2 Days Later

2 Days Later
County General

Chicago

Instead of looking better after some sleep as he anticipated she would, John noticed that Kerry looked even worse. She had apparently given up and quit trying to hide the deep black circles under her eyes and the paleness of her skin. He knew that something had to give. He wasn't willing to allow her to lose herself when there were so many people around her that cared for her.

He also knew that right now she couldn't see past her own suffering to all the people that cared for her.  Mark Greene had even noticed and had called Carter into his office to question him about it. John had covered for her and said that she was stressed over losing a young child and the departure of Kim from her life and the hospital recently and that was all.

Although he had a fear that she would react like a cornered animal and attack him Carter knew he had to confront Kerry and do something to help her. He knew for a fact that she was working a double and so was he, so he made a tenuous plan to talk to her after everyone else had left.

Several Hours Later

The only people in the ER besides him were a small group of nurses at the station.  There were no more patients and things were very quiet indeed.  Carter casually asked the group if they had seen Kerry.  They directed him to Trauma Room Three.  Carter entered the room a bit scared.  There was only one small light on over one of the beds and in that bed Kerry Weaver laid crying.

In the light of the small light she looked like a ghost. The sight of her looking so small and vulnerable broke his heart once again. But he knew if she even saw a hint of pity in his eyes she would run.  Deciding that he had better be the first to talk to her, Carter spoke up.  "Dr. Weaver, we've been here for hours, you want to go to Doc Magoo's and get something to eat?"

"No, Carter I'm not hungry" was Kerry's terse reply.

"You, not hungry, boy something must really be wrong. Kerry I have seen you cook.  You must like to eat.  Please I'm begging you to talk to me. What's going on? You look like your going to disappear any second."

The whispered response was nearly enough to break both office protocol and their own personal rules about touching.

"What if I want to disappear?" Kerry squeaked.

Instead of replying, John simply stood there by the gurney and let her know in no uncertain terms that she was going to talk to him and tell him what was going on. Kerry had briefly thought of lying to him but then decided against it.

"I'm sure that you heard that Kim Legaspi and I are no longer together."

"So they say, I take it there's more to this story that people are saying." John asked almost a bit afraid of what was to come.

"Well, what they aren't saying is that I came home to find Kim in bed with someone she used to date years ago when I came home.  After giving her time to get out I found a letter that said he had no intention of hurting me, that it just happened between them and it would never happen again.  She promised that it would never happen again, but how can I…believe her?  Last I heard, she quit from the hospital and moved back in with her."

John's heart broke. This is exactly what he hadn't wanted to hear.  "Oh, Kerry…"

"Don't oh Kerry me. I don't want your pity. That's why I didn't tell you or anybody else in the first place."  Kerry snapped.  This was going as bad as she had feared.

"I don't want to give you pity."  Carter responded evenly.

"No, I don't want to ever hear mention of the name of Kim Legaspi ever again. It's just that I should have known that something like this was going to happen. I am not meant for happiness and this is just one more thing that proves it."  Kerry said as she broke down in tears.  She was about to tell John to leave her alone when John spoke before her.

"How can you say that? After everything you've been through in your life, happiness is all that you deserve. It's not your fault. And why Kim or anybody else give up someone as brilliant and beautiful as you is beyond me. If you were mine…"

When he stopped he realized what he had just said. Wondering if he had crossed the line, he looked into Kerry's face and saw the tears running down her face.  Carter was petrified that he had made her feel even worse if that was conceivable.

"Kerry…Dr. Weaver, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry if I upset you."  Carter said, trying to undo the damage.

"Did you mean what you said? That you think I deserve happiness? You… you think I'm beautiful?  Even with this…thing?"  She asked looking at her crutch with disgust.

"Yes, I meant it. Damn, Kerry you've survived so much in your life. Don't let anybody, man or woman, do this to you. People are crazy not to see what's right in front of them. You are so much more than you know. You mean so much to me, you're my world and I… I love you."

He felt her finger on his lips and looked hopefully into her eyes.  Her eyes asking the questions that her mouth couldn't.  Carter spoke before she had a chance to.

"Just take your time. Get your head together and start over again. I'm here and we will listen to each other and not just see and hear what we want to."

Holding her wrist, Kerry began "John, you're such a special person. I made a mistake a year ago by kicking you out. I don't know if you walked away thinking that I didn't want to be friends anymore, but that wasn't what I meant."

Kerry noticed the sudden look of depression that came over John's face.

"John, what is it?"

Carter spoke carefully, believing that this was the right time to let her know the truth.

"Kerry, I want this to come out right, so I must be very careful.  Kerry, I don't want to be friends with you."  Kerry looked shocked before John continued.  "Kerry I love you in a way that is not entirely friendship.  I know that you have discovered something about yourself that excludes me, but…"

"Well, Dr. Carter I think that came out just fine. I want you to hear me right now, so there are no misunderstandings later ok. I feel the same way as you do. I need you and your strength more than you know. But right now isn't the time for us. I have some things that I need to work through and although you can help, I have to do this for myself. I want to see what we have between us, see if it leads where I think it will go. But I warn you; it's not going to be easy. You have way too much power to break my heart and we both need to work on talking to each other. Right now, I need you to understand that there are still things that stand in between us right now, but I promise you that soon it'll be our time."

"I know Kerry, just know that I'm here for you and that I'll be waiting when you're ready. For right now, I'm going to be your friend and stand by your side."
            "One more thing John, would you like to over to Magoo's and get something to eat?"

***

Thursday, July 4, 2002

A Catholic Church, Chicago

12:45 pm

It was a truly wonderful day.  The sun was shining brightly down on the outer edges of Chicago and the heat, although hovering around 100 degrees, was much more bearable as the humidity was so low. 

On this day, a gigantic marble church was the object of the sunlights affection.  The seemingly hundreds of people occupying the church were fidgeting uncomfortably; the collective body heat transferred amongst them was causing an irritating stench to rise to the ceiling fans above.

Mark Greene was watching the happenings in front of him, still not believing what was going on.  Everything was fine a mere year ago.  Then it just sort of started happening.  Strange, private conversations first, then odd looks began.  Rumors were abound, but he had learned that rumors were normally nothing…but Mark also knew that rumors also normally held at least a molecule of truth.

Doug Ross was having similar thoughts.  Poor Carter.  He was watching a funeral for one of his friends.  He never wanted to have it happen like this.  Ross looked at Weaver, as the tears poured down her face.  She was so…what was that word?  Oh yeah, happy!

"By the power vested in me by the state of Michigan, I now pronounce you man and wife.  You may now kiss the bride.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. and Mrs.

John Truman Carter."  The priest said with the entire marble church erupting into applause.

            Mark and Doug looked at each other briefly, Mark with Lizzie and Doug with Carol.  Mark had remembered marrying Elizabeth like this, of course it wasn't raining today, and John had made it on time.  Of course, something's very important things were the same, like the bride being with child. 

"John Carter I can't believe that you got me a gold plated crutch for this," Kerry Ann Weaver Carter said looking at her new husband before they kissed again while walking down the aisle, caressing him with her right hand on the shoulder and her 6 week pregnant stomach with the left.  Her and John's child.  Her and John's future.