I didn'

I didn't cry much when I was little; at least I don't think I did. I don't remember crying at all, really. I have never been passionate enough about something to cry, I suppose. It wasn't encouraged in my family. A man does not cry, someone once told me. Only boys cry. You are not a boy, I told myself. You can't cry. So I didn't.

My earliest memory of crying would be when I was about nine. It was a strange day. The strangest, actually. Nothing would ever be the same for me after that. I still remember it so well. I suppose things like that stick in your memory.

I had just come back from a quick game of Quidditch with a few mates. I was tired, yet triumphant. We'd won the match, of course. I made my way to the drawing room, where I could hear my mother and father talking. Something made me hesitate outside the door, instead of bursting in, and in a way I'm quite glad I did. I know they say ignorance is bliss but you are always better off knowing what is going on around you. That's a philosophy I have stood by for a long time.

Anyway, I think they were arguing. My own parents, arguing. That was new to me. My parents didn't argue it just wasn't what happened. So I stood outside the door and listened. Their conversation went something like this:

"Lucius, I'm not saying that you did the wrong thing, I just think"

"You just think I screwed it all up, don't you?"

"Well, supposing Voldemort does come back into power you haven't made it very easy for yourself. He might not welcome you back, and the community is getting suspicious."

"What do you mean? Of course Voldemort will come back into power!"

At this point I was just a little confused. I had heard of Voldemort of course, and I had never thought too badly of him. I was brought up that way. So what on earth was the problem?

"Yes, but if he doesn't -"

"Then we will continue living like we are now? Is that a problem for you Narcissa? Do you not agree with our way of life?"

"That's not what I mean!"

"Then say what you mean, for God's sake!"

This went on for what seemed like hours. And it really worried me. Like most children, I had grown up with the belief firmly implanted inside myself that my parents were the best in the world. They were perfect. And hearing them arguing really brought it home to me. My parents weren't perfect at all. They weren't nice people.

"Narcissa! You will do as I order you too!" And he hit her.

So I cried.

I didn't know what else I could do. It was like having your whole world taken away and replaced with something hollow and meaningless. All my childhood had just been destroyed. I think my tears were understandable.

And that was the day I grew up. I'm not talking about your hormones, or any of your biology rubbish, I'm talking inside. Something died that day. Some part of me. I have trouble respecting my family now. Every time I look at my father I think about how he could be better, and how he used to treat my mother and me. People say that out of fear comes respect. For me, all that came out of fear was even more fear.

Perhaps that is why I feel the need to rebel, and prove myself as an individual. I'm not just Lucius Malfoy's son you know. I'm Draco Malfoy. I'm my own person. I'm different. Don't just write me off as another Malfoy. Don't tar me with the same brush. That's what I'm really afraid of. Yeah, I care for him, and my mum, but I can't help the way I feel. They've let me down.

So, because I came home and heard my parents fighting, and he hit her, I became a new person. As I look back, I realise that I'm not that different from Dad. Do you know how scared that makes me feel? I have to protect my mother from him. She doesn't deserve this. I don't. Do I?

And every day I live in fear that I will end up hitting my wife, whoever she may be. I am not Lucius Malfoy. I'm Draco. I'm not afraid to live my own life, and cause as much trouble as I want, and annoy whoever the hell I like, because I am me. Nobody else.

I'm running a race. A very special race. I don't know how much longer I can run from my family. One day my genes are going to catch up with me. And on that day I will cry again.

Do you like it? I hope so. Please review me, I don't know what I'd do without my reviews. I owe you one, people. Anyway, I don't have a clue who to do next. I'm mulling it over. Until then