***
6 months later.
***
He walked down the street with his hands in his pockets, watching his feet as he went. He wasn't sure where he was going. He'd declined on the guys offer to go out with them. They were all still dating the nurses and he didn't want to sit there like a sixth wheel. He knew he could have been dating Anya if he wanted too. She was a nice girl and all, but as he'd told Angel. There just wasn't anything thing there. She didn't seem to be too bothered at his rejection. In fact, last he'd heard she was dating some sailor named Jerry. He wished them the best.
He'd spent more hours up in the air than he should have today. If it were up to him he'd still be up there. Jonathan was the one who'd tried the most to get him to come out with them. It was nice to know his friends cared about him enough to try to pull him out of the rut he'd wedged himself in. He'd caved and gone a few times, but he never had any fun. He'd get sloshed and sit there. Never speaking to any girls, never really participating in the conversations. The only reason he'd left the barracks tonight was because Spike was sick. One could only listen to the man's whining and coughing so much.
The concrete passed underneath his feet steadily, his pace was neither fast nor slow. The pace of a man with nowhere to go. He couldn't decide weather to see a picture, grab a bite to eat, or just head back to the base. He rounded the corner with his head still down, not seeing the girl walking in his same fashion. They collided head on or head to chest, as he was almost a foot taller.
"Oof," she mumbled before falling to the ground.
"Oh, I'm sorry Miss." he began, reaching out a hand to help her up. "Buffy?"
"Xander?" She asked, grabbing his hand and pulling herself up. "Hi."
"Hi."
"Taking a stroll?" She asked looking behind him expecting the guys to come around the corner. "By yourself?"
"Yeah," He replied looking past her shoulder. "You too?"
"Well...yes."
"It's been awhile," he said.
"A few months," she agreed. "How have you been?"
"Honestly?"
"Honesty is good."
"I've been better," he said. "You know the saying 'all heals in good time.' Well I guess that's true."
"I've heard that."
"How have you been?"
"Honestly?" She said with a slight smile.
"Honesty is good," he replied.
"I've...Well I've guess I've been better too. I mean, the days..." A deep breath. "It does get easier you know?"
"I do."
There stared at each other a moment. That sudden connection of knowing exactly how another person is feeling coming back like the day of the funeral. She looked at him, he looked at her. The awkwardness came in a flash and they both looked away.
"So..." he said somewhat lamely. "Were you...I mean did you have somewhere to go?"
"No," she replied. "I was just...taking a walk."
"Me too," he ran a hand through his hair not knowing what else to do with it. "Listen," he said. "I was just going to head over to the movie house to see what's playing. You...want to come?"
She looked at him for a moment, head tilted slightly as if weighing her options. He stared at her expectantly and she nodded.
"Sure," she said.
They made small talk on the way to the movie house. Catching up on what each other had been doing in the last few months. He talked about all the flight time he was clocking in. She talked about all the shifts she'd taken up at the hospital. They'd both thrown themselves into their routines. Something neither one of them found surprising. She hadn't had much of a social life since Angel died. Occasionally going out with the girls when they'd convince to come or drag her anyway. He knew what that was like. They smiled at each other softly. Another thing they'd shared.
Once at the movie house, he'd been the gentleman insisting to pay. After a brief argument of insistence she'd agreed. When the newsreels came on both of them couldn't look at the screen as it showed the glorified deaths of fighter pilots over in Europe. "Give us the tools," Churchill had said. "And we will finish the job."
"We're being trained for that war," Xander whispered. "Yet the U.S. still wants stay out if it."
"Why jump into a fight that isn't yours?" Buffy asked.
"I don't know. Seems like the right thing to do."
"I don't see when going off to die has ever been the right thing to do."
Xander looked over to her in the darkness, his teeth gleaming from the light off the screen in a smile he couldn't help.
"You've got a point."
"Of course I do."
He'd excused himself to go to the bathroom after that, and went to the concession stand to buy her some popcorn. A gesture that brought an enthusiastic thank you. They watched the bright colors of Walt Disney's animated wonder that was Fantasia. Each slightly awed that a simple cartoon could be so magical. Xander snuck looks over to her during the movie. Quelling the urge to put his arm around her. This was Angel's girl. He was doing the impossible and thinking the unthinkable. Still, once or twice he'd look at her and know why Angel fell so hard for her.
After the movie they walked down Main Street, just strolling and talking about the movie.
"I wish we had dancing brooms like that in the barracks," Xander said. "It would make clean up a whole lot easier."
She giggled and slowly, nervously put her arms through his. He didn't know how to react to that and kept the inane chatter up.
"And those dancing hippos," he said. "I'd pay good money to see that at a Zoo."
She laughed loudly, the sound of it music to him.
"You make me laugh," she said smiling. "I can't remember the last time I laughed."
"Well," he said unable to keep his eyes from meeting hers. "I take it that's a good thing."
She smiled at him softly before turning her head back to the sidewalk.
"It's definitely of the good."
They continued strolling along arm in arm, not seeing two of their friends watching them from across the street. Oz and Willow had just come out of the Black Cat diner and we're planning on catching the late show at the movies when they saw Buffy and Xander walking contently together. Oz's brow furrowed in confusion at first before his face turned to one of acceptance. He didn't say anything. It wasn't his style. Willow's eyes went wide and she resisted the urge to call over to them. They'd just seemed lost in each other and a part of her didn't want to ruin that. Looking at them fade in the distance her thoughts began to think it was sweet to see them like that, before another part of her went 'oh no.'
