Disclaimer: It's all J.K. Rowling's, except a few things here and there.
A/N: I would like to give my deepest apologies that I was so long with this chapter, but I have really good reasons for it. First of all my word processor screwed up and replaced half of my chapter with something else. After rewriting the ending my computer went weird - making me wish I'd taken up my brother's offer of building me a new one yet again - and wouldn't let me access the chapter nine file anymore! To top it all of the house computer – the only one with internet access – needed to have it's hard-drive formatted and since it was a holiday a technician couldn't come out and sort out the cable modem straight away. Hopefully there won't be any problems with my next chapter, thanks for your patience.
Chapter Nine: Forever Lost
Harry watched colours of every hue and shade twirl around him in beautiful and chaotic patterns. It was like looking through a kaleidoscope without his glasses on. Yet for all the beauty of a scene there was something pulling at him. He pulled back against it, but that just made it stronger and he was brought down onto his hands and knees.
Then like a lightening bolt the pain struck him. Every muscle in his body screamed in agony at him and Harry's limbs gave way. Something was being dragged from him and it caused him pain worse than anything, even the strongest Cruciatus curse was nothing to this.
He screamed and never heard any of it, either because his mouth was so dry he couldn't speak or because the pounding in his ears was deafening. Blood rushed through his ears and the colours took on an eyrie glow to them.
And then there was a burst as the pain reached it's height and there was no more, there was simply nothing. Harry floated through pure, bright white and didn't feel anything anymore. Every sense was dulled or perhaps there was nothing to feel, either way it was wonderful.
Slowly Harry felt the familiar drag of gravity and he hit the floor with a groan and what he hoped wasn't a crack. The cold stone cooled his sweat covered body and then someone lifted him up off it. He found himself looking into Arawn's friendly features, he looked very, very happy.
"You did it, Harry," said Arawn. "You're free now, it's gone from you… You're okay."
Harry nodded slowly and collapsed to the floor the second Arawn let go of him. He looked over to where Ginny lay and felt the hurt he had felt before, but this time it was different, it was the hollow pain of loss. He felt tears spring up in his eyes as he let his head lull forward into his hands.
He had lost what had made him unique and that cruel little voice at the back of his head told him he had betrayed his parents, they had died to keep him and his power safe. It may have brought him such thing as Parseltongue, stolen from Voldemort as he had tried to curse him as a baby, but it had brought him insight and knowledge that he could never have had otherwise.
"You're alright, lad," said Arawn in his musical tones. "She's alright, she's alive – you did well, boy."
Harry pulled himself into a tight ball and continued to weep. He had never felt pain like this, never before in his entire life, even while he was being held in Azkaban or those hopeless nights in the cupboard under the stairs. This pain was without hope, without chance of being forgotten, this was the ultimate pain.
"You'll be alright, lad," Arawn assured him.
"No, I won't," said Harry quietly and then whispered so softly it was barely audible, "I'm alone."
Though his words could barely to be heard they made the castle of Arawn ring and rattle, they travelled right out into the Annwn and every Otherworld caught the words. Out in the Magical world beyond wizards and witches all felt a shiver as though someone had walked over their grave and even out in the Muggle world the words caught the breeze and some people heard the last word as a distant whisper. Every world wept with Harry for his loss, everything felt that shiver with him, but he was going to feel that shiver of loneliness for the rest of his life.
*****
The Dice was the best club in England and was well known for it's line up of good bands, including on some occasions the Weird Sisters. The English Quidditch team were also frequent visitors, except for Harry of course since he played abroad out of international season. Justin was well aquatinted with the place and immediately led their party up to the upper tier where it wasn't as packed out.
"Nice place," commented Harry, looking down at the dance floor. "Not for your claustrophobic types though…"
"Not your scene, Harry?" asked Jonathon with genuine curiosity and the desire to please.
Harry turned around and gave him a weak smile, "When I'm back in England I never really get out too much. When I go out it's mainly while I'm abroad… I have to admit that I do go to places like this though, I just never realised that there were places like this in England."
"There have to be, Harry," said Bill with a broad and slightly drunken grin. "Just because some of us can toddle off to grand Quidditch club parties every night, doesn't mean us poor little folk can…"
"And some of us have to spent our Friday nights going over paperwork and never even get to go to normal clubs," said Ron with a groan.
"You wanted to be an Auror, Ron," said Hermione. "I did warn you – "
"Well who's coming with me to get the drinks?" asked Bill, clapping his hands together as he assumed his role as the responsible elder brother.
