"Hello, Lotor, my boy!" Kitty purred.
"You're a CAT!" Lotor gasped.
"NO! I'm a marsupial!"
"And you're TALKING!!!!!"
"He CAN be taught!" Kitty announced.
"How'd you get in here?" Lotor asked, "I locked that door so nobody'd..."
"See you cry?" asked Kitty suavely.
Lotor scowled at Kitty and grumbled, "You gobbled my sock up yesterday!"
"It was nummy!" Kitty told the prince cheerily, 'smiling'.
"Is this a dream?" asked Lotor.
"Have the walls ever pulsated before?" asked Kitty.
"Ummm...ur...no?" Lotor guessed.
"GOOD boy!!" Kitty mocked, 'clapping'.
"I've always wondered what you'd sound like," Lotor said curiously.
"Cut it out with the small talk, Axe-Head. I am here for a reason," Kitty told him dutifully.
"Axe-Head?!" Lotor growled.
"I am here for a REASON!!!"
"I'm mildly offended by that!!"
"Let me get straight to the point..."
"That was cruel!"
"That's it. I quit. Sweet dreams, little prince," Kitty said and vanished.
"Oops...not good to offend blue cats," Lotor said to himself.
"Lotor..." another female voice beckoned from his side. This voice sounded thoughtless and ditzy. He recognized it immediately.
"Allura!!" Lotor called and ran to her slender silhouette.
"Uh-oh...Lotor, stop!! I--" Allura started to say, but was cut off as Lotor squeezed her in what was intended to be a hug.
"I finally have you!! YES!!! WOOHOO!! Mine! You're mine! All mine!! Mine mine mine mine mine!!" Lotor announced in
triumph, squeezing Princess Allura tighter.
"Leggo!! Can't...breathe!!" she managed.
Suddenly, Lotor remembered what he had discovered earlier and let her go, "I'm sorry...I forgot that you hate me."
Allura stepped forward in an apologetic manner and Lotor gave her as much of a sad puppy face as he could. "It's about time you
figured it out," she told him.
"Go away," Lotor pouted, feeling the return of the infamous lump, "you make it worse!"
The background music changed to Live's "Turn My Head".
"I want to hate you! Look at what you've done to me!! You've turned me into a crying, sniveling idiot!!" he barked, pointing an
accusing finger at the princess, "But I don't hate you...I love you with all of my heart! All I want is you! Not your planet, not your
people, not anything...except for you..." he trailed off and rubbed his eye with the base of his wrist. I'm not going to cry, he
thought.
"Prince Lotor..." Allura started, but was halted by Lotor as he put up his hand as a signal to stop.
He looked away dramatically, closing his eyes. He contorted his face to fight back unwanted leakage in the optical zone and
successfully swallowed the lump in his throat. The music stopped in mid-verse. He looked back sadly at the shaking, eighty-pound
figure of Allura, narrowed his eyes and smirked, "I don't care anymore," he said seductively, "You can hate me all you want... but I
don't care!"
"You're scaring me, Lotor!!" Allura squeaked as he stalked forward with his eyes half open and an evil grin on his face.
"You are MINE! I am YOURS! Hate me or not!" he told Allura, pressing her against a wall that so conveniently appeared. He felt
her squirm and he smiled fiendishly, "That's it, princess...struggle...struggle all you like... it makes it more fun that way."
Princess Allura looked into his dangerously amorous, yellow cat-like eyes and gulped as he lifted her chin up gently in an effort to
kiss her. He stared into her scared-to-bits blue eyes and closed in on his target. They both quivered a little and Lotor decided to go
in for a gentle landing. Closer and closer his face came to her's...their hearts beating at the same pace once again. He came to within
.3 millimeters of her, and then...
"ATTENTION ALL D-MART SHOPPERS, PRINCE LOTOR, PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAIN THRONE ROOM, YOUR
FATHER WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU. THAT'S PRINCE LOTOR, PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAIN THRONE ROOM,
YOUR FATHER WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU," the megaphone of Haggar announced, nearly rupturing his eardrums.
Lotor sat up, seething, clenching his teeth and his fists, growling incoherently as Haggar smiled smugly at him, "Rise and shine,
your Highness! Your father has a huge, huge, big, huge, hugely big, ginourmous big, heap big wampum surprise for you!"
As Haggar hobbled around the prince's room straightening pictures and doodads on dressers and lamp shades and other USEFUL
things, Lotor, twitching, nearly insane with rage, clawed out of his bed. He cleared off the nearest TV tray, picked it up above his
head and was about to bring it down on the old witch's head, but she turned around.
Lotor smiled a plastic smile and quickly hid the TV tray behind his back. "Surprise?" he asked as ditzily as was Lotorly possible,
sticking out his little finger in a princely manner. "I just LOVE surprises! Don't you? Heheheheheheh...heh...heh...eeeh."
Haggar looked at him blankly, "Sure," she said.
