Spoiled & Rotten Spoiled & Rotten Chapter Ten Giles entered the hospital room, rubbing his eyes wearily. After Xander and Spike had arrived at the rendezvous point, they had filled Angel and Giles in on what had happened with Faith. After considerable debate, they agreed that bringing Buffy back to the hospital was the wisest decision.

Buffy was now settled in her hospital room once more. Spike had taken off to parts unknown. Xander heard him mutter something about raiding the blood bank. He fervently hoped that Spike had been joking. Knowing Spike though, he was probably serious.

Xander and Angel both looked over at the former Watcher, expectantly, as he slid his glasses back on.

Finally, Giles spoke. "It appears the danger, for Buffy at least, is over. I spoke with my sources and they've confirmed that the assassination plans have been tabled."

Angel was dubious. "Just like that?"

"So it would seem." Giles nodded. "The Council was never certain that killing Buffy would call another Slayer since-"

"Technically, they already replaced her." Xander completed the thought.

"Yes. She already died once. If she were to die again, I doubt another Slayer would be activated. Now that Faith is out of her coma, apprehending her is their priority." Giles swayed on his feet and pressed his hand against the wall to steady himself.

Xander's brow creased in concern. "Giles, you should go home and get some rest. You haven't slept in two days."

"But Faith--" Giles protested.

Angel stepped in to reassure him. "Xander and I will stay. We'll watch over Buffy for you."

Giles nodded with some small measure of relief. "Thank you both. I'll stop by and update Joyce on my way home." Giles bid the others a farewell and walked out into the hallway.

Leaving only Xander and Angel. Alone.

The steady beep of the monitor was the only sound heard as the two men struggled to look anywhere but at each other. Xander snuck a glance in Angel's direction, where the vampire sat. He looked as though he were trying to memorize the pattern in the floor tiles.

"This is ridiculous."

Angel started in surprise at Xander's voice. "What is?"

"This. Us." Xander waved his hands for emphasis. "We've been trying to have a conversation for the past two days. Now, here we are, alone, trapped in a room and I'm going deaf from the silence."

"I wasn't really sure where to begin."

"How about we start with our first interrupted topic and work our way from there?"

Angel's face remained carefully blank. "You said I was wrong to think you only wanted Angelus. What did you mean by that?"

"Oh-kay...so I guess we're over the 'beating around the bush' stage, huh?"

"Xander--"

"I know, I know. Not helping things." Xander took a deep breath.. "You remember everything that happened, even those times when you didn't have your soul, right?" Off Angel's slow nod, Xander tried to draw on the courage he'd ever possessed. "Then you know. You know how you got into my room that first night."

Angel reflected on the memory of that night. "I came to you and told you that I wanted you. That I was tired of pretending with Buffy-"

"Yeah, you did all the declarations of undying love." Xander replied bitterly.

"I'm sorry. I--"

Xander waved off his apology. "I don't want to hear that you're sorry. I want this out in the open. I didn't know you had lost your soul until the next day. It was you that I invited into my home, into my room, into...me. Why? Why would I do that, Angel? It wasn't because I wanted Angelus. I'd never met him."

Angel was caught short by the notion. In all the times he had gone over that night in his head, he'd never stopped to think about what it meant for Xander to have invited him in.

"You knew how I felt about you, Angel. Angelus told me so himself. That you had always known about my attraction to you. You just never did anything about it."

"That was a lie." Angel answered softly.

"What?"

"I never knew, Xander. When I appeared at your window that night, it was just a game. I wanted to completely fluster you and throw you off balance. I thought you'd slam the window on me and run off to tell Buffy. I never thought you'd invite me in."

Xander looked deflated by that statement. He sank down into the chair next to Angel. "You never knew? It was just a game?"

Angel placed his hand over Xander's. "I never had the slightest idea. I thought you hated me."

"So the part about you wanting me was a lie too?"

"No! That was the truth. My...attraction to you was the reason why I went after you when I lost my soul."

Xander shook his head, dejectedly. "I don't believe you."

"It's the truth." Angel thought about it for a moment. "I watched you for months."

"That was because Buffy--"

"The first time I ever saw you was long before Buffy ever came to Sunnydale." At Xander's incredulous look, Angel continued. "It was at the Bronze. You were with Willow and another boy. The three of you always seemed to be together."

"Jesse."

Angel squeezed his hand. "Yes, Jesse. You were all so young. Looking at you three, I couldn't remember ever having been that young. I was here waiting for Buffy. I used to skulk around in shadows."