Jonathon was sent with Bill to help carry the drinks. Summoning charms, as in most bars and clubs, were banned in the Dice. There had been any number of unfortunate accidents and sometimes your beer even got spilt.
By the time the pair had returned the group were discussing how Charlie and his wife, Isabella, had first met and promptly eloped. In the end it ended up being a competition between Charlie and Fred and George of who had made Mrs. Weasley the angriest. In the end Charlie won because everyone agreed there had quite probably been smoke coming out of Mrs. Weasley's ears when she had heard that he had eloped.
"So what's playing Quidditch like in Peru?" Jonathon asked Isabella, who was a Chaser for the Tarapoto Tree-Skimmers.
"Well I have never really played out of Peru," said Isabella. "I have played against other teams in different countries, but I have never played for them… Ask Harry, he has played everywhere and his family have been playing Quidditch all over the world for centuries."
Jonathon turned wide-eyed to Harry and he noticed Ginny looking very embarrassed. "Where have you played, Harry? If you don't mind me asking that is."
"Well like Izzy said, I've played in all of the major Quidditch playing countries… I would say that playing in Peru has it's differences though, like every other country, the Chasers fly closer to the ground and it's more about dodging than passing the Quaffle. On continental Europe the play is far more colourful and most of the players use a lot of flair. I was playing against the Quafflepunchers once and I was really amazed at how much skill is put into the flying, in England it's invariably just about getting the Quaffle through the hoop, very little time for flamboyance… In Africa I would have to say they usually have sharper moves, not as fast as other teams, but their turns are just incredible. There is something to be said for using a beat-up broom through your childhood if you want that," said Harry, with a smile and left Jonathon open mouthed.
"You've certainly been around," said Jonathon.
"You play for the Magpies don't you," said Harry. "Surely you've toured."
"Yeah, but as Isabella said, it's a different thing playing for the teams than playing against them," said Jonathon. "I've seen you fly though, all that experience obviously paid off – and the captain of the English team, Summers, raves about you still…"
"Thanks," said Harry, giving him a weak smile and wishing he had something a little stronger to drink.
"I thought France was the best place I ever played Quidditch," mused Justin and then turned to Harry with a grin. "Remember when we were visiting Beauxbatons and you fell in the reflecting pool?"
Harry rolled his eyes and groaned, "Vividly – as I recall it wasn't so much of an accident though."
Justin laughed into his beer and Sabine rolled her eyes while Gabrielle grinned at the tale of it her sister had told her. The party dissolved into smaller groups and eventually a few of the couples went down to the dance floor.
The rest of the evening passed away with drinking and dancing until everyone felt thoroughly nauseous and as though they would no doubt see every stupidly alcoholic beverage they had drunk before much longer. Harry leaned over the balcony to watch Jonathon twirl Ginny.
"As much as I would love to tease you about your love-life, Harry, I am tired and I want to go to bed," said Gabrielle, taking his arm and resting her head on his shoulder.
Harry pulled her into his arms, allowing her to sit before him on the thick, wooden rail. She buried her face in his chest and he kissed her hair. The Dice was emptying, they were some of the last people there and the slow dance was ending.
He lifted Gabrielle's head to ask her if she wanted to go now and found her asleep. With a smile he lifted her up off the rail and lay her down on the padded bench that ran around the outer wall. Sabine and Justin came up onto the tier from the dance floor below and she immediately went to sit by him.
"De poor girl looks dead," said Sabine, leaning back against the wall and then she looked over to Hermione and Ron. "Vere ve not supposet to go to deir home tonight?"
"Probably," said Harry, closing his eyes. "It's amazing how quickly plans can change."
"Want to head back to your place for coffee, Harry?" asked George, straddling a chair in front of Harry.
"Sure," said Harry with a vague nod.
Although Harry was barely conscious of it George rounded up their group and they were stumbling down into the foyer within ten minutes. Gabrielle was still fast asleep and it took Harry a few minutes and a little help from Hermione to remember the joint apparating license.
They all apparated together in the entrance hall of Herne's Grove and, with a great many 'oooh's and 'aaah's from Jonathon and anyone who was drunk, Harry lead them into the drawing room, which Fred insisted on calling the 'Sketching Room', much to his amusement.
Nissy and Gart, the two House-Elves from Herne's Grove, appeared in the Drawing Room, startling Angelina, who had been kneeling on the hearth-rug to warm her hands. Harry asked them to get some coffee and to see if there were any potions lying around that might settle his stomach.
"Quelle heure est-il?" whispered Gabrielle hoarsely.
"'Bout four," replied Harry.
