I wrote this a long time ago. No, I have no clue what I was thinking.
p.s. I don't own any of the Sailor Moon characters. If I did, I'd be raking in tons of cash and
wouldn't bother writing fanfics…
________________________________________________________________________
Outers Quarrel!
Setsuna's One True Love
"Setsuna, excuse me," Michiru says
to me. She stands there in a plain
white dress, with a matching silk ribbon tying back her shoulder-length, wavy
sea-green hair. Her deep blue eyes look
into mine, and I sense the uncertainty that clung to her as a child does to its
mother.
"What's
wrong, Michiru?" I ask, getting up. I
am wearing a slim green dress with my long, ankle-length deep green hair pulled
back into a braid. I am taller than
her, so I look down. "Are you all
right?"
"Sure," she
smiles, still scared. "I just want to
ask if you would mind going shopping with me?"
"If that's
all…" I think she is being silly on purpose.
"Let's go." I go to the door and
take down her blue sweater, handing it to her.
I take my black jacket and pull it gently over my arms. I take my red purse down, that small wallet
on a sting that matches my unique eyes, and wear it on my shoulder. Michiru has on her sweater already, so off
we go.
Once we are
in the car, a small foreign deep purple, Michiru sighs. "Setsuna…"
I get
impatient after waiting five minutes for her to finish. It isn't like me to do that, but I couldn't
help it.
"What is
it?" I ask, hoping desperately for a
worthwhile reply.
"I have to
tell you something, Setsuna. Haruka…I
can't tell Haruka. I can't figure out
how to tell her," Michiru tells me slowly.
I wondered why she was being like that.
"What do
you have to say to her that is so bad?" I wonder aloud as I turn the corner
quickly. I park across the street from
a tearoom. "Why don't we discuss this
over tea before shopping?"
"Sure,
that's fine," Michiru agrees, not being herself. I might not be her lover…no, I am not Haruka, but I can
sense when something is troubling Michiru.
We go in
and sit near the window, sipping gently at the sweet-tasting liquid. "Michiru, if you can't tell me, I cannot
help."
"I want
something from Haruka that she can't give me," Michiru says on her third cup of
tea. She never drinks so much, not even
tea. She's got to be preoccupied.
"Haruka? Haruka can give you almost anything…that is,
except—"
"A child of
our own," she finishes, not really caring about how much it hurts anymore. She needs to get it out. "I want a baby, like the younger girls—but
they aren't girls anymore. They're
grown, all of them twenty-five now…all but Usagi and Minako without children,
and we know Usagi and Mamoru will have Chibi-Usa in the future and Minako wants
to continue her singing career now…" her tone is dreamy, her gaze and attention
switching to some non-existent object in the distance. "When I fell in love with Haruka…I thought
we would have everything…and we did…"
"But it
wasn't enough?" I prompt, even though I know she will go on without me.
"Not
now…God, why do I have to want a child?" her voice is nearly raw, and the
self-blame she has in rising.
"I can't
let Haruka look like the guilty one here," she says after a few more sips of
her fourth cup of tea. "I can't let
her…"
"Michiru,
what about Hotaru-chan? Does she not
love you and Haruka as second parents?" I try to get her to forget, to forget
that her instincts tell her to have children with the one she loves. Try to convince her that all was right in
falling for another woman, and that she doesn't need a man now.
"Hotaru,
oh, sweet Hotaru-chan…she is not ours, not Haruka's and mine. Not my own flesh and blood…" Michiru looks
down at her lap, I assume at trembling hands.
"So
adopting is out of the question?"
"I don't
know, Setsuna…I don't know… Don't you have that instinct? That feeling that you want your own baby,
your own child? Don't you want you and
your love to bring someone special into the world by yourselves?" Her comments are like stones. I have no love, not as the lonely Guardian
of Time.
