Chapter Nine: Tears
Chapter Nine: Tears

"Shouldn't we have invited Maria and Alex?" Liz asked warily, as she and Kyle trudged up the hill, their arms laden with flashlights and blankets. "I called Alex this morning. He and Maria have band practice tonight." He ran towards the large oak tree, just overlooking the edge. Taking the blankets from Liz, he laid them on the ground. She wrapped her arms around herself, taking a deep breath of fresh air. "Max and I were here once," she said softly, speaking more to herself than to Kyle. "You mind not missing the movie?" "I heard it got bad reviews." Kyle touched her hand. "Sit," he commanded, pulling her down next to him on the blanket.

"This isn't like last time," Liz noticed, as they sat together staring down at the lights of Roswell. Kyle nodded. "Yeah, I know. No booze, no water guns, no music pumping from the car stereo …" Liz laughed quietly to herself. "This was all a trick to get me up here to talk, wasn't it?" Kyle held up his hands in mock surrender. "You got me." Liz sighed in resignation and looked at him. "I don't know what there is to talk about," she said, tucking her legs beneath her. Somewhere in town, a light flicked off. Somebody's going to bed.

"Liz," Kyle started softly, "out of everyone, you're the one who's shown the least emotion." Her eyes flicked at him with anger. "Now, listen Liz. It's true. They've been gone for months. And, like it or not, they're not coming back. Ever." She flinched and squeezed her eyes shut. But Kyle continued. "Maria, Alex and I have talked about this. We remember them, we re-live times that we've spent with them, we don't just …" "You think of them as dead!" Liz suddenly exploded, then quickly regretted it. She turned away from him. "They are dead," Kyle said softly, "to everyone but us. But Liz, that's how we have to think of them. We can't live our lives expecting them to return tomorrow, or next week, or next year." He noticed her shoulders slump. "I loved Tess," Kyle whispered, playing with his sleeve, "a part of me always will. Just like I know you'll always love Max. The way Alex will always love Isabel, and the way Maria will always love Michael. They touched our lives Liz; they saved our lives, in more ways than one. But we have to go on. For our sakes, and for theirs." He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

She turned, tears streaming her cheeks. "I don't want to live my life without Max," she said, her voice broken. Kyle reached out sympathetically and enfolded her in his arms.

**

Zan and Ava lay turned away from one another, each thinking their own thoughts. Ava rubbed her cheek against her pillow, her eyes glassy, as more strange voices echoed in her head. "You look really great when you're pissed." "Yeah, right." "No, I'm serious. I feel, like, all this energy coming from you right now. In order to trim the lamp of wisdom, we must attend to our bodily needs." "Lemme tell you something, Buddha Boy, I've got a lamp that needs some serious trimming." Ava rubbed her eyes and burrowed deeper into the covers, determined to sleep and shut out the voices.

On the other side of the bed, Zan was having the same anxiety. Along with voices, images assaulted his mind. It was night and he was standing close to her, not close enough. His hand reached towards her. "I'm gonna have to touch your hair ... 'cause it's so soft ... and I'd have to tell you that no matter what we go through, its all worthwhile for me because we're together." "And then?" she asks. "And then … I'd have to do … this." His lips touch hers briefly. Pulling back to look in her large, brown eyes, he leans in again. He wraps his arms around her back, her arms encircle his neck and they kiss. They kiss and kiss and kiss. And he's happier than he's been in the longest time. A small trickle of a tear leaks from Zan's right eye and makes its way steadily down his cheek. He wipes it away quickly, wondering why it escaped in the first place.