explosion as crimson
fire was unleashed, and I could only remember the intense pain in my whole body as
everything around me turned the color of blood, then black...

When we came to, we were in the center of a huge crater. All of us could feel intense
pain. Many of us were tied up, though some of the boys managed to free themselves and
started freeing the others. It was then that we saw Ol'Rockhead. He was sitting there
cradling himself in a heap and crying like a baby. He had peed in his pants. We went
to him and asked him what the matter was. I still remember his response. It's there
hidden by the trees, in a cave. Please don't kill me, please don't kill me. I promise
I'll be good. Please. He had given away the location of our hideout. The laughing b****
must have told her companion that we had a hideout, and Lina Inverse had threatened
Ol'Rockhead into giving away the exact location.

Ol'Rockhead has never been the same since. The man who once stood so proud, who was
like a father to us, who gave us his best and his worst, was now reduced to a crying
heap. Eventually we led him back into our now empty and devastated lair. Of course,
we all stayed by him for a while, hoping that one day he'd recover. But he never did.
Then one day he announced, much to our shock, that he was going back home to his wife.
The man we so admired, the one who in our hearts represented freedom, he was resigned
to go back to a life of enslavement. Indeed, he was a broken man. No human could have
done this.


Some say Lina Inverse is possessed by a demon. Some say she's not even human. Some even
say that she's just a girl with very high magical capacities. Well let me tell you.
Once you've seen her, there's no mistaking it. Even if she hides in the guise of a
human girl. When you see the destruction she can cause... and those eyes, the color of
blood. Well let me tell you. She's far worse than what the legends say. She is pure
evil. It's as simple as that. A spawn of Shaburanigdo himself, or even worse. And if
you're not careful, she will destroy you. Remember that.


After Ol'Rockhead left, there was nothing to keep the gang together, so we eventually
disbanded. Some went on to form their own gangs, and there was fighting over who should
be the leader. Some decided that life as a bandit was not safe if that she-demon was
on the loose, and went on to live a normal life. As for I, I couldn't stand the
horrible memories that this place brought back. So I left. As far away as possible.
Anywhere but where that demon was or had been, far far away...

Eventually I joined another group of bandits. There's nothing else I can really do
know. Once a bandit, always a bandit I guess, except for poor Ol'Rockhead... Even now,
it hurts to think about it. Anyway, years passed, and the Dramatta didn't show up
again. That's what they call her: something even a dragon would avoid. Smart beasts.
Eventually, I slowly pushed back the terror of that past encounter. Cause that's what
it was: traumatizing. And then, slowly, my soul started to heal. Unfortunately, Fate
was not that kind.

We still heard about her, of course. Every now and then you'd receive news of another
bandit gang ruthlessly taken down by the evil witch. May Ceiphied bless their poor
souls. We were just lucky that it wasn't us. One day one of our boys came back with a
wanted ad. Yes, that was her, along with two people I didn't know. Mmh, she must have
ditched the b**** with the annoying laugh. According to the poster, they had killed
Rezo the Red priest, of all the crimes... Not long after, we heard the city of Sairaag
was utterly destroyed. Lina Inverse was there. My companions were completely dumbfounded,
but I wasn't. I had seen what she could do, and I had not doubts that this was indeed
her doing.

Lina Inverse is evil. She is a menace to both bandits and innocent people. She destroys
ruthlessly, just for the fun of it. We bandits at least fight for our survival, because
we do not have the choice, but She. Or rather, It, because it can't possibly human. We
still referred to it as a she, though we knew better. The damage she did was a hundred
times worse than what we did. And from the number of bandit gangs she had looted, we
could tell that she wasn't poor, so she did it just for the sake of torturing us.
Evil...

We had hoped never to meet her, or in my case, to meet her again. As I said, Fate
wasn't that kind. Not too long after the destruction of Sairaag, we spotted a group of
four, no five travelers. The loot hadn't been very good those past few weeks, so we
didn't even bother checking who they were. As far as we were concerned, they were just
more money for us. It was a bad move. By the time I had recognized Her, it was already
too late. I tried to warn the other ones, but they made the first move.

The first thing that happened was this: a young girl, who couldn't have been older than
Lina when I first met her (but appearances can be deceiving), well, she climbed on top
of a rock and started making a speech. She claimed to be the princess of Saillune and
an ally of Justice, and that she was going to defeat us in the name of Justice. Yeah
right, who do you think you're fooling, traveling around with Lina Inverse. Even so, we
could tell you this: there was no Justice in the world. I could personally testify to
that. In fact, I was right, it was just a ploy.

While we were distracted, the other three, Lina Inverse and two men suddenly attacked.
One of the men was a blond swordsman. But what a swordsman! He was amazingly good. I
recognized him, he was on the wanted ad, among those who had killed the Red Priest. So
the other one must be... He was wearing a hood, making it hard to see. Then the wind
blew it back revealing... It was a horrible sight. Blue stony skin with wiry hair, the
whole with a humanoid form but moving far too fast to be human. It was a demon. Lina
Inverse was traveling with demons. Meanwhile, the younger girl had started to attack
as well. Damn, were they all magic users?