Then it was the half hour trek up to Zarkon's throne room once again. This time, Castle Doom was bustling with activity, slaves and
guards and soldiers and guards running after slaves being followed by giggling soldiers...all was normal again. Lotor wished he'd
gotten dressed this time. Now the entire galaxy would be on about his fuzzy slippers.
Zarkon was pacing around on his Aztec-pyramid-like throne like a dog long for the outside when Haggar and Lotor finally entered,
"It's about bloody TIME you got here!!" he complained.
"What's the surprise?" asked Lotor tonelessly, rubbing his left eye.
"Surprise?" Zarkon asked in a patronizing manner, smiling evilly.
Lotor gave his father an "I got out of bed for THIS?!" look and folded his arms.
"For cheese cakes, boy! Get some clothes on!!" Zarkon scolded.
Lotor scowled.
"You're too persistent for your own good, Lotor," Zarkon said, sitting down. He clapped his hands together and Mogor came forth,
"Give the prince his surprise, Commander."
"Okie Dokie," Mogor said, saluting. He pulled out a remote control and pushed a few buttons on it. It raised a door behind Zarkon's
throne and out stepped 4/5ths of the Voltron Force in chains.
Lotor's jaw dropped.
"What's up, maaaan?" asked Keith, who had obviously been drugged.
Lotor climbed the stairs of Zarkon's throne and searched frantically for Princess Allura, "Where'd you put her?!"
"Put who?" Zarkon smirked.
Mogor was holding a bag of pork rins up in front of Hunk, tormenting him savagely.
Lotor pulled his father up by his collar and growled, "If you broke Allura, I'll..."
"Oh HER!!! Mogor, drag her out," Zarkon said.
Mogor struggled to drag the flailing princess out into the open by her foot, but it was hard since she kicked and wiggled and
scratched her nails on the shiny floor. When Mogor finally got her out and stood her up, she fell to her knees, sobbing.
Lotor rushed over to Allura and found her in one of his slave's outfits, badly battered and bruised and scratched and stuff. "How
could they DO this to you?!" he whispered on the brink of crying, taking her into his arms.
"With whips and chains and...Barry Manalow records," she sobbed.
"Father...how could you let this happen?!" Lotor barked angrily through his tears.
"Don't look at me, kid. I'm not the one who captured her," Zarkon replied indignantly.
"Oh...Mogor, how could YOU let this happen?!"
"Shipping and handling wasn't as safe as I expected. How would I know that I sent 'em in with whips and chains and Barry
Manalow records?!" Mogor asked in reply.
"You MAILED them here?!" Haggar asked, looking at Mogor like he had three heads.
"Don't look at me in that tone of voice! The mail ship got into a little accident and exploded a little, but hey, she's alive! I've never
captured a Voltron Force before! How'm I supposed to do it?!" Mogor whined, flailing his hands about.
"Don't MAIL them to Doom, you nitwit!!" Lotor yelled.
"Ah, excuse me, Lotor...could you get off the princess?" Pidge asked politely, clearly showing signs of jealousy.
"No way!" Lotor smirked, holding her closer, "She's MINE!! You can't have her!! Get your own!"
"Keith, DO something!!" Pidge whined.
"Whuh? Ummm...like...trees and flowers and little butterflies, lil dude (and or dudette), look at all them COLORS, maaaan!!" Keith
replied, swaying slightly to the left, looking at the ceiling.
"Lance, DO something!!" Pidge whined.
Lance shrugged and put his hands in his jacket.
"Hunk, DO something," Pidge whined, getting desperate.
"Munch Munch Huh? Oh, yeah...the princess...uh...I can't move. I got these chains on, remember?"
Pidge took the effort to slap himself in the head, although it was weighted down by a manacle.
Lotor caressed Allura's slightly bruised face with the back of his hand and told her softly, "It's all right...I won't let them mail you
ever again."
"What's that thing on that cat's head?" Allura asked, trying to change the subject. She took a few minutes to figure out Lotor was
getting a little too close.
"I'll never take a day off again! You'll never be treated like this in the future...EVER! Mostly because in the future, you'll be here,
but that's beside the point." Lotor promised the princess, stroking her half-burnt hair gently.
"Not in the throne room, Lotor," Zarkon scolded, still fighting for his pork rinds.
"Wait, your Highness, wait!" Haggar said, putting up a finger and reaching into her cloak. She pulled out a video camera and
announced, "I'm tapin' this!!"
Mogor groaned.
Lotor leaned closer into Princess Allura.
"Lotor, I said NOT IN THE THRONE ROOM!!!" Zarkon reiterated.
Pidge was about to spontaneously combust.
"Aaaah...Lotor, I think we should REALLY consider this logically before we go through with it! Y'know, testing and such, 'cuz with
all the slaves and people you've...been with, you might...y'know...need to be checked out," Allura stalled nervously, smiling a royal
plastic smile.
Lotor was again .3 millimeters from kissing Allura. Again the king of Doom told the prince, "NOT IN THE THRONE ROOM!!"
.2
.1
.0.........
