The Truth About The Concubine-By Black Nightshade
Notes: Hi Hi! Do note this will be utterly stupid and odds are not very good. I went trough most of the stories in ff.net-no point of view for the bestest undead from TM and TMR. Soo I went and used the rest of my little intelligence left to put this fic together. Enjoy?
Hello! You may remember me as Anak-su-na-mu from the movies The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. Well, what is this mummy stuff about? Well, personally I think it's a bunch of dungbeatles. I mean, common. Wait, let me tell you the REAL story. For starters, my name isn't really Anak-su-na-whatever. It's Ra. That's right, Ra. For some reason movies always have to be complicated.
Any way,, here I was.. well.. where was I? I don't remember anything until I was the Pharaoh's concubine... I have a theory I'm really some fascinating robot created by the ancient Egyptians who actually had more technology then you people do now. Ha! Imagine that.
Well, it goes on that I meet up with this horses' behind named Nefertitis or something or other. She had to be one of those daddy's girl types. Arg! She couldn't fight at all back in the Old times, tell me how someone who never handled a knife in her reincarnation, and probably is spoon-fed by some British moron at tea-time?! It makes no sense to me.. none at all.
And of course my dear Imhotep.. why did I run away at the end in TMR? Very.. Very..Simple. It wasn't because I didn't want to save my Immy-Weemy. It's a girl thing. Common, you people seriously don't mean to tell me I didn't act like I had PMS through both movies did you?! I thought not. I expected him to hang there for a bit not let go! Well.. I did happen to step into certain death but still it's the principle of things!
Another thing, It's not my fault we where caught making out on the balcony! I swear I swear I swear! Imh-Baby forgot to close the curtain and you know how it is when your in the middle of a passionate moment, if you don't stop to put a condom on (they didn't have condoms in my day, we just used some linen and a piece of string. Go figure) why would you go and close a stupid shade? I bet Nefer-bitch had something to do with that. I think she had to hots for MY rotting corpse of a man. Can you believe the nerve?! Stuck up brat.. you know. I bet she had the hots for her father as well. That's right, incest. It would figure, always going after other peoples men. Feh. Gods' forbid she allow one man in the palace to belong to another.
Oh yes.. and Alex, dear sweet little..bah what am I saying! He was nothing but a piece of hay in my behind for the entire show. Who lets a 5 year old lead them throughout the entire Egypts? I think my Imho had moths eat part of is brain when they where in those jars.. Little blond haired kid acted more like his uncle then anything didn't he? Back to incest I tell you! Grrr she did it again!!!!! Even in the next life!!
So you see, it's not my fault at all for the death of Imho-Kins. It's.. (insert names of every
character in both movies)... AND THAT GUY JUST KEPT HAVING TO GET SHOT
IN HIS ASS DIDN'T HE?! Ohh no he couldn't get his once more could he? He ruined
our plans because of is stupid ass. Anubis damn his ass.. Ah.. back on the subject.. I just
couldn't bear the afterlife without letting you fine individuals know the truth about me.
Tootles!
P.S.- I'll get you yet Evie-Wench/Nefer-Bitch! BWAAAAA.