However, among the fray, I found out that one of them wasn't fighting. He was just
sitting there, on top of a tree, doing nothing but with a big smile on his face. A
priest. What was a priest doing with such a group? How could a holy man bear to travel
in the face of such evil, and not do anything in the face of such carnage? Why was he
smiling? One thing strange, though, was that his eyes were closed. What did he try to
hide, or did he just think that all this wasn't worth looking at? I called out to him:
what sort of a priest was he? And I even threw a rock in his direction. The rock
shattered on some invisible shield, and he just yawned and opened one eye lazily, then
closed it again and went back to resting, smiling that damned smile of his. At that
moment my blood had frozen in my veins. I felt pure terror in my whole system. I had
only heard of them in stories, but never met one. Those eyes, those cold amethyst
shards, they weren't human. They were those of a Mazoku. And according to the legends,
one never survived the encounter of a Mazoku.

I ran. As fast as my legs would carry me. Most of my companions were already on the
run, from a group that couldn't possibly be human. And led by her, Lina Inverse,
someone even a Mazoku would follow.


I escaped. I was lucky, many of my companions weren't. I was sure of it now: Lina
Inverse is the one greatest evil this world has to fear. There would be no peace for
me as long as she lived. When I think of my fallen companions, Ol'Rockhead... Yes, I
have decided. I shall do all in my power to get rid of this greater menace.


We spotted her again today. She is in an inn, eating, and unsuspecting. Good. She
doesn't know we're here. Soon, my companions and I will face her in a final showdown.
Then the world will be finally rid of this menace. Even if it costs us our lives.

Soon...

--------------------------

Vale: ^_^;;; I can't believe I actually wrote this. Oh well. The idea just came to me
one night.

Lina: Ugh, it's you again. I was hoping you were gone for good.

Vale: -_- Well Sorry. I'm back.

Lina: Humph. I can see that. And I'd like to ask you a question. What the HELL where
you thinking when you wrote THIS!?!?!?

Random bandit: DIE LINA INVERSE!!!

Lina: fireball. -_-

Random bandit: dead

Zel: Mmh, I don¡¯t think he meant him. I wonder what his story was.

Lina: ignores him

Vale: Uhh, well, I just thought I'd show the more human side of the bandits, you
know... Nobody ever thinks about them, so... It's not like I did anything bad. ^^;

Lina: BAD??? You made Me look even Worse than a Bandit! A "ten-feet tall two hundred
years-old demon, with twenty or so tentacles, who goes around eating children and
destroying villages"??? Oh by the way. They're not Supposed to have a human side.
That's a whole Point. There's a Reason why authors never write about bandits. It's
because You're Not Supposed To!!! Gah!

Gourry: Well, she's right about the flat-chested part.

Lina: Fireball!

Gourry: Ow...

Zel: But Lina has a point. You do tend to write a lot of fics about insignificant side
characters, like when you wrote your Dragon Tales*. Shouldn't you be finishing those?

*(note: I haven't posted those yet)

Vale: I'm working on those! Really! I've been busy!

Zel: Yeah right.

Vale: Really! And, um, as for the why...

Voice in the Head 1: Perhaps you have an unconscious need to do something different...

VitH 2: ...stemming from your innate need to prove your individuality

VitH 3: ...and bordering on the edge of ridiculous.

Minna minus me: ???????

Vale: -_-;;;

Zel: I'm afraid to ask, but what were those?

Vale: They are my voices of reason. They are in some ways the manifestations of my
inner conflict. -_-

VitH 1,2&3: Hear hear.

Minna: O_o;;

Zel: ... I need some coffee.

Vale: Oh, by the way, here's an interesting bit: Want to know why I called this bandit
n.5914?

Lina: Humph. Because it's a random number?

Vale: ^^;; I was planning on using a random number at first, but I remembered something
my mother told me about auspicious and inauspicious numbers in Chinese, because they
sound like certain sentences. 5914 in Chinese sounds like "I gonna die". Neat, ne?

Lina: show-off.

Vale: ;_;

Amelia: Oh, this fic is so sad. I WILL NOT LET SUCH AN INJUSTICE HAPPEN AGAIN. I,
AMELIA WIL TESLA SAILLUNE, SWEAR TO MAKE THE LIVES OF ALL PEOPLE BETTER, SO THAT THEY
WOULDN'T BE FORCED INTO BECOMING BANDITS IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
JUSTICE!...

Lina: Now you've done it. A brand new set of justice speeches. Yeesh.

Vale: Oh no, anything but that. Amelia, A-meeee-lia! Look into my eyes. You are
getting sleeeeepy, your eyelids are becoming heeaaaavy,...

Amelia: Err, Miss Valerie, what are you doing ?_?

Lina: Hate to agree with her, but what Are you doing?

Vale: Shh! I'm concentrating here! I may only be half-vampire, but the full-bloods can
hypnotize people, so I'm making Amelia forget she'd ever read the fic so that she
wouldn't bothering us with a brand new set of Justice speeches. Sleeeeepy!

Lina: Oh! Let me help! SLEEPING!

Amelia: zzzz...

Vale: Err, thanks. Now Ameeelia, yooouuu haavve neeeveeer read this fiiicc!

Amelia: zzz... never read fic...

Vale: Gooooood.

Lina: Hey let me try! Amelia, no more Justice speeches!

Amelia: ... more Justice speeches...

Lina: -_-;;;; No! No more justice speeches!

Amelia: ... more Justice speeches...

Lina: I give up.

Zel: Say, was this fic supposed to be sad?

Vale: Err... I thought it was kinda funny! ^_^;;

Minna: SWEATDROP

Vale: Err, this afterwords is getting long. C&C anyone? Please? Pretty please?

a lone tumbleweed slowly, er, tumbles across the room

Vale: all alone Pretty please?

...

the wind silently blows Whoooooohhhhh