Fond Memory-
Fond Memory- sequel to The Unreturning
by: Isabelle
-Disclaimer: I do not own any of
the characters, they are all Joss. Quote from film Phenomenon.
-Summary: Sequel to The
Unreturning, how Spike and Buffy deal with each other's memories.
-Rating: PG-15 (Language, Sexual
Suggestion)
-Author's Note: Feed me
FEEDBACK!!!! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Journal,
I sit and wait
for sometype of sign of his return. He has left me now for twelve
hours and thirty-two minutes. Twelve hours and thrity-two minutes
since he held me, since I felt him, since I saw him. Twelve hours
and thrity-two minutes ago my life was so different. At times I
ask myself if it was my fault he left, just like it was my fault
that Riley left.
Because I
couldn't tell people that I loved a man they would never accept,
because I was worried that I might die tomorrow and he would live
forever?
I keep going
over in my head the reasons for his departure. He said we weren't
mean to be and I know it. This we have is wrong. But it is
something.
Something that
it is killing me as much as it is killing him. That we have to
suffer being away because I was daylight and he was night
(WOW-who knew I am a poet).
But I've spent
the most important hours of my life in darkness. I am, like him,
a creature of the night. How can a creature of the night love a
creature of the day? Maybe that was the fallout of Riley, he was
too brisky for me.
Funny that
when Spike held me I forgot about this entire universe and our
purpose in it. It was just us two.
I remember the
first night we kissed and made love.
It had beed
about a week since Riley left, me and Spike had gotten trapped in
that cave by the old cementary. We fought with each other for
about two hours straight, when water started to leak in from the
rain outside. I was going to drown.
He was
frantic. It was the moment he started planning every single plan
under the sky, divising ways to get me out alive that I looked at
him, I mean I really looked at him and realized that I cared for
him.
That he cared
for me. That after years of fighting, insults and hatred, we had
grown in an inseperable bond. That the experiences we both went
through together were shared by only us two and no one else. That
we had both been left by love. That we were both wild creatures
of the night and we both made each other crazy.
I remember I
walked up to him and kissed him. He almost tripped over into the
muddy water that had risen to our knees. But I catched him as he
stared at me with his wide blue eyes, I almost laughed but I
didn't want him to think that I was taunting him. At that
moment-like so many other moments in my life-he was all I had. I
was going to drown, he might die too if he didn't feed in a
couple of days.
Then he held
me as I cried, I didn't want to die, not like this, not drowning
in a mud filled cave. I was the slayer, born to die in the hands
of a demon. And here he was......in front of me, my demon. It was
then that I realized he had always been there, yeah he left, but
he always comes back, he returned.
As he held me
while I cried I realized how much stronger he made me feel. How,
in front of him, I was never hidding anything. I was Buffy, I was
the Slayer. He had seem me down in the dumps, he had seen me at
my best. He had seen me act silly, he had seen me being the hero.
He saw me as the package, as the embodyment of who I am.
In all my
other relationships, I was only a shade of me, only a part, the
other pieces.....I layed them dormant.
With Angel, I
wanted his protection, I was still the frightened little girl who
needed looking after. The slayer would be put to rest with my
Angel and I was just Buffy.
With Parker,
that was just a mistake, and no other words on that issue.
With Riley I
was cautious. There was a fine line between the things I shared
with Riley and the things I didn't. I was part Slayer and part
Buffy. But there were limits, places I didn't wonder to, things I
knew he wouldn't understand. Afraid of hugging him too hard, I
might break his back. Afraid of hitting him to potently, I might
do serious damage. GOD! It was the constant battle of formalities
that drove me away from him.
But with
Spike. With him it was a nightly release of who I was. When I was
with him, I didn't hold anything back, I was free. I could cry,
he let me and held me until I stopped. I could laugh when he
would tickle me (I got him back though). I could fuck his brains
out nigthly and he would do the same to me. Doing things that
normal human beings would be left bruised and beaten for. Bones
crushing bones, it was miraculous release. I was coming home,
everytime.
It was the
looks we gave each other in front of the others, when no one was
looking. It was the rush and the mystery and the knowledge that
we could never be that drove me to love him more and more each
day.
Noticing the
silly things he did, like scream at the television when something
in Passion went in a twisted direction. The ways he took off his
shirt from the back of the neck. The way he poked the
marshmallows in mom's hot cocoa while he smiled at her and her
stories. The way he refused to believe that he was no longer the
big bad. The way he wrinkled his nose when he drank his pig's
blood which he hated. The way he would fight so full of energy
and stamina, and after a kill he would hop in exitement like a
little kid. The way he cocked his head to the side when he
couldn't believe what you were saying. The way his chest puffed
up when ever his name was associated with evil and fright. The
way he secretly rubbed the small of my back as he led me into a
room. The way that evertime our eyes met he was shouting "I
love you" yet no words were spoken.
