Xander fidgeted nervously with the hem of his
sleeve as Angelus wandered around his pseudo-apartment, looking things over. Angelus
soon grew bored of surveying the tiny, dank room. He leaned against the washing
machine and lit a cigarette, watching the boy closely.
"Nice basement," he sneered.
Xander bristled at the sardonic tone. "Yeah,
well, they were all out of abandoned mansions."
Angelus' eyes narrowed in response and Xander
shuddered, wondering if he would ever learn to keep his mouth shut.
Angelus caught the almost imperceptible movement
and grinned widely. It reminded him of what had initially drawn him to the boy.
That unique combination of courage and foolhardiness with a touch of healthy
fear was what had aroused Angelus so. It certainly hadn't been Xander's fashion
sense that caught his eye.
"What the hell are you wearing?"
Xander's face flamed in mortification. "What?
What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"
"Your taste in clothes seems have to gotten
worse in the past two years. I guess The Shrew was good for something after
all. Without her here, you seem to have regressed. Or maybe accelerated is a
better word since I'm reasonably sure I saw that same shirt at the Senior Citizen
home last week."
"'The Shrew'?" Xander stared at him in confusion
and then horror, as comprehension dawned. "Oh god! Cordelia! What did you do
to her?"
Angelus inhaled deeply and waved Xander's
concerns off. "Save your outrage. She's fine." He thought about it for a moment
and then chuckled, "For now anyway."
Xander just stood there, motionless and unblinking.
He couldn't take his eyes off of Angelus. It had been so long since he could
really just stare at his former lover without any fear of repercussions. They
had only been lovers for a few months when Angelus came up with his brilliant
plan to suck the world into Hell and instead ended up going there himself.
When he finally returned from the demon dimension,
he wasn't Angelus anymore. Which meant that Xander was no longer entitled to
spend his free time feasting his eyes upon that beloved face. He couldn't even
bear to be in the same room with Angel. He knew that if he were around Angel
for more than a moment or two, he'd give himself away somehow.
And that must never happen. No one could ever
know about what had transpired between the two of them. They would never understand.
Xander wasn't sure he understood himself. Still.
The night that Angel lost his soul, he had
appeared at Xander's window just as Xander was heading to the bus station. Angel
said things…things that Xander couldn't let himself think about. It was too
painful to remember. He had been so happy that Angel finally returned his feelings.
To discover the next night that it had been Angelus, not Angel, who whispered
those sweet lies and made him feel so loved, so alive, shattered his already
fragile and battered heart.
Xander should have stopped things right then
and there but he didn't. He couldn't. Xander had wanted this for so long, there
was no way that he could turn away. It didn't matter that the soul was gone.
It was still that strong and beautiful man that Xander had loved from afar.
Of course, Xander had no idea how bad it would
get. How relentless Angelus would be in his torment of Buffy. By the time Angelus
killed Ms. Calendar, Xander was in too deep. Angelus had gotten under his skin
and become this drug that Xander couldn't resist. So he stood idly by and did
nothing. For the rest of the world, he and Angelus played the parts of mortal
enemies. They even staged a few very public confrontations.
But after every single one of those interludes,
Angelus would appear at Xander's bedroom window and fuck him senseless. Reminding
him that, no matter what performances they might but on for the Scooby Gang,
Xander belonged to Angelus.
Until Acathala.
There had been no way that Xander could allow
his own desires, no matter how powerful and consuming they might be, to come
ahead of saving the world. Enough people had died because Xander couldn't bear
the thought of losing Angelus. It had to stop.
Looking back, he often wondered if he had
done the right thing in not telling Buffy that Willow was attempting to curse
the vampire again. He knew that Buffy needed a clear head and the truth would
have given Angelus the advantage. But if he had told her…
Xander still would have lost him. Regardless
of whether or not he went to Hell, Angel only wanted Buffy. That was the reality
of the situation. The demon may have desired Xander but his soul certainly did
not. Which led Xander to a new question.
"How did you lose your soul this time? I mean,
Buffy—"
Angelus growled in response to that name.
"No, Buff had nothing to do with it. This time, you have the marvels of modern
day pharmaceuticals to thank. A lovely little drug that makes one 'perfectly
happy.' Apparently that was enough to send The Brooding Wonder's soul back to
the aether where it belongs." He smirked at the look of utter disbelief on Xander's
face. It was rather comic. "As for the Slayer, I can deal with her tomorrow.
I have better plans for tonight. I feel the need to celebrate my release from
captivity."
Xander sighed inwardly, relieved about the
temporary reprieve. All his thoughts fled in the next instant as Angelus pushed
away from the washer and approached him slowly, a speculative gleam in his eye.
Xander swallowed convulsively at that familiar look. "Um…What did you have in
mind?"
Angelus reached out and grabbed him swiftly.
Before Xander could catch his breath, he was lying on the bed, Angelus' powerful
body above him. Angelus looked down at Xander and sighed dramatically.
"Did you forget everything I taught you?"
He used one hand to capture Xander's wrists
above his head, as his other hand began undoing the buttons of Xander's hideous
shirt. He grinned wickedly at the boy pinned beneath him.
"Allow me to get things started. Just speak
up when you remember how to do this."
Angelus' mouth descended and covered Xander's.
The kiss was brutal and demanding and had Xander already whimpering with need.
It had been so long. And he had missed Angelus so much. Xander arched his body
up, trying to press himself closer to his lover. Angelus' lips left his and
trailed kisses across Xander's jaw, leaving Xander panting heavily, trying to
force air into his aching lungs.
Speak? Xander couldn't remember how to breathe.
"Fuck."
Angelus heard the muttered expletive and growled
approvingly in Xander's ear.
"See? I knew you'd remember."