"You're very good at that."

"It's my one talent. Lurking." Angel chuckled. "I went to the Bronze a lot. Tried to keep an eye on things as best I could until the Slayer arrived. I watched the three of you, followed you home at night, making sure you made it there safely."

"Why?"

"Honestly? I'm not sure. There was just something about you. You were so...alive. Happy. Innocent. When you entered a room, it was like the lights dimmed by comparison."

Xander snickered. "Does that line usually work for you?"

"So I'm not the witty conversationalist. I'm trying here." Angel retorted, defensively.

Xander looked at him, chagrined. "You're right. I'm sorry." His expression brightened considerably as Angel's words began to sink in. "So you always had a big ol' yen for me, huh?"

"You intrigued me. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to know you." Angel paused. "Though I did want to wring your neck on more than one occasion."

"I think I liked your cheesy line better."

"You infuriated me, Xander. You were the constant thorn in my side. Always in my face, getting under my skin, making me crazy."

"And this was a turn on to you?"

"You have met Spike, right?" Angel deadpanned.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."

"I never had any idea that you had feelings for me that didn't involve me as a pile of dust."

"For someone who's two centuries old, you really need to buy a clue."

"So it would seem." Angel answered dryly. "But exactly when did you start to reciprocate my feelings? I have a distinct memory of you telling me you didn't like me."

"Well I didn't. You were a vampire. I don't know...maybe if everyone else wasn't so quick to dismiss that little fact, I wouldn't have held on to hating you for so long." Xander smiled at Angel. "I don't think there was a moment when I suddenly stopped actively hating you. I was convinced that Buffy was it for me for a long time."

"Been there."

"But gradually, I started thinking of you as a friend." Xander struggled with his words. "No, more than that. You were like this perfect guy that I wished I could be. I'm not really the dark and brooding, romantic hero, you know?"

"You're Xander. You don't need to be anything else." Angel said simply.

"Yeah, well, you can see how far that's gotten me." Xander shrugged his shoulders. "The night that you showed up at my window, it changed things for me. I had to admit to my feelings. And that they were a lot more than 'friendly' towards you. It was the first time in my life that someone I cared about returned that emotion. I felt like I could finally stop waiting. Though I don't think I even realized that's what I was doing."

"I'm sorry that it didn't turn out better."

"It turned out the way it had to." Xander stared down at Angel's hand intertwined with his own as he continued quietly. "I never told Buffy that Willow was trying to restore your soul."

Angel was quick to reassure him. "You made the right choice."

Xander wasn't so certain. "I felt so guilty. When you came back, I couldn't deal with that so I just put it on you. The way you acted around me didn't help. I felt betrayed that you never told me you were back and then when you and Buffy--"

"I didn't know any way around that. I still loved Buffy very much. I still do, Xander, but that doesn't change--"

Xander finally lifted his eyes to meet Angel's. "I think I finally get that now. But I need you to understand. I was with Angelus because that was all I could have."

"Maybe that was all you thought you could have but now..." Angel trailed off unsure of where to go from there.

Xander just grinned at him. "Now what?"

Angel released Xander's hand and lifted his hand to caress the younger man's cheek. Xander leaned into the touch as Angel moved his head closer. Angel brushed his lips against Xander's, tentatively so as not to spook Xander.

He needn't have worried, Angel thought, as he felt Xander's fingers slide along the back of his neck, pressing him closer. Angel slanted his mouth over Xander's, swallowing the breathy moan that Xander released as Angel's tongue slid inside to rub seductively along Xander's own.

Xander's head was swimming. Kissing Angel was so different than Angelus. With Angelus, it was all about possession and ownership. Angel's kiss spoke of tenderness and need. He'd never been kissed like this before. Angel kissed him as if there was no one else on this earth he wanted to kiss more.

It was perfect. So achingly perfect that Xander was hearing bells.

No, wait. That can't be right, Xander dimly thought. It's not bells. It's more like...beeping.

Xander's eyes snapped open and he glanced above Angel's head. Stunned, he abruptly broke off the kiss.

Angel was perplexed. "Xander?"

"Um...Angel. You know how people always wonder if coma patients can hear them?"

"Yeah." Angel replied slowly.

"Wonder no more."

With the brain activity monitor now beeping furiously in the background, Xander and Angel both turned to look over at the bed.

Where a very awake Buffy was glaring at them, murderous intent in her eyes.