The way he
loves so entirely without any holds. He is willing to give so
much love it scared me at first, but then I used it as a tool to
learn to love again. In the three short weeks I was with him, he
reached inside of me and brought out who I really am and who I
was meant to be.
I was free.
Buffy Summers
Buffy placed down
her pen and sighted resting her head on her wrist. She couldn't
cry no longer. She gave a non-humorous laugh. She had no water
left in her body.
I can do this.
She said noding her head although it felt as if it weighted one
hundred pounds.
She looked down at
her bed and smelled her pillow, it smelled like him, this is
where he had last slept, here they had last talked until dawn.
She was literally never going to wash that again. She layed down
to sleep inhaling his scent as she drifted off to dreams of him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He stared at the
motel ceiling like a zoombie whose life has become so unbearable
that they have decided to block everything thing else out.
He slowly raised
himself from the position he had been at for the past twelve
hours. He missed her, he missed her so much it hurt.
So this is
what you felt for the past three years. Spike talked to
Angel silently.
He could still
smell her on his coat, the coat he gave her that night, that
first night she had kissed him and he died for the second time of
shock.
Then he remembered
holding her while she cried for fear of her death, how tight she
held on to him. He was dying. Both from excitment of this new
revelation of trust and for the thought that only one of them was
going to walk out of the cave that night.
When she finished
crying she looked at him with longing in her eyes and he did what
any red-blooded male would do, he stuttered.
He didn't know
what to say; what do you say "Ummm.........I love
you......like forever now......wanna run away together, sorry
you're dying?"
He shook his head,
she was the slayer, yeah he had dreamed about it, fantasized
about, but never expected for her to return it the emotions.
But there was no
holding back, this was his moment, he could still hear in his
head those words that had done her in after she had stopped
crying. He told her, "If you die tonight, you will not die
alone."
Her eyes had
sparkled, something he had never seen her do, this was new, like
a new found happiness in the middle of a death sentence. She was
happy and those simply words that He had said had made
her happy, had made her feel sheltered.
He had kissed her
tentatively at first and when she responded his intentions it had
finished off being the best night of his life. She had given
herself to him so completely so lovingly that even in the mud
water, that reached their waist by the time they finished, it
didn't stop their love making.
When he realized
the danger she was in and the way he actually had some serious
chance to be with her, he had gone into a panic attack. He wanted
her to live and he wanted to un-live, he wanted them to be
together.
He remembered the
water reaching his shoulders and her neck, he had picked her up
as she wrapped her legs around his waist and they cried together.
She had whispered
the things she wanted him to tell her family and friends and he
had cried like a little boy whose only real thing in this world
had been taken away.
When the water had
reached their chins they grew very quiet and he had asked her if
she wanted him to turn her, she had said no, but thanks for the
compliment. She knew that him siring her would have meant eternal
life together. She had refused, even though at first it hurt him
he understood that she didn't want to become one of the creatures
she had been born to destroy.
The last few
minutes had lasted hours for him they stared into each others
eyes forming an electric bond that would change everything
between them. It specially came to a surprise when the water
stopped two seconds before drowing her and the cave opening
shattered, showing the dark night. The water current had pulled
them and dragged them a few feet till they ended in the middle of
the cememtary floor still clinging to each other. There had been
a silence between the two, thinking that perhaps they were
dreaming, that their unexpected escape was not real.
But then they had
laughed, laughed until their stomachs hurt, laughed out of joy
and delight. She had felt silly and he had told her then and
there; never to hold her feelings back in front of him. That had
changed everything, they became inseparable since then. That
night they had made sweet love, rough love, and silly love.
He smiled
remembering how she had played "the damsel in distress"
and he the shinning knight that rescued her. They had the time of
their lives, loving, adoring, and trusting.
With Buffy it was
the first time he could honestly say he had fallen in love.
Before that day in the cave he had lust, but now.....it was most
definetely love.
And because of
love he was going to do what he was doing now.
He braced himself
as his Desoto stopped in front of the old hotel that read
"Angel Investigations". He was going to tell Angel what
he had found out from a messanger sent by Drusilla. The meassage:
a vision.
In twelve hours
Angel would be human, and he just wanted to let his sire know
that he was glad that Buffy was getting what she deserved. A
human, one that she loved. Her loving Angel had not bothered
Spike, because she knew that he still loved Dru. But there was a
grand difference between loving someone and being in love with
someone.
Buffy eventually
would fall back in love with Angel, he knew it, and even though
he knew neither were going to forget those sweet three weeks,
they had to go on with their lives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
George: Do you
think you could love me for the rest of my life?
Lace: No, I'm
gonna love you for the rest of mine.
from Phenomenon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TBC......................