"Destiny,"
I say, knowing I may hurt her, but her comments were very painful. "It is my destiny to be alone. Maybe it is yours and Haruka's not to have a
baby."
"Setsuna!"
she is amazed that I, sweet little me, would be so curt, so unfriendly.
"Look,
Michiru," I continue, no longer in control.
"If you want to love another woman as you do…don't look to me for a
shoulder to cry on when you realize that you aren't compatible in the area of
baby-making. It's your own fault."
It was the
last part that got to her. "My
fault? What, all of a sudden you're
anti-Lesbian? Then maybe you feel
uncomfortable around someone who loves someone of her own sex? Maybe I am scary?" She also gains more confidence. "Well, if I can't have a baby with
Haruka…then maybe you should just stay alone.
What man would want you anyway?!" she screams, getting up in a
huff. Michiru storms out with tears on
her face, but by then it's too late.
God, why was she being so stubborn, so much like how I was being?
God, let her go have her own
way. Let Haruka comfort her. Who cares if they can't have children as
long as they can be together? Damn,
what's wrong with me? I look at my tea,
realizing it isn't even half empty.
What was I doing when Michiru was downing all those cups?
"What's wrong, miss?" It's a gentle male voice from behind me.
"Oh, I'm certainly not a 'miss'
anymore…" I say, turning to see a handsome blond man with short blond
hair. I glance into his deep, yet
simple, blue eyes. "Can I help
you?" I wipe my eyes.
"Well, you're crying for one," he
says, his voice is music to my ears.
"Did that woman say anything bad to you, miss?"
"Am I?" I wipe my eyes again, this
time desperate for my mascara not to run.
"Don't worry about Michiru, we were just both in bad moods today."
"I hope you feel better," he tells
me. A waitress comes up and takes
Michiru's glass away, as well as wiping up her spot. She inquires if the man wants anything. He says, "Just the usual."
"Yes, Mr. Jade," the waitress is
off. The brunette woman returns soon
with a steaming mug that smells of hazelnut.
She sets it down across from where I'm sitting, and hurries to go help a
new customer.
"Mr. Jade," I murmur. "Would you like to sit down?" This time I am louder.
He sits down and gently slurps his tea. He blushes very lightly, but I notice
anyway. "You can call me Jadeite,
miss."
I sense the kindness radiating from him and smile. "Very well, Jadeite. What do need of me?"
"Well…I don't want you to be
upset," he starts slowly. "You seem
so…lonely. I hate for people to be
lonely, because I know how bad it is.
Me and being alone are up close and personal."
"I've never heard anyone phrase it
like that," I giggle a bit. I feel
strange, for I never giggle. The
sensation is different, yet not unpleasing.
"By the way, I am Meioh Setsuna."
"All right, Meioh-san. Why don't we get something to eat?" He smiles, and we eat a wonderful
dinner. I know by the end of the night
that I'm in love with him.
"You're
doing what?" demands Haruka. It
is three and a half months later. She
is standing in front of me, blocking my exit.
I am
holding a small suitcase; my other, larger ones are already loaded into the
trunk of my car. "Moving out," I
say. I'm wearing a loose, silk purple
blouse, a deep green pair of loose slacks.
My hair is pulled back into a high ponytail and spreads out and down not
nearly as far as it would if I wore it as I usually did. But this is not a usual day.
"Moving
out?" It's Michiru. We are basically over our fight, but we have
not mentioned it. As a matter of fact,
we haven't really talked at all sense I met Jadeite. Michiru is concerned, and she looks very sad. "Where will you go, Setsuna?" she questions,
her voice soft and sweet.
"What about
Hotaru? What about when she comes back
from school?" Haruka is fierce, and I see the pain in her eyes. I feel sorry, but…
"I know you
love him," Michiru says, "It's obvious.
But what about the rest of us?
We were always so happy together!"
"Were," I
say, being much more flippant than I intend.
Because I am taller than Haruka, I try to get past her. She, being much stronger than I, blocks me.
