No, I am not a religious person, but you'll soon see that to have a guardian
angel doesn't have anything to do with believing in God.
Jonathan was my 'imaginary friend' when I was 13, the only friend I had in those
days. At the beginning I just heard his voice, giving me advices from time to
time. When I asked him who he was he said that he was my guardian angel ant that
he would always be there when I needed him. A few weeks later I found him
sitting in my room. He didn't look very angelic, just like a normal man in his
30s. The only strange thing was that he wore clothes from the 17th century. But
as I already trusted my 'angel' even this didn't make me skeptical. He was the
only one who knew how lonely I really was, the only one willing to help and
protect me. He told me to work hard for school, said that this was the only way
I could make the other children accept me. So I sat at my desk for hours and
learned - although it wasn't necessary, I already was a good pupil who learned
fast and easily. But this didn't interest Jonathan very much, he still wanted me
to be better. He said I had to become the best pupil in class. But he also
rewarded me for progresses with small episodes of his life (he knew that I . His love Diane had
been forced to marry another man and Jonathan had committed suicide at the day
of the wedding. I felt sorry for him, realizing that he was as lonely as I
was... and spent even more time with him. For a long time my parents didn't
notice that something strange was going on and when they did it was almost too
late. Jonathan already kept me away from other
children, jealous and afraid that I might not need him anymore one day. Even my
parents couldn't convince me that all of this was happening inside my head, that
I had just invented my 'angel' because I was so lonely. "How could an
imagination so much power over me," I asked them and myself, but I never
got a satisfying answer. My parents finally wanted to send me to a psychologist
and that's when I 'woke up' and made my final decision. Jonathan had to leave
me. "Don't you see that you're destroying my life? I don't have any friends
and my parents think I'm insane. You said if I work hard I could find new
friends. But then you're consuming all of my free time and don't give me a
chance to meet other children. If you really want to help me Jonathan, please
go. Go and never come back!" Jonathan just stared at me with surprise,
unbelieving that I had told him to leave. "So you're betraying your
angel," he finally whispered. "No, my angel is destroying me," I
answered looking out of the window. When I turned around Jonathan was gone. I
already thought that this was the end. But that night and the nights of the
following week he tortured me with
nightmares, in which he begged me not to leave him, even threatened that he
would show me his real power if I sent him away. But I had already realized that
I didn't need him. There were some children in my class who seemed to want to be
my friends. And I knew they never would if I kept claming to my angel. And also
I began to hate him for this torment. "Go! Go back to hell, where you
belong!" I finally yelled at him in one of my nightmares. The last
nightmare ever.
He never came back. My parents were relieved that I turned 'normal' again and I
started to believe that he had been nothing but an 'imaginary friend'. Although
I now enjoy hanging out with my friends I never became a normal teenager. I
didn't like the techno music they heard and hated going to discos. On school
trips I went to bookstores or took photos of buildings I liked while the others
went on shopping tours. My friends always called and still call me a weirdo, but
I know that this is just why they like me.
Later I discovered my love for
literature and architecture, especially of the Victorian era. This his how I
became a 'phan' - addicted to Leroux' enchanting novel. I liked discussing about
it with 'colleagues' allover the world.
I had almost forgotten my guardian angel... until the day Josephine appeared in
that message board...