Lotor kissed Allura softly on the mouth and drew back a little. Everybody just stood there staring at them (except Keith) and Lotor
picked the princess up, "Okay, father. Not in the throne room," he said and carried her out.
Zarkon turned to Mogor and said, "So, Mogor...where's that meddling metal can Voltron?"
"Uuuuh...on Arus?" Mogor answered sheepishly.
"WHAT?!" Haggar and Zarkon reacted in unison.
Mogor put his hand behind his back and whined, "Well, how was I supposed to know you wanted the robot here? I mean, we
couldn't have the Voltron Force flying them to Doom, could we?"
"You left Voltron back on Arus? Just WAITING for more space explorers to find it?! Mogor, sometimes you irk me," Zarkon
grumbled.
"Well, we TRIED to get the lions back to Doom! I sent my best pilots out to the lions, but they kept saying some guy with a beard
came on the screen and told them to shoo!!" Mogor explained.
"That still doesn't bring Voltron here, Mogor," Haggar warned him, slightly put out, "You could've at least let my robeast tear them up!!"
"THAT'S what I forgot today! The robeast! Sorry, Haggar...I guess we can save it for the next planet with giant robot security!"
Mogor said, embarrassed.
Haggar gave him a STARE.
"I hear this planet Cybertron has a BUNCH of robots!! Maybe we should..."
"Mogor, go back to Arus and take it over, you nimnel!!" Zarkon bellowed, "You're worse than Lotor!!"
"Yes, sir...I'll just go take over Arus now...okay...bye," Mogor squeaked as much as Mogorly possible and slinked away to his
command ship.
"Okay, now for the final matter, Haggar," Zarkon said, turning to the pickled old hag.
Haggar sat there like an idiot for a few minutes picking at the dirt beneath her fingernails.
"HAGGAR!!"
"EEYAH!! Oh, um, sorry, Your Majesty! What did you say?" Haggar asked, almost falling over.
"Get rid of these little hooligans," Zarkon told her irritably, gesturing to the remainder of the Voltron Force.
"Certainly, Your Highness," she complied and turned to the boys. "Come with me, where chains will never bind you--no,
wait...::ahem:: You can test out our new torture room!"
"Oh, boyoboyoboy!!" Lance heckled.
"NO HECKLING!!" Pidge, Hunk, Haggar, Zarkon and all present guards and soldiers scolded.
Keith was too busy swaying back and forth.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...'bout a year?" Allura guessed, blinking like an owl.
"Close enough," Lotor said, stepping onto an escalator.
"I should have slapped you!" Allura told him angrily.
"It's a little late, Highness," Lotor said, chuckling a little.
"This thing is so uncomfortable!!" Allura complained about her outfit, "It must be pretty painful for your poor slaves to go around
dressed like Princess Leia was when she got captured by Jabba the Hutt!"
"Y'know what, Princess?" Lotor asked.
"What?"
"You hate me, don't you?"
"Oh, just a TAD," Allura spat.
"No, I mean it. You hate me! You absolutely hate me! Why is that?"
"Probably because you're evil and a relentless killer and you go around torturing people for no good reason and you're gunna take
over my planet!" Allura said, showing a rare fleck of intelligence.
"Oh...so other than that, I'm okay, right?" Lotor asked.
"What are you on about?" Allura asked.
"I...don't really know how to ask you this, but is there anything you like about me just physically?" Lotor asked nervously.
"Yyyyyeah..." Allura replied sheepishly.
"REALLY?!" Lotor perked up.
"I'm not BLIND!" she retorted, "I think you should dress like this more often! Love the slippers."
Lotor just smiled. Surprisingly, she smiled back.
A scream was heard from the torture room down the hall.
"It's been a real pleasure working with you guys...you too, Pidge," Lance said.
Pidge got up and looked at Lance with big puppy eyes and whined, "We CAN'T give up, Lance! We've been in worse scrapes than
this before and we got through!! We HAVE to get out of here and save the princess!!"
"The little guy's right. We've been through this before! The proof's right in the cell across from us! See? 'Sven vaz here', in big huge
letters! D'ya see that?" Hunk pointed out.
Lance and Pidge looked across into the cell that they once shared on their first visit to Doom. Pidge started to sob and dropped to
the floor, "Poor Sven! The blue lion must miss you!"
Lance looked at Hunk quizzically, "He's (she's/its)always been like that," Hunk said softly as Pidge pounded on the floor, throwing
a hissy fit.
Suddenly, Lance felt a light start to glow behind him. He turned and faced the swirling tunnel and grinned a real big grin, "A PLOT
HOLE!! Guys! Pidge! We're saved!! WOOHOO!!"
"Huh?" Pidge huhed as Hunk put a hand on his shoulder.
"Jump in!" he told him (her/it)and took Keith's elbow.
The Voltron Force jumped into the plot hole and were gone just as Haggar came up to the cell.
"Oh, BUGGER!" she snapped, "Stupid plot holes...those things have beaten Yurak and Lotor more times than I've---oh, @#$%."
