Survivor: Wolfwere Island Episode 1

Survivor: Wolfwere Island Episode 1

Jeff Probst: Hello and welcome to the premiere episode of Survivor: Wolfwere Island. For several episodes, there will be two separate tribes but on day 18, the two tribes will merge into one. The contestants are standing behind me.

Edwin: Blah blah blah. Just get to the point. (Yes, this one will do nicely for my plan)

Jeff Probst: All right. Getting down to business, you have been sorted into to tribes: Calaway and Varner.

Viconia: No shit Sherlock.

Jeff Probst: All right. You will be given five minutes to gather all you can from these two crates. Remember, you WILL have to carry these to your camp. Ready? Go!

The two tribes smash open their crates. In the Calaway tribe, Jaheira and Nalia take bags of rice, Minsc takes a canoe, Aerie takes a canteen of water, Anomen takes a knife, Yoshimo takes a rope, Imoen takes water purifier, and Korgan takes nothing. In the Varner tribe, Cernd and Keldorn each grab one end of their canoe, Viconia and Mazzy take rice, Jan takes a flashlight, Edwin takes a knife, Haer Dalis takes a canteen of water, and Valygar takes water purifier.

Jeff Probst: So you're all set to go to your camps. Korgan, Edwin, you two take these maps. (gives maps out)

The Hike to Camp (Calaway)

Yoshimo: So, my short friend, where is our camp located?

Korgan: Don't get yer knickers in a twist. We just have a few more miles to go?

Imoen: A few more MILES? How big is this island?

Anomen: Well, gorgeous, this island is about 35 square miles.

Aerie: I'm getting a little cold.

Anomen: Fear not lady elf! I'll keep you warm! (attempts to hug Aerie)

Aerie: That's going too far. Besides, I'm involved with someone from the other tribe.

Anomen: Really? Who?

Aerie: Haer Dalis.

Anomen: Who in the Nine Hells is Haer Dalis?

Aerie: The bard.

Anomen: That scrawny runt? What do you see in him?

Aerie: He's a lot nicer than you now leave me alone!

Yoshimo: I think I see a flag. It says Varner on it.

Jaheira: Well this is just great. We're at the other camp.

The real Varners arrive

Viconia: What in the Nine Hells are you doing here?

Minsc: Relax pretty drow. We just got lost.

Viconia: Well, I suggest you leave now.

Nalia: I have an idea. We have a canoe and the camps are only about a mile apart. We can go by canoe!

Three Hours Later

Imoen: Well, it took us three hours but we made it!

Yoshimo: I knew I shouldn't have stopped for a bathroom break.

Jaheira: It's all because of that- that traitor!

Imoen: Traitor? What do you mean?

Jaheira: You were in Spellhold when it happened. That fool betrayed us for Irenicus.

Yoshimo: Let me explain. I had a curse. The curse of obedience. Irenicus ordered me to pretend to be trapped in his dungeon and ask to join your group. He also asked that at the moment we meet again, betray you. When your friend took my heart to the Temple of Ilmater, the curse was lifted. Please forgive me.

Imoen: It's okay Yoshimo. I forgive you.

Jaheira: What? How can you forgive him after what he did?

Imoen: I don't know how. I just… can.

The Hike to Camp (Varner)

Jan: So, Haer Dalis. You're a bard eh?

Haer Dalis: Yes my raven. I am a bard.

Jan: Interesting. My aunt Leadfoot is a bard. Did you know that?

Haer Dalis; As a matter of fact, my songbird. I have heard of your aunt Leadfoot. Remarkable woman. Just remarkable.

Edwin: Can you two shut up? (Morons. I am stuck in a tribe of morons)

Valygar: Watch your tongue wizard. Or you'll likely lose it.

Keldorn: (struggling to regain balance) Careful Valygar. You almost dropped the canoe.

Viconia: Nitwits.

Cernd: Please behave. It's only a few hours into the game and we're already at each other's throats.

Jan: You know Cernd. You remind me of my uncle Scratchy. Always trying to keep the peace. Of course, one time that wasn't the thing to do.

Viconia: Nobody cares about your family, gnome.

Jan: Oh, that's it! Nobody insults my family! (pulls out Flasher Launcher) Stop talking filth about my family and one of Jan Jansen's Flasher Bruiser Mates won't go up your behind Drow!

Mazzy: Everybody get along. I see our camp.

Everybody rushes to the camp but finds the Calaways already there.

Viconia: What in the Nine Hells are you doing here?

Minsc: Relax pretty drow. We just got lost.

Viconia: Well, I suggest you leave now.

Nalia: I have an idea. We have a canoe and the camps are only about a mie apart. We can go by canoe!

The Calaways leave.

Keldorn: Now that that's settled, let's set up camp.

Jan: Behold. I have one of Jan Jansen's Special Emergency Shelter Flasher Bruiser Mates in my pack. Hold on. (Loads flasher into Flasher Launcher and fires. When he fires, a small cabin comes out)

Mazzy: Now that's what I call stylish.

Jan: Now that the shelter is built, I'm going to test it out. I'm tired. Goodnight.

Calaway Tribe

The Calaways are attempting to build a shelter.

Minsc: Boo thinks this shelter isn't very steady looking.

Aerie: It looks fine to me.