"Why can't
you love him and stay here with us?"
"I'm not
moving in with him," I say, feeling free to finally admit that fact. "I'm just ready to have an apartment of my
own. I'm over thirty, you know." That is just my physical age, however. I've been alive for over a thousand years,
since the Silver Millennium.
"And we
know that you're part of our family," Michiru tells me. "But I guess that doesn't matter
anymore. Haruka let her go if she wants
to go."
Haruka
steps aside hesitantly. "Fine, go. Just remember that it'll be a lot harder to
just step back in after you go."
I ignore
her words, hoping to make them hurt less.
I leave, taking one last glance around.
How am I to know that this is good-bye to everything I know and hello to
a something utterly different? "Good-bye. Take care of yourselves."
"Yeah
right," I hear Haruka mutter to Michiru.
I heave a sigh of mixed emotions, considering Hotaru, who would soon be
back for the winter holiday from her school.
I also regret that now Haruka may never forgive me…it was her way, after
all. Michiru, too, was stubborn, but
somehow slightly weaker than Haruka, so I may be able to be on friendly terms
with her again. But Haruka…
I sigh
again, riding down in the plain blue elevator.
It should have been purple, I selfishly thought. I like purple. Purple are not Haruka, Michiru, or any of the inner senshi. Purple is Hotaru and me. Purple and green are me, just me. I sigh for the third time, this instance
with tears rolling down my cheeks. It
isn't fair; I don't cry. The Guardian
of Time, the sailor senshi destined to be alone, doesn't cry. She doesn't fall in love either, I added as
an afterthought to myself.
It is over
a month later, and I have not seen anyone but Jadeite for weeks. We've been out a lot, and grown very
close. I know I love him with all my
heart, but something nagging at me in the back of my head says that he is
wrong. I scoff at this idea, at myself. Jadeite is the most wonderful thing that has
ever happened to me, even if my relationship with him has severed the ties with
my closet friends. They will get over
it, I hope. What made them so mad in
the first place?
It's a cool
December afternoon, and the street is buzzing with activity: lovers out
searching for gifts, children playing games, older folks having tea and
parties. It is the time of year I
love. I smile at passersby, and they
just say "Merry Christmas" and continue on their happy way, having been so cute
and saying it in English and all.
Someone
taps me on the shoulder and asks if I want to buy a flower. I see that it is a very rare green one, and
I buy one for a few hundred yen. It's
not much, considering I basically have access to all the money I need. I take the flower and sniff it, surprised to
discover a sweet, tantalizing fragrance.
The flower reminds me of Makoto for some reason, probably because I can
picture her sweet-smelling little restaurant just off the next street.
I decide to
go there and talk to Makoto. For some
reason, we've always been able to talk, especially since she's gotten older and
become a mother. I reach the little
building quickly and easily, and slip in unnoticed. There are hardly any people there because it's the wrong time of
day. At meal times her place is one of
the busiest around.
The people
who are there are all watching the television, which sits in the corner. Their eyes are transfixed on the lovely Aino
Minako, who is currently singing her famous hit "Love United," which has been
topping the charts for a straight two weeks now. I smile, happy that another one of the senshi has her dreams
realized.
"Setsuna-san!"
Makoto exclaims, seeing I've entered the room.
She isn't cooking today, for Makoto stands there in a brown blouse with
a green skirt. Her brunette hair is
held back loosely in a green ribbon, and she holds a small bundle wrapped in
white in her arms.
"Makoto," I
greet her readily. "I've come to
talk. I hope you aren't busy."
"No, I'm
never too busy for you, Setsuna-san.
Especially at two o'clock," she smiles and ushers me into her best table
in the farthest corner. "Hold him, will
you?" Makoto asks, holding out her baby to me.
"I'll get us some tea."
