The Unreturning
The
Unreturning
by: Isabelle
-Disclaimers: I
don't own any of the characters, it's all owned by Joss. Words of
the lyrics are "Thank You" by Dido, title The
unreturning by Wilfred Owen. Movie Quotes from The Princess
Bride.
-Summary/Spoilers-
Set in Season 5, probably after Into the Woods. S/B are lovers,
but Spike leaves because Angel is gaining his humanity.
-Rating: Pg (this
part)
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She waited for
him, patiently, like every other night for the past few weeks. No
matter how hard the day had been just seeing his white head
popping into her window all troubles seemed to fade away and all
that was real was them two. Not every night would they make
love, sometimes they would just lay and just hold each other as
if everything would be lost if they let go. Falling asleep in
each other's arms was magical. For the most part he would leave
before sunrise. Other times she would wake and watch him climb
down her window, like a gallant knight leaves his princess, and
he would look up to see wrapped in nothing but a white silk
blanket that was almost sheer in the light of the dawn.
She would live
throughout the day with the memories of his kisses and the warmth
of his embrace.And whether this was meant to be or not, she would
like to remember it as the suspended illusion of those magical
nights when the world faded and all that was left was each other.
There was no need
to read love stories for her life was an embodiment of one.
At times she
couldn't wait till after midnight to savor his lips and she would
barge in un-invited to his crypt and surprise him when he was
groggy and half-asleep.
His dreams had
turned, instead of having her in illusions he would carry the
smell of her hair throughout his day-sleep. But he would
especially love it when she would barge in unexpected to his
place. This way he wouldn't have to wait to hold her at
night for his passion to erupt.
Their passion was
of course keep secret from all the others, they wouldn't
understand. No one suspected anything, it was their secret, and
even thought at times she wanted to scream it at the top of her
lungs she would just smile inwardly and hear him say "Just
us, pet, would understand this" and the slight sound of his
thick English accent would calm her quivering nerves.
One night about
three weeks after their first embrace she walked into her room
were in a few minutes he should be coming through her open window
but instead found a single white rose and a note. It said
"At the clearing, by the graveyard, off Sunset Blvd."
she smiled, took a shower and made her way to her lover.
He had been
expecting her, he had stolen a CD player and had a slow song
playing, the song was perfect.
I want to thank
you, for giving be the best day of my life.
And oh just to
be with you makes it the best day of my life
A blanket was laid
out in the clearing, he had brought some wine (he heard women
liked that) and some pillows for the hard floor. She walked
slowly through the clearing, he had driving his vintage black car
and parked it by the white blanket, he was squatting on the hood
staring at her intensely . The tiny white dress she was wearing
slowly caressing the curves of her small body, almost
translucent.
He loved it.
He pulled out a
rose, as pure white as the one he had left on her bed, "To
my lady."
"Thank you
good sir" she said taking the white rose and taking a little
bow.
He jumped down and
extended his arm, she noticed he was dressed differently, he had
dark jeans, a belt and a button down dark green shirt tucked in
with the first three buttons undone to reveal the white
"wife-beater" underneath.
"Dance?"
he asked
"Foreplay?"
she replied, he grinned.
They held each
other in soft embrace, the white the moon illuminated their
waltz. Slowly tenderly as if this was the last time they would be
together.
I want to thank
you, for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be
with you is the best day of my life
So softly they
danced, no words needed, no words said.
Just them.
They looked into
each others eyes and they knew that this wouldn't last forever.
She was the slayer, he was a vampire, he loved the slayer, she
loved the vampire. Could things be more ironic.
"Pet..."
he trailed off
"I know"
she said softly she brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it
so lightly.
"I have to
go" he said, a single tear ran thought the strong lines of
his face.
She knew, deep in
her gut, she knew."When?" she asked afraid to hear the
answer.
"Tomorrow
night." he answered.
They stopped
dancing and just stared at each other, in an endless moment. Only
the sky to witness their desire.
"Buffy,....our
life was not meant to end in a fairy-book way....to live happily
ever after...its not us, luv." he said wiping with his thumb
the tears that were now trickling down her face.