Jaheira: Child, it's a pile of sticks.

Yoshimo: And what a pile of sticks it is. I'm going to go look for some materials for a shelter.

Minsc: Minsc and Boo will come too.

Yoshimo: Very well, my large friend. Let us go!

The two walk into the woods.

Yoshimo: Minsc, if you get voted off before I do, can you do me a favor?

Minsc: Minsc and Boo are always willing to help.

Yoshimo: Thank you. I want you to thank your friend for removing the curse upon me.

Minsc: Very well. Hey wait. Boo found something!

Boo comes out dragging an abandoned portable shelter.

Yoshimo: How did he manage to pull out a portable shelter? That thing must way a ton!

Minsc: Boo is an exceptionally strong little hamster. Now let's get back to camp.

Yoshimo: Minsc, wait a second. We have some mail.

Minsc: No. A piece of a tree fell off and we must put it back up! (grabs letter and attempts to throw it into the tree)

Yoshimo: (catches letter) You retard. It's mail.

Minsc: How could a letter get out here?

Yoshimo: The crew set up mailboxes to inform us of challenges.

Minsc: Then let us go to camp!

Back at Camp (Calaway)

Minsc: Friends! We have mail! Let the oh-so-mighty Boo read it!

Boo: Squeak.

Korgan: Yer chattering is starting to wear on me nerves! I'll read it. "Go through the course with a tank that ways a ton, lose and your numbers will decrease by one." Sounds tricky.

Anomen: Yes dwarf. Very tricky.

Immunity Challenge

Jeff Probst: Welcome to your first, and most likely hardest Immunity Challenge. You will be competing for the Immunity Idol-

Minsc: I saw that on sale at the Wal-mart in Waukeen's Promenade.

Jeff Probst: Shut up! Anyway, if you win, you'll get the idol until the next challenge and some fireproof matches.

Jaheira: Why would we want fireproof matches?

Jeff Probst: Good point! Wait a second. (flips through challenge outlines) All the prizes are crummy! All reward challenges are hereby cancelled!

Edwin: Just get on with it! (Yes. This one is a definite moron)

Jeff Probst: All right. Anyway, half the tribe will carry a heavy tank up a near vertical ramp and give it to the other half of the tribe at the top. From there the other half will have to swing overtop a river with the barrel and roll down a ramp. Fall in the river and you automatically lose The first one to that point wins. Survivors ready? Go!

Imoen, Minsc, Jaheira, Yoshimo, and Aerie grab one of the tanks while Viconia, Jan, Valygar, and Keldorn grab the other. They race up the ramp but the Varners drop their tank and have to go get it. The Calaways reach the top and pass it off. The Varners gain their lost time and pass the tank off. The Calaways fall off and into the river.

Jeff Varner: The Varners win by default! Calaway, I'll see you tonight.

Tribal Council (Calaway)

A clearing with several rocks, a firepit, and a voting pedestal is set up.

Jeff Probst: Welcome to the first Tribal Council Take the torches lined up on the wall (everybody takes a torch). Is there anybody here who feels really vulnerable?

Aerie and Imoen raise their hands.

Jeff Probst: Aerie, why do you feel vulnerable?

Aerie: Well, I'm not really very strong.

Jeff Probst: Well, lets get to the voting! Imoen, you're first.

Imoen walks up and writes down "Korgan"

Imoen: Korgan, you're too scary. I can't stand you.

Jeff Probst: Minsc.

Minsc walks up and scribbles down a name.

Jeff Probst: Jaheira.

Jaheira walks up and scribbles down a name.

Jeff Probst: Yoshimo.

Yoshimo walks up and scribbles down "Aerie"

Yoshimo: Even though I know I'm going to be voted out due to the Irenicus thing, but Aerie, you're too sweet a person to survive in such a backstabbing game. This is a mercy vote. Please forgive me.

Jeff Probst: Aerie.

Aerie walks up and scribbles down "Minsc"

Aerie: Even though I'm your witch and you're my guardian, I really think you need to get that head wound treated.

Jeff Probst: Nalia.

Nalia walks up and scribbles down a name.

Jeff Probst: Anomen.

Anomen walks up and scribbles down a name.

Jeff Probst: And finally, Korgan.

Korgan walks up and scribbles down a name.

Jeff Probst: I'll go tally the votes. Once the votes are tallied, the decision is final and the person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately via this bridge (gestures to bridge).

Vote 1: Korgan

Vote 2: Yoshimo

Vote 3: Aerie

Vote 4: Aerie

Vote 5: Minsc

Vote 6: Aerie

Vote 7: Aerie

Vote 8: Aerie

Jeff Probst: Aerie, the fire on your torch represents your identity on this island. You have been voted out which means I must put out the flame on your torch. Sorry but the tribe has spoken. (brings the extinguisher spoon down on Aerie's torch) The rest of you can head back to camp.

Aerie's Final Words

Aerie: Well, I can't say that I'm not surprised. I knew that I would not make it to the merger but I didn't expect to be the first one voted out. Well, I'd like to wish the remaining members of Calaway good luck, particularly Minsc. When you get back, I'll take you to a temple to fix your head wound.

Who is next?

Next time on Survivor: Anomen finally finds a girl and you can vote on who it is. Over at Varner, two members duke it out. And of course, someone else gets the boot.