"Of
course," I gently take the small baby boy from her arms and look at him. "Konnichi wa, Satoshi-chan," I switch to a
lighter tone and sit. He's a beautiful
little child, I think, watching him breath slowly in the pleasant state of
sleep.
After a few
minutes, Makoto comes back with a tray.
"You can hold him still, if you want," she offers. "So what do you want to talk about?"
"Thanks," I
refer to the baby, and cuddle him closer to my breast. "I just need to say something to someone."
"About
what?" She is curious, but pours the
tea calmly.
"I don't
know what to say. I always give advice,
but sometimes, especially recently, I find myself with a loss for words," I
take the cup and have a long sip, very careful not to disturb Satoshi. "I was hoping that you could tell me
something."
"It's
fine," Makoto senses my unfounded guilt.
She smiles, being as friendly as ever, and starts to talk. "Haruka-san and Michiru-san were just in
here last week. They wanted to talk as
well, you know. I'm just so
popular." We giggle together for a
moment, me feeling quite unlike myself.
Makoto continues, "Really, they wanted to talk to Minako-chan, who they
had arranged to meet with here."
"Truly?" I
raise my eyebrows to encourage her to go on.
"You know
how Minako-chan founded that adoption agency just a few years ago," Makoto
raises the cup to her lips for a moment.
"Well, Haruka-san and Michiru-san seemed to want to know about that."
"I knew
they'd resort to adoption one of these days," I tell Makoto calmly, thinking
that she would most likely know what I was talking about.
She
nods. "And they also wanted to know if
I'd seen you."
I am
shocked, thinking that Haruka wouldn't let her pride down like that. "Why?
Something I left in the apartment?"
Makoto's
eyebrows take on a worried look.
"Setsuna-san, Michiru-san said you were seeing a man—not that I have a
problem with it, but she told me his name was…" she trails off.
"Jadeite. His name is Jadeite, Makoto," I tell her
calmly, not seeing any problem.
"Setsuna-san!"
Makoto is so loud, her tone so aghast, that it brings the attention of the
others in the restaurant. She leans
down after their looks have died down and whispers rather harshly, "Jadeite!"
"What?" I
am talking in normal tones, but it is all right now. Minako is singing another popular song, "Friendship's Bond," and
the men's and woman's minds are shifted.
"He's kind, gentle, respectable, and very handsome. He loves me—"
"Setsuna-san! Jadeite was one of Beryl's four generals!" I
can tell deep down in my heart that she is not lying, that her duty as Sailor
Jupiter wouldn't allow her to do that, but I can't believe it.
"Don't lie
to me, Makoto. You're one of the few
people who actually can trust me anymore."
I want to cry, and the feeling is no longer new to me, for I've done it
nearly every night I've spent without him.
Without my love, Jadeite.
"I swear
I'm not lying, Setsuna-san! Jadeite was
the first enemy the senshi opposed.
Though it was before my time as a Sailor Senshi, I've heard many stories
from Usagi, Rei, and Ami. They beat
him, and Queen Beryl froze him or something for all eternity. Jadeite, if alive, is the enemy."
"No, he's
not!" I am not accustomed to making outbursts in public places, but there is a
first time for everything. "I must—he
must…it's got to be the wrong Jadeite."
"Calm down,
Setsuna-san. It probably is. I doubt that the true Jadeite is still
around." Although I am years older, at
the moment Makoto feels like an older sister.
Her hand is on my shoulder and her voice rings in my ears.
"He can't
be evil," I say quietly after being through with the tears that came so
easily. It is many moments later and
now Satoshi is crying in my lap. "I'd
best be going," I say, handing the baby over.
"I'll call you and we can talk about it some more."
"I'd like
that. With my husband away on his
trip," she starts talking of her lover, "I really don't have much company at
all." She smiles at me, and I know how
much she wishes to cheer me up.
"Thanks for
the tea," I tell her, holding onto her floury hand. "Maybe I will call tomorrow."
