Xander took a deep breath and counted
to ten. "Anya, will you please stop? You're making me dizzy!"
The ex-demon paused mid-stride and
glared at him. "You're breaking up with me, Xander, and moving to another
city. How am I supposed to react?"
"I know. I'm sorry but you
have to believe me. It'll be better this way. For both of us."
"How can it be better? I mean, the
sex is good, right? It is good, isn't it? I'm not bad, am I?"
Xander stifled a chuckle.
This is just like Anya, he thought. Thousands of years observing human
behavior and she can't get past sex as a cure-all fix for any problem.
"Yes, the sex was very good but there's more to a relationship than just that."
He continued gently. "We wouldn't have lasted. We just didn't have
what it takes to go the distance."
"Oh god, you're not going to spout
some ridiculous 'one true love' dribble, are you?"
"Well...no. I don't know that
I believe in that..." He trailed off remembering the feeling of kissing
Angel, not Angelus, for the first time and how different it felt to him.
"What I believe is this. There are a lot of people in this world that
you can be happy with. But you have to find the right person at the right
time."
"I don't understand." She
replied petulantly.
"I don't know how else to explain
it. It's like...you can kiss the same person a hundred times and feel
nothing. And then one day, you kiss them and...it's just perfect."
"Oh so that's it! You've kissed
somebody else and she's better than me and—"
Finally, Xander had had enough.
He jumped to his feet and yelled in frustration, "Anya, I'm gay!"
"Oh. Well, why didn't you
just say that?" She crossed the room and kissed him softly on the cheek.
"I wish you luck, Xander. You were a good boyfriend."
As she sailed up the stairs and
out of his life, Xander thought to himself, I should have just started the conversation
with that.
* *
* * *
"Well I must say, Xander, this is
a bit of a shock. I had no idea you were considering leaving Sunnydale."
Giles slipped his glassed back on and gazed at Xander in concern.
"I just need more out of life than
being Donut Boy, Giles."
"I see. Have you told Buffy
yet?"
"No. And I don't intend to.
She's got a lot on her mind right now. You know, having been in a coma,
people trying to kill her, her psycho counterpart on the loose. I figure
with rehabilitation and all, she won't give me much thought."
"But Xander—"
"It's okay, Giles. I...uh...I
wrote her this letter. Maybe when the time is right...when she asks about
me...you could give it to her?"
Giles took the envelope from Xander,
nodding. "Of course. I'll make sure that she reads it."
"Thanks. I'd better get going.
I still need to say goodbye to Willow." He started to walk away Giles
stopped him, reaching out and pulling the boy into an embrace. Xander
just stood there, in stunned amazement, for a moment before reaching up to wrap
his arms around the older man who had been such a part of his life for the past
four years.
When Giles pulled away, his eyes
were suspiciously damp. "You're a brave young man, Xander, and I'm quite
proud of you. Don't ever forget that."
Xander was flustered. "Yeah...uh...thanks,
G-Man. For everything."
"You're very welcome...and don't
ever call me that again."
* *
* * *
"You're moving to Los Angeles?
With Angel?" Willow sat down on the edge of her bed in shock. She
looked up at him, confused. "But why?"
He sat down beside her and wrapped
an arm around her waist. She leaned into him and he buried his face in
her hair. "I'm not happy here, Wills. I haven't been for a long
time."
"But why LA? Why can't you
be happy here?" Her voice was muffled by his shirt but he could tell she
was crying.
"I don't know why. Maybe because
everyone here thinks of me as 'Xander the Screwup.' Or maybe because when
I'm here that's how I see myself. But I think that with a fresh start,
somewhere that isn't the Hellmouth, I could learn to see myself differently."
She pulled away from him and sniffled.
"But Angel? I thought you two--"
"We called a truce helping Giles
the other night. And, based on that, he seems to think I'd make a useful
sidekick." He and Angel had agreed upon an edited version of why Xander
was moving to Los Angeles. Neither of them wanted to explain to the others
about Angelus...or their new relationship. Xander grinned at Willow.
"Hey, it's not like this is easy on me either. I'm going to be working
with Cordelia."
"I'm going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you too.
But we'll call and write and I think I can probably manage some email now and
then." He brushed the tears from her face. "This is a good thing.
I need...I need you to be happy for me."
"I am happy for you. I just
wish you didn't have to go so far away." Willow reached out and grabbed him
a fierce hug.
He wrapped his arms around her and
breathed a sigh of relief. "You can always come visit."
A long moment later, they pulled
away and Xander rose to his feet. Willow followed him to the door and
kissed him goodbye. "Call me when you get there. Let me know you're
okay."
He squeezed her hand. "Don't
worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll call you from Angel's place."
As he walked down the hall, Willow
called out after him, "I love you, Xander Harris!"
Xander stopped in his tracks, tears
threatening. He looked back at her standing in the doorway and tried to
smile. "I love you too, Wills."
And with that he turned on his heel
and walked outside to his new life.