***
Buffy was up long before Willow the next morning. Having already showered and made herself breakfast she sat on the edge of her bed in her uniform waiting until it was time to go to the hospital. The events of the previous night were playing themselves in her mind over and over. Part of her felt so alive for the first time in a long time. She'd actually smiled and laughed and... The other part of her felt she was betraying Angel somehow. Xander was his best friend, his brother and yet there was something... She didn't want to think about that something right now. She rose from the end of her bed and walked into the living room. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat on the couch with it. She glanced out the window, looking at the trees and the ocean beyond.
Fifteen minutes later Willow came sleepily out of their room. Buffy was still in the same position, eyes out the window, coffee untouched.
"Buffy," she said. "Buffy," once more when she didn't respond.
"Oh, Willow," Buffy replied snapping out of her daze. "Good morning."
"Morning," the redhead returned. "You all right?"
"I'm fine. Just thinking."
"About last night?"
The blonde nurse's head shot up toward her friend, her eyes wide with shock. She almost felt ashamed.
"Listen Willow," She said quickly. "I...we.. It wasn't...it wasn't what it looked like."
"It looked like you were happy," Willow said. "You were smiling Buffy. And laughing! I can't remember the last time I've seen you do either."
Buffy nodded solemnly.
"I had a wonderful time Will," she said. "I just...it's just..."
"It's just what? It's been months Buffy. I know you loved Angel. But...we're young you know? We have our whole lives ahead of us. Maybe it's time you thought about moving on?"
"Maybe," Buffy agreed quietly. "But it's Xander Willow. He and Angel are...were brothers."
"Then I really don't see why Angel would mind."
Buffy looked at her friend oddly, a small part of her not believing what she had heard.
"Angel would want you to be happy Buffy. You know that. He wouldn't have wanted you to stop living just because he's gone."
Buffy found herself nodding. Angel would have wanted her to move on. She was just unsure if she could.
"I have to go to the hospital," Buffy said rising from the couch. "We'll talk later?"
"Of course," Willow replied.
Buffy hugged her briefly before walking toward the door.
***
'What are you doing?' Xander thought to himself as he paced outside of Buffy's house. He'd barely slept a wink the night before and as soon as the sun rose he made his way here. Last night was one of the best night's he'd had in...Well, his whole life. A big part of him was ecstatic that he could be himself around a girl like that. A very beautiful girl at that. Butterflies swirled in his stomach and he stared at the door. A million things to say to her flooding in his brain. A small part of him felt extremely guilty for being here, for feeling this way about his best friend's girl. Still, thinking of the way she held her arm in his... He couldn't help but be here wanting to ask if he could see her again.
He paced a few minutes more working up the courage to knock on the door when suddenly it opened and she was standing right in front of him.
***
"Xander?" Buffy asked walking to the edge of the porch.
"Hi," he said looking around nervously.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"Well...I uh... Just want to uh..."
"Is this really important?"
"Well, it's not the end of the world or anything," he said.
"Then can we talk later? My shift at the hospital is starting soon and I don't want to be late."
"Want me to walk you?"
"That's okay," she said. "I can make it."
"O-oh," he said. "Okay. Well um...we'll talk later then?"
"Sure," she said walking past him.
He turned to watch her go, smelling the lingering scent of her hair left wafting through the air.
"You're falling for her aren't you?" Willow stated bluntly from the porch.
Xander's head snapped toward her, his eyes blinking rapidly, unsure of what to say. She could see the words he was fumbling for.
"I...yeah," He began. "I'm falling for my best friend's girl."
Her eyes softened toward him as she approached, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I know you feel bad about all of this," she said softly. "But he's gone Xander. I might not have known Angel that well, but he was a good enough guy to want to the people in his life to be happy."
"Yeah..."
"Listen," she said. "If you think this is real. If you can really love her, don't let something like Angel's death get in the way of it. If this thing between you two is something, even if it isn't, let it be because you and her wanted it or didn't want it. Don't let Angel's memory stop you. Do it for yourselves."
"I don't think she could ever love me back."
"Xander... Oz and I saw you together last night. We haven't seen Buffy smile like that in so long. You made her smile Xander. She may not even realize that right now but you do."
He smiled at her gratefully.
"Willow I..."
"Go," she said, her eyes looking in the direction where Buffy was headed.
"Thank you."
***
"Buffy!" Xander shouted, running to catch up to her.
"Xander?" She said turning to face him. "Is everything all right?"
"Yeah, um, peachy."
"You don't look too peachy, are you sure whatever you had to tell me wasn't that important?"
"Can I see you again?" He asked quickly.
She stared at him, not sure what it could mean if she said yes. Not sure if he meant it in that way.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"I mean...I mean, let me take you out on a...date?"
"Oh Xander," She said softly. "I don't know."
"Listen," He said. "I know we're both feeling a little...I don't want to say this is wrong because it isn't. I just... I can't help what I'm feeling right now and I'd like to... Oh god Buffy, I want to dance with you. I want us to go somewhere and I... I just want to dance with you. Please?"
She looked at him for what felt like ages. Different parts of her mind saying no, other parts(more parts) of her saying yes.
"I thought you didn't like to dance," she said stalling.
"I haven't found the right partner," he said quietly.
Her hand went to his cheek without her even realizing it.
"All right," she said.
He let out the breath he was holding and instantly was all smiles. He resisted the urge to pick her up and twirl her around.
"Tonight?" he asked.
"Tonight," she confirmed.
"Still don't want me to walk you to the hospital?"
"Sure," she said as she turned and began walking.
He stared after her a second, almost not believing what had just happened. He pushed his disbelief aside and trotted to catch up.