I back out, waving as I do. I
look at Makoto for a second before the door swings shut. Her green eyes quickly dart from me to her
baby during this period, but friendliness is all about her. So Haruka and Michiru want to know about me,
huh?
I progress
quickly back home. I had to talk to someone,
anyone. No, I couldn't talk to
anyone: I had to talk to Jadeite.
I get home
and he isn't there, but there's a card from him. "Another week and I'm home, Sweet." That's all it says, which makes me disappointed.
Jadeite, I
need to talk to you. Jadeite, what's
going on? I feel time closing in on
me. There's something terribly wrong,
isn't there, Jadeite? The world…it's
time for the world to freeze…
I'd always
known it was going to happen: The world
would go under the Evil and then Neo-Queen Serenity would save us all. Of course I knew! So, when the day does come, I am not scared, and when I wake up,
life seems to return to normal.
Actually, it is abnormal, but in a good way. Crystal Tokyo is built, everyone finds his place in the future,
and I wait for Jadeite.
Was he
killed? Horrible thoughts such as these
take over after a few months. Was he
banished to the god-forsaken Nemesis?
No, not Jadeite. I know
him. I love him.
I am
summoned to the Palace one day, not knowing what is going on. I go, and find Neo-Queen Serenity there
waiting for me.
"My queen?"
I ask, standing in front of the beautiful woman. She's still beautiful, though in the middle of her
pregnancy. She smiles down from her
clear, shimmering throne and I say, "Is something the matter?"
Her happy
expression almost completely melts away immediately, leaving only fake, polite
joy in her features. "No, not yet. Just that I've been wondering how all of you
are doing."
"All of
us?" I inquire, looking about me.
"All of
us." It's a voice behind me. Haruka!
I turn to see Michiru and Hotaru standing beside her. Haruka looks cocky, and tilts her head at
me, "Hello, Setsuna."
"Setsuna!"
cries the now-almost-grown Hotaru. She
runs to me and me plunge into a deep embrace.
"I'm glad you're all right!"
"I'm glad
you three are all right as well," I say, returning the hug. "What's been going on?"
"That's
just what I was going to ask," the forgotten queen says from the throne. After we've gotten ourselves situated: Hotaru
and me together with Haruka and Michiru slightly back, Usagi continues. "Setsuna, I've heard that you had a
relationship with a man named Jadeite before the Destruction. Are these allegations true?"
Allegations! "Forgive me, your majesty, but what do you
mean?" I try to pretend I really don't know, but I do.
"Setsuna,
Jadeite was a very evil man. If he is
alive, that probably means he has access to a lot of power. Who knows what could happen if a man with
those intentions…"
Her point
is clear. I don't want to hear it! I want to clap my hands over my ears and
make it all go away. Jadeite… "Your
majesty, do you realize how this sounds to me. Some people around here might not see it, but I have emotions
too." The world starts to blur through my
teary eyes. "Besides," I say finally,
"I haven't heard from him so he probably died anyway!" And then I do walk out, only imagining the
Hotaru's sad look, Michiru's confused one, and a furious expression from
Haruka.
The palace
corridors are endless. When I at last
find the exit, I'm ready to go back and talk some more, maybe explain
things. But it is too late. I must break my ties with everyone. Everyone.
No one left to care about me.
I move, and
don't tell anyone where. I am still in
Crystal Tokyo, but away. A year passes,
then two. Three years, four years. Ten years pass! It is okay, because, as sailor senshi, we do not age
physically. We will live for hundreds
and hundreds of years. That is, if
something doesn't happen to us.
During the
ten years, the people of Nemesis come and go, and the royal family is so much
stronger. I make friends with
Chibi-Usa, the young princess, secretly.
I'm not sure how, but I still attend the Gate of Time faithfully. One day, someone is waiting for me there.
"Hotaru-chan!"
I let out with a gasp. "What are you
doing here…I mean, Sailor Saturn." I
just notice that she's transformed.