Gabrielle groaned and pulled herself up into a ball. Harry threw a blanket over her as she rested her head on his chest and he looked across the room where the House-Elves were serving coffee. "You really shouldn't keep House-Elves, Harry," said Hermione suddenly.
Ron groaned and slid down into his chair, "Hermione, Harry can do whatever he likes – and they did come with the house."
"Well I can see the evening is going to get much better," said Bill, pulling himself to his feet.
"Come on then, Bill – we'll take Jonathon backs shall we, Gin?" asked George, indicating her prone boyfriend.
"Go on then," muttered Ginny. "I'll just be up to the bathroom."
Nissy took on the task of showing Ginny to the bathroom and George and Bill took Jonathon between them, with the dates trailing behind them. Isabella muttered her good-byes shortly afterwards and dragged Charlie out of the house, for some reason Charlie winked at him.
"Come on, Fred," said Angelina, climbing back over to him on the sofa. "We ought to be going to?"
"And miss the argument between my brother and his other half?" asked Fred, apparently appalled.
Hermione and Ron both glared at him and Angelina dragged him out of the house after his brothers. Fred called back something about wishing Harry the best of look, but he was cut off with a yelp as Angelina obviously restrained him. Sabine and Justin followed soon after them, both giving Harry a sly grin.
"What are they going on about?" asked Harry.
"Dunno," sighed Ron. "George's always up to something – come on Hermione."
"Good-bye, Harry," said Hermione, kissing his cheek. "You really ought to consider paying your House-Elves as we are in the Modern Era you know –"
"Come on, Hermione," said Ron, dragging her away.
Harry walked to the door after them and called his good-byes out into the night as his two friends disapparated. He walked slowly back into the Drawing Room and picked up Gabrielle. He turned around and came face to face with Ginny who was standing in the doorway looking very embarrassed.
"Everyone gone?" she asked, blushing furiously.
"Yeah – sorry," said Harry.
He looked into her eyes and he saw something he had never noticed before, something he hadn't let himself notice before. Swimming Ginny's beautiful brown eyes was hurt and pain, in great amounts, more than Harry had ever thought she might have felt. In the vain hope of repairing some of the damage he did something he would have never though have doing and he invited her to stay.
"I – I don't think I can. I –"
"They'll never get Jonathon home while they're drunk," said Harry. "And – and if you want to... There are plenty of rooms. Just wait a minute and I'll sort it out for you… Will you?"
"I – I'd love to," said Ginny, setting her jaw.
Harry smiled at her and walked swiftly out of the room with Gabrielle in his arms. He raced up the stairs and swiftly removed the French girl's shoes and gown. He lay her under the thick duvet and then stopped dead as he caught his breath.
He was being rather naïve and stupid, there was no way Ginny would forgive him and allow him back into her company without any embarrassment. With a sigh he sat down on the edge of the bed and stirred Gabrielle from her sound sleep. She chuckled and grabbed his hand.
"'Arry," she whispered, pulling him down to her.
"Yes?" asked Harry.
"Any forgiveness can be given if ze lady loves," she whispered, kissing him. "All zat is required is a leetle explanation, ever so leetle… Never should one go to zeir grave wizout 'aving took every chance, yes?"
"When did you become so very wise?" asked Harry, suspiciously.
"I 'ave always been wise, 'Arry," she whispered.
"You sure?"
"Quite," said Gabrielle.
She closed her eyes again and Harry went downstairs.
*****
Ginny sat watching Nissy make up the fire in the grate. She didn't know any of Harry's House-Elves, she knew he had three though, Harry had never been particularly keen of telling anyone what he had inherited on his sixteenth birthday. Ron and Hermione knew about everything though, they had alluded to an absolute fortune.
"Do you have any idea why Harry would want me to stay here?" Ginny asked Nissy finally.
Nissy turned around and bobbed a curtsey, "Nissy does not know, but Nissy thinks her master might be very sorry for something, but Nissy does not know what. Nissy is sorry that there is nothing more to tell Ginny Weasley."
"Are you sure?" asked Ginny, biting her lip.
Nissy looked very worried, but she broke, "Master Harry Potter is very sorry about something and Nissy truly cannot tell you what. But Nissy has noticed that many human males are very stubborn and not very clever when it comes to forgiving other humans. Master Harry Potter should not be this way though, because he is not all human –"
"What?"
Nissy squeaked and disappeared. Ginny sunk back into the chair she was sitting in and clutched her head, which was pounding and spinning. Dimly she heard the door open and before she could look up Harry was standing over her.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine – just a little too much to drink," she replied.
"I'll get something for it if you like," said Harry. "Er – I'd like to talk to you though, before we sort you out a room."