"Back to
LA?" she asked almost in a whisper.
He nodded "I
found a surgeon to remove my chip"
"I want to be
there with you" she said thinking of him in a back dark room
in an LA alley, where a weezy doctor would open his skull with
out anesthesia and,...she couldn't let him go through this alone.
There was no
longer the fear of his evil-evilness, she knew him.
She could see
through him. Not even the slightest possibility danced in her
head.
He smiled
"Always wanting to save someone"
"Baby, I
couldn't bear the thought of you dead." she said holding him
closer.
"I am dead,
pet" he reminded her.
"But, I have
you, I still have you, you're with me." She said pressing
her cheek against his hard chest. "And you'll leave like all
the others" she whispered.
He held her close,
so close she could almost hear a heart beat. "Buffy look at
me."
She fought to meet
his gaze, were she drowned in the darkest blue eyes, so pale, yet
her reflection.
"I wish I
could change the world, I wish I could make it for you and me. I
wish you were not the slayer and I were not a soulless vampire.
But I can wish all I want, luv, and it wont come true."
"Why give
up?" She said, trying to make her voice steady, but with him
she had learned to make her emotions open. To tell him when she
was upset, to cry and not be ashamed, to laugh until it hurt.
He had made her
complete.He took her small face between his white hands and
kissed her softly on her lips.
"I am not
giving up, Buffy."
"Then
stay."
He sighted and
looked at her placing his forehead with hers. "I would
promise to come back, but what then?" he whispered. "To
see you in hiding? To slip out before dawn? To act like I hate
you when all I want to do is hold you? To pretend I don't care
when I would die again if anything happened to you?"
She brought her
hand and caressed his pale skin.
"Buffy
I......"
"Shhh...."
she said placing her finger on his soft lips, those lips that
have brought her comfort and lighted her life in ways she could
not understand. As if she were truly alive when they met hers.
"Some things are better left unsaid."
He looked into her
eyes and nodded.
"I'll never,
ever, ever, forget you." he said and with that he kissed her
one last time and let her go.
She felt like her
body might disintegrate.
He was leaving!
She had just found
him!
They only had a
couple of weeks, but a lifetime of memories.
"Spike!"
she said as tears ran down her cheeks and he turned to look at
her. She walked up to him and kissed his forehead and smiled.
"Be good."
He twisted a
strand of her long blond hair in his finger, twisting it till it
felt like the hurting pain inside his heart.
He knew he could
never be the one, he knew one day she would get tired, he they
were not meant to be. He also knew that in two days Angel would
be human, and he would return to claim the woman he loved.
There was no
doctor in LA, there was only a vampire who had earned his
redemption.
He looked down at
the small girl he loved, it was killing him to do this but he
would rather leave before his sire would waltz into the gates of
Sunnyhell and watch as she walked out of his arms.
"I
will."
He turned and got
in his car driving it out of the park, driving it out of the
hellmoth, driving it out of her life.She watched as he speed away
not looking back.
She felt her body
convulse in sobs as she crumbled defeated to the floor. It was
not supposed to end this way, her knight was not to walk
away, the princess was supposed to live happily ever after.
She was to be happy, not with unbearable sadness, not with
sorrow.
But this was the
Buffy Summers fairy tale.
All her knights
had left and there was no one left to fight for her but only
her..
His smell still
surrounded her, so purely him. How could she face tomorrow, when
she could hardly accept today?
How would she be
able to walk by the cemeteries and stop looking for her lover to
be hidden in the dark shadows, watching her, looking out for her,
keeping her company, feelings his love radiating to her.
She felt lost
without her vampire. She felt cold. She felt dead.She loved him,
more than words can describe, more intense than anything she had
ever felt, she loved him entirely and purely. And nothing he did
was going to change that.
He had left, but
he always came back, someday her knight would come back.
She knew he would
not walk in ridding a white horse, or carrying a sword.
But as long as he
came back, even if they couldn't be together, he would stay, and
that was enough. It was enough for her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wesley: Hear this
now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how
can you be sure?
Wesley: This is
true love--you think this happens every day?
from The
Princess Bride
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TBC................................