Super Sailor Saturn, truly a magnificent sight, with her tall Silence
Glaive in hand. "What's going on?"
"Sailor Pluto,"
she says to me in a serious tone. I'm
transformed as well, but that's a given if you're in front of the Gate of
Time. "There is a crisis."
"What?" I
nearly exclaimed. I'm afraid what's she
going to say, but I know at the same time that it's true.
"Jadeite is
here," Saturn tells me with remorse in her purple eyes. I knew she would say that.
We leave
immediately for the Crystal Palace.
Darkness is everywhere, a black mist that has settled in the city. I can sense the evil that surrounds us, can
feel it closing in. Not being in this
part of the city much, I eventually lose track of Saturn, who is an expert
here.
I wander,
going the way I think I know, that I know I should know, but don't. I'm lost.
I stumble around the city, and it's clear I should have stayed where I
was and called for my guide, the lovely Sailor Saturn, but I didn't. It is too late, once again.
A helpful
hand appears out of the fog. "Do you
need some assistance?" the owner of the hand inquires, stepping out.
"Jadeite."
"Yes?" he
smiles, knowing me and how I would respond, and seeing how strangely I act
now. "Setsuna, it's been a while."
"Jadeite." I say it again, and repeat it even more
inside my head. I want to reach out and
hug him, kiss him. "Jadeite, I…" No, I
can't say anything. No, it's too late
for our passion, though I still love him.
And he knows that.
"Setsuna,
are you only going to say my name?" he teases, gingerly stepping closer to
me. Jadeite holds out his arms to me
and…I can't control myself…
We hug for
a long time. I heave deep breaths,
taking it all in. How he smells, how he
feels. His voice, oh, I love his voice. "Jadeite…"
He laughs,
and so do I. Maybe I can only
say his name. I snuggle in closer. How wonderful it feels! To have my eyes
closed, pressed up against the man I love.
We stay in our embrace for a long time, until I open my eyes.
I should
never have opened them. I should never
have opened them to see the dark mist.
I should never have opened them and seen to the dark mist to remember
who the enemy was. It was my love.
I threw his
arms away and stepped back. "What did
you do?" I demand, trying not to let my heart take me to him again. He is evil, he is the enemy. Right?
No, there's mixed feelings. He
is the enemy yet he is my love.
Jadeite.
"You—We
can't. You're—" I try to get words out,
but I can't. I can't run, and I can't
speak. I can only stand there like a
fool and stare at him with my mouth hanging open.
"Setsuna,
what are you saying? Don't you love me,
Setsuna?" Jadeite asks, looking hurt. I
want to comfort him now, but I control myself.
"We are finally reunited and you back away from me?"
His words
stung my heart. "Jadeite, I do love
you. Very much so!" I insist, and I
know he loves me too, but there is something wrong. "Jadeite, I sense much evil in you."
He
scoffs. "Setsuna, don't be silly. I know that you've discovered who I
am." A smile curves the edges of his
lips. He takes one of his strong hands
and pulls it through rustic blond locks. He chuckled again. "Does
it really matter, my love?"
"If it were
anything else…but you're evil…Jadeite…I'm a—"
"Sailor
Senshi," he broke in, "and I'm King of the Negaverse."
"You're king?"
I gasp while I speak. I take my hand
and put it on my head. "Jadeite…how can
you?"
"Join me,"
he says simply. Jadeite stands there
with his arm outstretched, and I can see evil energy around him, building up
and up. Black swirls are there, and
he's suddenly changed. A black cape,
seemingly made from the mist, covers most of him, while a crown of the same
strange stuff sits atop his head. The
evil…the evil…
The evil
that is my lover. I swallow, and then
hold out my hand. He takes it, and I
walk towards Jadeite. I put my arms
around him as I too am enveloped by the fog.
I feel the evil floating into me, and I welcome it. As long as I have him, nothing else matters.
The End.