"Yes?" she asked, trying to smile.
Harry ran his fingers through his hair in that adorable way that let his hair twist it's way out of it's bindings and fall over his face as it was forever on the brink of it. Musing over how Harry did manage to get his hair to stay put took Ginny's mind off the matter at hand until Harry brought her back to reality.
"The thing is I – I'm sorry," said Harry. "I know it's a bit late and I know you probably shouldn't forgive me, it's hardly a score to women's rights or anything… I just don't want to hurt you anymore… I know I have been doing… I'm sorry."
Ginny was silent and Harry rested his chin on his interlaced hands, starring at the floor in deep contemplation of what he had just said. She shouldn't forgive him, she should hate him, he had made her unhappy and hurt her more than anyone else in the world. After a long few minutes Ginny made up her mind and crept over to him, placing a hand on his arm.
"Just explain, Harry, and I would forgive you of anything," she told him.
Harry turned to her and a smile spread across his face. He slid down next to on the rug and told her all, of everything that had happened the night they had both been changed forever. As Ginny listened she could see every pain and hurt relived in his beautiful green eyes and sometimes she could feel them.
He had given up a part of himself that had meant more to him than anything, more than just giving up a limb, but giving up his magic. Ginny knew that even ordinary wizards could go insane when they couldn't use their magic, or when it was taken away from them in dark rites, but the with type of magic Harry described it was inconceivable to even try to imagine the horror of losing it.
"You shouldn't have done that," whispered Ginny, looking up at him with tear filled eyes.
"Yes I should," said Harry, she could see he was trying his hardest not to allow his voice to quaver.
"Giving up your magic and only being left with a shadow of what you could have been isn't worth my life!" said Ginny desperately. "It would have been better for me to die than you live eternally in pain and suffering!"
Harry was rather taken aback, "I would never – never put someone's life before power… It would disgrace everything about me, and everyone about me…"
"I'm glad you told me though…" said Ginny. "Even if I don't think you should have done it – for the sake of my physical existence I thank-you though. But there is one thing that I have only been wondering about for the last few minutes."
"What?" asked Harry, brushing his hair back behind his ears.
"Your House-Elf, Nissy, told me that you weren't human," said Ginny, biting her lip. "Are you?"
To her amazement Harry grinned at her and laughed. "True! I'm not, at least not all of me… My mother's father was a Sidhe, do you know –"
"Yes," said Ginny. "Hermione told me who they were once – I always wondered why…. So you're one of them?"
"In part," said Harry. "And you shouldn't be worried about asking me that of all things… Being part Sidhe makes me what I am. I'm faster than a normal human, I can take more punishment and I can see thing that any normal wizard ever could – more acute and very much magically sensitive senses."
Ginny ran that through her mind and was rather surprised at the picture that brought a smile to her face. "You were born to be the perfect Seeker!"
They both laughed and then there was silence, which Harry broke suddenly. "So do you?"
"Do I what?" asked Ginny, feeling as though she had missed out on the conversation.
"After everything I did to you – do you forgive me for it?" he asked.
Ginny felt her heart lurch at the mere thought of causing him pain and smiled at him, "Of course, Harry. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't anyone?"
Harry laughed and gave her a truly happy look as his hair tumbled around his face, escaping from back from behind his ears. Another surprise for Ginny was when Harry picked her up and slid back onto his chair, holding her tightly to him. She rested her head against his chest, to tired and happy to complain.
She could hear his heart beat and lifted her hand up into his hair, which she had never touched before in her life. Harry's breath on her arm sent shivers through her body and he moved slightly so his head was resting in her hair.
After a while Ginny could tell Harry was asleep by his soft, steady breaths and then heard faintly in her ear a hissing noise. She remembered that Hermione had once told her that Harry would hiss in his sleep like some people talked. Ginny had heard Harry talk in Parseltongue once or twice before, but never like this, so pleasant and so contented. Maybe what people said was true and when you were truly in love with someone they would be perfection to you, Harry certainly was to Ginny.
A/N: I hope I got Ginny in character in that last bit, please tell me if you don't think she was right. As my friends can tell you my opinion of Ginny's character is rather strict and I don't think she should be as bold and aggressive as some people write her – no objection to them, just a personal opinion. I picture her as reasonably clever and rather shy girl in public, but able to hold her own in private.
I know Ron said she never shuts up, but take it from someone who was the only daughter and youngest in a family of brothers, it's a typical brotherly comment. One of my brothers also told his friends I was eight for three years, when brothers want to dismiss you as a nothing, especially to their friends, they say stuff like that… Just explaining myself so I don't get a load of flames from feminists.
